Little Moments of Lupin
by Ocean Eyed Redhead
Summary: A series of missing moments with Remus Lupin. Inspired by a lot of headcanons I found on pinterest. They range from his school years to adulthood. Enjoy!
1. Meeting with Minerva

_**A few fun oneshots about our favorite werewolf… Some of them inspired by headcanons on PINTEREST…(just search Marauder's headcanons, they're all pretty awesome and great for inspiration)**_

33, After the Feast

 _Meeting with Minerva_

Remus Lupin rapped on the door of Minerva McGonagall's office softly. While tentative about seeing her, he was also rather excited. They hadn't really met up with one another since the end of the First Wizarding War. He could only hope that she didn't see the new scars on his face and become emotional. McGonagall was not an emotional woman and whenever Remus saw her act as such he became heartbroken and uncomfortable. He'd seen her that way twice. At James and Lily's funeral and the first time she had stumbled across Remus in the Hospital Wing after a transformation.

"Come in," her wary voice called.

He strolled in cautiously and looked about her office. It was the same as when he was a child. Various photos hung on the walls and there was a shelf filled with books and various confiscated items that she couldn't bring herself to hand over to Filch. On her desk was a tin of biscuits, a lamp and many notebooks. She looked up from a piece of parchment she had been reading to see Remus approaching her desk. Her lips formed a tight smile as she stood from her desk.

"Remus Lupin," she said softly.

Her arms encircled around Remus, giving a brief but warm embrace. She then returned to her chair behind her desk and gestured for Remus to sit as well. He took a seat in the large, leather armchair and offered a hesitant smile. She had asked to see him. For what reason he was unsure. Part of him assumed it was just to say hello. Another part worried it was for a much more grave reason. To see if he could really control himself and adequately teach with his condition.

"Are you going to sit there and smile at me like a first year being sorted or are we going to converse?" McGonagall asked raising a brow. "And have a biscuit for Merlin's sake, you look peckish."

Remus nodded and removed a biscuit from the tin taking a bite.

"How have you been, Lupin?" asked McGonagall.

"Much better than I have been, thank you," he replied, taking a small bite.

The moon had only been two days ago and his stomach was having trouble holding much of anything down. He managed to swallow without gagging all the same.

"How have you been, Professor?"

"Minerva. It's Minerva now, Remus. You're a Professor now too. You don't go around calling Severus, Professor Snape."

"Well…"

"You haven't changed a bit have you?" smirked McGonagall.

Remus brushed some greying hair from his amber eyes and smiled caustically.

"I wouldn't say that."

The hint of a frown crept across McGonagall's lips as she thought back on the last decade where Remus had lost everything. His mother. James. Lily. Peter. Sirius. Dorcas. Employment. It hadn't seemed to have changed him too much though. Remus had been ready for pain his whole life. Still, something about him was missing.

An epiphany struck her. What was missing was the light in Remus' eyes at Hogwarts. In his school days, she'd rarely see him without a flicker of happiness in his gaze. Eager to learn and live amongst those who understood him and were for the most part like him.

"Did you enjoy the feast?"

"Well, aside from Severus glowering at me it was quite nice indeed."

' _Couldn't really eat much though…what with my bowels just being transformed and all…'_ thought Remus.

"Oh, he'll move on in due time," McGonagall replied waving a hand dismissively.

There was a long pause in which Remus turned the biscuit around in his fingers and McGonagall stared at him with somber eyes. Though his face was lined with worry and quite possibly in a perpetual state of sadness, she still saw the hint of the young boy whose hand was never raised first though he always knew the answer. The boy who trudged across the castle after full moons trying his best to keep his marks up. The boy who was brave and kind and full of wisdom beyond his years.

"It's funny, Remus. I was just remembering the day when James replaced Lucius Malfoy's potions with Pumpkin Juice, Butterbeer and Skelegrow right before an exam," McGonagall remarked fondly.

Remus smiled lopsidedly, a brow quirking up.

"A fan of that one, were you? Shame on you for encouraging that rivalry between us and Lucius in our third year," Lupin replied with mock scolding.

McGonagall waved a hand dismissively.

"The boy was hopeless at Transfiguration and tried to bribe me into letting him pass. He needed a good dose of you boys to put him in his place. He failed that Potion's exam?"

"Just barely passed actually. He had to retake it later…when he couldn't cheat."

"He was going to cheat?"

Remus nodded, rolling his eyes.

"He'd been boasting in the Great Hall about how he'd discovered this spell for invisible ink he could put on his skin and that only he could see and how he could just read the instructions off his arm and no one would be the wiser. He proceeded to keep the spell a secret when begged by other students for it. I think he got what was coming to him, actually," mused Lupin. "The Pumpkin Juice and Butterbeer were amusing to replace but that invisible ink spell is negated by the properties found in the scent of Skelegrow. He opened the bottle with Skelegrow in it and the ink dissolved. He didn't have to time to repeat the incantation so he took the test again and failed."

McGonagall let out a short laugh and shook her head.

"I s'pose James would have preferred Lucius to fail, what with the way he had been treating Lily."

Remus chuckled to himself, nodding. A mischievous smile on his lips.

"Yes, he would have."

A glint of happiness glimmered in Remus' eyes, making McGonagall smile just slightly. Once again, she had found the remedy to a situation. A talent of hers. She just had to keep speaking of his past at Hogwarts. McGonagall didn't dare bring up Sirius though.

"I didn't find all of Mr. Potter's pranks amusing, but that one seemed rather clever."

"Were you entertained by any others?" inquired Remus.

Just this once, McGonagall decided to divulge her secret admiration of James' more crafty pranks.

"Well, Travis Parkinson, when he was sitting beneath the tree in the courtyard and reading that book he had taken from Emmaline? You recall that?"

Remus' smile broadened.

"I do."

"I must admit, I was most entertained when a branch from the tree lowered itself behind Mr. Parkinson, grabbed his underwear and yanked it upward."

Remus snorted back laughter, nodding.

"I s'pose that was quite brilliant of, _James._ After all, Parkinson had stolen Emmaline's books. Those are important."

McGonagall began to enjoy this reminiscing and continued to admit her guilty pleasures to Remus who became increasingly more pleased with each confession.

"Your favorite though. Let's hear it," Remus queried.

McGonagall steepled her fingers beneath her chin and looked to the ceiling, contemplating her favorites. She finally arrived at a conclusion.

"I'd have to say it was another one on Mr. Malfoy. It was for Dorcas Meadowes if I'm correct."

Remus smiled warmly at the thought of his once love. A small romance that had lasted from when he was sixteen to when she died at just twenty one years old. He had many fond memories with Dorcas and over the years he had not ceased to think about her. However, he never found himself mourning Dorcas, not as much as he had in the early days of her passing. He found himself smiling at her kindness. This prank that McGonagall was speaking of was the one that had launched her into Remus' arms.

"Oh, after he'd teased her about how she couldn't walk without tripping?" Remus resolved.

"Yes. Then he left my classroom with his legs wobbling like jelly. He kept falling down with every step and James said it-"

" _It's like he's an infant_ ," Remus replied, finishing James' quote.

McGongall pointed at him, her eyes crinkling slightly at the memory. She found herself laughing quietly at the very picture of the smug Lucius stumbling out of class. Slowly she leaned back in her chair, staring at Remus with warm eyes. He was still grinning at the recollections of his much happier days. The days where his biggest worry was the full moon and not jobs or finances or dark wizards. Just twelve days of the year that were painful and nothing more.

"James Potter was rather brilliant. His pranks were somewhat immature but I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate some of them. The ones that were a very…soft form of revenge. Ones that taught a lesson, rather than tormented someone. Not that I didn't have to fight off a laugh at most of them…" she said with a fond smile.

Remus straightened up slightly, the corner of his mouth lifting.

"So to summarize your favorite pranks of James' it was Lucius' Potions Set, Parkinson's Underpants, the one where a thousand pinks hearts fluttered from your desk on Valentine's day-"

"I'll never admit again that I liked that," she smirked.

Remus continued to count off the pranks she had listed.

"The one where the prefect's bathroom played nothing but swing music every time you turned on the faucet and then your favorite was Lucius' jelly-legs jinx?" Remus clarified.

McGonagall nodded.

"They were all clever and somewhat justified. They didn't do lasting harm either. Those pranks were rather civil…" McGonagall trailed off as she watched Remus cover his face with his hand.

Was he crying? He seemed to be struggling to maintain a straight face.

Then his shoulders heaved up and down and she heard the faint sound of laughter beginning to get louder and louder.

"I'm glad to see that your past here makes you smile…" she remarked kindly.

"It really does, Minerva…It really does," he snickered.

Minerva lifted a brow.

"What am I missing? I'm missing something. I hate that," she snapped.

Remus sighed, a smile coming upon his lifts.

"Minerva, all those pranks you listed?"

"Yes…" she prompted with trepidation.

He snorted again, lowering his hand from his face and propping his elbow on the arm of the chair. He gestured to himself limply, still chuckling.

"Actually, those were all me."

McGonagall's eyes widened. It all made sense. Clever pranks intended to teach lessons and not inflict harm. They were always far and few between. Of course they had been Remus.

A smile broke out on her face.

"You bastard," she smirked.

Remus nodded, laughing even louder.

"Get out of my office. Go to bed. Grow up a bit. You've got students to teach tomorrow," Minerva ordered, waving him off.

Remus pushed himself out of the chair and extended a hand to Minerva. She gave it a firm shake and watched as he strolled out of her office, still laughing to himself.

As soon as she heard the door to her classroom shut, Minerva herself burst into a fit of laughter that she hoped Remus couldn't hear.

What she didn't remember was that the moon was just two days ago, and Remus Lupin could hear almost everything thanks to the wolf within.

 _ **Inspired by a four line headcanon in which Minerva discovered Remus flooded the hall with bubble juice and not James.**_


	2. A Lesson in Cheating

11 Years Old, End of the Year

 _A Lesson in Cheating_

"Remus…what are you doing?" asked Sirius Black, trying desperately to teach Peter how to play Wizard's Chess.

Remus sat in the corner of the Common Room surrounded by open books, his back to the fireplace. In his lap was a piece of parchment that he would periodically scrawl something upon.

"Transfiguration homework," murmured Remus.

James who was lying on the carpet, switched his gaze from Lily Evans reading in the corner to observe the way Remus' tawny eyes fervently scanned the pages of the texts. His lip quirked up in a grin. Remus, the 'master of all things academic' as Sirius had taken to calling him. Remus made sure the boys kept up with the dates of their assignments and essays. He was hopeless at Potions though. A fact James loved to point out when he was attempting to tease Remus.

"F-for what class?" whimpered Peter, obviously concerned that he had forgotten an assignment.

"Don't worry, Peter. I finished yours already," replied Remus.

Peter let out a sigh of relief and returned to playing with Sirius.

Sirius took his turn and looked to Remus lazily. It was the end of the year and Sirius couldn't understand why Remus, who had nothing to lose if he got a poor mark on his end of term exams, was working so diligently on his homework.

"You know, Remus, you could do a simply adequate job on your homework and still come out of Transfiguration smelling like a rose with an Oustanding on your exam," Sirius said raising a brow.

Remus didn't look up. He continued to write on his parchment, simply nodding at Sirius' remark. Sirius snickered then rolled his eyes as Peter put his Knight in prime position for Sirius' Bishop to slaughter.

"Peter, Peter, Peter…." murmured Sirius. "Knight to C4."

The bishop slid diagonally to Peter's Knight and smashed him with a wave of his staff. The Knight shattered and fell to pieces on the board. Remus finally looked up at Peter's disappointed face and smirked. He grabbed a spare bit of parchment, dipped his quill in ink and scrawled hastily.

"What do you do now, Peter?" Sirius taunted.

Remus held up the piece of parchment reading 'QUEEN TO E3,' and waved a hand to get Peter's attention. James followed Peter's gaze and saw Remus' sheet of paper and sniggered, shaking his head before looking back to Lily.

"Queen to E3," Peter squeaked.

Sirius' eyes narrowed as Peter's Queen slid across the board and slaughtered his Rook. Peter beamed excitedly while Sirius became increasingly more suspicious. Peter was always terrible at keeping secrets and couldn't help himself from giving a grateful nod to Remus. Sirius' head whipped around, his onyx eyes searching for the possible reason behind Peter's victory. Remus' lips pressed into a flat line as he crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it into the fireplace swiftly. Sirius gawked at him, a mock look of anguish on his face while James continued to laugh heartily.

"You…betrayed me!" Sirius bellowed.

"Sh!" hissed Lily from across the room.

"Oh, quiet yourself, Lily!"

"Oi, leave Evans be, Sirius!" James retorted.

Sirius looked between Lily, James and Remus, arms extended in a gesture of exhaustion.

"Is everyone out to get me?" Sirius pleaded.

"Yup," replied Remus.

Sirius groaned and folded his arms. Lily and James shared a private smile while Remus smirked to himself.

"Well, Remus set you up, mate. Know why? Watch this. Queen to D7," Sirius said proudly.

Sirius' Queen reached Peter's King and took him out at the knees.

"Check mate, you ponce."

Peter frowned and sighed loudly in defeat. He gave a pouting look to Remus who responded with a shrug.

"Maybe you shouldn't cheat, then," suggested Remus.

Peter huffed, stood to his feet and ran up to the dorms childishly. Remus bit hard on his lower lip, stifling a laugh.

"Did you do that on purpose, Remus?" Sirius grinned.

Remus finally started laughing, nodding his head and continuing to write on the parchment. James sat up and high fived Sirius, joining Remus in merriment.

"I was teaching him a lesson! It's important he knows the consequences of cheating. Besides, I already finished his end of term essay for him!" insisted Remus, innocently.

"You were being a prat."

"Sirius is right, Remus. You were being a prat."

"However, we love you for it," Sirius said pointedly.

Remus felt a pleasurable squirm within and struggled to hide the goofy smile threatening to break on his face. Never had he been so thankful in his life. He'd never had friends before Hogwarts, and now he had three. Three boys who appreciated him greatly. Albeit, they didn't know his secret but Remus figured he could get away with not telling them for a little while longer. At least until they graduated and he could safely hide from them. Though they seemed to enjoy his company, being a werewolf could undoubtedly change all of that. After all, who wanted to be friends with a beast?

Finally finished with his homework, Remus closed his books and stacked the parchment in a neat pile. He sighed exhaustedly and looked up to see both James and Sirius gazing at him fixedly.

"Erm…yes?" Remus stammered.

"You did Peter's homework for him," James stated.

"I did."

"Did you do ours?" questioned Sirius.

Remus smirked as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees to look at his friends.

"Listen, Peter needs more help than both of you put together. I only did his homework because he is absolutely hopeless at Transfiguration."

"Like you're hopeless with Potions, yeah?"

"Thank you, James," drawled Remus.

James opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius waved a hand to silence him. Remus moaned in defeat. He knew what was coming next. One of Sirius' speeches as to why Remus should help them with their homework.

"Listen, Master of All Things Academic, I implore you to see reason. James and I can manage to do our homework, quite well I believe."

"Quite well," confirmed James.

"But you do it exceedingly better. This goes to say that you, as Master of All Things Academic, are obligated to help us."

"Help us, Master," James leered.

Remus snorted and shook his head irreverently, causing James and Sirius to frown.

"C'mon, Remus! It's the end of term! At least give us a few hints! Or even your notes," begged Sirius.

"Please, Master."

Remus' smiled tipped higher as James bowed to him melodramatically. Once more, he shook his head.

"I'm not giving you hints or my notes," Remus replied, collecting his books and parchment.

Sirius groaned angrily while James exhaled in frustration.

"So you do Peter's homework but not ours?" Sirius whined, collapsing back on the floor and covering his eyes with his forearm.

"Who said that I didn't?"

James' and Sirius' eyes snapped in Remus' direction watching him stand, texts in his arms. Remus rifled through the parchment with his fingers, languidly. He removed two sheets of parchment and peered at them. Sirius waited with bated breath hoping that Remus was doing what he thought he was. Finally, Remus extended the two sheets of parchment to Sirius who snatched them with giant smile.

Remus removed two more and handed them to a rather relieved looking James.

"Now, I realize it's in my handwriting and that is where you both come in. Wands please," Remus instructed, removing his own from his robes.

Dazedly, James and Sirius removed theirs.

"This charm is a little advanced so watch how I do it, then follow. Understand?"

Once more, the boys nodded absentmindedly.

"Move your wands like so," Remus said, flourishing his wand slightly at his own parchment. "Then say ' _Chirographum Decreti._ ' Can you do that?"

Sirius and James muttered the incantation and gaped as Remus' elegant scrawl transformed into their own. They looked up at Remus, eyes wide as saucers.

"Alright, so do that to the last page. Don't worry both papers are worded differently, I'm not so cruel as to get you both punished for plagiarism," Remus grunted, getting his books settled into his arms. "I'm going to bed."

Remus turned to head up to the dorms.

"Oi, Remus," called James.

Remus turned around, his brows raised in anticipation.

"Hm?"

"You didn't have to do that, mate. I know we are always on about you doing our homework, but it's mostly because we love teasing you," James said.

Remus smiled lopsidedly and shrugged.

"Consider it an 'end of term' gift."

James and Sirius shared private smiles, Remus eyeing them suspiciously. They nodded to one another and hurdled to their feet.

"Oh, here it comes," Remus said, closing his eyes and bracing himself.

James smacked into Remus, hugging him tightly about the waist while Sirius pulled him into a headlock and ruffled his hair. All of Remus' books and parchment clattered to the ground.

"You are so good to us, Master! So good!" James ogled.

"Yes, Master! _So_ wise!"

Remus finally pried the boys off his fragile frame, laughing to himself softly.

"Alright, goodnight," Remus smiled, bending down to start gathering his things.

"We got it, Remus," Sirius said.

James and Sirius began to pick up Remus' textbooks and hand them over kindly. A rather simple gesture, but an appreciated one nevertheless. Remus nodded to the both of them and headed up to the dorms, savoring the memory and locking it away.


	3. Infinite

_**Here's a long one… It shows a bit of a darker side of Remus, the more self-loathing side he tries to hide…**_

17, End of the Year of Seven

 _Infinite_

Remus Lupin sat in a tattered armchair in the Shrieking Shack, a stack of letters in his lap. Each letter contained his resume' and letters of recommendation from his teachers. There was one to the Auror Department, one to Saint Mungos, one to Flourish and Blotts and one to Surrey Community College as a last resort. A few more were thrown into the mix. Backups to be sent to other muggle Universities in the UK.

Right now though, as he sat in the dark Shrieking Shack, a bottle of Goblin Brewed Ale, in hand he was debating on whether to bother sending them out at all. After all, he had little to no chance of getting accepted anywhere. He was first and foremost a werewolf. That's all they would see when reviewing his application.

He took a swig from the bottle of ale then tossed it to the ground. It clattered, now empty. He felt it too. Remus was a little more pissed than he wanted to admit.

"I think he's up here, Sirius."

" _James. Great. They've found me,"_ thought Remus sarcastically.

In the doorway stood Sirius and James. Both of them staring at him blankly, the invisibility cloak falling to the floor.

"It's twelve in the morning, Remus," said Sirius.

Remus shrugged indifferently, tapping the envelopes against his lap with a solicitous look in his eyes.

"Remus, I thought you were gonna mail those today, mate," James stated serenely.

Remus held up the envelopes and looked at them speculatively.

"What for? I know what they'll all say in the end," he shrugged.

James and Sirius exchanged dark looks. With a sigh, James approached Remus, leaning on the wall beside him.

"You dunno what they're gonna say, mate. They could all say yes. Look at your grades! Maybe they'll see those and-"

"Forget I'm a werewolf?" drawled Remus.

It was Sirius' turn. He took lazy steps to Remus' side and stood above him with his arms folded. He wore his usual smirk whenever he thought Remus was being absurd.

"We aren't saying that. We're saying you may not give people enough credit when it comes to your…furry little problem…" Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes and observed the room carefully noticing that Peter was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Wormtail?" murmured Remus, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Sirius scoffed derisively and gave Remus a knowing look.

"That bloody sod chickened out halfway here. Was afraid the ghosts would get him or some shite like that," Sirius muttered.

James snapped his fingers tersely, both Sirius and Remus looked at him. He gave Remus a rather paternal look and pointed to him.

"You're gonna send those forms in, mate. You're not gonna quit so easily. That's not what you've worked for all these years."

"What have I worked for? I already know what they're going to say!" Remus exclaimed standing to his feet.

Sirius and James took a step back as Remus plucked out one of the envelopes.

"Dear Mr. Lupin, we regret to inform you that we can't hire you despite your many qualifications because you are a werewolf. Thank you!" he said tossing away a letter. "Dear Mr. Lupin, we can't accept your application because you are a werewolf!"

He tossed another letter.

"Dear Mr. Lupin, you can't work in a bookstore because we fear you may claw apart the books and attack all of clients because you're a bloody werewolf!" he bellowed, flinging yet another envelope.

James and Sirius frowned, permitting Remus to finish. After all the werewolf would be emerging out in less than a week. He was exceptionally cantankerous as of now, especially with all the liquor in him. James and Sirius, and perhaps most of the Gryffindor house were aware that Remus Lupin was an entirely different person under the influence of alcohol. Typically it was for the best. Ordinarily he was outgoing and funny and goofy when pissed. Now though, he was irate. With good reason.

"Dear Mr. Lupin, you can't work for us because though you're an incredibly intelligent, resourceful and helpful young man you are _still_ , and forever more, a werewolf! All the best dealing with the beast within!"

He held up the last of the envelopes and blew out a harsh breathe before casting them onto the floor.

"DEAR, MR. _WEREWOLF_! YOU CAN'T WORK FOR US BECAUSE YOU'RE A BLOODY _MONSTER_ DESPITE ALL YOU'VE WORKED FOR TO BE A DECENT MAN! WE HOPE YOU FIND A MINIMUM WAGE JOB THAT PUTS YOU AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN, _MR. WEREWOLF!_ DAMMIT!" he roared.

His hand smacked the chair next to him, knocking it to the ground with a large clatter. Sirius and James looked at one another desolately. Both of them uncertain of what to do. Neither of the boys had ever seen Remus this livid. They'd never heard him yell like this. He'd snapped before. He'd growled offences. He'd even cursed under his breath. Never had Remus ever yelled like this. The look of complete and utter defeat on his face was even worse for the boys to witness. Remus had always seemed so resilient despite his affliction. Unwilling to let his condition govern his life. Now, however, he had given up hope it seemed.

Remus panted, shoulders heaving up and down as he paced about the room. Sirius and James observed as he loosened his school tie and stopped abruptly, looking at them both.

"Hey, just wondering, did you both know that I'm a werewolf? Because I am," he said, words dripping with disdain. "Bet you'd never guess, eh?"

"Remus, we know you're hurting right now, mate. We do. Let us help. What can we do?" asked James, gingerly walking to Remus.

Remus let out a hoarse laugh and ran his hands through his hair, letting them fall limply to his sides.

"Exactly, James. What _can_ you do? You and Sirius have done everything you can short of building a time machine, travelling back to when I was five and saving me from Greyback," Remus said with a somber look in his eyes. " _Don't_ get any ideas. The last thing I need is you two lost in time."

Sirius chuckled quietly, joining James before Remus. Remus swallowed a lump in his throat and let his eyes graze the envelopes that littered the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Bits and pieces of his possible future tossed about. He swallowed and shook his head, trying to blink away the tears.

"I'll be back in a moment, gentlemen," Sirius said giving James a knowing look.

James nodded and watched Sirius exit the room, diving underneath the invisibility cloak.

"Remus, why don't we sit down?" James offered guiding Remus to the dilapidated bed.

Remus nodded begrudgingly and sat down, James joining him. James sighed and leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he gazed at all the letters on floor. Remus mirrored him, exhaling sluggishly.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Feel any better?"

"A bit," admitted Remus.

There was a long pause in which James chose his next words judiciously. After all, that's what Remus would do whenever offering words of wisdom. Who better to imitate when calming Remus down than Remus himself? Inhaling, James attempted his best Lupin speech.

"Remus, you don't need to do this to yourself. Keep…keep punishing yourself… You said it, you never asked for this. And if you send in those letters the most those places can tell you is 'no.' They can't lock you up in Azkaban for attempting to get a job. It's against the law to discriminate anyway."

Remus gave James a meaningful look, his young eyes filled with years of insight.

"There's always a loophole, James. You should know that better than anyone with all the pranks you play. They won't say 'we can't hire that boy. He's a werewolf.' They'll say 'we can't hire that boy. His monthly absences will make it difficult for us to keep a steady schedule.' They'll say 'we can't hire him because his availability isn't exactly what we need.' There's always a way to dodge the law, and when it comes to my kind…the law doesn't fight back. Not even on the suspicion that people are cheats or liars or anything… They don't care."

" _We_ care, Remus. We can help you."

Remus smiled lopsidedly at his friend, shaking his head.

"You already have, Prongs. Time and time again you've come through for me. There's nothing left to be done."

There was a creak at the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't think so, mate," James replied softly, a small smile on his face.

Remus' brows raised as he looked to the doorway, awaiting whoever was coming. Sirius, undoubtedly.

"He's up here then, Mr. Black?"

' _McGonagall?'_ Remus thought, astonished.

His heart sank a little. It was bad enough that Sirius and James had witnessed him at a moment of weakness, but now his favorite teacher was in on it too. Now she would see how broken he had become.

"Bloody hell," Remus murmured scrambling to his feet.

He ran across the room and grabbed the empty bottle of Goblin Brewed Ale off the floor, tossing it beneath the bed. It was too late. McGonagall stood in the doorway next to Sirius in a dark cloak, her eyes darting between the bottle that slowly rolled beneath the bed then back up to Remus. She saw the chair toppled over and a slight dent in one of the walls. McGonagall had a sneaking suspicion that it was Remus' fist that had been the cause, which was confirmed by the bloody knuckles on his right hand.

Then McGonagall came upon the worst sight of all. The letters she had seen Remus compiling so ardently dispersed about the floor. She finally met Remus' eyes. He stared back at her uncomfortably, stroking his jaw.

"Evening, Professor," Remus said, clearing his throat.

McGonagall pursed her lips and waved her wand making the chair sit back up on four legs.

"Underage consumption and destroying public property all at once, Remus? I'm very disappointed."

He offered a grim smile and gave a small gesture to the room.

"I destroy this place once a month anyway, Professor. What's an extra night?"

Minerva's arms crossed and a look came into her eyes that made James and Sirius remember the time she had caught them giving Severus puking pasties that wore a tag claiming they were from Lily. She tightened her somewhat loose bun and took a step towards Remus.

"Mr. Lupin, what do you think you are doing? Coming here past curfew, drinking to excess, striking walls and casting aside all possible hope for a future? How-"

"I don't have a future, Professor. Not one that in anyway pertains to these letters," Remus said with a fake laugh, suddenly free of his inhibitions.

McGonagall fought off a frown and exchanged it for one of her more stern looks.

"Sit down, Lupin. Now," she ordered tersely.

Remus slouched into the armchair, Sirius and James feeling compelled to follow suit and sit on the bed.

"Mr. Lupin, you're a smart young man who has a rather realistic grasp on the way you are perceived by the wizarding community, but somehow you have managed to act incredibly stupid tonight. Please enlighten me with more of your daft opinions as to future occupations you can acquire."

Remus blinked in surprise. He'd never been called daft by a Professor before. It was quite appalling to hear. He wasn't angry in the slightest, but he was shaken. This was definitely one of McGonagall's more crude conversations. Swallowing his pride, Remus began.

"Well, if we're referring to Wizarding world occupations, I could work in sanitation or perhaps at Hogshead pub cleaning up-not making food or drinks of course-people might _catch_ my lycanthropy," Remus scoffed sarcastically. "Then there's the muggle community. There I could be some sort of waiter, I s'pose or anything that doesn't involve making more than minimum wage. This of course being he result of if I attend a muggle university my marks won't be nearly as high seeing as I have little experience with their curriculum and no legitimate transcripts to get me into a decent school-"

"Yes, I believe I'll stop you there because you sound like an idiot," McGonagall said rolling her eyes.

Remus was once more stunned by McGonagall's candor. It was difficult for him to believe she was speaking to one of her pupils this way. Then again, Remus wasn't just another one of McGonagall's pupils. He was one she genuinely revered. Nevertheless, Remus was speechless and a dash affronted.

Still, McGonagall had accomplished her purpose in getting Remus to stop whining and listen.

"Let me lay down the hardest facts. Remus, you will never be Minister of Magic or be involved in any political office. You will never write for The Daily Prophet as a head journalist. You will never be the Headmaster of Hogwarts and you will never be the Head Healer at Saint Mungos."

Remus nodded solemnly while a fiery rage built in Sirius. He opened his mouth to correct McGonagall, but before he could James had smacked the back of his head. Sirius looked at him, nonplussed. James raised a finger to his lips and nodded back to Remus and McGonagall.

"Now here are some of the lighter topics that you're brilliant mind has overlooked. You could work for the Ministry, albeit filing papers or assisting in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures with your father. You could put those art skills to use and become a freelance photographer for the Daily Prophet. You could be a professor someday here or even work in Saint Mungos as one of their lower level Healers."

Remus shrugged, his heart a little lighter. Sirius and James had to resist smiling, both of them slightly delighted for concocting the scheme to fetch McGonagall to come see Remus.

"Now, as to your opinion of occupations you could obtain in the muggle world. I must admit, it's a little insulting as to how little faith you have in Dumbledore and I to see that your experience here wasn't for nothing," she began, folding her arms. "Now, I've no doubt you'd pick up on muggle curriculum just fine. After all, your mum is a muggle and I'm sure she's taught you the basics by now. Not to mention, you're a wizard. Cheating once and a while to get by would be permissible in my opinion.

"That being said, Dumbledore and I could easily forge some transcripts for you to attend a higher level college. Money of course, would not be any issue, seeing as these forged documents would state you are beyond brilliant any academy will be begging you to attend."

She paced slightly, these ideas flowing out of her with ease. Almost as though she'd been planning them for months.

"Now, I won't lie, studying to become a politician or a famed performer or any sort of occupation that would place you in the spotlight is out of line. I mean, the Ministry would find out and with a few obliviate charms you'd be through. You'd have to choose a more mundane profession. Perhaps, owning your own store, or being a salesman, manager of some sort of office or perhaps even a teaching job-"

Remus opened his mouth to interrupt until McGonagall cast a stern look his way.

"Don't pretend you don't want that. You know as well as I you love teaching and you love children. I've seen you tutor the first years and you're brilliant at it."

Remus' jaw shut, his eyes turning to the wall. He could feel his face get hot in embarrassment. All the secrets he had thought that he'd hidden so well now coming to light. The fact that he was worried for his future. The fact that he was insecure of his own talents. That fact that though he joked about his condition it still disturbed him greatly. The fact that he loved to teach those that needed assistance.

"As you can tell, I'm a strong proponent of you entering a field of academics. Honestly, I think you'd be an idiot not to pursue that occupation," remarked McGonagall with a shrug. "So, are you going to give up or mail out those letters? Let Dumbledore and I assist you in reaching your full potential or sulk like a drunken twat in the corner of the Shrieking Shack always?"

Still slightly dumbfounded, Remus searched for something to say in response. The combination of astonishment, intoxication and elatedness left him at a loss for words. All he could manage was…

"Th-thank you, Pro-professor."

McGonagall nodded once in response and drew her cloak more tightly around herself.

"Very well. Now, if you keep your grades at a high, but not too noticeably brilliant level I don't see why Oxford University is out of the question. Oxford University in the department of academics, sound alright?" McGonagall confirmed.

Remus nodded numbly. McGonagall waved her wand, summoning all the scattered letters into her hands.

"Good. Now, I'll be mailing in this letter to the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures seeing as I can't trust you to do it, as well as one to the Auror department."

"Professor, they won't-"

"Lupin, I've already heard enough," she said curtly. "Let me see what I can do. James and Sirius agree that you'd make a more than adequate Auror and the idea is not out of the question. Ask Helen Baumgartner. Werewolf and Auror, third class. Clean yourself and off to bed."

And with that, McGonagall left the Shrieking Shack, wearing a secret smile as she replayed the relieved look on her favorite student's face.

Remus sniffed and wiped his face with the back of his hand, eyes slowly shifting to his friends that still sat on the bed, beaming.

"Oh, stop looking so damn pleased with yourselves," grumbled Remus.

Sirius shrugged innocently while James chuckled. Even Remus couldn't help but smile.

"Professor Remus Lupin. Always said you'd be good at that," James said brusquely.

Sirius scoffed, waving James' comment off.

"Are you joking? Remus would make an amazing Auror. Have you seen him in the dueling club? Three moves and that boy will finish you off! Dark wizards don't stand a chance against him."

Remus' lip quirked up a little higher. He would be great at both. And if this Helen Baumgartner could do it, why couldn't he? Remus sighed.

"You know, even if I _did_ become an Auror, I'd never rise past routine busts on dark magic deals. I wouldn't be able to do anything of significance."

"Ha! Other than be one of the only werewolves in history to become a bloody Auror and give new perspective to the wizarding community on your kind?"

"Padfoot's right. Nothing significant at all," James nodded, winking.

There was a long pause where all the boys were thinking different things. Remus thinking of the brighter future he may have. James relieved to see the old, sensible Remus emerging once more. Sirius, eager for his friend to have a much better life than he had hoped.

"I still think he'd make a great Professor," James murmured shrugging.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Sirius groaned.

Remus couldn't help but laugh softly at the kindness of his friends or the limited options for his future that had suddenly become infinite. Remus Lupin, for once, felt infinite.


	4. The Hufflepuff

_**Harry wasn't the only student Remus saved you know? Inspired by another headcanon…**_

33, Weeks After the Flight of the Fat Lady-Middle of the Night

 _The Hufflepuff_

The full moon was three days from now leaving Remus Lupin restive. He'd tossed and turned in his bed for hours until he finally resigned to his limbs that itched for movement. Remembering how he had resolved these issues as a student, Remus had clambered out of bed and taken to the hallways. He'd had the misfortune of running into Severus who was on his shift of patrolling the corridors. The prefects were no longer permitted to do their rounds ever since the break-in of Sirius Black. Now teachers were taking turns.

" _Evening, Severus. Would you like me to take over your rounds? I'm quite restless, honestly and I'm sure you could use some sleep," offered Remus._

" _No thank you, Lupin. You know as well as I that if I were to run into Sirius Black I may actually_ _ **do**_ _something about it…and it would_ _ **not**_ _be a civil handshake and an embrace of an old friend."_

 _Remus kept a somewhat somber expression, a small smile on his lips as though he were almost amused by Snape's remark. This only fueled Snape's fire, as it had when they were just boys. He would attempt time and time again to get a rise out of Remus only to be disappointed by a simple smirk or a quizzical raise of his brow. Snape would never admit it, but he admired Remus for this. Try as he might to imitate Remus' calm demeanor in the face of conflict, he just couldn't seem to follow through. His throat would itch for a biting remark and would soon embarrass himself by behaving childishly._

" _Let me know if you change your mind, Severus," remarked Lupin in casual manner._

' _ **Damn, he's good…'**_ _Snape thought, pursing his lips as he resumed his patrol._

 _Remus smiled to himself as he continued his walk through the castle._

After Severus' remark, Remus wondered exactly what he would do if Sirius appeared before him. Would he strike him for betraying their friend? Would he summon Dumbledore and Aurors to his side to send him back to Azkaban?

Or, even more troubling, was Severus right? He still hadn't informed Dumbledore that Sirius was an animagus. Something that quite possibly aided Sirius in his escape. A bit of hatred lurked within Remus for Sirius. After all, he had to have been the one that betrayed Lily and James. Remus had been James' and Lily's first choice for a secret keeper. He had refused, afraid that Greyback would use veriteserum on him for answers. They couldn't possibly have chosen Peter. To be honest, Peter wasn't the brightest lumos spell to grace the tip of a wand.

Somehow though, Remus couldn't help but have a sneaking suspicion it wasn't Sirius who'd given James and Lily away. After all, when James and Lily had announced Sirius as the godfather of Harry, he'd been exceptionally excited…then terrified. In the flat Remus and Sirius had shared, there had been nights that Sirius would ask Remus questions.

Questions concerning his validity as a godfather. Remus would assure him that he would do a fine job and if he ever felt overwhelmed, Remus would be happy to help. After all, Remus had always been good with children. They'd agreed to be co-godfathers though by law, Harry would go to Sirius.

All of the dark thoughts were banished from his mind as the smell of blood flooded his nostrils. He halted in the doorway leading to the staircase of the Astronomy tower where the scent was emitting from.

With his eyes narrowed in speculation he ascended the steps. He detected the soft sobs of a young woman as he neared the top. Remus' stride hastened as the breaths of the girl quickened. When he reached the landing, he paused in the doorway that led to the skylight area. There was a hole in the domed ceiling with a large telescope facing upwards. Six cathedral style windows lined the circular room, each one supplied with its own telescope for stargazing.

Cautiously, peering around the corner Remus saw a young woman with a blade to her wrist. It was already leaking blood but she cut yet again, inhaling shakily.

"Okay…okay…okay…" she whispered.

Judging by her grey jumper with yellow lining, she was a Hufflepuff.

She peeked her head out the window and looked down at the ground beneath. They were at the tallest point of the castle. Over seventy stories high.

The young woman removed a roll of parchment from the inside of her sweater and glanced at it solemnly. Her breath hitched as she let it fall to the ground.

' _No, she is_ _ **not**_ _about to kill herself,'_ Remus thought, heart racing. _'Approach her calmly. No sudden movements.'_

"Miss…" he said softly.

The Hufflepuff girl whirled around, her bob of strawberry blonde hair framing her tearstained face. She had to be about thirteen judging by the small amount of eye-makeup that had run down her cheeks. He recognized her though. She was in his Tuesday and Thursday, third quarter class. What was her name?

"Professor…pl-please go," she whimpered.

Remus shook his head.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Not with you in this state," Remus said.

Her whole body seemed to tremble, Remus watched as blood dripped from beneath her sleeve and fell to the stone floor.

"What could…possibly be your reason for doing something so drastic?"

The girl stepped onto the ledge of the window, bracing her arms on either side. She was ready to hurl herself from the top and plunge to her death. Remus knew this scene all too well.

"I'm-I'm so tired of being-being a plant… Of-of being n-nothing. No-nobody knows that I-I-I even exist and th-the ones that do spend most of their t-time tormenting me. Calling me names…hex-hexing my belongings… Just t-today, Pansy told me that-that I was the bottom of my cl-class and the bottom of every joke… That she'd heard all-all of my friends w-were tired of me…"

"I'm sure that's not true," he replied in a soft tone.

The girl nodded, tears rolling steadily down her face.

"I-I-I went to talk to them…and-and…I heard my fr-friend Dan calling me a…a slut…and a tramp. S-s-saying that he…slept with me out of pity… Then Gregory agreed and-and called me an ug-ug-ugly ginger freak with no brains… Good for n-nothing but a half-decent shag."

"And you believe all of that?"

She looked at him with watering eyes, her lips turning down as her breathing hitched. Slowly she nodded. Remus sighed and shook his head at her.

"You're a third year, yeah? Dan is a fifth year, I believe?" confirmed Remus.

She nodded again.

"Fifth year boys are a lot of randy sods. Did you ever consider that maybe Dan is upset that you won't return his affection?"

"H-h-how did you know I-I didn't h-have feelings for him?"

The corner of Remus' mouth hitched up slightly.

"I was a fifth year boy once. We get angry and say daft things. Trust me. He was just angry. Surely, you have other friends…better ones? Who did you write to in that letter?" he replied gesturing to the note she had let fall to the floor.

"My parents…my sister…my friends Darlene and Tony…"

"I'm guessing that Dan was a…mistake?"

The girl's eyes got defensive. Remus could tell she was Hufflepuff now. They felt hard and showed it. If he hadn't been reassured by her uniform, then this radical act would definitely be enough to confirm his beliefs.

"Y-yes, he was. That snide bastard, Rupert s-said that no one w-would ever want to be with me. I l-let it get to me and…Dan was there," she sniffed. "I'm so stupid."

"No, no, no, no, no…you aren't stupid. Not at all," Remus said taking a step closer.

"I just want to be known! Known for something good! Not for being a whore or a dimwit or a pathetic Hufflepuff that cuts herself and cries at night!" she sobbed.

He took another step closer.

"I'm sure you're known for more than that."

She cocked her head to the side, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Do you even know my name, Professor?" she asked softly.

Remus wracked his brain. He knew this girl. He knew quite a bit about her. In fact, he could smell something other than blood on her.

Herbal tea.

Yes, she was always drinking it in the Great Hall.

He could smell earth.

Of course, he remembered seeing her in the library reading about Herbology.

In the nick of time, her name came to mind.

"Susan Bones," he stated in calming tone.

Her brows furrowed slightly. She felt warmth creep into her heart.

"Susan Bones who likes herbal tea with every meal. Susan Bones who loves Herbology. Susan Bones who I see make people laugh in the courtyard. Susan Bones who is an alternate Chaser for Hufflepuff."

With each fact he had taken a step closer and closer to her. A strong breeze blew causing her hair to stray from her face. He could see more tears streaming down her cheeks, but there was something in her eyes. Hope perhaps?

"Susan, I've been here. There was a time when I considered this very option… I wanted so badly to end it all… It was…much worse than you can possibly imagine…"

"D-did some-someone also call you names, Professor?" she asked in quivering voice.

Slowly Remus nodded.

"You could say that."

"I don't believe you," she spat, shaking her head vigorously. "You can't possibly understand."

"I do, believe me. Trust me when I say that this won't help. Things _do_ get better. I stood in this very tower, by that window just there," he said pointing to a cathedral window just across the room. "Then my friend came. My friend talked me out of it. They assured me that it would all be alright in the end. My friend was right, Susan."

Remus slowly extended his hand to her.

"Susan, step down. Take my hand and come away from the window," he said quietly.

Susan eyed his hand as though it were a bomb, bound to explode at any moment.

"I won't tell Dumbledore. I won't tell your parents. I won't tell Professor Sprout. It'll be as though this never happened," added Remus.

It felt like hours were passing when really it was only seconds before Susan placed her hand in Lupin's. He gently grasped her fingers and steadied her balance by gripping her elbow. As soon as she was planted firmly on the floor the girl fell into Lupin's arms, sobbing. Unsure of what to do, not used to this sort of contact, Remus prudently embraced her. He felt her tears saturate his sweater.

"Sit down, Miss Bones. Right there, on the floor," Remus requested in a gentle voice.

Susan nodded tearfully and sat down before him. Remus retrieved her 'farewell' note from the floor. She watched him with wide eyes wondering what his intentions were. Was he going to tell Dumbledore after all? Inform Madame Pomfrey that she had been inflicting harm on herself.

No.

Instead he held the letter above his palm. A ball of fire emerged from his hand, engulfing the parchment in flames. It turned to ash in his fingers.

Susan released a sigh of relief and watched as Lupin extinguished the fire and let the ashes of her letter blow away in the night air.

"Miss Bones, I have some of that tea you like in my office. Perhaps you'd fancy a cup to help you to bed?" he asked in casual tone.

It was a moment before she replied, watching her Professor walk towards her.

"Y-yes, I'd like that, Professor."

"Good," he smiled tenderly.

Remus helped Susan to her feet and guided her to his office, careful to avoid running into Snape once more.

In his office, Remus agreed not to inform anyone of tonight's incident in exchange for Susan to come to him once a week and let him inspect her health. He assured Susan that tonight would remain a secret as long as she promised never to harm herself again and that if she were ever to require a confidante, she need only ask. It took some convincing to let him heal her wrists but finally, realizing that Remus Lupin was perhaps the wisest man she would ever meet, she succumbed.

Remus had placed an ointment that had aided his scrapes and bruises from running rampant through the woods as a wolf on her cuts, bandaged them with some of his own personal binding and removed them after twenty minutes. Much to her astonishment and delight, the cuts and scars had vanished.

' _There. A fresh start,' Remus said kindly._

He'd sent her off with a square of chocolate and a hall pass informing any teacher Susan would encounter that she had required assistance with a possibly dark nightmare and had went seeking Professor Trelawney only to find Remus instead.

Susan Bones survived.


	5. Hairy Tales

_**A oneshot featuring a lighter side to Remus' opinion on his ailment**_

20, Soon to Harry's Birth

 _Hairy Tales_

This was the most responsibility that had ever been placed on Sirius' shoulders. The most pressure. It was just yesterday that Lily and James had asked Sirius to be Harry's godfather should anything happen to them. When they had asked, he had been elated. His jaw had first dropped then his face broke into a wide smile. This was the biggest honor he had ever received since James had requested Sirius be his best man.

Well, after Sirius bested Remus in a foot race for the position, that is.

Regardless, the life of a child could be in his hands, and it was more likely than usual in a child's life that a godfather would be necessary.

However, the exhilaration and delight that had filled him yesterday had slowly faded into apprehension. He now found himself overwhelmed with concern. Would he even make a good godfather? He was an eternal bachelor with a motorbike, a taste for fine alcohol and a knack for having a different girl on his arm every weekend. Nevertheless, James had trusted him to watch over his son. Of course, there was a sneaking suspicion in his mind that Remus had been their first choice and that if he wasn't a werewolf, this responsibility would have gone to him.

"Oi, Moony," Sirius called from his bed across the room.

Remus turned his head to look out the window beside him and find the moon that had been full just last week. He finally found it, centered just above the small city outside.

' _It has to be around midnight,'_ Remus thought, assessing the moon's position.

He would oblige Sirius regardless of time though.

"Yeah, mate?"

There was a long pause in which Remus heard Sirius inhale deeply. He knew what was coming, but would allow Sirius to move at his own pace.

"Do you think I'd make a good father to Harry if, Merlin forbid, something were to happen to James and Lily?" Sirius asked in a curious voice.

Remus' lip quirked up in a half smile. He sighed, folding his hands behind his neck and staring up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I should think so," Remus replied.

There was another lingering silence between the two of them. Remus peeked out of the corner of his eye to see what Sirius was doing.

He was laying shirtless in his bed, hands folded on his stomach that he hadn't bothered pulling the duvet over. Remus, on the other hand, remained in a tee shirt and boxers. His blanket was pulled up past his abdomen, just above his belly button. It was more of a self-conscious habit than a method of staying warm.

"Do you-erm-think I could change my entire lifestyle for Harry? You know, stop drinking and shagging and snogging so much to be a good parent."

"Yeah, I think you could," said Remus without hesitation.

Yet again, Sirius became seemingly mute.

"I dunno," Sirius murmured.

Remus' brows furrowed as he searched for the proper response. He had no doubt that Sirius would make a respectable guardian. However, this was merely a gut feeling. He could offer no substantial proof.

"I s'pose you wouldn't know for sure until the time came. The rather dismal situation in which you would become Harry's father is unthinkable. Very difficult to even consider occurring. That being said, it's difficult for us to determine our actions for certain," Remus explained in an almost 'professor-like' tone. "Also, I'd like to point out how omniscient you and James claim I am. That belief alone, should supply you with enough confidence to trust me when I say that I think you'd make a fine father to Harry."

"You're good with kids," Sirius said purposely.

Remus shrugged in his bed, exhaling through his nose. To be honest, Remus was quite proud of his particular aptitude at interacting with children. He had a simple method. Treat them as adults. After all, what person appreciated being talked down to?

"Like my cousin, Nymphadora? She loved you."

"She prefers Dora, Sirius. Also, I met her for a half hour. That's hardly any proof."

"She enjoyed you playing dolls with her-"

"They were army men and we were forming a fleet," Remus said in an almost defensive tone.

Sirius sniggered causing Remus to grin.

"There's a difference, mind you."

"Course there is, Moony."

The two boys smiled silently, each of them considering different things. Remus imagined what it would be like if he had been Harry's godfather. If he had given in when James and Lily asked him. It sent chills down his spine to even consider the option.

' _I don't understand why you won't do it, Remus,' Lily sighed._

' _The last thing your son needs right now is a financially unstable, werewolf father.'_

 _Remus set down his cup of tea to prevent them from seeing his trembling hands. The possibility of Harry being put in danger because of his condition, was more troubling than he could bare to imagine._

' _We'd leave you money, Moony. Besides, he already has a muggleborn mum. In this society, that's just as bad as a werewolf father,' James contended._

 _Looking at them with his tawny, wise eyes they felt an obligation to listen._

' _I'm truly honored. However, I must decline.'_

"You'll help me."

Sirius was not asking.

"Sure, I'll help."

Sirius had never been good with these deep, sensitive conversations. Remus knew what would cheer him up.

"I'll be your den mother…" Remus smirked.

Sirius tried to connect the dots as to why it was a joke. Remus sighed exhaustedly.

"Wolves live in dens. You need me to assist you in being a godfather. Since you're the legally appointed godfather that would make me an unofficial godmother. Den mother."

"Well, if you have to go that into depth with a joke it's not that funny, now is it?"

"Oh, Merlin," Remus groaned softly.

After an obdurate pause, Sirius finally spoke up again.

"He'll have a lot of things to say, Moony."

Remus smirked in the dark ready to try again.

"Like 'what big eyes you have?'" Remus tried.

He'd done it. Sirius snorted softly. Little Red Riding Hood jokes habitually worked on Sirius.

"Hey, Moony."

"Yeah?"

"Why did the werewolf cross the road?" Sirius asked, a laugh lurking behind his voice.

"Hmm…I dunno. Why?"

"To chase after the chicken," he snickered.

Remus laughed quietly, searching for another joke. He had always been good at cheering Sirius up. After years of his friends trying their best to rouse Remus from a dejected mood, he'd become quite endowed at doing the same for them.

"Okay, why would Harry cry wolf?"

"No clue," smiled Sirius.

"Because it ate three little pigs."

"Naw, mate."

"Alright, your turn then," sighed Remus.

"What do you call a lost wolf?"

"A where-wolf," Remus replied simply.

Sirius groaned in hindrance, shaking his head against his pillow.

"Damn. We're off our game tonight."

After another quiet moment, Remus finally found something to say.

"Well, either way, with us around Harry is going to have…a howling good time," Remus said in a melodramatic tone.

Sirius burst out laughing, making Remus' grin broaden.

"If Harry starts to teeth on you, do you know what you'll do?"

"No. What will I do?"

"You'll go 'awhooooo!'"

"Oh, bloody hell…" Remus smiled, shaking his head.

"Because that's what werewolves do! You blokes howl. So instead of saying 'ow' you'd s-"

"No, I got it. I got it. Trust me, Sirius, I got the joke," chuckled Remus. "It was just shite."

Remus continued to wrack his brain for another joke but Sirius beat him to it.

"So, I know what we could say to discipline Harry… Like, to get him to understand how much we do not want him to something."

"Can't wait for this one," Remus snickered.

"Harry will be like 'Can I stay up and watch telly?' And you'll say 'Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."

"That's what the pig says, Sirius," he laughed running his hands down his face hopelessly.

A few seconds passed in which Remus was able to summon another joke to his brain.

"I reckon Harry will be lycan me a lot," Remus tried.

"Sure, mate."

"No. Not 'liking.' Lycan. Because I'm a lycan."

"Oh…" Sirius recognized.

Remus respired loudly, yielding to the fact that they were off their game tonight. Regardless, he could feel the mood lifting.

"So, if we can't take care of Harry, how will we provide for him and ourselves? I know the situation is highly unlikely seeing as James would probably leave us money, but still... Do you think your dad could help?" Sirius questioned.

"He'd lend a hand if needed," Remus confirmed.

Light glinted in his eyes as another joke came to mind. He grinned in the darkness, stifling a laugh.

"If he doesn't follow through then there's always…the infantry…"

It took Sirius a moment to grasp the joke.

"Oh! Oh, that's really good!" Sirius laughed loudly. "Infant! Because he's baby!"

"Now you're howling with laughter," Remus grinned.

Sirius nodded, still chuckling loudly.

"I'm over the moon."

This time Remus found himself sniggering noisily. He held his stomach, trying to catch his breath. They'd hit their stride, a slightly pathetic one, but a steady stride nonetheless.

"Hey, Moony, what do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?"

"I dunno," Remus admitted, slightly amused trepidation in his voice.

"A wear-wolf."

Remus rolled his eyes, still entertained by the bad jokes. Werewolf jokes were always permissible in private. Especially Sirius'. He'd always had a knack for them.

"I got one. What do you call a werewolf with no legs?" Remus said, a sly smile on his face.

"Erm…"

"Anything you want because he can't chase you."

"How do you get a werewolf to laugh?"

"Oh, this will be rich," Remus drawled with a grin.

There was a small pause before Sirius replied, his voice tinted with laughter.

"You give him a funny bone to eat."

"Mmm, not only is that not the proper name of the bone, but I don't eat bones. In fact, nobody really does. Maybe I chew on them. I'm act-"

"Just laugh at it, Moony! Do be were-d," Sirius replied.

"Was that supposed to sound like were? Like werewolf?" Remus inquired, gasping for air.

"…yeah," admitted Sirius in a begrudging tone.

The boys continued to laugh in the darkness of the room. Finally they calmed down. Their hearts slowly getting a little lighter. Sirius released a sigh of satisfaction.

"So, Remus. I can't do the sentimental stuff with Harry. I'll only be able to do the really cool stuff. Like teach him how to ride his first broom and buy him his first drink. You have to give him 'the talk' and tell him bedtime stories," Sirius said pointedly.

Remus started snorting back laughter as he debated on whether or not to confess the new joke that had just appeared in his mind.

"Let's hear it," provoked Sirius with a smile.

"I'll tell him hairy tales…"

Sirius began to laugh, inspiring Remus to as well. It was in the darkness of the boys' bedroom that they suddenly grasped that things weren't quite as bleak as they had seemed as of late. As long as they had each other, they could manage to smile. To laugh. To make it through each day. They could make it through this, as long as The Marauders stuck together.

 _ **I wish I could claim all of these horrible, horrible jokes as my own but I looked them all up. I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING THESE LITTLE ONE SHOTS. ALSO, I NEED REVIEWS AND LIKES! PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED IF YOU LIKE IT OR EVEN IF YOU HAVE A REQUEST OF A ONESHOT YOU'D LIKE TO READ!**_


	6. A Sad Truth

_**More of fanon that I admired put into action…**_

19, Middle of the Wizarding War

 _A Sad Truth_

Remus sat in the large, yellow armchair at his flat, alone and waiting on Sirius to return from his night at the pub with Marlene McKinnon. The two had become increasingly friendly over the past few months and rarely missed a weekend to go out for a drink. Sirius, of course, would ask Remus' permission to go out for the evening, making sure that he would be alright on his own for the night. Remus' response was often _'Yes, Sirius. Somehow I will manage,'_ in a tone that dripped with sarcasm.

However tonight, when Remus had encouraged Sirius to go, he had been putting on a rather brave face. Today, something had happened with the Order that had broken Remus' spirit. For weeks he had been infiltrating the underground werewolf community. Having to maintain a somber expression when faced with horrors of the kidnapped children being raised to hate wizards not burdened with lycanthropy. Being bred to slaughter. Being bred for a life full of animosity and murder. When he had reported Greyback's success to Dumbledore today, Remus had been face with troubling news.

Edgar Bones and Caradoc Dearborne, two kind but somewhat conservative wizards had approached Dumbledore questioning where Remus' loyalties truly were. Wondering if despite his unwavering dedication to the greater good, he may be swayed to become a triple agent, working for Greyback instead of them. Caradoc and Edgar expressed that both Veronica Mullins and Tabitha Stark were also concerned. Of course, Dumbledore did not know that Remus was listening in just outside the door of his office.

' _Professor, Remus truly is a kind soul. A brave man, indeed. However, we are becoming concerned that, immersing himself in the underground world of his kind, might sway him to a different cause. Greyback's cause,' Caradoc said._

' _ **My kind,'**_ _Remus thought, his heart sinking._

' _You truly question Mr. Lupin's allegiance to our cause? After all he's done?'_

' _Sir, we know that Remus has the best of intentions but he is, at his core, one of…them. Would one really be surprised if he succumbed to his inner beast? Perhaps, to be safe…we should cut ties with him. Both Veronica and Tabitha have expressed concern as well," added Edgar._

' _ **My…inner beast?'**_

 _Remus drew in a deep breath and swallowed, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the report on Greyback's latest followers tighter and tighter. Were they really saying all this? Caradoc and Edgar had grown up with Remus? They were always civil to him, including him conversations and such. How could they suspect him of fighting against the cause?_

' _Maybe we should warn the Potters. After all, they were considering him as their secret keeper…' muttered Caradoc._

' _ **And I said no! I said no because I feared that Greyback may use veritaserum to extract information from me!'**_ _Remus insisted silently, his ears growing hot._

' _Gentlemen, when you joined the Order, you agreed to trust me. You agreed to trust my decisions. That being said, I trust Remus Lupin. You both, Veronica and Tabitha would be wise to do the same,' said Dumbledore calmly. 'Does anyone else feel this way about Mr. Lupin? Have you been expressing your concern to other members?'_

' _No, sir. We didn't want to without your consent,' Edgar replied._

' _Very well. Off with you both.'_

 _Remus silently ran down the stairs to give the appearance that he hadn't been by the door the whole time. It opened to reveal a rather skeptical looking Edgar and Caradoc. They froze at the top of the steps and looked down at Remus who was slowly ascending._

' _Oh, afternoon, Remus…' Edgar said in a somewhat friendly tone._

' _Afternoon, Edgar, Caradoc.'_

 _He offered a casual smile to the two boys as he passed them on the stairs._

' _What's that in your hands then?' asked Caradoc._

 _Remus held up the file, refusing to meet their eyes._

' _Some intel I've gathered on…on my assignment,' he murmured._

 _Both of them nodded, silently. An uncomfortable silence lingering between the three._

' _Job well, done, Remus. We'll see you Tuesday,' Edgar said, clearing his throat._

 _Remus nodded vigorously._

' _Right, Tuesday. Bye,' Remus added as he walked into Dumbledore's office._

Remus massaged his temples, trying to erase the conversation from memory. He'd known that this would happen. He'd known eventually some members of the Order wouldn't be able to look past their prejudices and see the truth that lay beneath the surface. Remus reached to the table next to him and cranked up the volume of the Victrola so the brassy tune played louder, drowning out his thoughts.

Three knocks came from the door, Remus leapt to his feet in alarm. He couldn't pretend not to be home. After all, the jazz number was playing and a light was shining beneath the crack of the door. He picked his wand up off the table, readying it in the case of a werewolf or Death Eater had come to attack. After all, who would be visiting him tonight? Sirius would have had his key. Lily and James were visiting her parents for the weekend. Dumbledore had better things to do.

' _Perhaps it's Edgar, Caradoc, Veronica and Tabitha come to burn me at the stake,'_ Remus mused.

"Who's there?" Remus called, hesitantly.

"Curry and wine, you sod," the muffled voice of a woman called.

Remus recognized the slight cockney accent to be Dorcas Meadowes. A smile crept on his lips. She'd been out of town for weeks, gathering information on possible leads to Voldemort's followers in Scotland. It had been far too long since their paths had crossed. Their relationship was indeed romantic. His first girlfriend since he was sixteen. Granted the topic of marriage had never arose, Remus appreciated Dorcas' company. She'd known what he was since a drunken night in the common room after a randy came of truth or dare. He'd forgotten he told her and didn't know that he had until a year ago when the Order had first formed.

' _So…still want to date me?' asked Remus._

 _He had just informed the Order of his condition and how he was going to use it to aide their cause._

' _Remus…I've known for two years, you ponce. You told me that night you got pissed in the common room,' she smirked._

They shared a laugh and much to his relief, their casually romantic relationship had continued. It was fun, being with Dorcas. She was easy to talk to, funny, understanding and kind. She danced to his favorite tunes and listened to his problems. Dorcas was the only one outside of the Marauders and Lily that he appreciated werewolf slights from. Especially when they'd drove to a muggle cinema and she'd searched the radio on his car for a song. 'Werewolves of London' was playing and she'd had no issue cranking it up. After a long silence, Remus had started snickering along with her.

Remus tossed the wand back onto the coffee table and opened the door to see Dorcas just outside, smiling up at him.

"Ello', love."

"Welcome back," he grinned.

Dorcas raised up a plastic bag containing takeout and a large bottle of wine, giving him a goofy smile.

"I bring food and beverage. Will thou partake of it with me?" she asked.

Remus sighed and threaded his long fingers in her brown hair, pulling her face to his. He kissed her on the lips tenderly and pulled away, standing aside so she could enter.

"You scared me, Meadowes. I haven't received post from you in-"

"Five days, Remus. Calm yourself, boy, I had work to do, I did," she scoffed walking into the kitchen. "Where's your roommate? I brought im' food to, you know?"

"Out grabbing a drink with Marlene. They're quite smitten with one another, lately," Remus remarked thoughtfully.

Dorcas already knew where all the plates and glasses were. Remus heard the sound of drawers opening as she fetched silverware and the clinking of two wine glasses. She entered the living room with two boxes of curry, cutlery, and the essentials for their wine. Remus pushed the coffee table forward a touch so they could sit on the couch together.

"Well, he can eat' it up later then, I s'pose," murmured Dorcas as she sat and uncorked the bottle of wine with her wand.

She levitated the bottle to pour into Remus' glass. The dark red liquid rose higher and higher.

"Merlin, woman, are you trying to liquor me up?" he laughed.

She nodded, moving the bottle to pour into her glass. It settled on the mahogany noiselessly and they began to eat. She laid vertically on the sofa, her feet in Remus' lap. Dorcas divulged details of her trip and the secrets of Voldemort's followers. How he now had plans to recruit giants and vampires. After half a glass of wine, Dorcas saw something creep across Remus' face. A sort of sadness that was caused by rejection no doubt. Yes, that was it.

"Okay, I know that face. Why don't you tell me what's appened'," Dorcas said softly, her silver eyes boring into him.

Remus sighed, moving the food in his box around dejectedly. Dorcas fought off a frown, she knew that Remus hated that. She took a bite of her meal to stop the muscles in her jaw from reflecting the sinking feeling in her heart.

"Some of the members of the Order think that I'll turn to Greyback's side," Remus murmured, hanging his head.

"Who?" asked Dorcas sharply.

The corner of Remus' mouth lifted slightly. Dorcas had always been rather overprotective of Remus. Once she had caught Susan Napier, a rather vindictive Slytherin, teasing Remus about being so thin and sent an entire hive of bees her way.

"It doesn't matter, Doe. What matters is that I'm suspected of treachery simply for being a werewolf."

"Who said it?" insisted Dorcas.

Remus chuckled again, meeting her fervent gaze. A warm smile came upon his lips, though sadness still lurked behind his amber eyes.

"Doe, I expected this to happen eventually. I partially understand their concern to be honest. I just…I didn't expect it to hurt this much," he shrugged as casually as possible.

Dorcas shook her head, setting her curry on the tattered carpet and retrieving her wine from the coffee table. She took a swig angrily and set it back down, crossing her arms.

"You know what just gets me about all this, is that people are so incredibly…backwards today. I mean, Merlin! Look at ow' far we've come and who we're fighting against. Discrimination like this makes us no better than Voldemort. It's absurd frankly. I don't even-gah," she groaned.

Remus laughed softly at her frustration, his eyes crinkling as he looked to her. He decided to switch to a lighter topic. Despite Dorcas' vigor to defend him, Remus enjoyed discussing lighter topics with her. After all, her humor often surpassed that of anyone he knew. It was intelligent and witty and dry. Much like his own. He would never admit it, but in that same instance, he liked Snape's humor.

"So, I found a grey hair while you were gone," Remus smirked.

Dorcas' brows raised, the corner of her mouth quirking up.

"On your head?"

"Yes, on my head! Don't be nasty, you cheeky minx," he laughed.

Dorcas clambered to her knees, leaning forward and examining Remus' thick mop of sandy blonde hair. Remus couldn't help but smile slightly.

"You know that chimpanzees do this to one another?" he asked.

"This is different. I'm not eatin' bugs from it. Blimey…" she trailed off.

Remus cringed as he felt a sting come from the crown of his head. Dorcas sniggered and slowly lowered herself to sit crossed legged before him. In her fingers she held a single strand of silver hair. Remus rolled his eyes, grinning slightly.

"Go on. Give me a laugh, Doe."

"This is just further proof that I'm right! You _do_ worry too much!" she grinned, nudging his shoulder playfully.

"I worry the right amount. That's not why I have grey hairs," replied Remus pointedly.

"I'd love to hear this explanation."

Remus smile suddenly turned somber causing Dorcas' eyebrows to furrow slightly. He placed a hand on her knee and exhaled.

"Part of you is right. I may worry a bit more than most, with good reason mind you, but that's not the only reason."

"Wha's the other reason?" asked Dorcas in a quiet voice.

His hand cupped her cheek gently, a kind look in his tawny eyes. He observed the way her dark hair fell in shiny waves about her ivory face. The way her silvery eyes were full of longing and promise and how the dark eye makeup that rimmed her lids was haphazardly done. He'd always loved Dorcas' makeup. How she made an effort while making no fuss at all in the end. Looking at her, he suddenly saw a more serious future and felt the need to divulge something about himself.

"Sweet, sweet Dorcas…you have to know this about me. I think deep down you have."

A confused look crept across her face followed by an expression of concern.

"Look at James. Look at Sirius. Look at Peter. They look their age. Young and still just barely teenagers," he said wistfully. "Now look at me. I'm the same age. Look at my eyes. Those are old eyes. I may have a young face but you can see where my eyebrows have furrowed upon it. You can see how my body won't heal as quickly without the aid of medicine. You can see on my head, though quite thick with hair, that it's not quite so strong as everyone else's'. While you all look nineteen, some of you even younger, I look to be in my mid-twenties."

"You're handsome and you know it," Dorcas murmured. "Don't say otherwise."

Remus chuckled and shook his head, watching her turn her face to the window.

"I wasn't going to. That's not what I'm getting at, Doe."

Remus took her chin in his hand and turned it to face him, a grim smile on his lips.

"Transformation takes a toll on me physically, Dorcas. They strain my body. Do you know the typical life span of a werewolf?" he asked softly.

He could see tears slowly form in Dorcas' eyes, though she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling.

"Remus…I don't want to hear anymore…"

"My kind don't tend to make it past fifty five, Doe. It's j-"

"No, stop that right now, you ear'? If we just wait for the Wolfsbane potion that'll help. It'll ease the pain and the toll it takes on your body. You'll see," she insisted.

"When that potion is finally complete, it will cost a fortune. I'm hopeless at potions so I won't be able to brew it properly myself."

Dorcas looked away from Remus, her eyes filled with sorrow. It was then that Remus realized just how seriously Dorcas took their relationship. That though she expressed a casually monogamist style of love, she meant it with all her heart. When she told Remus 'I love you' she meant it. So did he.

"I know how you feel about me, Doe. You know how I feel about you. However, you can't expect what Lily and James or Alice and Frank have a relationship with me. We won't grow old together, we won't have children, we won't have a big wedding. Why do you think my kind-"

"You know I hate it when you say tha'," huffed Dorcas raising a brow.

Remus nodded, a wry smile on his face.

"Pardon me. Why do you think werewolves like myself don't get married or find love?"

They stared at one another for a moment, Dorcas choking back tears just slightly. Remus pulled her into his arms, holding her to his chest. She sniffled, arms clinging to him as though if her gripped loosened he would blow away and never return.

"I don't care, Remus. I don't care," she said into his shoulder.

Remus closed his eyes, stroking the back of her head.

"I know, my love. I know," he whispered.

Dorcas pulled away, holding his face in her delicate hands. She felt the bones beneath his skin that protruded slightly from his sallow cheeks. She saw the old eyes he had mentioned on his boyish face. Regardless, she looked beyond all that and saw the man she loved only.

"I'll stand by you."

A look of sheer determination on her ethereal face.

Now Remus' eyes began to water. Outside of James, Lily, Sirius and Peter, he never thought he could have friends that would say this. Now though, he had a girl willing toss out all prejudices and all benefits from other relationships she could not have with Remus, to be with him. He nodded, his face still in her grasp.

"I love you, you filthy animal," she grinned, tears rolling down her face.

Remus laughed quietly then found his lips crushing against hers.

Two hours later…

Remus had come to accept that Sirius was probably going over to Marlene's. That was fine. Dorcas had agreed to sleep over with him anyway. They'd danced to a rather loud rock song by The Punkish Pixies until Remus' neighbor, Mrs. Tibbins had politely begged them to turn it down, then proceeded to sway gently to a slow tune by a muggle artist name Frank Sinatra. After about an hour, Dorcas confessed to being quite exhausted and they'd both surrendered to the couch, lights out.

Dorcas lay on the couch with her head in Remus' lap. The moon shone in through the window, illuminating the half empty bottle of wine. Remus' fingers combs through her hair as they both gazed out at the city in silence.

"The war… It's going to get nasty, i' is…" Dorcas sighed.

Remus nodded, exhaling through his nose.

"It will. Let's not talk about that, darling."

"What do you wanna talk about then?" she asked drowsily.

Remus pondered her question and decided to ask a question he already knew the answer to.

"You love me?" he asked quietly.

He heard Dorcas chuckle then felt her head nod in his lap.

"Yes, I love you."

"Werewolf and all?" clarified Remus, only half joking.

"Makes you a bit sexier, if I'm bein' honest."

Remus snickered, shaking his head. Then he delved deeper into her soul.

"You want to be with me even though we'll never have a grand wedding?"

"I hate parties."

"You want to be with me even though we won't have children?"

"We'll just be the brilliant Aunt and Uncle to our friend's children."

Taking a deep breath, Remus asked the question that though he'd come to accept, still cut him deep.

"You want to be with me even though…even though I'll die young," he whispered.

Dorcas tilted her head to look up at him.

"I'll take any second I can get with you, Remus Lupin. I swear it."

Remus smiled at her, kissing two of his fingers and placing them on her lips. Dorcas removed his hand as she did the same, her fingers delicately placed on his lips. A few moments of silence passed in which Dorcas fell asleep on Remus' lap. Suddenly the opinion of four Order members didn't matter as much. Only his friends counted. It was a truth he'd realized all along. Though not knowing his time with Dorcas would be much briefer than expected, he still fell asleep happily imagining the future he could have with her.


	7. The Doll and the Arena

* **DISCLAIMER** : Be warned, this is a **very long and very dark** oneshot. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. Don't worry, there's **no rape or nudity.** Just some gritty, dark stuff. I **encourage all readers to acknowledge the Author's Notes** that are in **bold**. They **contain cool info**.*

20, Mid-War

 _The Doll and the Arena_

"Remus, once again, I would like to congratulate you on moving up in the ranks," Greyback said formally.

"Well, I appreciate you promoting me, sir," responded Remus.

They walked down the long, dark tunnel leading to the center of the Uxbridge Sewer system. That was where Greyback's latest 'orientation' was taking place. Since Remus had been promoted from 'pledge' to 'brother' he was now able to enjoy the 'festivities' of that event. Last week, Remus had faked contaminating a young boy. It hadn't been difficult. Greyback had left him in the middle of a field with a little boy, just minutes before the full moon. Greyback had then apparated away for his separate transformation leaving Remus to complete the job.

Using all his force to push through the pain of the oncoming transformation, Remus apparated to the Shrieking Shack where James and Sirius awaited. The next morning when Greyback asked how the transformation had went Remus had reported it had gone as planned.

The simple fact was, Greyback was transforming about fifty children a month, with at least fifteen of them dying every moon from bad health or wounds caused by the other kids. Remus reported that one of the fifty last month had been his and that this past moon had killed him off. Easy as that. Greyback trusted Remus so much he didn't even bother to check the facts.

Remus was very talented when it came to charming his peers. He would give firm handshakes and reassuring nods. He would simply be himself. That seemed to be enough.

"Finally, I can introduce you to Josephine. She's newly turned but shows much promise. I've grown rather…fond of her," Greyback chuckled.

Remus forced a small smile and nodded at Greyback's crude comment.

"You're taken with her, I see," Remus commented.

"Taken with her looks rather. Well, those scars aren't doing her any favors but I s'pose I have no one to blame but myself for that."

Greyback gave another dark laugh, causing the hairs to stand up on the back of Remus' neck. This man was truly despicable.

"Has she turned anyone then?" asked Remus.

Greyback looked down at his feet as they continued to stroll down the dimly lit tunnel. There seemed to be a look of fault and slight discomfiture in his eyes. He knew that his true colors were showing. His weakness and lust. Josephine obviously hadn't turned anyone and was definitely not prepared to in the near future. She was merely an object to Greyback.

"She will in due time. As I said, she shows potential."

' _Yeah, sure. If by that you mean that you want to shag her,'_ thought Remus

The farther they got down the hall, the louder voices became. It almost sounded like cheering.

Finally Greyback and Remus arrived a rounded, oak door. Greyback's hair covered hand touched a large, black, metal ring. He looked at Remus with his black eyes, the color of smoke after a large fire. Greyback bared his yellow, sharp teeth in a sinister smile which Remus tried to return mildly.

"Are you ready to meet the new recruits?"

"Yes, sir I do believe so," replied Remus.

Greyback pulled open the heavy door with a loud creak. Remus closed his eyes for just a fraction of a second that he could make last moments longer. He tried to remember Sirius' advice.

" _Mate, do not break. You cannot break. You're going to want to help them and the sight you'll see will probably be horrific, but you cannot break. You like what you see or you don't have an opinion one way or the other. You have to approve but do not show how angry you are. Do. Not. Break."_

Then he replayed Lily's words.

" _You are a kind soul, Remus. There's no hiding that. Appear too callous and he'll see through you. Appear too eager and you'll blow your cover. Be yourself, but be neutral. Neutral."_

Next James' input.

" _Don't try to save anyone. Don't even show them pity. You'll be tempted. Don't."_

Then he heard Dorcas.

" _You do whatever it takes get back to me. Hide your tears. Don't be a hero. Prove who you are to Greyback. Prove that you support him. I don't care. Just get back to me. I love you…but please don't be an idiot."_

That made him smile.

' _Don't be an idiot. I can do that,'_ Remus thought, trying not to snicker.

Greyback walked through the door frame with Remus following just behind. Though his jaw threatened to drop, he kept it in check. The room was the size of a Quidditch pitch. However, that wasn't what was so alarming. It was the children. There had to be over a hundred of them. Greyback had created what looked like a quarantine with the children. On one side of the room were pillows and blankets arranged in various rows. The other side had many tables.

Then there was the section that caught Remus' eye. A sort of combat training area. There were many mannequins. All designed for hand to hand combat, seeing as none of them were old enough to use wands.

A small boy lunged at a mannequin, biting into its soft throat with a loud growl. The mannequin toppled over with him on top, his fists pounded on the dummy continuously.

Then Remus noticed that various werewolves were standing about, observing the young ones. Some even talking to them. Advising them, it seemed.

' _Is this a…boot camp?'_ Remus asked himself.

"So, what exactly is this? I mean, it's not exactly the festivities I was expecting," Remus said, trying to seem casual.

Greyback looked at his young friend and grinned.

"We haven't even got to the best part."

Remus felt his stomach flip.

"But that will come later. Do you see what we do here, Remus? Do you see what I am asking of you now that you are promoted?"

"I believe so, but would you mind clarifying?" Remus requested, clearing his throat.

Greyback nodded once as they continued their walk around the premises. Remus watched in masked awe as a female werewolf instructed a young boy as to how he would properly lunge at a human to kill them.

"You go straight for the throat, trust me," she said gesturing to the neck of the mannequin.

Remus flinched slightly then composed himself so Greyback could not see his true colors.

"This is a training field. A boot camp, if you will."

"They're all very young….unable to use magic."

"Bite them young, Remus. That way we can raise them to realize the true travesty that is humanity. Besides we'll teach them magic later…or rather you will."

"Me?" Remus questioned, his voice cracking.

Greyback stopped abruptly and faced Remus, a small smirk on his lips. He gave Remus a knowing look, who struggled to breathe normally.

"Remus, you and I both know that your experience in hand-to-hand combat is very limited. It's not your fault, my boy, you were raised around wizards. Regardless, I've heard it through the grapevine that you are a very skilled duelist."

Remus averted his eyes, trying his best not to look affronted by the beastly manner of these children.

"I do alright."

"Well, you do more than alright, Lupin. I saw you duel that wizard, Cecil. You took him out in two spells," Greyback corrected.

Remus almost frowned at the memory. A simple wizard who cried out in fear at the sight of Greyback. Greyback had ordered Remus to cast him aside. The wizard had removed his wand and sent a spell Greyback's way. Remus had quickly deflected it, so it rebounded and hit the wizard then threw a stunning spell his way and knocked him to the ground.

" _What is your name?" asked Greyback, looming over the trembling, middle aged wizard on the street._

 _The man was crumpled up, his eyes darting between Remus and Greyback frantically. The streetlamp above illuminated them barely, so that the wizard could only see the outline of his two assailants._

" _Ce-Ce-Cecil," he stammered._

" _Cecil," Greyback murmured crouching beside him._

 _The man's eyes seemed to water in fear at the frightful sight before him._

" _Oh…" the man sighed._

" _Cecil, you had the right response…just the wrong reaction," shrugged Greyback. "Remember my face."_

 _Remus swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Greyback stood and sighed as though he had just finished a menial task._

" _Come, Remus. Let's have dinner."_

" _Yes, sir," Remus replied obediently_

 _As they walked away, Remus could feel his face get hot and hear his heart thrumming in his ears._

"So, Damien will be acquiring some of Ollivander's discarded wands from a man in Knockturn Alley and we will distribute them amongst the older recruits. Then you will train them in the art of dueling. Let's be honest, some wizards cannot be incapacitated by a melee attack. Some of them, like yourself, are too quick with their wands. We need our boys to be quicker. Do you think you can manage that, Remus?"

Remus looked to Greyback with the best grateful expression he could muster.

"It would be an honor, sir."

Greyback smacked his hands together and nodded.

"Good. I only promote the best of our men…and women to be Brothers and Sisters. Now you see how they get their name. They are practically the elder siblings of the children. Coaching them and teaching them our ways. Veronica teaches them how to attack, Hayden teaches them routine healing skills for the battlefield and Maxwell teaches them how to attack with weapons such as clubs, knives and even axes."

"And does Josephine teach anything?" asked Remus, slightly intrigued as to her role other than being Greyback's pretty little doll.

"Josephine teaches elite combat. It's for the older children who are more advanced, who excel in the hand to hand combat field. You will be working alongside her. Both of you will be specializing in the older and more talented recruits. Come, now I'll introduce you."

Greyback led the way through the stadium like cave with its high ceiling. Remus struggled not to let out a shout of horror at the animalistic shrieks and angry cries of the recruits. Somewhere he heard sobbing and fought off the urge to seek out the source and comfort them.

"Now, don't you have a degree from Oxford University in Academics?"

"Yes. Yes, in two months I'll be a certified teacher," Remus murmured.

"So this job shall be easy for you," shrugged Greyback.

Remus nodded promptly as Greyback looked over at him. Greyback smiled in pleasure.

' _Yes, I'm sure my training in the art of teaching and varied academics will translate easily in the violent dueling of experienced wizards versus werewolf youths,'_ Lupin thought sarcastically.

"Ah, just ahead. There she is."

Ahead of him, Remus saw kids, probably around ten and close to eleven gathered around a mat. A girl who was short and slim was dressed in all black. Her hair was a mess of auburn curls tied back in a ponytail that looked like it exploded. Josephine. One of the girl recruits stood before her, they were slowly circling one another. The young girl had her fists up while Josephine walked almost lazily with her. The girl lunged with a cry towards Josephine.

Josephine stepped aside, the girl fell to the ground in a heap. Swiftly, Josephine turned, placing her light shoe on the girl's throat.

"You bent your legs and lunged too slow giving away your attack. You put yourself in a vulnerable position where I am free to hex you or stomp you. You're dead. Next," Josephine said in curt voice.

Remus blinked, completely shocked.

"Actually, Josephine, I need a word, dear. I have someone I'd like you to meet," Greyback announced raising a hand.

Remus saw Josephine's shoulders shrug as she sighed, her back to them both.

"Dismissed for lunch. Back in thirty. Go," she said to the recruits.

The children walked past Greyback, each one regarding him with a soft but firm 'Sir' as they continued forward. Josephine turned on her heel revealing her face to Remus. Three long scars ran from her right cheekbone down to her throat. They were fresh scars. Still slightly pink and tainting her pale, freckled complexion. This girl couldn't have experienced more than two moons. She walked towards Greyback determinedly, though Remus could sense some trepidation in her step.

"Fenrir," she said casually.

' _Fenrir? Not 'sir?' He must really like her…'_

"My darling, I'd like you to meet Remus Lupin. My very own creation," Greyback announced proudly.

Her dark brown eyes flickered to Remus as she offered a polite smile. It was tight but genuine all the same.

"How long have you been a werewolf for, Remus?"

"Fifteen years, sir."

"Fifteen years. He's very experienced in the art of dueling, but not necessarily physical combat. He'll be training the elites in magic, but perhaps, for his own benefit you could teach him the essentials of hand to hand?" Greyback requested.

"Absolutely," answered Josephine resolutely.

Greyback's hand touched the small of her back as he yanked her towards him. Their faces were inches apart. Remus watched with anxious eyes as Josephine seemed to struggle not to turn her head away. She blinked furiously, attempting to maintain her equanimity.

"That's my girl…" he said in a low voice, one that was lustful and dangerous.

He placed a tender kiss on her cheek, one he seemed to savor. Her eyes shut tight and her lips pursed. Remus noted she was doing this while Greyback couldn't see. She was obviously well-versed in the ways of hiding her repulsion. Perhaps they could help each other in that sense. Remus detected some resentment in her. She did not particularly like this lifestyle.

Greyback pulled away and sighed.

"Alright, you both get acquainted. I'm going to see to the pledges and then the festivities will commence."

Greyback walked away, leaving the two of them alone. Josephine crossed her arms anxiously and stared at the ground. With somber eyes, Remus studied her. The way her shoulders slumped and she seemed to breathe easier now that Greyback was gone. The way her eyebrows were furrowed.

"Are y-"

"I haven't seen the sun in two months," she said softly.

Remus frowned slightly. He had been right. She was not fond of this. Of Greyback's new life he had created. An 'opportunity' he called it. She walked away from Remus and sat on the mat where she had been training. She removed her black flats and began massaging her feet. They were red with blisters.

"Have you been at it with them for a while?" he asked, joining her.

Josephine shook her head and sighed.

"No. I just don't stop moving, honestly. Not when I don't know where Greyback is at least…"

"Always on your guard, then?"

Josephine nodded solemnly. Her fingers squeezed her toes, a loud pop sounded. Remus grimaced. She was in hell. Slowly, Josephine looked up at him, an ironic smile crossing her lips.

"Fifteen years, eh?" she asked.

Remus chuckled, crossing his legs Indian style.

"Fifteen years," he clarified.

Josephine laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

"I dunno how you do it. I've barely handled two months of this shite. Were your first few months difficult?"

"I imagine so. I was only five when they first started so I can't be sure. It wasn't easy though, I assume. Being a child and all."

"It's not easy being an adult either," she murmured. "Does it…does it get any easier…ever?"

Remus' jaw tightened. He'd been asked this by many of his kind and he could never figure out a way to say it without it sounding horrible.

"No, I'm afraid it doesn't. Not in my experience."

Josephine nodded and propped herself up on her hands, leaning back.

"But…I s'pose fighting for Greyback makes things easier. After all, he's promised us a better future. Perhaps that will bring us some comfort. Maybe we'll be able to come into that new Wolfsbane potion easier than if the Ministry was op-"

"I don't care for any of his ideas or promises or beliefs. He's a monster and if you're as smart as you seem you'd realize that," Josephine said tersely, her eyes downcast.

Remus' brows knitted together. He was slightly nonplussed by her reaction. Most of Greyback's followers agreed with Remus when he said that. Not Josephine. She was not impressed and not falling for any of Greyback's tricks. It was probably because of the special treatment she received. Josephine saw sides of Greyback nobody else did.

"So, how did you get so good at combat?" asked Remus, changing the subject.

Anymore of this talk from Josephine would tempt him to come forward and ask her to join the cause. As great of an ally as Josephine would make, he couldn't take the risk of blowing his cover.

"My dad is an Auror who didn't want his daughter to be taken advantage of after she left Hogwarts."

"And were you ever attacked after you left Hogwarts? Did these moves ever come in handy?" Remus asked with a small smile.

Josephine's eyes locked with Remus, her mouth in a rueful smile.

"I'm sixteen. I didn't get a chance to leave Hogwarts before Greyback got me."

Remus' mouth hung open for a second then he snapped it shut. Greyback had to be in his mid-thirties and he was lusting after-and most likely acting on those urges-a sixteen year old? A sixth year? It was a wonder she wasn't permanently trembling. How had she survived so much of this without cracking?

"I remember you, Remus. Prefect. Hung around with James and Sirius and Peter."

"I wish I could recall you. I apologize," Remus replied with an apologetic smile.

Josephine shrugged absentmindedly.

"Nobody tends to remember a Slytherin that wasn't devious and evil."

"You're a Slytherin? _You_?" Remus asked, dumbfounded.

"Is it not obvious? I'm very blunt and cunning and a bit snarky when I like to be."

"Well, when you put those attributes in such dark terms then I would definitely see a Slytherin."

Her face fell just slightly. Remus tried to meet her eyes but she quickly looked up at the ceiling. Seemingly offended. She exhaled slowly and nodded.

"I think you described yourself with the poorest choice of words possible."

"Do you have any suggestions of more positive synonyms?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. English was my forte at Oxford. May I?" Remus offered.

Josephine shrugged, prompting him to proceed. Remus stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"I think rather than blunt, you are honest. You aren't cunning…you're determined or…resourceful. Also, being witty can easily be mistaken for being snarky."

Josephine chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"You think that I'm honest, determined, resourceful and witty?"

"And kind."

Josephine gave Remus a knowing look, a smirk on her lips. He smiled at her just barely, able to tell that she wanted an explanation.

"I saw you interacting with those children. You could have easily taught that girl a lesson by actually harming her, but instead you marked the assault. You didn't want to hurt her. I'm aware that not all Slytherins are evil. After all, they don't let evil people become Aurors and if my assumption that your father is a Slytherin is correct-"

"He's a Ravenclaw. My mum's a Gryffindor."

A silence ensued. Had Josephine's parents accepted her being in Slytherin or were they disappointed? Remus was suddenly overcome with guilt for not being able to remember Josephine from their school days. Things might have been a lot simpler if Remus knew more of her background. It was too late now though.

"My parents didn't mind, before you ask. They knew my true nature. That I wasn't evil. Now though…" Josephine said with a solemn smile. "Being a werewolf doesn't necessarily convey a sense of heroism…or well, _not_ being evil."

"Being a werewolf _doesn't_ make you evil," Remus interjected, a stern look in his tawny eyes.

Josephine leaned forward, placing a finger in Remus' face.

"Tell me that again after you've pointed out a single werewolf that isn't training here to rip out the throats of halfbloods and muggleborns. Even I'm there. I'm training… You! You're this intelligent seeming and civil boy, yet here you are. Preparing for battle. Preparing to turn on your fellow man and friends. If you and I are succumbing to this madness, then there is no hope for this race. No hope for goodness in them. In _us_. We are evil."

Before he could stop himself, Remus countered her.

"No, we are not. Not all of us."

" _Yes_ , we are," insisted Josephine in a low voice.

Part of Remus felt exceptionally defensive. Part of him was tempted to explain his full plan. To prove to her that werewolves were capable of being good. Not all of them were the epitome of malevolence. Also, he felt sorry for Josephine. This environment was not healthy for her. Being here she would not be able to obtain the kind of hope and humanity that had been instilled in him. She had no compassion and no kindness to fill the empty void within.

"Josephine, not everyone is who they seem. There are werewolf Healers and shop workers who live normal day to day lives. There's even a werewolf Auror!" Remus tried.

"Perhaps you are too hopeful, Remus. Too ambitious. There is light and dark within everyone's souls. Our hearts were as such until we were bitten. Then the light died and our hearts were consumed by darkness."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Josephine," Remus whispered.

"No?"

"No."

His voice had been so firm and defiant in its low tone that Josephine had found herself unable to speak. Remus pointed to the top of his head, gesturing towards a miniscule cluster of grey that had started to form.

"Do you know why I have grey hair? Do you know?"

"Physical stress from the full moon," sighed Josephine.

Remus shook his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned in closer to her.

"No. I have grey hair because I struggle with myself. I struggle to fight that hatred-"

"Then why are you here?" she hissed.

Remus swallowed and sat upright. His throat tickled, longing to confess. To give her a little bit of hope.

' _Don't blow your cover. Remember not to be an idiot. Be a liar. Lie!'_

"If there isn't hope for a Gryffindor Prefect that has a degree from Oxford University to be good, then what hope is there for any of us? What hope is there for a Slytherin werewolf that's forced into the arms of a malignant dictator each night? A girl who trains children to murder their family and friends with their bare hands. We are _not_ good. We are monsters. I am a monster…"

"Don't ever say that. You can't believe that," Remus snapped.

"I have to. It's the only thing that keeps me from being like him."

Her voice was soft and her eyes seemed to glisten with tears. Remus watched as she quickly blinked them away, hanging her head. His heart hurt for this girl. Was there any hope for her soul? Yes. He had to be able to do something. Anything for Josephine. After all, he was notorious for this. For helping people. This was something Remus could relate to. Perhaps he could speak with Dumbledore about the situation and recruit her for the Order.

' _No, Remus. You can help her…but she's in too deep. There's great risk in even considering that you reveal your true purpose to Josephine. Help her to maintain her humanity as best you can, but in the end you know your true goal,'_ he told himself.

"You don't have to believe me when I say we aren't all evil, but please take my advice," he urged.

Josephine looked up at him and sighed, giving in. Her eyes shifted from irritated to fervent.

"Don't lose hope for yourself. There's always a way out."

"You think I should get out?"

"I think you should do what you think is right. I, for one, support Greyback's cause. I believe _he_ is right, and his decisions make me hope for a better world. The people that spit on us don't deserve to live. They belong at the bottom of the food chain in shackles or below the ground," he lied, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "You long for humanity and to prove you are good. I cannot help you, but I won't tell Greyback of your plans to abstain from his lifestyle."

"So, I let you follow Greyback and you let me…you let me find a way out? You let me find my way out _without_ telling him?"

"Precisely," Remus said simply.

Josephine shook her head in disbelief, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Why are you doing this for me?" she asked quietly.

"Because everyone deserves a chance to make their own choice."

She blinked and swallowed, taking in his words. Remus could tell that she was suspicious of him, but knew that Josephine was far too elated by his offer to act on her assumptions. He could easily conceal his true purpose as long as Josephine kept herself busy with maintaining the good within her soul.

"Are you both acquainted now?"

The two of them leapt to their feet to see Greyback strolling towards them. Josephine nodded, struggling to look him in the eyes.

"We know each well enough to work together. I've learned her strengths and weaknesses and she mine."

"That's good to hear, Remus," Greyback confirmed. "Now, the festivities are moments away. Shall we proceed to our seats?"

"Yes, Fenrir," Josephine said timidly.

The strong and brash woman that Remus had just witnessed, vanished within seconds of Greyback's presence. She was truly affected by him. Affected in the worst possible way.

Greyback turned on his heel and began striding towards the section of the room that Remus had yet to visit. There seemed to be a sort of pit with tall, bright lights pointed downward. As they neared, Remus could make out rows of wooden bleachers that lowered one after the other.

It wasn't a pit.

It was an arena.

"Come with me. I have the best seats," Greyback grinned.

They walked in silence around the arena. It reminded Remus of a gladiator pit he had seen in a muggle textbook. Greyback, Josephine and Remus arrived at a large, almost throne like chair. It was angular and made of cement with a blue, weathered cushion on the seat. On either side were two smaller versions. Greyback gestured to them kindly.

"Please, sit. I'll have Olivia bring us some refreshments," Greyback grunted, falling into his chair.

Josephine took her place to his right, with Remus on the left.

Eventually, Olivia brought three goblets of Goblin-brewed ale and a plate of some sort of meat that only Greyback seemed to enjoy.

He removed a wand from the inside of his beaten, leather coat and held it to his throat.

"Report to the arena with chosen recruits. The festivities commence in ten minutes," Greyback called out.

Remus looked up at him, trying not to look panicked.

"What exactly are the festivities?" he questioned.

His eyes flickered to Josephine who was staring into her goblet blankly. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and shook her head. Greyback smiled at Remus.

"It's an entertaining way to weed out the weaklings. Twenty of our feeblest recruits will fight for their lives. At the end, we are left with the one that can improve," explained Greyback routinely. "Come now, Remus. You didn't think we lost most of our recruits from the transformations? We usually only lose ten of them from transformations. At least thirty come from the festivities."

"How many champions have you had?" Remus asked, trying not to seem too curious.

"Eighty," answered Josephine in a cold voice.

Greyback nodded in validation.

' _He's had seventy six recruits killed. Seventy-six children,'_ Remus thought in devastation.

"We only take the best, Lupin. We can't afford to feed and train those who will immediately die in battle. Besides, Lord Voldemort only wants the best," Greyback added casually.

A loud horn sounded causing Remus to jump. Both Greyback and Josephine seemed unaffected. Greyback applauded as the seats filled with children, Brothers and Sisters. Josephine clapped as well, her face vacant. Remus gritted his teeth, joining the two in ovation.

Eventually every seat was filled. Voices echoed throughout the cavernous room. A man ran out into the arena. He was tall and broad shouldered with a buzzed head. Probably Maxwell, the teacher who specialized in attacks. He raised a wand to his throat.

"Are you all ready?" he called to the crowd.

The cries of excited children filled the air. They were cheering. Ready to be entertained by the deaths of their peers. Remus felt a pit begin to develop in his stomach. He tossed back a bit of ale, his enchanted goblet refilling instantly.

"Tonight, we have quite the show! Ages ranging from five…"

Remus felt his chest get tight. Five?

"…all the way to ten!" Maxwell yelled excitedly.

The applause grew louder.

"Normally the contestants are between five and eight. When an older one gets involved things get pretty interesting," Greyback explained.

"Ah," Remus replied, nodding as nonchalantly as possibly.

Inside his heart was pounding and his breathing threatened to quicken. He had to fight off the urge to flee. Try as he might to look away from the horrifying scene before him, Remus could only stare.

"Bring out the contestants!" Maxwell roared.

A line of both boys and girls emerged from a hall within the arena. On either side stood a Sister gesturing to the crowd to become louder. They obeyed, making Remus jump once more. Greyback chuckled in amusement and winked at Remus.

"You haven't seen anything yet," he grinned.

Remus returned his smile and looked back at the pit. Most of the children were dressed in mere rags. Each of them trembled in fear. Remus wanted desperately to leap into the arena and apparate every single child home. It was too late though. Too late for every child here. He had always had a soft spot for children and this nightmare was taunting him. Jeering at him to run to their aide.

"First! Victor versus Mallory!" Maxwell announced.

"Come here, darling," grunted Greyback.

He looped his arm around Josephine's waist and pulled her into his lap, his hand far too high up on her thigh to be friendly. Remus noticed she was shaking slightly, but Greyback didn't relent. He seemed to be enjoying her fear. Reveling in it, almost. Her eyes were narrowed just slightly as she awaited the travesty to begin.

Each battle was a blood bath. Remus watched in horror as children clawed at other children. As they banged their heads into the earth that was the arena floor. Some managed to collect bits of cement that had crumbled from parts of the walls and bash in the skulls of their opponents. They were full blown animals. Beyond repair. Remus' eyes watered ever so slightly, especially when Greyback would laugh.

Numerous times he had nudged Remus and said _'Told you that this would be entertaining.'_ Remus would inhale and nod, trying his hardest not to scream. Josephine cringed with each bloodshed. He even caught her crying at one point, though Greyback was far too immersed in the festivities and her left breast to notice. Remus wanted to hex Greyback. He was tempted to finish him off and end his reign. But that would only lead to anarchy. He had too many followers for this to end after he was dead.

Perhaps what troubled Remus the most was the enthusiasm from the other recruits. The encouraged the contestants to _'kill! Kill! Kill!'_ and to _"Bash his bloody brains in!"_

At the end of it all, it had come down between two girls. An eight year old named Roberta and Evie who was ten. In the end, Evie had tackled Roberta to the ground, gouged her eyes out with her thumbs and choked her to death. Oddly enough, Evie didn't seem relieved in the slightest. When Maxwell raised her hand, declaring her the victor and everyone cheered she just stood there gazing at the bodies of her fellow recruits.

"Well, Remus, I hope you enjoyed your first night with the Brothers and Sisters. I can only imagine how interesting the fights will be after you've taught the elites magic and they begin to compete," Greyback snickered as they exited the Uxbridge Sewer System.

Just down the hall was the HQ where the pledges met and where Greyback's quarters were. Josephine was alongside him, no doubt having to join him in bed.

"Yes, it was quite unlike anything I've ever seen," Remus replied, trying to keep his voice steady. "I don't understand though. Why involve the elites? In the end, how many will we be keeping in our army? Losing the elites can't be good for us."

"Lord Voldemort only requires two hundred of us. I plan to keep fifty pledges, twenty Brothers and Sisters, thirty recruits and then one hundred elites. We have quite a few more festivities to go through in order to root out those worthy and those weak," Greyback sighed exhaustedly. "We've only got a little over nine months so I should say we will finish our contaminating sequence within the next two. After that we'll just be training."

' _Only two more moons where I fake a contamination. Thank, Merlin. Still, he'll gain about one hundred more recruits from the others…'_ thought Remus, gnawing on his lower lip.

"I understand that the recruits and elites that don't make the cut shall be killed, but what of the Brothers, Sisters and pledges?" asked Remus.

Greyback shrugged simply.

"We kill them."

"Ah," replied Remus, too quickly.

Finally they arrived in the HQ where some pledges were drinking, some retiring into their cots and some who had homes apparating away.

"Well, this is goodnight, Remus. I'll send Trixie to contact you when you are next needed. Sound good?"

"Yes, sir."

The two shook hands briefly.

"Until next time, _Brother_ Remus," Greyback grinned.

Remus gave a nod to both him and Josephine then apparated straight to Godric's Hollow.

' _I can't do this without them. I need to talk to them. I need them,'_ Remus thought as he landed in the front yard of the Potter's.

Remus felt guilt as he neared the front door. He hated to wake Lily and James, especially with their baby coming just a month from now but he had too. He had to talk to someone. Sirius' motorbike was parked outside just as it had been when he'd left them this evening. Maybe he wouldn't be waking him.

' _Maybe they've been waiting for me… Oh, Merlin… Please let Doe be there… Please let Sirius have had the sense to bring her here…'_

Remus was right on all accounts. Within the confines of the Potter's home a support system awaited. James, Lily, Sirius, Peter and Dorcas were just inside. A pot of tea and a tin of biscuits just within.

Taking in quick, panicked breaths and feeling tears stream down his face Remus scrambled up the front steps and went to knock on the door…but it had already opened and he had already fallen into the arms of Sirius and James.

*I know…this was a looooong one. I gotta admit, I loved writing this. I don't often write such gritty and dark stuff but honestly, I have always wanted to read about Remus' time underground and hear of the horrors he had seen. Finally, I made it come to life. Not gonna lie, I love **Josephine's character. I'm considering writing a fic about her. Is that something you all would be interested in? It would have Remus in it every so often.**

Anyway, **sorry if it was too graphic for you**. I just thought it was necessary to convey how despicable Greyback is. I doubt there will be anymore quite so dark unless requested.

Speaking of requests: **you guys are free to ask for a oneshot based on a Remus Lupin subject of your own.** For real, I love ideas and suggestions and I dunno how long I'll continue this. After all, this is to satiate my hunger for more Remus Lupin fic. **I could probably write these forever**!

 **So, thanks for reading!***


	8. Dare, Dare, Dare, Truth

17, Year Seven

 _Dare, Dare, Dare, Truth…_

"Moony? Mooooony?"

Remus shut his eyes tighter trying to block out Sirius' voice.

"Moony, it's eight in the morning. People are going to start making their way in here soon," James warned.

' _In_ _ **here**_ _? Everyone is already in the dorms if it's eight on a Saturday. What does it matter anyway? Unless…'_ Remus thought fearfully.

Slowly, Remus opened his eyes to see that he was lying on the dark red carpet of the common room floor. Before him, crouched James and Sirius wearing tired, but amused smiles. Remus sat up, groaning loudly. His head pounded and his stomach churned. Last night hadn't been a full moon, so why did he feel so dreadful? It quickly faded away though. Something fell in Remus' eyes. He touched his head and removed whatever had sat atop it.

"Is this a…a lampshade?" Remus asked, peering at the object.

James nodded, taking the lampshade from Remus and returning it to its home, covering the bulb in the corner by the fireplace. Remus looked down to his left where an empty bottle of Firewhiskey sat. His eyes widened as he picked it up and held it before Sirius' eyes.

"What. Is. This?" said Remus in a grave voice.

Sirius pursed his lips dramatically and stroked his chin, eyes to the ceiling.

"Mmm, well…the question should be: what _isn't_ this? It's _isn't_ a bottle full of Firewhiskey. It's an empty bottle of Firewhiskey. Emptied by you, last night."

Remus shook his head slowly, his vision blurring slightly.

"No, no, no, no, no. My heightened, werewolf metabolism would burn off the alcohol too quickly for it to affect my senses. It would take at least-"

"-four whole bottles in under a half hour to make you forget the fantastical events that occurred last night?"

Remus' eyes snapped towards James who held up three empty bottles of Firewhiskey.

"We were all pretty impressed, mate. You chugged those bottles and got quite randy with Dorcas. Don't worry, she enjoyed it," Sirius winked.

Remus ran a hand through his tousled, brown hair only to see that his entire arm was covered in ink, ancient runes tattooing his skin.

"Wh-what is this?" Remus asked in a high pitched voice.

Sirius snickered rolling his eyes.

"We love you when you're tipsy, Remus, but when you're full blown drunk…you're a riot."

"Quite a bit happened last night, Moons. Let's start from the beginning of the end. After you've received your Ancient Runes tattoos to be precise…" James smirked.

Remus sighed, loudly and massaged the bridge of his nose, preparing himself for what was about to occur.

"Oh…"

" _First off, let's thank James for leading Gryffindor to its fourth consecutive year of winning the Quidditch Cup!" Sirius called to the occupants of the Common Room, standing on the coffee table._

 _The students roared with applause as James bowed graciously, Lily at his side, beaming._

" _Sh! Sh! We all know he's great! Now I'd like big hand for myself, for supplying you all with this plentiful bounty of alcohol!"_

 _Another fanfare erupted for Sirius this time, Remus leaned against the mantle by the fireplace just smiling. Dorcas stood beside him, clapping and smiling._

" _But finally, let's thank our Head Girl, Lily Evans and Prefect, Remus Lupin for looking the other way while we drink to excess and stay up way past curfew!"_

 _The common room applauded once more. Lily grinned, her eyes on James while Remus smirked, waving them off dismissively._

" _On the right side of the Common Room a game of Gobstones, led by the lovely Alice will be taking place! On the left side a game of Spin the Bottle will be hosted by yours truly! By the fireplace you may schmooze and laugh and discuss tonight's brilliant match! Dancing will take place in the center and all dark corners are reserved for those of us who need a good snog! Ahem, Peter… Ahem, Remus…" Sirius laughed._

 _Loud rock music sounded from the Victrola in the corner and everyone dispersed to their desired areas. Remus, Dorcas, Lily and James converged by the fireplace, talking over the music. They indulged James as he described every second of the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw in great detail. It was no struggle. James was a talented story teller and it was easy to get enraptured in his tales._

" _Oi, Moony, here!"_

 _Remus looked to his left to see Sirius holding up a bottle of Firewhiskey. Remus shook his head, a small grin on his lips._

" _No, thank you, Sirius. There's really no point," Remus shrugged._

" _No point? No point?! Remus, get a little pissed will you?" pleaded Sirius, obviously having indulged in some alcohol himself._

 _Remus inclined his head, his arm around Dorcas' waist._

" _Like I said, Sirius, there's really no point."_

 _Sirius finally caught Remus' drift and dashed away. James opened his mouth to continue his story only to be cut off by Sirius who had returned holding four bottles of Firewhiskey._

" _Would there be a point if there were_ _ **four**_ _bottles of Firewhiskey?"_

" _Whoa," Lily and Dorcas said in unison._

" _ **Re**_ _mus,_ _ **Re**_ _mus,_ _ **Re**_ _mus," chanted James, a large smile stretched across his face._

 _Pretty soon Dorcas, Lily and Sirius joined James followed by three other Gryffindors._

" _Live a little, Remus!" Sirius egged._

" _Mm, I live quite a bit, Padfoot. Maybe I should take it easy tonight. I have to visit my mum in a week," replied Remus pointedly._

 _Sirius scoffed and thrust a bottle into Remus' hands. Remus stared at it with wary eyes, though the corner of his lip hitched up in a smile. After all, what was the harm? His metabolism would burn it off before any real damage could be done if consumed properly. With a roll of his eyes, Remus removed the lid of the bottle and took a sniff. He coughed slightly, shaking his head._

" _Oi! Everyone, Remus has consorted to chug four bottles of Firewhiskey in under a half hour!" Sirius announced._

" _No, no, no, no, no. I never said that."_

" _Oh, Sirius don't pressure him," Lily scolded. "Back me up, Dorcas."_

 _Dorcas bit back a smile as Remus looked at her with his brows raised. She glanced back at Lily and shrugged before turning her eyes to Sirius._

" _I vote e' goes for it," Dorcas said._

" _Ugh, Dorky, I_ _ **knew**_ _I always liked you!" Sirius cried._

 _James urged Remus with a nod who sighed and gazed down at the bottle, circumspectly. With a groan of surrender, Remus put the bottle to his lips, tilting it upwards. After all, it was the end of his time at Hogwarts and never once had he let loose. It was crunch time for Remus to have a wild time before graduation and now seemed like the perfect opportunity._

 _The liquid poured down his throat and the stinging that would normally make other wizards gag, spit or even vomit seemed to evaporate instantly. He could perfectly hear the sounds of other Gryffindors urging him to continue._

" _I don't think I've ever seen Lupin do anything against the rules…" he heard a girl say._

" _There's no way that's Remus Lupin. He folds his socks," a boy muttered._

" _This is history in the making," said another student absentmindedly._

 _Finally, Remus finished the bottle and removed it from his lips. Those spectating applauded and Remus felt Dorcas peck him on the cheek. He smiled smugly and set the empty bottle on the mantle._

" _Bottle number two!" Sirius jeered shoving another bottle at Remus._

 _With a sigh of resolve, Remus unscrewed the top of the bottle and began to toss it back once more. This time more gasps and cheers ensued. Remus felt a tad light headed, but nothing too extreme. He could still make out the voices of awed students and feel Dorcas hugging his arm. Though Remus could feel his temperature rise, he didn't feel at all drunk. Maybe a bit tipsy, but not quite pissed yet._

 _After about two minutes Remus had finished his second bottle and without even being told grabbed the next one from Sirius. He found the fanfare and encouragement from those in the Common Room to be quite uplifting. He had never really cared much about their opinions of him and setting an influence like this for the first years was probably not the best idea, but for once Remus let himself be selfish and enjoy the moment. After all, James had always told him that 'it's not a party if you don't do something that scares you or puts you out of your element.' If that was true, Remus had never actually participated in a celebration._

 _Once he'd finished the third bottle, he'd tossed it to Sirius and noticed that the room got louder and louder as more people joined in cheering him on. He finally felt completely giddy and quite relaxed to be honest, though his inhibitions still lingered._

" _We're finally on bottle four! Remus John Lupin is about to throw back bottle number four! Let's-"_

" _Oh, put a cork in it and hand over the bottle, Sirius!" Remus laughed snatching the bottle from him._

 _Halfway through, Remus had found that his inhibitions had left him and when he opened his eyes after finishing the final bottle, he had somehow made his way onto the coffee table Sirius had used for a stage earlier. The bottle left his lips and hung loosely at his side in his hand. Remus stared ahead blankly and the room hushed as they awaited him to puke or even faint. Instead he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and raised his fist in the air. His head was hung, but a crooked smile was on his face._

 _Sirius and James laughed loudly at how though Remus Lupin had completely allowed himself to lose his grasp of responsibility still remained slightly in touch with himself. Any other participant in such a task of drinking would have probably vomited or cheered. Remus stood silently on the table with his fist raised in pride. Then, a new side emerged._

" _Bloody hell! What the fuck did I just do?" Remus laughed loudly._

 _The Common Room burst into applause yet again as Remus hopped down from the table. His arm snaked around Dorcas' waist and he pulled her to him planting a rough kiss on her lips and dipping her to the floor. Out of character for him seeing as he was not a strong supporter of public displays of affection._

 _Ten minutes later…_

 _Remus sat on the couch, James and Sirius on his left and Dorcas and Lily on his right. Before him sat a handful of lower classmen._

" _And then in our second year I brought Sirius a muggle drink that's in a compacted can. I told him….hahahaha….I told him that he had to shake it to mix the flavors!" Remus laughed._

 _While the Purebloods still looked quite confused, the Muggleborns and Halfbloods were aware of where the story was leading._

" _Then he opens it, and because the carbon dioxide had been floating at the top of the can it became suspended in the liquid so the extra carbonation got larger…" Remus trailed off as some of the students began to look bored with the science and decided to shorten the story. "He opened it and it exploded in his face and Sirius was just covered in sticky syrup muggle drink rubbish!"_

 _The students laughed quietly, while Sirius nodded fondly at the memory._

" _Moony, tell them about Lucius Malfoy's shampoo," urged Lily._

 _Remus chuckled and folded his arms._

" _So, I took Lucius' shampoo out of his toiletry bag and then I-then I-then I poured in some 'tempus-capillum.' Then he washes his hair and goes into the Great Hall where I cast 'incipere' on him letting all his hair fall out! He screamed like a-like a little girl!"_

 _The first years giggled loudly and clapped for Remus who waved his hand flippantly._

" _I mean, it-it-it grew back but that scream in the middle of the Great Hall was worth it. It was so worth it!"_

" _Served im', right, Remus for cutting off a piece of Hestia's air'," Dorcas added._

" _I-I-I think the real point here is that I am so obviously brilliant and nobody ever really knows that I-I-I make outstanding pranks to! It's not just James and Sirius! I do stuff too! I'm-I'm funny. I'm really funny!" Remus insisted._

" _Yes, you are, old friend," Sirius grinned, patting Remus on the back._

 _Remus nodded, his brows knitted together. Before long, the younger students dispersed as Remus began to snog Dorcas furiously. Then he became bored. He disappeared momentarily to use the loo while Dorcas and Lily discussed how funny he was drunk._

" _He's been in the bathroom for a bit, Prongs. You think he's alright?" asked Sirius, his mouth in a flat line._

" _The Firewhiskey is probably finally getting to him. He's probably puking."_

" _No. He'll vomit tomorrow. Besides, he wouldn't be puking for ten minutes."_

" _What's up, Witches?" a high pitched voice called._

 _Sirius and James turned around quickly to see Remus walking towards them with a lampshade balanced properly on the back of his head. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and his arms extended in a welcoming gesture._

" _Oh, shit," sniggered Sirius, putting his fist in his mouth._

 _James burst into a fit of laughter as Remus pulled them both into a hug._

" _You both are…you both are just my best friends. The-the-the best friends I could ask for. I think I love you guys. Yeah, yeah, I do. I love you guys_ _ **so**_ _much."_

" _We love you too, Moony," James grinned sipping some Goblin Brewed Ale from his cup._

" _And-and-and-and you know what? I'm gonna marry Dorcas. Yeah, and I-I-I think I'm gonna tell her my secret…yeah, I'm gonna tell her…"_

" _Ooh, Remus is that a good idea, mate?"_

" _Course' it is, James! Geez, she loves me. Oi, Dorcas! Dorcas!" Remus called._

 _Dorcas peeked out from behind Lily, her brows raised._

" _I love you, baby! I love you!"_

" _I love you too, Remus," Dorcas snickered._

 _Remus looked back at James and Sirius, his shoulders raised._

" _See? She loves me. I'm gonna tell her…and if she gets mad I'll jus-jus-jus obliviate the bird."_

 _Remus pushed past the both of them and approached Dorcas. Sirius tried to grab him but James held him back._

" _No, mate. Let him do this. He knows what he's doing. You know Dorcas is going to be fine with it," James replied with a warm smile._

 _James and Sirius watched with concerned expressions as Remus grabbed Dorcas by the shoulder and whisked her into a corner of the Common Room. Lily pranced over to James and Sirius, her eyebrows raised in curiosity._

" _Um, why did Remus just grab Dorcas and say 'I have a big surprise for you?' Is that sexual?" Lily whispered._

" _No, dear. Remus is about to inform Dorcas of-ahem-his furry little problem…" James informed._

" _Oh. Oh, well…hm…that should go over well."_

" _How can you both be so calm about this?" Sirius whispered frantically._

" _Because I know Dorcas and with two muggle parents she isn't one to turn her nose up at someone just because they're a werewolf. She nearly failed the 'Nocturnal Beasts' section of DADA because she wrote a paper insisting that werewolves should be considered more human than beast," Lily insisted._

" _And I'm calm because Lily said that," shrugged James._

 _Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair frantically._

" _Alright, fine. But if Dorky ends up being an arse' to him I'll obliviate her pretty little head."_

"What happened then?" Remus squeaked.

James and Sirius exchanged dark glances then looked back to Remus.

"Well? What happened then? Did I tell her? Did she tell everyone?"

"We were hoping you could tell us, mate," James said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Remus blinked and shook his head. His mop of brown hair would normally wave in his eyes when he did this, however it was too busy standing straight up. Remus scrambled to his feet and began to pace.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no…" Remus muttered.

"This is never good," Sirius grumbled to James.

James merely nodded. He could only imagine what was going through Remus' mind right now. Was he on the verge of tears or the brink of sanity? Was he about to scream or faint? To be honest, James couldn't make heads or tails of Remus' emotions. He could only tell that Remus was not happy.

"How can I tell if I told her?"

"You'll just have to ask, I s'pose," mused James.

Remus' head whipped around, he stared at James with wide, frantic eyes. James gnawed on his lower lip and raised his palms. Sirius stood awkwardly just gazing at Remus, his teeth gritted.

"Ask, 'Hey, Doe, did I tell you I was a werewolf last night?' Yeah, that's a brilliant one, Prongs," Remus scoffed.

"Just trying to help. Either way you lose I guess," James replied.

Remus stroked his jaw and began nodding slowly. Sirius and James held their breath, knowing what was happening. Remus was constructing a plan. He always nodded and stroked his jaw when he was concocting a proposal. Perhaps their friend had found his solution after all. James began to breathe easier. An anxious Remus was not fun. Especially during the first week's cycle. There was definitely a storm before a calm. Sirius felt a small smile begin to break out on his lips. If this event had ruined Remus' relationship with Dorcas, he would never attend another party again. Well, not get pissed at one at least. Sirius could not miss out on that ever again.

Voices started to get louder as students began to exit their dorms. Remus spun around, tucking his shirt from last night into his pants. Everyone was dressed casually for the weekend. Some snickered as they passed Remus who stood dumbstruck. Some gave him pats of approval on the shoulder. A few of them applauded and a few offered a thumbs up.

"Hey."

"Ah!" Remus cried, jumping.

Lily stood next to him, trying not to laugh at his reaction. Remus' shoulder slumped, slightly relieved.

"A bit on the jittery side, are we?" Lily grinned.

"Remus here can't remember if he told Doe about his furry little problem. Did she say anything to you?" inquired James.

Lily shook her head, though her brows were furrowed in concern an amused smile was on her face. Remus' eyes widened once more, his fists balled at his sides.

"Dammit, Lily. Sorry," Remus groaned.

Lily shrugged, James pulling her to him gently.

"Was that the plan you were formulating, Moony?" Sirius asked somberly.

"That was Plan A."

"And Plan B?" questioned Sirius.

"Asking her…"

Lily, James and Sirius stared at him trying to appear nonchalant.

"Huh. Okay, well…now's the moment," James said quietly.

"Hi, Remus."

Remus spun around to see Dorcas standing just behind him. She smiled up at him.

"I see you removed the lampshade from your head."

"Yes…it didn't flatter me…" Remus said with a nervous smile.

Lily pushed Sirius and James away, leaving Dorcas and Remus alone.

"I wanted to get you into bed, you know. You noiselessly insisted that you lay on the carpet," Dorcas smirked.

Remus laughed awkwardly and ruffled his hair so it didn't stand up completely. He placed a hand on her shoulder and steered her towards a vacant area of the common room. She followed him absentmindedly, her brows raised.

"So, what did I talk to you about last night?" asked Remus timidly.

"You…you don't remember?" Dorcas laughed.

Remus shook his head, an embarrassed smile on his face. Dorcas folded her arms, gazing up at the ceiling introspectively.

"Well, you told me that you dreamed about me. We were married with an ouse' in the countryside and a daughter. Then you said there should be no secrets between us-"

"And I told you a secret?" Remus asked, his hands covering his mouth just slightly.

"Yes."

"What'd…what'd I tell you?"

Dorcas smiled warmly and touched his cheek, her thumb running along the outline of one of his scars. A chill went down his spine briefly, but he managed to fight off an expression that would give it away.

"You said you couldn't do it. Then I asked if there was anything I could do to make it easier for you to tell me. You said that we should make it a game. I suggested we play a two person game of 'truth or dare.' Then you kept choosing 'dare' instead of truth. That lead to you dancing with a first year, opping' on one foot for a solid forty seconds, doing an impression of Peter-which was quite good, to be honest-and finally I got frustrated and dared you to tell me the truth."

"And I did?"

"Course ya did! I dared you, remember?" she winked.

Remus let out a short, breathy laugh then remembered his anxiety.

"Okay, what did you ask me to tell the truth about?" he probed hastily.

"I told you to tell me what the secret you intended telling me abou' was."

"And…and…and pray tell, what secret did I reveal?"

Dorcas smiled once more, placing her hands on her hips. She leaned towards Remus so that her lips touched his ear.

"You told me that you had a serious addiction to chocolate and that if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you I should be prepared at all times for you to go into cardiac arrest," she whispered exaggeratedly.

"Ah…" Remus sighed.

He felt a weight lift from his chest. He hadn't told Dorcas. Eventually, he would probably tell her but he didn't want it to be drunk last night. Remus pulled Dorcas into his arms and kissed her on the top of her head. She laughed into his chest before pushing away.

"You're a strange one, you are."

"Oh, you have no idea," chuckled Remus.

Tucking her chin, Dorcas blushed.

"I'm going to breakfast with Marlene. I'll see you later? The courtyard?"

Remus nodded in confirmation, grinning from ear to ear. He watched as Dorcas romped away and finally made eye contact with an anxious looking Sirius, James and Lily. Remus gave them a thumbs up and put his free hand against his heart, exhaling melodramatically. The three laughed and turned to go to breakfast. Remus fell into a chair.

"Oi, Moony! You coming or what, mate?" Sirius called.

"Yeah, I just need to calm down first," laughed Remus.

Sirius grinned and left with a nod.

 _Once they had reached the vacant corner of the Common Room Remus dropped to his knees. Dorcas looked down at him, her eyes wide and the corner of her lip hitching up in amusement. He took her hand and gave it a mild tug downwards._

" _Sit," he whispered._

 _Dorcas got on her knees and raised a brow at him._

" _Dorcas, I had a dream about a few nights ago. You-you wanna hear what it was?" he slurred._

 _Dorcas shrugged signaling for him to continue. He inhaled deeply and raised his hands as though he were about to explain something to a child._

" _Okay, here was what happened. We were married and in-in-in love and we had a house in the countryside with a-a-a-a swing and I pushed our daughter on it and we-we-we lived happily ever after. Isn't that nice?" Remus said with an eager smile._

" _I s'pose…" she replied._

" _Do you wanna marry me, Doe?"_

" _Erm…are you about to propose? I really would prefer you do that when you aren't pissed," Dorcas requested with furrowed eyebrows._

 _Remus waved her off shutting his eyes tight and shaking his head. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him so their heads touched. Dorcas fought off a loud laugh that threatened to escape her lips. She had to maintain her composure for the sake of Remus' dignity._

" _No, no, no. Jus' be a good lass and answer the question. Would you like to marry me one day? You won't break my heart if you say no."_

" _I guess so. I mean, if things continue like they are now and we stay in love," Dorcas responded._

 _Remus nodded vigorously once more. He locked her eyes with is. Had he not been drunk, this conversation would have a lot more trembling hands and much more anxiety. However, through the power of Firewhiskey Remus had found some courage. Definitely not a habit he wanted to keep up, but as of now he was sort of grateful for that liquid courage._

" _And when two people get married they should know everything about each other, right?"_

" _Riiiight…"_

" _Alright then. Prepare yourself, Doe, because I've got a whopper of a secret for you," he laughed._

 _Dorcas grinned and took his face in her hands. He could never resist her when she touched his face. Something about Dorcas' soft hands caressing his cheeks made him weak._

" _Let's hear it."_

 _Remus opened his mouth to speak and found the courage he had obtained fleeing. He gnawed on his lower lip and leaned back on his elbows, huffing some of his hair from his eyes. Dorcas frowned down at him and folded her arms, still sitting on her knees._

" _What's wrong? I wanna ear' this epic secret! It's not reasonable to tantalize me with a secret then whisk it away, you sod!"_

 _Remus laughed and rolled his eyes._

" _Dorcas Meadowes, you have a knack for ruining very eloquent sentences with crude insults. Did ya know that?"_

" _Yup," Dorcas said with a prompt nod. "Now, c'mon. Let's hear that secret."_

" _Urgh, I don't want to now," moaned Remus._

" _Hmmm," mused Dorcas. "Perhaps we could make it into a game. Would that make it easier? A game of Truth or Dare?"_

" _Mmm, I don't want anyone to know this secret but you, Doe," grunted Remus, sitting up._

" _How about a game of Truth or Dare just between the two of us?"_

 _Remus tossed his head from side to side meditatively before finally surrendering to Dorcas._

" _Alright. Let's begin. You first," Remus pressed._

" _Gotcha. Truth or Dare, Remus?"_

" _Dare," he replied immediately._

 _Dorcas smiled slightly and snorted back a laugh._

" _Why not truth? I thought you were going to use this as a stepping stool to confessing your 'secret' to me."_

" _I'm warming up, woman._ _ **Dare**_ _!" he urged._

 _Dorcas' eyes scanned the room till they landed on a first year girl, sitting all alone on the couch. Her hands were folded in her lap and she seemed to be staring straight ahead._

" _I dare you to go ask that first year girl for a dance," Dorcas smiled._

 _Remus stood unsteadily to his feet and pointed to Dorcas, winking._

" _Done."_

 _Dorcas watched as Remus approached the timid, young girl and knelt before her. She stared at him with wide, innocent eyes. He grinned and spoke to her, holding out his palm. Dorcas smiled as the first year blushed and accepted Remus' extended hand. He danced with her to a rather fast-paced rock song spinning her and doing the impressive swing moves he knew so well. Whenever people got a glimpse of Remus dancing they knew that great things were to be expected. Flips and spins and the tossing of a girl up in the air. It was the only thing other than his intelligence that Remus loved to show off._

 _At the end of the song, a few Gryffindors applauded. Remus staggered away, patting the girl's head and walking back to Dorcas. He sat before her._

" _Alright, Meadowes. Truth or dare?"_

" _Truth," she shrugged._

 _Remus lowered his head and sighed, refusing to meet her eyes._

" _Do you really love me? Like, would you love me no matter what?"_

" _Erm…shor' of killing someone, I can't say my feelings for you would change."_

 _Remus gave her a goofy grin and nodded._

" _Your turn."_

" _Alright, truth or dare, Remus?" Dorcas asked wickedly._

" _Dare."_

" _Are you kidding me?" Dorcas said flatly._

" _I'm sorry I just need to warm up again."_

" _Fine…um…hop on one foot for forty seconds," she ordered exhaustedly._

 _Remus successfully hopped on one foot, occasionally wobbling but recovering quickly. After forty seconds he plopped back down before Dorcas with a loud sigh. He pointed a finger at her again, a mischievous glint in his eye._

" _Truth or dare, Meadowes?"_

" _Truth."_

" _Ugh, fine… Okay, are you afraid of the Shrieking Shack?"_

" _Yes. Terrified. That place is absolutely mad. I would never go in there ever. Now, truth or dare," she said quickly._

" _Dare."_

" _Oh, Merlin, Remus. You can't be serious."_

" _I'm not. He is," Remus sniggered gesturing grandly to Sirius who stood on the opposite side of the room._

 _Dorcas' eyes narrowed, then rolled upwards. She scoffed at him and crossed her legs._

" _Alright, on the topic of you_ _ **gentlemen**_ _, do an impression of Peter."_

" _Pfft, easy," Remus sniffed._

 _Remus folded his arms tightly and slumped his shoulders forward, lowering his head. A small smile came on his lips._

" _Sirius, you're so funny. So are you, James. Remus, you are so smart. Can I come to lunch too? Why are you all so brilliant? Oh, pudding!" Remus said, clapping his hands excitedly._

 _Dorcas laughed loudly. His impression was spot on. Peter often lurked in the shadows though always on the heels of James, Sirius and Remus. He was constantly complimenting the three boys. Constantly seeking their approval and adoration. He only received it from Remus and James though. Sirius couldn't bring himself to indulge Peter's groveling. Not without being rude and making fun of him at least._

" _Truth or dare, Dorcas…"_

" _Dare, then"_

" _Kiss me. Right here," Remus grinned._

 _Dorcas returned his expression and leaned forward on her hands, giving Remus a slow and tender kiss. She pulled away, a secret smile on her lips. Remus raised a brow suspiciously._

" _Truth or dare, Remus Lupin?" she said folding her arms, an impish look on her face._

" _Dare."_

" _Alrigh', if you're gonna play like that. I dare you to tell me the secret we first started playin' this daft game to let me find out," she said with a satisfied smirk._

" _Touché," Remus murmured._

" _Thank you."_

" _Alright, you asked for it," Remus exhaled._

 _He scooted forward with his hands and inclined his neck so that he was inches from her face. She watched with cautious eyes as Remus lowered his head, eyes looking at his hands._

" _This is not going to be easy."_

" _Sure it is," Dorcas replied lightly._

 _Sighing once more Remus took Dorcas' hands in his._

" _Here it goes…Dorcas," he began._

 _Remus leaned in so that his lips brushed her ear._

" _I'm actually a werewolf."_

 _Slowly he returned to his original position with his head hanging and eyes not meeting her. Dorcas' gaze turned speculative and she cocked her head to the side._

" _That's a-erm…that's an odd joke."_

" _Not a joke. It's the truth," Remus muttered._

 _Dorcas swallowed, watching as Remus squirmed._

" _Are you…are you really?" she whispered._

 _He nodded solemnly and looked up at her with a sheepish smile._

" _Uh-huh. Erm…oops," he shrugged. "I guess the cat is out of the bag…or the wolf rather."_

 _Dorcas frowned as Remus laughed softly, a sad look in his eyes. She inhaled through her nose, nodding slowly._

" _Blimey…ow' long have you…ow' long have you been this way?"_

 _Remus began to count on his hand. Dorcas' eyes widened as he raised more and more fingers, her jaw starting to drop. She could feel her heart sink for the boy she loved._

" _Blergh…I can't count right now. Since I was five…" he replied._

 _Dorcas blinked back a few tears, knowing that they wouldn't help the situation._

" _Five," she breathed._

" _Yes. Five."_

" _That's awful. To have endured something so terrible for so long," Dorcas said quietly._

" _S'not so bad," Remus replied. "The bad part is when people find out."_

" _What happens when people find out?"_

 _A distant look came into Remus' eyes, he stared off past Dorcas. Obviously uneasy. She gently touched the back of his scar covered hand that suddenly made so much sense._

" _Well, when I was five and I had my first transformation I escaped the basement of our house somehow and ended up in the shepherd's yard a mile away. Slaughtered four of his sheep," Remus said with a grim smile. "I had to move then. Before the villagers came after me with torches and pitchforks. When I was ten I broke out of our new home and was seen in the woods by hunters, killing a deer. We moved again._

" _Once when I was seven I told some muggle children at school…my dad had to obliviate them and we moved once more. This house had a large cellar that my dad was able to install chains in."_

" _You were chained up?" Dorcas gasped, squeezing his hand._

" _Well, I had to be, didn't I? I couldn't just run rampant through the forest," he replied casually._

 _Dorcas bit her lower lip, stopping it from trembling. Remus, not noticing the turmoil in his girlfriend's eyes, continued._

" _And then Dumbledore came. Told my dad he planted a tree and beneath it was a passageway to the Shrieking Shack where I would stay on full moons. But it didn't help much…as you can tell."_

 _Remus gestured to the three diagonal scars that went across his face and the two that ran from the back of his neck all the way across his chest. Dorcas swallowed, both her hands now holding Remus'. She sniffed and did her best to make sure that no tears escaped her eyes. Remus let out a large exhale as though he were finishing a menial tale._

" _So James and Peter and Sirius worked for three years to become animagi. They run around with me on full moons to prevent me from harming myself."_

 _Remus looked over at James and Sirius, caustically._

" _I owe them everything. Them and Dumbledore…and Lily too. She hasn't told a soul."_

" _The Professors know?" inquired Dorcas._

" _Oh, yes. Every one of them. Not all of them are terribly pleased that I am here. Some are quite wary. Professor Yelts was not particularly fond of me. I was glad that he quit this year and Binns took over. Oddly enough, Slughorn loves me. Says he thinks I'll be the first…werewolf to get Order of Merlin First Class," Remus chuckled. "He says 'you're exceptionally bright despite your affliction, my boy.'"_

 _Dorcas smiled fondly at his impeccable impersonation of Slughorn, then felt her face fall once more._

" _So…Dorcas…"_

" _Yeah, Remus?" she replied softly, running her fingers through her hair._

" _Truth or dare?"_

 _Dorcas laughed and shrugged her shoulders._

" _Truth."_

 _Finally, he met her gaze. His tawny eyes burned into Dorcas as he took her hands, his thumb stroking circles on the back of her hand._

" _Do you think I'm a monster?" he asked._

 _Dorcas was surprised at how well he asked the question. She expected him to look away or even leave after asking, but instead he maintained steady eye contact. It was almost as if he were sobering up. Remus waited for her answer with bated breath. Finally she replied._

" _No. No, I don't."_

" _That's good," he said in a far off voice, though his eyes were still locked with her. "Truth or dare?"_

 _Dorcas smiled ever so slightly._

" _You have to say: truth," whispered Remus with a wink._

" _Truth," Dorcas grinned._

" _Are you still in love with me?"_

 _This time he seemed afraid. It was as if he expected her to slap him across the face and dash off. Instead she brought her hands to his face and pulled it to hers, kissing him firmly. When they separated she made sure that their eyes met._

" _Yes. Madly in love with you, Remus," she breathed._

 _She watched as Remus' eyes swelled with tears. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his lap and embracing her._

" _Thank you…thank you…" Remus said into her hair._

" _Don't."_

 _Something warm and wet fell onto Dorcas' forehead. Remus was crying. Quickly she pulled away and wiped the tears off his face._

" _Hey, don't let anyone see you cry. They'll get suspicious, you sod," she hissed jokingly._

 _Remus smiled sheepishly._

" _You know I'm a werewolf, right?" he whispered._

" _I know."_

" _And you're still in love with me?"_

" _I am."_

" _Even though I'm a werewolf…"_

" _You really ought to keep your voice_ _ **down**_ _, Remus."_

 _Remus gave her his lopsided grin, that made her heart melt. Slowly, she crawled into his lap. His arms wrapped around her as they watched the fire burn. Eventually, people began to trickle out of the Common Room and go to their dorms. Remus began to drift off._

" _Coming to bed, Doe?" Lily whispered._

" _Yeah. Hey, Remus…" Dorcas trailed off as she noticed Remus was leaning against the wall, sound asleep._

 _With a small smile Dorcas crept out of his lap and stood._

" _He's going to feel that in the morning," Lily giggled._

" _Only a tiny bit."_

 _Lily looked at Dorcas with probing eyes trying to gauge whether or not Remus had told her._

" _What'd…what'd you two discuss?" Lily questioned._

" _Frivolities and politics. C'mon. I'm tired and ready for bed, I am."_

 _Lily smiled and wrapped her arm around Dorcas' shoulders. Both of them heading to bed. James and Sirius discreetly put the lampshade back on Remus' head and snickered as they ran up to their dorms, quite pleased with how secretively they had been able to do so. Dorcas however, held the biggest secret of all._

 **If you guys love Remus Lupin** as much as I do and/or this fanfiction **you should read my other story Rise of the Phoenix.** It's about Remus **Lupin's journey through the first wizarding war.** It is **gory, funny, suspenseful, romantic and chocked full of your favorite werewolf.** Then there's **my first Remus Lupin fanfic** called **The Young Life of Werewolf Remus Lupin.** It's my **most popular story** and if you **google 'young remus lupin fanfiction' it's the very first result!** **You'll love them!** Also, **Luna and Lupin and Detention is another very popular story** of mine. So yeah, **enjoy**!

 **Laurajade.o-** I love McGonagall and Lupin. It was so much to fun come up with Remus' pranks too! I'm glad you liked my interpretation of her! She's by far my favorite teacher. Thank you so much!

 **Hillstar-** I feel like too often Remus is written into these really sad, self-loathing stories when in reality, he was just as much as a Marauder as the rest of them. He was simply more civil! Anyway, so glad you can appreciate that! You're the bees' knees!

 **Thechosenbibliophile-** I'm glad you liked Josephine. She was kind of a last minute thing but I feel like I could have written that story for hours. I think you'll be pleased to hear that there will be more oneshots involving Remus Lupin's time in The Colony and they will only get worse (or better in your opinion-lol). I love writing the gory bits and I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable. I was worried it would do that to people. You rock!


	9. Confession

19, Mid War

 _Confession_

Remus sat at the head of the table, the entire Order staring him down with inquisitive eyes. He gnawed on his lower lip, gripping his report until his knuckles turned white. He was going to tell them all what he was. Reputation be damned the truth was about to come out. Perhaps admitting he was a werewolf would be a help to his kind. Perhaps this would make the more closed minded of the Order see that not all dark creatures were…well…dark.

Remus felt a soft kick in his shin from under the table. His eyes darted to the right to see James staring at him with raised brows.

' _Oh, right. This is when I talk,'_ Remus thought, scolding himself.

Slowly, Remus stood, his chair scraping the floor awkwardly as it slid out from under him. Remus inhaled and looked to the Marauders for support. Sirius smiled at him warmly, James following suit with an encouraging glint in his eyes. Peter looked more nervous than anyone else.

' _Probably worried being friends with a werewolf will lose him his newfound popularity…'_

Though Lily's brows were furrowed, he could see a protective expression cross her face momentarily. As though she were ready to pounce at whoever gave Remus a dirty look. Then he looked to Dorcas who sat with her arms folded, staring at him with confused eyes. Finally, he met Dumbledore's gaze who gestured with his hand for Remus to begin.

"So, erm…some inquiries have been made as to my-erm-my job with the Order. As you know, my specialty is dueling and I have a proficiency for coaching some of you in the art of…erm…the art of defense and assisting in the production of Patronuses. A few of you have made some rather…astute observations regarding my absences."

Remus' heart began to pound in his ears. He was about to break his rule. He was about to tell them the truth. The only individual Remus ever personally confessed to had been Dorcas, and he was currently unaware of that fact. Remus removed a few pieces of parchment from his report-file and began to read from the speech he had been working on since ten in the evening last night.

"For many years I have kept silent about a certain affliction that I've had since I was only five. An affliction that all authorities, including those at Hogwarts are aware of. That being said…" Remus trailed off, his amber eyes scanning his sloppy scrawl.

With a sigh, Remus crumpled the paper in his hand and dropped it limply on the table. There was a sudden surge of courage that ran over him. With a roll of his eyes he placed his hands on his hips. He felt somewhat aggravated and unsettled. There was a spontaneous thought that hit his brain saying: _Who gives a shite?_ Seizing that bit of courage, Remus blurted it out before he could think too much.

"Here's the thing, I'm a werewolf. I have been for over a decade," Remus shrugged. "It's never affected my studies or work ethic or compromised my morals."

Sirius' grin broadened, as did James'. Lily nodded at him with hopeful eyes while Dorcas' expression didn't change. Caradoc looked slightly shocked while Dumbledore and McGonagall seemed faintly amused.

"Yes, my duties are to train you all to fight and produce difficult spells, but I am also undercover in the Werewolf Colony gaining intel on Fenrir Greyback's plans to work with Voldemort," Remus stated, waving the file.

"What's your point, Lupin?" asked Marlene with a perplexed expression.

"Excellent question. I will answer," Remus replied.

Remus gestured to Dumbledore, who nodded in response.

"After consulting with Dumbledore, he has agreed that it is important you all be in the loop as to my knowledge of the Colony. That being said, you all deserve to be informed of how this information is being obtained and who is doing it. Not to mention, if the intel I gathered was dispersed anonymously, I have no doubt that there would be a disturbing amount of suspicion gathering amongst us. That cannot be tolerated at this time. We need to trust each other and speculation of treachery will tear us apart. We need to be unified.

"So by telling you the truth, I want you to know that I have nothing to hide. I am purely playing a part in order to gain Greyback's trust. I am working underground-quite literally as a matter of fact- to get us as much information as possible."

Remus paused taking in the reactions of the Order. Most of them wore blank expressions. He was quite surprised by this. They seemed almost complacent. Peter, however, was nervously surveying his peers. Much to his relief, no one was angry.

Remus swallowed, inhaling deeply through his nose. He momentarily refused to meet the gaze of those around him, but quickly fought to make eye contact with everyone.

"So, erm…I'm afraid I do have a rather large request to ask of you," he began quietly. "I request that you don't treat me any differently. That you-and I realize that this is a lot to ask-trust me. I know that at this time a werewolf isn't necessarily the most conventional ally but…most of you went to school with me. You've known me a great deal of your life. We grew up together. Just…in moments of doubt…"

Remus broke off trying to not to choke on his words. He wasn't on the verge of tears, but he wasn't exactly smiling from ear to ear. Finally he resolved to finish his statement.

"In moments of doubt I implore you to remember who I am. Or at least who I _was_ to you before I confessed this secret. I assure you that I will not turn my back on this cause, or you. I will fight for the Order to the end. You needn't worry about me swaying to Greyback's side."

Silence lingered between all those occupying the space. Remus' eyes looked around the room, searching for someone other than the Marauders and Lily for a look of acceptance. He couldn't look at Dorcas. Not yet at least. After all, they'd been dating for years and he'd never confessed.

Inwardly, Dorcas was snickering. She could tell he was uneasy as to her reaction. It took everything in her not to burst out laughing at the expression on his face when she admitted that she had known for years.

McGonagall was squeezing Dumbledore's hand. A look of concern was on her normally terse face. With a sigh Remus shrugged.

"So, I'm a werewolf. Yes. I'm also your colleague and your schoolmate and your ally and ultimately, a friend. Please don't let the sins of my kind sully your vision of me. I believe you all to be smarter than that. Prove me right and the rest wrong."

Caradoc stroked his chin thoughtfully then looked over to Edgar Bones who was blinking in bewilderment. Remus looked at Dumbledore who gave him another nod.

"Alright, so now I will share with you some information I have gained on the Werewolf Colony."

Remus cleared his throat and selected a piece of parchment from his folder summarizing his intel on the Werewolf Colony thus far. Lily looked around the table, anticipating a negative reaction and ready to attack. Sirius grinned at Remus, nodding in approval while James beamed with pride for his friend. Remus half expected the lot of them to up and leave before he could get out a word of information. Though some remained a tad uncomfortable, no one left. Dorcas and Marlene leaned forward on the table, awaiting his information.

"Right, erm… So Fenrir Greyback, for those of you who don't know, is perhaps the most savage werewolf to date. He's-"

"How did it happen?"

Remus stopped mid-sentence to see Alice gazing at him with watery eyes. Remus looked about the table awkwardly. Everyone seemed utterly enraptured with him suddenly.

"How did-how did _what_ happen, Alice?"

"How did…how did you become a werewolf?"

"Oh," Remus said, stunned.

He hadn't expected that inquiry. Not so publicly at least. Part of him wanted to wave Alice off and tell her that he would explain later, but then he remembered his speech.

' _You said you had nothing to hide. Explain. Perhaps those who doubt you will see you more human if they know the real story…'_ he assured himself.

Remus took a deep breath and studied the lines on the table beneath him. He felt like he could collapse into his chair, but remained standing.

"Well, my father, working in the Ministry in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures saw Greyback on trial for the murder of two girls. At the time, no one knew he was a werewolf and my dad identified him as one but the erm…the Ministry waved it off…and…"

Everyone seemed on the edge of their seats, waiting for Remus to continue.

"Their dismissal of his opinion rather…angered my dad and he made an unsavory remark about werewolves. That made Greyback particularly irritated. So…a few days later…on my fifth birthday Greyback broke into my room at the full moon's zenith, transformed beside my bed and erm-there you have it," Remus shrugged, attempting to appear nonchalant.

Though the memory was old, the pain was still fresh.

After a brief silence where Alice seemed to crumple into Frank's arms, Remus continued reading his report.

"So, back to the report. Fenrir Greyback specializes in the contamination of children. His plan is to bite them between the ages of five to ten. That age range may not sound threatening, but the size of a werewolf between the ages of five to seven can increase by thirty five percent making them the size of an actual wolf in less than two years. That is about when we have estimated Voldemort's attack. That being said, you can only imagine the enormity of the ten year olds he has contaminated-"

"Have you bitten anyone, Remus?" asked Edgar Bones.

Remus' eyes widened at the very thought. Had he bitten anyone? Was Edgar serious?

"Pardon me?" was all Remus could manage to say.

"What kind of a question is that, Edgar?" snapped Sirius.

"I'm just asking. We have a right to know," Edgar responded calmly.

James was next to chime in.

"You honestly think that Dumbledore would admit him into the Order if he'd contaminated someone?"

"It's not a ridiculous question," Caradoc verified.

"Boys," inserted McGonagall concisely.

"Let's just…let's just let Remus answer."

Remus looked to Dorcas who had piped in. She raised her brows at him, a small grin on her lips.

"No, Edgar. I haven't contaminated anyone. I've taken special precautions so as to make sure that won't be a possibility," Remus said in a professional tone.

Edgar nodded and sat back in his chair. Remus wouldn't show it, but was becoming quite aggravated at how much he was being interrupted during this report. Then again, the last time he had given a report that wasn't interrupted they hadn't known he was a werewolf. He shouldn't be surprised the questions were arising now.

"Now, though I haven't contaminated anyone, I've heard through the grapevine that Greyback recruits people he calls 'Brothers' and 'Sisters' to help him do his bidding. They go out on full moons to residential areas and station themselves around children. When the time is right, they strike. Greyback sends his human recruits to collect the child and take them to his headquarters."

"He has human recruits? Recruits that aren't werewolves? Why would they work for him?" Hestia questioned.

' _Finally. A question regarding my report,'_ Remus thought exhaustedly.

"Greyback has promised to contaminate them. He tells them that being a werewolf promises unlimited power and resources. That though they are discriminated against at the present time when Voldemort rises to power, they will be rich and considered above regular wizards."

"Does he truly intend to contaminate these humans or is it an empty promise?" queried Frank.

Remus shrugged at Frank hopelessly.

"I'm pursuing that lead currently. As I said, I'm still gaining Greyback's trust. His HQ is located in the abandoned sewer system beneath Uxbridge. He has two sections. There's a sort of lodging quarters for those he calls pledges and recruits. Recruits are newly turned children and pledges are adults who've been contaminated for quite some time. Recruits and pledges remain in the first room. Those who display promise for assisting him in his army are moved to what they call 'Area Two.'"

"What's in Area Two?"

"So far I only know that it has Brothers and Sisters, Frank. That's the extent of my knowledge. I haven't shown enough talent to be considered being let in."

"What do you have to do to prove to Greyback that you are talented?" Caradoc asked with a speculative glare.

Remus swallowed. He knew what he had to do. He already had a plan.

"Here's how you work your way up. Greyback keeps the young captive at the HQ but those of us who are adults are to report three times a month. During those three times he makes us duel seeing who the best is. Then he holds an interview process with the victor. If he likes you, he'll assign you a person to contaminate. You prove yourself by contaminating the victim and are allowed into Area Two."

"So, wait. You're going to have to contaminate someone?"

Before Remus could respond to Edgars rather crudely toned response, James stepped in.

"Actually, Sirius and I have devised a plan to get Remus out of it. Greyback will take Remus to his location where the target will be. Greyback will most likely remain till the last minute just to make sure Remus commits. The second Greyback transforms he'll apparate to his own target. Remus has been practicing for months to apparate just before the moon. He's gotten very good at it," James explained.

"So as soon as Greyback disappears, Remus will apparate to the Shrieking Shack leaving the target free and clear."

"Sirius, won't Greyback know that Remus hasn't completed the task?" Alice asked quietly.

Remus finally found the courage to answer himself.

"Actually, though Greyback doesn't consider me talented enough to rise into the higher ranks he has grown rather fond of me. I'm betting that if I tell him I completed the job he'll believe me. Greyback contaminates about fifty children a month, out of all of them very few survive the first transformation. It's a very messy plan Greyback's concocted and is quite easily corrupted. I'll just tell him my target passed in the first transformation."

"So, how can you be sure you won't actually bite the target?" Edgar questioned.

Remus' amber eyes locked with Edgar's. He'd almost reached his wit's end with Edgar's blunt questions. As validated as they were, Remus' inner wolf was becoming agitated.

"I'm sure I won't, Edgar. I've come this far," Remus said coolly.

Edgar shrunk back in his chair slightly, making Dorcas smirk. Peter was clenching and unclenching his fists in anxiety.

"So, that brings me to topic two. He's gaining recruits fast. Many are dying and I hope when I make it higher in the ranks to eliminate some Brothers and Sisters. Cut down their army a bit. That all depends on how much Greyback trusts me, of course. This is going to be a lengthy process, but…it's doable," Remus admitted.

He placed the pieces of parchment back into the folder, removed his wand from his sweater pocket, flourished it and sent the documents floating over to Dumbledore gently. Careful not to reveal his exhaustion, Remus sat in his chair once more. All of eyes were either on Remus or looking awkwardly at their hands. He expected to feel mortified and scared but instead Remus felt exhilarated. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Thank you, Mr. Lupin. That was very informative," Dumbledore said kindly.

McGonagall smiled at Remus, obviously proud. He let a fraction of his mouth twitch up for just a moment before returning to his contemplative façade.

Dumbledore, Dorcas and Marlene also revealed some information they had acquired and the Order meeting was dispersed for the traditional lunch that Aberforth would provide. Remus expected half a dozen questions from each of the members or everyone to speak in hushed whispers. Instead, everyone was rather normal. It was as though his confession was the menial drunk ramblings of seventh year girl, dismissed the next morning. For that he was grateful.

It seemed then that everything was going to be okay for Remus. That everyone would accept him. Sadly, unbeknownst to him, this was the most accepted he would be for quite some time. Though those nearest to him would always hold him dear and true, the world was not quite so kind.


	10. Sirius' Mad Plan

15

 _Sirius' Mad Plan_

Remus woke up with a soft gasp. Common for him to do after a full moon. His eyes flickered about the room, taking in reality.

 _'The Hospital Wing...Wait...how did I get here?'_ thought Remus.

His vision made him dizzy, it switched between 20-20 and the abnormal eye sight of a werewolf. Remus reached for the floor on the side of his bed as he sat up and wretched into the silver bowl Madame Pomfrey had placed there. There was a glass of rubbing alcohol on the nightstand beside his cot which he grabbed and swished in his mouth to rid himself of the taste of bile. Spitting it into the bowl, he set it carefully on the floor once more.

Then he caught sight of something horrifying. James and Sirius lying in the two cots to his left. His eyes widened. Had he injured them? Killed them? Or worse...bit them.

Remus' eyes zoomed in on Sirius who laid in the bed farthest from him beside James. He had a black eye and a gash on his cheekbone.

James, in the cot right beside Remus had his arm in a sling and numerous scratches covering his face. On his nightstand were his glasses, one of the lenses cracked.

Remus shook his head, muttering _'no'_ to himself repeatedly.

"Lupin," a voice drawled.

Remus' body turned hastily to the right, the wolf's reflexes dominating him. On the other bed was Severus Snape looking quite worse for wear. He too wore a series of cuts on his pallid face and his leg was bound in a makeshift cast.

Remus' jaw almost dropped, but he kept it in check, gazing at Snape. Bewildered.

"Don't worry yourself. You didn't kill anyone," Snape sighed.

 _'That's not what I'm worried about,'_ Remus thought, eyes downcast.

"Or contaminate them," confirmed Snape.

Remus looked back up at Snape, his eyes focusing on him. He could see every pore, every hair, every aspect of his greasy head. Despite being beaten up, Snape looked rather pleased with himself.

"You know now..." Remus said in an unsure tone.

Snape nodded slowly.

"I know... _werewolf_."

Remus flinched at Snape's voice, his vision once more returning to that of a human.

"What happened? How did you find out?" Lupin questioned.

 _Six hours ago..._

"James, I've done something...wrong," Sirius murmured as Peter transformed into his rat and bounded for the base of the Whomping Willow.

Sirius made sure Remus was far away enough that his heightened hearing wouldn't pick up what he was saying.

"Did you drink again? You know you're not supposed to before we transform, Sirius," groaned James.

Sirius shook his head and wrapped his arm around James, taking a few more steps away from Peter and Remus.

"You know how Snape has been snooping around us lately? Saying he knows we are up to something and that he'll figure it out?"

"Yes," James replied slowly.

Sirius grimaced and let go of James, folding his arms. James eyed him. He knew Sirius was at his breaking point when he folded his arms this tight.

"Well, I sort of told him how to get into the Whomping Willow...tonight."

James' eyes grew large behind his glasses. Sirius struggled not to shudder at the seething look he was receiving from him.

"Sirius, he could be killed!" hissed James.

"Yeah, in hindsight it was a stupid prank..."

"A prank? This isn't a prank! This is madness, Sirius!"

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, eyeing the Whomping Willow as its branches froze.

"Think about Remus! He'll never forgive himself if he kills Snape!" James whispered.

Sirius sighed hopelessly as Peter transformed back into himself.

"What do we do now, then?"

James ran his fingers through his already messy hair, and thought as quickly as he could.

"Alright, I'm going to stay out here. Tell Remus I'm waiting for Lily. I'll keep watch for Snivellus," James murmured.

Sirius frowned and looked over his shoulder at Moony and Peter who stood, staring at them with puzzled expressions. Sirius held up a finger signaling he would be their momentarily.

"James, I'm s-"

"Sirius, just go before Remus gets suspicious," ordered James in a firm voice.

Feeling slightly guilty for scolding Sirius so harshly, James gave him a comforting pat on the back and nodded towards the Willow. He waved to Remus and Peter with a small smile. Sirius turned and jogged to Remus silently.

"Is James gonna sit this one out? I understand. It's only our second time doing this," Remus said gently.

"Yeah, he is but it's not because he's uncomfortable with it. Lily's going to meet him by the lake and he wants to spend the night being with her," Sirius explained.

Remus raised a brow and watched as James descended the hill. Something about the story didn't fit. Regardless, he didn't have time to consider the options what with the moon almost at its zenith and the possibility that Madame Pomfrey would spot them.

"Alright, well, good luck to him," shrugged Remus slipping into the tunnel of the Willow, Peter immediately after. Sirius looked caustically at the grounds then followed suit.

James sat on the hillside for an hour, his eyes not moving from the entrance of the castle. James wasn't quite sure what he would do when he saw Snape. All he knew was that he would do whatever it took to keep Snape from finding Remus. He was unsure as to why he wanted to save Snivellus. There were actually many reasons he could think of but none that really stood out. Well, except for one.

Lily.

Lily cared about Severus despite his calling her a _'mudblood.'_ She would be heartbroken if something happened to Snape. It was also for Remus. His long suffering friend who would no doubt, punish himself for the rest of his life if his werewolf side injured someone. Then, of course, James didn't want Snape to die or become infected. As much as he disliked Severus, he most certainly didn't want him dead; and not saving him when he had an opportunity was just as bad as killing him.

 _Snape's POV_

Severus started for the entrance hall's large double doors that would lead to the grounds. He hesitated on opening the door and decided to peer out the window just too make sure no teacher or prefect was patrolling the grounds.

He squinted through the fogged up glass, wiping some of it away with the sleeve of his robe. Nobody there. Nobody but James Potter.

A sneer crept onto Snape's lips. James could be doing one of three things:

He could be guarding whatever secret Sirius had been hinting at.

He could be preparing to play another one of his atrocious pranks on Snape and this whole thing had merely been bate to get jhim to come to the lion's den.

Or worse...

Potter could be waiting to see Lily in private.

They'd just started dating not a month ago, and though Severus and Lily seldom talked as of late, the thought of her hanging around with James instead of himself filled Severus with hatred. Perhaps, Sirius had informed Snape of this simply because he wanted him to see James and Lily together, to further enforce the point that she was now taken.

Whatever the reason for Potter's presence, Severus knew he had to be there. To either find out whatever those self-proclaimed 'Marauders' were up to or see exactly how serious James and Lily had become. So he set off for the passage that not even James, Sirius, Remus and Peter knew about. A portkey disguised as a Quaffle in the dungeons that led to the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Strictly used by fifth through seventh year Slytherins who needed to succumb to inner darkness, hold meetings where no one could hear or even get a bit pissed.

The walk would be long but Severus would be able to slip just behind James to where, if he was quick enough, he could touch the knot on the tree and perhaps discover their secret before he would be stopped.

Arriving in the middle of the Forbidden Forest held no fear for Severus. It was dark and a sanctum of solitude. A place he had recently come to appreciate. The walk, though quiet, was long, due to distance and the constant pounding of his heart. Finally he reached a tree just at the edge of the forest. Peeking around the side, he caught sight of the back of James who continued to sit on the hill, elbows on his knees and eyes on the castle.

Snape bent down and picked up a long stick then darted out of the tree line towards the Willow.

James' head whipped around at the sound of crunching grass and the shuttering noises of the Willow's branches.

"SNAPE!" James bellowed, jumping to his feet.

Frantically, Severus poked at the base of the tree trying to hit the knot. A loud groan sounded above him. He looked up to see one of the Whomping Willow's branches rearing backwards.

James ran forward as fast as his feet would take him and tackled Snape out of the way. The fist of the Willow landed beside them, creating a crater in the moonlit grass.

Another loud groan.

Yet again, a branch was falling towards them. Snape's eyes widened in fear. With a grunt James rolled them out of the Whomping Willow's reach.

"Geroff' me, Potter!" Snape hissed from beneath James.

James had Severus' frail body pinned to the earth as he struggled to get up.

"No, Sev! I won't let you go down there!"

"Down where?" growled Snape.

James sighed, half irritated half enraged.

"If you find that knot and poke it, which I doubt you will be able to do before the Willow crushes you, you'll enter a passage that leads to the Shrieking Shack."

With a fierce grunt, Snape shoved James off of him angrily and slowly approached the tree.

"Snape, if you go in there you will die!" roared James.

"Why? What are you hiding?" called Snape.

As if on cue, a scream came from within the Willow's passage. Multiple screams shortly followed by the howl of a wolf.

Snape slowly looked at James.

"Which one of your friends was that? Which one is the werewolf?" Snape asked in a low voice.

James stood frozen, chest heaving as he struggled to draw in normal breathes. He stared at Snape with his brows furrowed in fury.

"Which one?" Snape yelled.

There was a whooshing noise. James and Severus looked up to see one of the Willow's longer, thinner branches swinging towards Snape. James leapt forward, pulling Snape out of the way and taking a large blow to the arm. He screamed in agony as a bone cracked and fell to the ground. Hearing another groan from the tree, James scrambled to his feet, snatched the awestruck Severus by the collar and threw them both out of the way. Snape landed on the ground with a thud and James stood above him, continuing to pant. One of the lenses of his new glasses splintered by the twigs of the Willow and various scratches etched about his face. Snape looked very much the same, except instead of wary, Snape looked shocked.

"James, I've locked him in a room until we can go back. I just wanted to see if..." Sirius trailed off as he exited the Willow and jogged to James' side.

James looked at Sirius who glared at the way he was holding his arm. Snape stood.

"It's Remus..." Snape breathed.

James and Sirius looked at each other warily then turned to Snape. Sirius barked a laugh and walked towards Severus applauding sarcastically.

"Bravo, Snape! Bravo! You've cracked the case, you brilliant sod!" Sirius snapped.

Snape fumed before Sirius, while James watched, dumbstruck.

"Now, be on your merry way and keep your bloody mouth shut," snarled Sirius.

Snape's fist reared back and hit Sirius on his temple. Sirius lunged at him, knocking him to the ground.

"You twat!"

"Go to hell, Black! This is on you!" Severus called throwing him off.

"Stop! Stop it!" James pleaded.

"ENOUGH!"

The boys all looked to the far end of the hill to see Dumbledore striding towards them.

"Professor! That-that...Lupin is a werewolf and James, Sirius and Peter are covering for him!" Snape barked pointing to the tree.

Dumbledore looked at Snape with cool eyes, causing him to shiver slightly. Severus lowered his hand and glanced at James, a look of triumph in his dark eyes. James shook his head.

"You slimy git! I-"

"That's enough, Sirius," Dumbledore interrupted.

Sirius sneered and folded his arms angrily. His heart thrummed outside his chest frantically. What would Dumbledore do when he learned this was all Sirius' idea? Expel him like he had Bellatrix? He didn't want to become another evil Black and expulsion seemed like a nail in the coffin in the scheme of this.

Dumbledore placed a hand on Severus' shoulder.

"I know what he is, Severus. I've known all along."

Snape's eyed widened as they flickered from Dumbledore to a discouraged James to a smug Sirius then back to Dumbledore.

"Y-you've know all along that Lupin is a werewolf?" gawked Snape.

Dumbledore nodded slowly.

"I personally invited him to attend Hogwarts, actually. I formed the plan to have him come here and on full moons enter through the Whomping Willow to the Shrieking Shack. James, Sirius and Peter are permitted to guide him here and Madame Pomfrey retrieves him in the morning."

And then, Severus fainted.

 _Present_

Remus stared at Snape, mouth agape as he finished the story.

"So there you have it," finished Snape.

Lupin swallowed and averted his eyes from Severus.

"Are you...are you gonna tell anyone?" Remus asked, feebly.

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes.

"No. Dumbledore has sworn me to secrecy anyway. Besides, who would believe me? Who would believe me when I said that perfect, clever, prefect Remus Lupin was actually a werewolf?" scoffed Snape.

Remus shrugged and crossed his arms.

"I dunno," he mused.

Severus sighed again and hung his head.

"Though I s'pose it was quite obvious after I thought about it..."

Remus' breath caught in his chest and his brows furrowed. The wolf in him growling at Snape's glaringly vindictive attitude.

"Oh, was it?" snapped Remus.

"Yes. The days you disappeared. The exhaustion and irritability expressed the mere night before. Madame Pomfrey, Dumbledore and McGonagall constantly talking to you in private and the scars, of course."

Subconsciously, Remus touched one of the scars on his face and grimaced. He always knew they would identify him to someone someday. A wave of anguish hit him. Part of Remus wanted to scream. Another part wanted to cry. Another was furious. Now five students knew. Five too many.

"Fretting, are we?"

"Don't taunt me right now, Snape," snapped Remus.

Severus swallowed, trying to hide his fear. Though Remus had never been a particularly violent individual, Snape understood these circumstances were different. Not only had Remus' biggest secret been exposed to one of the people who despised him most, but the furious beast from just hours ago still lurked just beneath the surface of his benevolent exterior. Snape cleared his throat, a small bit of guilt forming in the pit of his stomach. Remus, though not ever have done him any favors, had never harmed him either. So why was he being so cruel to Lupin? Simply because he associated with Potter and Black? Simply because it would anger those two that he was tormenting their friend.

Lily quite liked Remus. She'd bragged on him many times. Snape knew that if she found out how rude he was being to Lupin then any chance of rekindling their friendship would be lost. Then again, did Lily know this secret? If she didn't, would she still defend and like Remus as much as she did?

"Does...does Lily know?" Snape muttered.

Remus nodded, staring blankly at the cots on the other side of the room. He gnawed his lower lip anxiously.

"How long?"

"About a month," shrugged Remus.

"Well? How does she feel about it?"

Remus let out a soft laugh, still gazing straight ahead.

"She doesn't care. No one who knows cares," he replied. "Except you, apparently."

Snape pursed his lips and looked away from Remus. Once more, he felt guilty for shaming the very kind Remus Lupin. The young man who had, once or twice, prevented James and Sirius from bullying him. Possibly risking his friendship with them. Inhaling, Snape finally responded.

"I don't...I don't really care either, you know," grumbled Snape.

Now Remus looked to Snape, a brow raised.

"No?"

"No."

Remus smirked slightly.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, I'm certain," snapped Severus.

Remus bit back a quiet snicker at Snape's indignant attitude.

"Am I too presumptuous when I assume you won't be breaking your promise to Dumbledore not to inform the entire school of my...particular ailment?" Remus questioned.

Severus pretended to toss around the idea, though it was apparent to Remus he was merely struggling to be civil to him.

"You are not being too presumptuous, no."

Snape met Remus' gaze, feigned anger in his eyes. Remus grinned, just barely. His tired eyes lighting up a bit.

"Thank you, Sev-"

"We aren't friends, Lupin," interrupted Snape.

Remus shook his head, chuckling slightly.

"Of course not."

Snape nodded promptly and settled back into his bed.

"Go to bed, werewolf," he spat.

Somewhat relieved, Remus laid back against his cot and closed his eyes. He didn't exactly fall into a dreamless sleep, however there were no nightmares.

 **Hillstar-** I read both Snowflakes and part of Nothing is Scarier. Your tone is very measured and concise. I love that in an author. Also, your portrayal of Remus is spot on. People forget that he wasn't just a brainy friend, but also a Marauder. In addition, I really admire your ability to build the character of Narcissa. We don't see too much of her in the books but you seem to have captured her essence quite well. Honestly, I'm a huge fan of Origin stories in the HP universe and I think your writing is a great contribution to them.

R&R!

VOTE FOR LESLIE KNOPE-2016

Remember Alan Rickman

-OceanEyedRedhead


	11. Stamp of Approval

20, Mid War

Stamp of Approval

Remus stormed down the hallway leading to his and Sirius' flat and flourished his wand angrily at the door, not caring if any muggle tenants saw. The door swung open loudly and smacked against the wall allowing Remus to enter. He flicked his wand again and the door slammed shut. Sirius sat up on the couch with his brows raised in alarm. He had obviously been sleeping. Remus didn't even look at him.

He let his is coat fall off his body onto the floor and continued towards their room. Sirius glanced at the clock then back to Remus with a puzzled expression. He was soaking wet.

"It's only eight. You got done with dinner with the Meadowes pretty fast...and you're all wet…" Sirius remarked hoisting himself off the couch and following after Remus.

Remus didn't stop to respond. He walked into their room, threw the door shut and locked it immediately. Sirius stood just outside, gazing at the door, dumbfounded.

"Well, that was rather rude," remarked Sirius quietly. "What's wrong, Moony?"

"Leave me alone, Sirius," growled Remus from within.

Sirius folded his arms and sighed. Only one thing could make Remus this angry. Discrimination and ignorance. Discrimination and ignorance about werewolves. It wasn't necessarily when he read it in the paper or heard an announcement from the Ministry. It was more of when it became personal. When people formed opinions of him based on his lycanthropy. Slowly, he was beginning to control his temper but the moon was forthcoming just five days from now, and obviously this had to do with Dorcas. Someone who Remus held very dear to him.

"What'd she say, Remus? Do I need to sick Bellatrix on her?" Sirius asked with a weak attempt at humor.

After a beat the door slowly creaked open. Hesitantly, Sirius stepped in to see Remus sitting on his bed by the window, his tawny eyes skyward and a ball of fire dancing in his palm. Remus snapped his fingers and extinguished it, then snapped his fingers and brought it back. He repeated this process mindlessly. Sirius frowned and took a few steps towards him. Remus used his ability to conjure flames in his palms when he was trying to take his mind off of something, scaring James and Peter or attempting to entertain a child.

"Did the Meadowes say something?" Sirius queried, sitting at the foot of Remus bed.

Remus' jaw tightened and he looked from the grim moon back to the fire in his hand.

"Yeah, Padfoot. They definitely said something."

Sirius nodded and fought off his own angry reaction. Normally, Remus would fight off his own fury, to calm Sirius down. Now though, Sirius recognized it was his turn to be strong so he could calm Remus down.

"Let's hear it," Sirius said in an even tone.

A few seconds passed where Remus continued to light and put out the fire in his hand until he finally extinguished it, closing his fist tightly.

Though Sirius' probing gaze beckoned Remus to look at him, he refused to meet his eyes.

"Let me just say this first," Remus began. "I have much respect for the Meadowes family. I appreciate everything they've done for the Order and their support of me and Dorcas' relationship though I'm a werewolf."

"Okay," Sirius nodded.

Exhaling loudly, Remus finally looked at Sirius.

"This is what happened..."

 _Remus knocked on the door of Meadowes' cottage, a bottle of Goblin Wine in hand_. _He was shaking ever so slightly, obviously nervous to meet Dorcas' parents. He'd been putting off this moment for years and now it was finally here. He'd seen the Meadowes in passing of course, but now that they were assisting the Order, he had been seeing them more and more. They had actually attended the last Order meeting and spoken with Remus for the first time. That was when this dreaded invitation had been offered. To come and have dinner with them 'Wednesday at seven sharp.'_

 _Remus quickly adjusted the sleeves of the light blue button down he was wearing. Sirius had leant it to him, meaning the sleeves were too short. He'd rolled them up neatly to his elbows to hide that fact and was quite relieved the shirt had tucked so neatly into his trousers. With one hand he smoothed his mop of sandy hair and took a deep breath._

 _The door opened to reveal Dorcas smiling at him eagerly. Remus returned her expression then frowned slightly. He was overdressed. Dorcas wore jeans and a maroon t-shirt. Her dirty blonde hair was tied up on top of her head casually and she donned no jewelry._

" _Shit," Remus sighed looking her up and down._

 _Dorcas snorted back laughter and shook her head, taking his wrist and pulling him in._

" _You look somethin' nice," she grinned._

 _Remus shook his head and sighed._

" _Okay, thanks," he replied flatly._

 _Dorcas offered a sympathetic smile and stood on her tiptoes, pecking Remus on the cheek. He felt his cheeks flush and rolled his eyes at her._

" _C'mon, Remus. Relax. They're just people."_

 _She began to lead him down a hallway lined with pictures hanging from the walls. They featured Dorcas and her parents. A few friends too, he assumed seeing as she was an only child._

" _Yeah, people that have a werewolf dating their daughter," murmured Remus._

 _Dorcas looked over her shoulder at Remus, giving him a knowing look. He quickly composed his face as the voices of a man and woman grew louder. Together they stepped into a warm, yellow kitchen. There was an antique, white stove over which the petite but sturdy Mrs. Meadowes stood peering into a pot. Beside her was Mr. Meadowes, leaning slightly on a marble countertop._

" _I'm telling you, you keep stirring it," he told her in knowledgeable tone._

" _I_ _ **am**_ _stirring it," snapped Mrs. Meadowes._

" _Mum, Dad."_

 _The couple stopped bickering and turned around. Dorcas squeezed Remus' hand in hers and gestured with her free one to him._

" _As you know, this is Remus Lupin. My boyfriend."_

 _Remus fought off a flinch. He'd never been introduced to parents as a boyfriend before. This felt…weird. Mr. Meadowes strode forward with a good-natured smile and extended a hand to Remus. Releasing Dorcas' hand Remus shook Mr. Meadowes' with feigned confidence._

" _Pleasure to see you again, Remus," he nodded._

" _Thanks," was all Remus could manage._

 _Mrs. Meadowes appeared before Remus next, embracing him in her arms. He could see Dorcas' eyes in her face._

" _Welcome, Remus. Pardon the mess," she said exasperatedly scanning the discarded vegetables and cookbooks scattered about the room._

" _Oh, I didn't even notice," he replied evenly._

 _Mrs. Meadowes smiled, her eyes widening as she noted the bottle of Goblin Brewed Wine in his hand._

" _Oh! Goblin Brewed Wine! Thanks so much, Remus."_

" _Yes, this stuff isn't cheap. We appreciate that," remarked Mr. Meadowes._

' _ **Don't thank me. Thanks the Potters for giving it to me to impress you,'**_ _thought Remus._

" _It's the least I can do after you invited me to dinner," Remus shrugged._

" _Well, it'll be ready shortly. I assure you," Mrs. Meadowes said kindly. "Would you two mind setting the table?"_

 _Remus followed Mrs. Meadowes' gaze to the kitchen counter where silverware laid. He swallowed._

' _ **Why did they have to have actual silverware?'**_

" _Oh, mum-"_

" _I don't mind at all. Dorcas?" Remus responded before Dorcas could finish._

 _Dorcas shot Remus an incredulous look. He matched it with one of his own. After a few seconds they looked back to a very puzzled Mr. and Mrs. Meadowes. A look of realization washed over both of their faces._

" _Oh, Remus… Unless you can't…" Mrs. Meadowes trailed off._

" _Oh, no. I can. That's a myth…" Remus lied._

 _Dorcas closed her eyes, clearly upset that Remus would harm himself just to appease her mum and dad._

" _Stir the pot, woman!" Mr. Meadowes cried running back to the stove._

 _Mrs. Meadowes followed after him hurriedly. Remus looked at Dorcas before walking to the kitchen counter. They stood before the utensils in silence. Taking a deep breath, Remus looked for a napkin or something he could use to pick up the silver without burning his hand. He could feel Dorcas' eyes on him. Slowly, he looked down at her. She stared at him with a smug look on her face. Silently she gestured to the silverware._

" _It's just a myth," she whispered, with a small grin._

 _Snorting back laughter, she gathered all the silverware and turned on her heel, walking towards the dining room. Remus followed her._

 _For a small cottage, the Meadowes sure decorated grandly. The table was long and made of shiny mahogany. There were six chairs to match and a vase of fresh flowers in the center, resting atop a very detailed table runner._

" _Set the vase on the buffet and remove the runner, will you?" Dorcas requested, beginning to place the silverware._

 _Remus picked up the large, porcelain vase and set it on the buffet carefully. More photos decorated it. They featured a young Dorcas. One of them was her on a swing going back and forth then jumping off. Another she was on a broom, laughing. Then he found his favorite._

 _Toothless young Dorcas, singing._

" _Remus, would you please take off the runner… What are you looking at?"_

 _Remus picked up the picture frame and faced Dorcas holding it up._

" _Now, this is my favorite," he smirked._

 _Dorcas' eyes widened and she pointed a menacing finger at him._

" _Put that back," she ordered._

 _Remus shook his head, his smile broadening._

" _Oh, no. I need to study this and commit it to memory. Merlin…"_

 _Dorcas stormed around the table and went to snatch the photo from Remus' grasp. Instead he raised it higher, out of her reach. She hopped up, desperately trying to snatch it._

" _Oh, what were you singing I wonder… What was little Doe singing here?" he mused sarcastically._

" _Give it! Quit lookin' at it!" Dorcas demanded._

 _Remus shook his head, biting back laughter himself. Little Dorcas spun around in the photo and pointed to the camera still singing. He snickered slightly causing her to flush. She jumped again but Remus held it higher._

" _You give it here or-or-or I'm gonna get real cross, I will!"_

 _Remus could tell she was getting irritated when her cockney accent got stronger. He smiled and slowly lowered the photo. Dorcas quickly grabbed it from him._

" _That was_ _ **not**_ _funny, Remus Lupin. You're lucky I didn't hex you," she said waving the frame at him menacingly._

 _Remus grinned and reached for it once more. She held it out of reach this time, shaking her head._

" _No! I'm destroying this. That was just-just cruel."_

 _Remus stroked his chin and shrugged in fake defeat. Dorcas shook her head and let her arm fall limply to her side, photo still in hand. Without warning, Remus lunged forward, reaching for the frame, but Dorcas was too quick. She extended her arm again, trying to run away, but Remus had looped his arm around her waist._

" _No! Remus, please! You can't look at this!" laughed Dorcas struggling to escape his grasp._

" _I want that photo! I'd like to see it again!"_

 _A few bowls and dishes levitated through the entranceway followed by Mr. and Mrs. Meadowes. They looked at Remus and Dorcas with uncomfortable expressions. He quickly released Dorcas from his grasp and steadied her. They looked at her parents silently, eyes wide. Remus cleared his throat awkwardly and stuck his hands in his pockets._

 _The food and plates settled onto the table with a soft clatter. The uncomfortable silence remained between them._

" _Let's sit down," Dorcas said abruptly sitting at the table._

 _The four sat down wordlessly, Remus noted the smile that threatened to break out on Mrs. Meadowes' lips and felt slightly better about the situation. His eyes went downcast at the silverware. How was he supposed to eat? How was he supposed to put food on his plate? Every utensil the Meadowes owned was silver. Remus cursed himself for lying and saying that the curse of touching silver burning him was a 'myth.' Before he decided to submit to the pain of silver and attempt to mask the agony on his face, Dorcas was casually scooping food up for him._

 _Remus' gaze flickered up to her face to see if she was wearing that smug smirk he had grown so fond of. Nope. Her face was complacent. Her parents didn't even seem to notice._

 _This still didn't change the fact that he couldn't eat. He was looking at only food that required utensils. Steak. Potatoes. Beans. The only thing he could eat was the bread._

" _Mum, Dad, tell Remus about that photo," Dorcas smiled pointing to a frame on the wall behind them._

 _Mr. and Mrs. Meadowes' turned their heads to look at the photo Dorcas had gestured to. In one swift moment, Dorcas had removed her wand and pointed it at Remus' silverware. He recognized it to be a 'shade' charm. One that provided an invisible shield almost. She winked at him and he responded with a grateful nod._

" _That photo is of Mrs. Meadowes' mother. A Healer by trade."_

" _Oh, is that what inspired you to be a Healer, Mrs. Meadowes?" asked Remus._

 _Mrs. Meadowes nodded, taking a bite of her bread roll. A bottle of the wine Remus had provided poured itself into his glass, then Dorcas'._

" _Why haven't I seen you around Mungos, Remus?" asked Mrs. Meadowes._

" _Yes, I suspect you've been there quite a bit."_

 _Remus raised his brows at Mr. Meadowes, unsure of what the question meant. Then he realized what Mr. Meadowes was referring to._

" _No, sir. I have my own devices of healing myself."_

' _ **Also, I can't afford a life debt in Galleons to Mungos…'**_

" _Such as?" inquired Mr. Meadowes._

 _Remus swallowed the steak he had been chewing and glanced at Dorcas out of the corner of his eye. Her eyes were fixed on her plate._

" _Well, my father has experience in tending wounds, being the head of the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures at the Ministry," Remus explained. "Most of the time he is able to fix me up."_

" _Then what about the erm…the scars on your face? Did you have a scuffle of some sort-"_

" _Dad," Dorcas interrupted._

 _Her father's eyes widened and looked to Dorcas, then his wife. They both gave him chiding looks. Subconsciously, Remus had seen this coming the second he had been introduced to Mr. Meadowes this evening. He had seemed rather outspoken and abrasive. Unafraid to test the waters before jumping in. Still, Remus' scars had always been a bit of a soft spot for him. Not because he was self-conscious of his appearance, just because he knew it was a rather obvious identifier of his affliction._

" _It's fine. Erm-they're from my first transformations. Before I had the proper resources to keep me from harming myself."_

' _ **You know, like three animagi friends running around the grounds of Hogwarts with you?'**_

" _When were your first transformations?"_

 _Dorcas sighed loudly at her father's interjections, shaking her head in disapproval. Mr. Meadowes was obviously oblivious to his insulting candor._

" _They started when I was five," Remus replied as casually as he could manage._

 _Mr. Meadowes opened his mouth to ask yet another question, but was cut off by Dorcas._

" _Remus was a Prefect at Hogwarts, you know? He had the best grades too. Almost top of the class, e' was," Dorcas said pointedly._

 _Mrs. Meadowes offered Remus a look of appraisal, while Mr. Meadowes nodded, impressed._

" _Is that right? Well, what was your favorite class, Remus?"_

" _That's a pretty difficult question for me, Mrs. Meadowes," Remus said with a small smile. "I love them all, truly. Not one subject didn't interest me, to be honest."_

" _Not even History of Magic?" Mr. Meadowes chuckled._

 _Remus shook his head and looked at Dorcas who was beginning to lighten up. Obviously not as upset as she had been moments ago. He felt his heart lift just a bit at how easy the conversation was becoming. Slowly, he let his guard down._

" _Not even. My father has always taught me to appreciate all types of magic."_

" _Care of Magical Creatures must have been rather difficult for you though. I suspect most of the creatures put up their defenses when they sensed what you were."_

" _Dad," Dorcas said again, her tone more menacing._

 _Remus swallowed some of his steak and squeezed Dorcas' knee under the table, offering some reassurance that it was okay. It wasn't though. These questions were rude and unyielding. Surely, Mr. Meadowes didn't realize how insulting his statements were, but nonetheless they were offensive. Remus saw that Mrs. Meadowes had her eyes glued to her plate, clearly embarrassed by her husband's frankness._

" _There were a few lessons in which the animals were able to sense my lycanthropy and became slightly unruly. I chocked it up to being poor at the subject though so as not to raise suspicion."_

" _But Remus came ou' of that class smelling like a rose, e' did," Dorcas added hastily._

' _ **Oh, no…'**_ _Remus thought as he recognized the sudden appearance of Dorcas' accent._

 _She was becoming anxious. Angered even._

" _So, Remus, Quidditch? Did you play?"_

" _I'm afraid not, Mrs. Meadowes. I was more of a spectator. Though my friend was Captain of Gryffindor's team and led them to many prosperous seasons. I, myself, am rubbish at sports," chuckled Remus._

 _Soft laughter echoed around the table. Remus allowed himself to have slight delight in the moment. Exactly what he needed. A little confidence boost._

" _However, Remus was rather apt when it came to Brooms our first year."_

" _Dorcas, all you had to do to pass Brooms first year was hover and move forward," Remus countered giving her a dubious glance._

 _Dorcas rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her wine. Mr. Meadowes' brows furrowed as he cut his steak._

" _I would think heightened senses would make you more than proficient at Quidditch."_

 _Remus fought off a sigh, keeping a complacent expression._

" _Oh, darling," Mrs. Meadowes exhaled, shaking her head._

 _Mr. Meadowes' eyes flickered from his wife to Remus, a puzzled expression on his face. Remus saw Dorcas out of the corner of his eye wearing the look he knew so well. When her temper flared her eyes would widen a bit and her jaw would tighten, then her head would tilt to the side ever so slightly. It was truly frightening, and though it had only been aimed at Remus a select few times it still ignited trepidation in him. Mr. Meadowes blinked, ignoring the cues from his family and looked back at Remus awaiting an answer._

" _I'm afraid I don't benefit from those senses all of the time, Mr. Meadowes. Even if I did, sports don't spark my interest much," shrugged Remus._

 _Dorcas looked at Remus' hands that were shaking as he cut his steak. It was barely perceptible, but she could see it. Remus' hands shook whenever he was becoming tense._

" _Hm. Shame," Mr. Meadowes remarked informally. "So, outside of working for the Order, is there an occupation you are pursuing?"_

 _Remus was relieved to finally be asked a question where he could brag on himself. Prove himself worthy of this man's daughter._

" _Remus is actually attending Oxford earning a degree in education," Dorcas stated proudly._

" _Congratulations, Remus. I presume you intend to teach. What subject?" inquired Mrs. Meadowes._

" _I would prefer to teach Literature in junior or high school, but I could also teach primary in all subjects."_

 _Remus could practically feel Dorcas radiate with pride. This, in turn, made him feel better. Perhaps talking about his future accomplishments would be the way to the Meadowes' hearts. Could this be a way to prove to them that Remus would be an adequate provider if in the future he and Dorcas were to marry? Yes, this could be it. A flame of confidence ignited within Remus, prompting him to further elaborate on his plans._

" _Dumbledore has provided me with all the necessary tools to succeed in my desired field so I expect to have a teaching position not long after I graduate Oxford," explained Remus, trying his best not to sound as enthusiastic as he was._

" _That's very impressive, Remus," smiled Mrs. Meadowes._

" _Thank you," he replied._

 _Both Remus and Dorcas released a sigh of relief at the relaxation that had suddenly washed over the room. At how much the tension had suddenly eased. There was still a chance that this dinner would go over well and end on a high note. Remus took a swig of his wine, almost in unison with Dorcas._

" _So, nothing in the wizarding community?" clarified Mr. Meadowes._

 _Remus shook his head and squeezed Dorcas' hand once more. She was tensing up again._

" _No, sir. A profession in the wizarding community that I would reasonably profit from is out of the question."_

" _Because of your condition, I presume?"_

" _Yes, Mr. Meadowes."_

" _Hm," Mr. Meadowes observed. "Your father couldn't pull some strings with the Ministry?"_

" _Okay…" Dorcas began._

 _Remus gave Dorcas a gentle look, silencing her. She paused and nodded._

" _He probably could, but my passion lies elsewhere," stated Remus simply._

" _Did you ever consider becoming an Auror? I've heard around that you're quite the accomplished duelist," Mrs. Meadowes said with a small smile._

 _Remus opened his mouth to thank her but was cut off by Mr. Meadowes._

" _Well, he's a werewolf, dear. I-"_

" _There are_ _ **laws**_ _, darling. They can't discriminate," Mrs. Meadowes corrected with a kind nod of reassurance._

" _But they will," Mr. Meadowes replied bluntly._

 _Dorcas bit her tongue, stifling a cry of outrage. Luckily, Remus spoke before she could let out one of her biting remarks._

" _He's not wrong, Mrs. Meadowes. Discrimination amongst my kind is inevitable. However, as I said-my passion lies in academics. Not with Magical Law Enforcement."_

 _Everyone was silent. The sound of silverware clattering with plates was the only noise audible. It was welcome. Remus would take awkward silence over uncomfortable small talk any day. Not Dorcas though. The overprotective girlfriend who sat just to his right, fuming. The only way to remedy a situation when it came to Dorcas, was a verbal confrontation where she either embarrassed the opponent or shut them down with insults. Remus was much more civil with his methods of confrontation. Usually it would begin with calmly addressing the situation and mediating in hushed tones until all was resolved with a handshake._

" _Remus is very good with children. I honestly think that education is his calling," Dorcas said in painfully even tone. "So why don't we ease up a bit, yeah?"_

" _Doe," Remus said in a quiet voice._

 _Mr. Meadowes looked at his daughter with trying eyes._

" _That tone was a little terse, Dorcas," he remarked-still oblivious to what had put her off. "Care to explain?"_

" _Not in front of company, dear," Mrs. Meadowes cut in._

 _Remus tawny eyes flickered between all the Meadowes. Mr. Meadowes who was wearing a defensive expression, his puffy lips in a tight line. His wife appeared calmer, but her tranquil façade was fading as she stroked her sleek, blonde waves. Then there was Dorcas. Completely fuming now, eyes locked with her father's in a shockingly angry expression._

" _How does one become a Prefect, Remus? Do you have to be asked?" inquired Mrs. Meadowes, trying to direct the conversation into a more positive light._

" _Yes. I think Dumbledore asked me in hopes I would be able to reign in my friends. They never found amusement in the most conventional ways."_

" _And did you succeed?"_

" _No, I'm afraid not, Mr. Meadowes," Remus said with a small smile. "I'm afraid my prevention of hijinks really only extended to those outside my circle of friends."_

" _Okay, well… You managed to stop them from hexin' Snape quite a few times," mumbled Dorcas._

" _My proudest accomplishment," he grinned._

 _Mrs. Meadowes laughed quietly while Mr. Meadowes seemed to crack a small smile. Maybe the night would turn around after all._

" _You've been dating Dorcas for years now, Remus."_

" _Yes, Mr. Meadowes. Quite happily I may add," he replied._

 _Dorcas' shoulders eased and Remus felt her hand relax just slightly in his._

" _What are your intentions, exactly?"_

 _You could hear a pin drop. Dorcas' jaw hung wide open and Mrs. Meadowes had stopped eating her food. Master of hiding his true emotions, Remus masked his horror by taking a bite of his bread._

" _Well, Mr. Meadowes, Dorcas and I are quite happy-if I may be so presumptuous as to speak on her half," Remus said peaking at Dorcas._

 _She nodded fondly._

" _So, we're taking it day by day and hopefully after graduation and once the ground settles over the current conflicts arising in our world we can proceed from there," he said warmly._

 _Dorcas pecked him on the cheek, the air trapped in her chest expelling as she became relieved. A bit of pride swelled within Remus. He couldn't help but beam slightly at his response._

" _That's a very good answer, Mr. Lupin. I am pleased to hear that," nodded Mr. Meadowes._

 _Mrs. Meadowes looked over at Remus and winked in reassurance. He took a sip of secret victory from his wine glass._

" _Now, on a darker note. The Order…"_

" _Yes, sir."_

" _Dad, we can discuss the Order at our next meeting."_

" _Dorcas is right, dear. Not right now," agreed Mrs. Meadowes casting a reprimanding smile at her husband._

" _It's fine. This is your home. Your table. We discuss what you wish."_

 _Remus instantly regretted the statement. So far Mr. Meadowes' topic choices had been less than sublime. Now, Remus had volunteered to reenter the arena of awkwardness._

" _Alright, if you insist, Remus. It is to my understanding that Voldemort has a plan to recruit werewolves. Has he contacted you ab-"_

" _Dad, tha' is enough," snarled Dorcas._

" _What?"_

" _Dear, you really shouldn't bring up topics regarding Remus'…condition…" Mrs. Meadowes said in a hushed voice._

 _Unsure of what to say, Remus sat frozen in his chair. His mouth was slightly agape and brows furrowed in confusion._

" _It's not a secret! We all know it. He knows it doesn't matter to us that he's a werewolf. What's the matter-"_

" _If it doesn' matter then why do you keep bringin' it up?" Dorcas hissed._

" _Because I'm interested!"_

" _Don't yell," Mrs. Meadowes pleaded._

" _It's impolite!"_

" _Impolite? Dorcas, let the boy speak for himself! He doesn't mind! He's probably used to it!"_

" _No! He's not! Be-"_

" _Doe," Remus began, placing a hand on her shoulder as she began to rise from the table._

 _Dorcas swatted his hand away._

" _No, Remus!" she protested. "Dad, nobody ad' ever brought it up as much as you ave' tonigh'! Just cause' it's a fact doesn' make it alrigh' to discuss!"_

 _Mrs. Meadowes threw her hands up in surrender and resigned to the argument occurring between her husband and daughter. This made Remus even more uncomfortable. The person most capable of calmly reigning in Mr. Meadowes had thrown her towel out of the ring. Now it was up to him. Or maybe he should just grit his teeth and wait for it to die out._

" _Let the boy speak for himself!" shouted Mr. Meadowes pointing to his daughter._

 _Dorcas shut her mouth, her eyes wild with fury. Slowly she slumped into her chair gesturing at her father limply to pursue conversation with Remus. Mr. Meadowes turned his gaze to Remus who sat up a bit straighter and composed his face to appear less anxious and more expectant._

" _Remus, have I offended you? Be honest," Mr. Meadowes probed._

 _Remus looked at Dorcas who was shaking her head and rolling her eyes. He turned back to Mr. Meadowes._

" _You have not."_

" _Remus!"_

" _No, Dorcas. Let me finish. You have not offended me. However, my condition is not something I like to discuss. It makes me rather uncomfortable and to be honest, I want to prove to you and your wife that I am worthy of your daughter. Discussing my lycanthropy is never the best way to people's hearts. So, I would prefer a different topic, yes. But no, you have not offended me."_

' _ **Good. Not angry. Not cold. Very neutral,'**_ _Remus thought, assessing his response._

 _Mr. Meadowes sat back down idly and drummed his fingers on the table. Mrs. Meadowes threw back the remains of her wine and placed her hands in her lap, her eyes going back and forth between her husband and irate daughter. Remus felt like in this moment he most related to Mrs. Meadowes._

" _Remus," began Mr. Meadowes. "I have no prejudices against werewolves. Neither does my wife. I think you should be aware, that though we have no qualms with this, it's not going to stop us from asking questions."_

" _I understand that, sir."_

" _You are what you are, Remus. You're a werewolf and we know this. We accept this, as does our daughter."_

" _Yes," Remus responded._

" _Now, answer me one question and then I swear that I will never bring up your lycanthropy ever again."_

" _That sounds fair, sir."_

 _Mr. Meadowes locked his eyes with Remus' and took a deep breath._

" _Before I ask, please understand that I don't think you are incapable of being good."_

" _Oh, for Merlin's sake…" Dorcas sighed._

 _Mr. Meadowes turned his eyes skyward in annoyance with his daughter then looked back to Remus._

" _I understand that, sir."_

 _Remus readied himself for whatever question came next, though he had a hunch about what was coming._

" _Are you working as a spy for Voldemort?"_

" _Are you kidding me?" Dorcas growled. "Are you kiddin' me, dad? ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDIN' ME?"_

" _Dorcas!" squeaked Mrs. Meadowes._

" _No! Don't 'Dorcas' me! That is so offensive, dad!"_

 _Remus watched as his girlfriend and her father shouted at one another across the table in shock. He looked at Mrs. Meadowes who seemed mortified and sad at the same time._

" _I'm sorry," mouthed Mrs. Meadowes._

 _All Remus could do was nod numbly at her. Dorcas and Mr. Meadowes had risen from their chairs again._

" _Dorcas, he is a_ _ **werewolf**_ _! Who can blame him if he sways to the side offering better benefits?"_

" _Dad, e' wouldn' even do that! Remus knows the consequences of fightin' for the Dark Lord! He can distinguish that preventin' genocide and mass enslavement is more important than is' status with the world! You assume e's selfish!"_

" _Everyone is selfish when it comes to opportunities like that! He's no different!"_

" _Yes he is, dad," Dorcas spat._

" _No, he is not!"_

" _Yes. He. Is."_

" _No, he's not!_

" _YES, E' ABSOLUTELY IS! E' is!" she roared._

" _Don't you dare raise your voice at me, Dorcas Evangeline Meadowes!"_

" _I'm not a child!"_

" _You're acting like one!"_

" _No, you are! You are with your offensive assumptions and ignorant questions! You're no better than the rest!"_

 _A moment of silence lingered between the two of them. A thin wire being stretched to its breaking point separated father and daughter. Neither one of them would relent. Perhaps, Mrs. Meadowes knew that judging by the amount of tears streaming down her face. A clap of thunder sounded making Remus jump, but not affecting Dorcas or her father. Very appropriate for the moment it would seem._

" _He's a werewolf, Dorcas. He's a werewolf," Mr. Meadowes said exhaustedly._

" _No. He's my boyfriend!" Dorcas yelled._

 _The silence appeared again. This time Remus managed to muster the strength to speak. He swallowed the lump in his throat and stood slowly._

" _I think I'd better leave," he said quietly. "Mrs. Meadowes, dinner was lovely. Thank you, very much."_

 _Mrs. Meadowes, still sobbing quietly, gave Remus a grateful nod. Remus looked at Mr. Meadowes who regarded him with restless eyes._

" _Thank you for having me, Mr. Meadowes."_

 _He turned his gaze to Dorcas somberly, whose eyes glistened with tears of rage and distress. Remus placed a slow kiss on her cheek._

" _Doe."_

 _Dorcas blinked at Remus who ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. He turned and started for the door. His ears burned and he could feel his face get hot. Outside he could hear rain falling and couldn't wait to feel it fall on his face._

" _You fuckin' arse," he heard Dorcas hiss._

 _Remus' hand touched the knob, then he felt two hands land on his shoulders. Slowly he turned around to see Dorcas staring at him with a frantic expression._

" _I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, love. I really am," she whispered._

 _Remus shook his head and gave her his sheepish smile._

" _It's not your fault. It's fine."_

" _No, it isn' fine. It's not," Dorcas breathed, trying not to cry._

 _Remus sighed and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her towards him. He gave her a deliberate kiss on the top of her head then looked her in the eyes._

" _Doe, I'm gonna go, but I'll see you soon. I just…I can't be here. I think I need to be alone for a while."_

" _Wh-wh-what's a while?" stammered Dorcas._

 _Remus shrugged uneasily and placed his hands in his pockets._

" _I dunno, love. I dunno."_

" _Are you…are you breakin' it off with me?" Dorcas asked, raising a brow._

 _Remus laughed quietly._

" _I don't think I could, darling. However, I think you should take some time to yourself. Sort out this mess with your father."_

 _Dorcas opened her mouth to protest but Remus put a finger to her lips._

" _We'll talk later. I have to go now."_

 _Then he turned and left, leaving Dorcas frozen and shaking with fury._

"Blimey…well, now you know where she gets that temper from," Sirius remarked.

Remus nodded solemnly, watching the rain ease up outside. Sirius sighed and tried to find the words. The ones that Remus would use in a situation similar to this. It would be calming, eloquent and wise. Three things Sirius seemed to struggle with in conversation. Sirius would just have to work with what he had. Honesty and observation. No matter how blunt or rude, Sirius was always honest.

"Dorcas still likes you, regardless of her ponce of a father. That's what matters," he stated.

Remus nodded again.

"But you were talking out of your arse at the end there, mate."

Remus' eyes snapped over to Sirius, confused. He couldn't possibly understand what Sirius meant by that.

"I mean, yeah, Dorcas should sort things out with her family but…I honestly think the last thing you need is a break from her. That girl…she loves you something fierce," Sirius said with a shrug. "I mean, Lily tells you all the time that you deprive the world of so much love and wonder because you're too hard on yourself."

"I wasn't being hard on myself."

"Okay, just because you weren't deliberately punishing yourself, doesn't mean you weren't being too hard on yourself."

Remus let out a long sigh. Padfoot was right. James had told them, just weeks ago that now more than ever was the time to spend with those they held dear. Remus had a hard time taking advice from people that were Professors or himself. Especially if that advice involved him being self-indulgent. Perhaps this once he could persuade himself to do so.

"So what do I do, Padfoot?" Remus asked, defeated.

Sirius grinned, happy that for once his wise friend was taking his advice. This event was far and few between.

"You get a good night's rest and make arrangements to see Dorcas tomorrow. Tell her that the last thing you need is a break."

"Alright, that works, then," agreed Remus unbuttoning his shirt-much more comfortable in just a t-shirt and jeans. "Goodnight."

Sirius chuckled good-naturedly.

"And just like that, you go to sleep?"

"Just like that, Padfoot," he grunted pulling the duvet over himself. "I'm only taking your advice."

"You are. And I like that!" remarked Sirius.

Sirius stood up and sauntered to the door of the bedroom, watching as his friend fell asleep, still in his jeans.

"Goodnight, Moony."

"G'night, Pads."

Sirius sauntered towards the kitchen for night cap, glad that he'd put his friend-who was quite cantankerous less than ten minutes ago-to rest. A scratching noise came from the door then a loud 'crack.' Curious, Sirius walked over to investigate, sipping some of his drink. A small piece of parchment was on the floor. Bending over, Sirius picked up the paper and peered at it.

' _I sorted it out with my dad. He's sorry, but I'm still mad. Also, I took some time for myself, like you said. Twenty minutes seemed perfect. I'll be seeing you tomorrow whether you like it or not._

 _-Dorcas'_

 **A heavy chapter, I know. However, I thought it was important to show that even though Remus is accepted for what he is, prejudice never ceases for him. Still, he endures! Suggestions are welcome for future chapters! I hope you enjoyed!**

 **Ocean Eyed Redhead**


	12. Traitor

**AN:**

 **First, let it be known that I understand I may receive some flak for this chapter. After all, it is entirely Remus and Sirius arguing and the deterioration of their friendship. However, as one of the reader's reminded me, Sirius and Remus grow to distrust each other and we need to see why. Some of you will think: Sirius isn't so dumb that he would suspect his best friend. Here's the thing, fear does crazy things to us. Also, Sirius is a person of extreme passion so you have to admit, if he's angry he is going to be furious. So yeah, bare that in mind as you read this chapter.**

 **Also, I'll make it up to you. There will be some crazy ass friendship chapters to follow.**

21, Toward the end of the war

 _Traitor_

Sirius stood against the wall, just outside the alleyway by Harlow's Pub. He could hear voices. One of which belonging to his friend, the other belonging to no other than Fenrir Greyback. Most wizards would be trembling at the mere thought of Greyback being within such close quarters. Sirius, though shaking, was not doing so out of fright. He was shaking in anger as more and more deceitful words poured out of his friend's mouth.

"Do you know James and Lily Potter? Their son Harry?" Greyback asked.

There was a moment of hesitation in which Sirius, still hidden behind the wall in the shadows felt an urge to tackle Remus. Instead he waited with bated breath for his response.

"Sure. Everyone knows them," Remus replied.

Sirius' brows furrowed in unease. He prayed this conversation wasn't going in the direction he suspected it was.

"Well, how close are you to them?"

Another pause.

"Close enough. Do you have a request? A message I should relay?" inquired Remus.

"The Dark Lord recently told me that he's speaking with their secret keeper for information. I'm very curious as to who this is..." Greyback probed. "Is it you, Lupin?"

Sirius' jaw clenched. He'd turned down the role of secret keeper and told Lily and James to choose someone else. Had they chosen Remus? After all, Remus was exceptionally reliable and trustworthy. Honest to a fault and loyal to boot.

"I'm afraid not," Remus replied.

Sirius released a sigh of relief, thankful that Remus had no information to give.

"Is it possible for you to obtain some information from the Potter's? Maybe discover who the secret keeper is or...even find out some information on your own?" Greyback requested.

Sirius didn't blink, he merely folded his arms tighter around his chest.

"Such as?"

"When they're home. When they aren't. What Dumbledore has them doing? Maybe even find out what this Order I've been hearing about is," Greyback said in an almost irritated voice.

Sirius readied himself for Remus' answer. Yes or no? Was Remus the traitor? For weeks The Order's plans had been foiled. Fabian and Gideon Prewett slaughtered in an ambush on their stakeout. Marlene McKinnon and her entire family murdered in their home by Death Eaters. Alice and Frank tortured into insanity at the hand of Bellatrix.

And of course, there was Dorcas. Brutally hexed and tortured by the Dark Lord himself until she passed out; then Voldemort finished her off right before Sirius' eyes.

 _'He's betraying the Order because he's angry about Dorcas!'_ Sirius concluded silently.

Then Remus' words made sense. The words he had said at their friends' graves.

 _"I almost wish he would win so our friends would stop dying..."_

"Remus? Can you do that? Find out about this Order and the part the Potters play in it," Greyback repeated.

"I'll do my best."

Sirius felt the air leave his lungs. His best friend. A traitor.

 _'It's Remus... It's really him...'_ Sirius thought, his jaw falling open just slightly.

"You've been exceptionally loyal, Remus. Everything you've provided me with thus far has proved very useful. I look forward to fighting by your side."

"And I, you."

"I will see you next Wednesday and we'll go over anything you may have learned."

"Of course."

There was a loud crack and a sigh. It was just Remus now. Footsteps across the stone paved alley sounded as they hit puddles of water from the rain earlier. Remus stepped out of the alley into the light of the moon and surveyed the area. He jumped slightly as he spotted Sirius leaning against the wall lazily, arms folded and face unreadable.

"Sirius," Remus said stunned. "What are you doing here? It's not safe. You could be seen by one of the pledges."

Sirius shook his head, a sneer appearing on his face. He looked over to Remus slowly who felt a shiver go down his spine. Never had Sirius looked at him this way. He'd seen him only make this face when disgusted at his family. Was Sirius disgusted with him? Had he finally realized how foul werewolves really were?

"You were talking to Greyback?" Sirius asked in a low voice.

"Yes. What's going on?"

Remus raised a brow at Sirius shoving his hands farther into the pockets of his pea coat.

"You're the traitor. You're the one who has been feeding information to them aren't you?" Sirius accused.

Remus blinked in surprise, his eyes wide with confusion. Had Sirius really just accused him of such treachery? They'd known each other for years. How could he possibly assume this of Remus? He felt like he might explode and smack Sirius upside the head like Josephine had taught him, but he couldn't bring himself to even move.

 _'Deep breath,'_ Remus reminded himself.

Sirius stared at him with cold, calculating eyes.

"I am not the traitor, Sirius. For what reason would I betray you?" Remus questioned in as tranquil a voice as he could manage.

Sirius snorted bitterly and pushed himself off the wall, standing in front of Remus.

"I can name many reasons, Lupin," he snapped.

Fury raged inside Remus threatening to combust. He allowed himself to indulge it just a bit.

"Well, let's hear these brilliant theories, Black," Remus said in a harsh voice.

"For one, you've always felt that you didn't stack up. That you were less than us. Greyback, for some reason, makes you feel valued. You feel like you are rewarded better and are respected more with those wolves of yours."

"Wolves of _mine_?"

"They _are_ yours, aren't they? You train them. Protect them. You're the same breed."

There was a long pause where they each shared a long and livid stare. Sirius couldn't believe how haunting Remus looked in the light of the moon. Likewise, Remus had never seen Sirius look so sinister.

"What's your next theory, _old pal_?" asked Remus venomously.

Sirius glared at him with an almost coy expression before pointing a finger in his face.

"You're trying to get revenge on The Order because you think they are responsible for-"

"Don't you dare," growled Remus.

"-Dorcas."

"She's not a part of this," Remus grumbled.

"No? Are you sure that you don't blame us for getting her killed in action?"

"Stop talking about her."

"Have I hit a soft spot, traitor? Willing to turn on your friends because she was killed? That's low," Sirius snarled.

"Stop talking about her! I would never betray any of you! Are you mad?" Remus hissed.

"You think that if you help build Greyback's army and feed the Dark Lord information it will bring her back, Moony?" Sirius laughed.

"I'm perfectly aware there's no bringing her back and even if there was I wouldn't do it if it meant betraying the Order!"

"Wouldn't you?"

"I wouldn't," countered Remus in a low voice.

Remus and Sirius shared a look of complete and utter animosity. Sirius watched as a fire raged in Remus' tawny eyes.

"You're giving in to your animal instincts-"

Remus let out a loud and bitter laugh.

"My animal instincts? Are you joking, Padfoot? My animal instincts! That's weak!"

"You like being around people like you and finally realize that you feel better with them! It's some daft, animal, pheromone bull shite!" Sirius exclaimed.

"You sound like an idiot," Remus groaned.

"Do I? Or am I just right? Right that you aren't Remus Lupin-my best mate who happens to be a werewolf-and now you're Remus Lupin-werewolf Brother to Greyback's Colony?"

"That's rubbish!"

"It seemed perfectly plausible a moment ago when you were chatting with Greyback!"

Remus seized handfuls of his hair in frustration and gritted his teeth, strangling a cry.

"I'm undercover, Sirius! Undercover! How the fuck do I stay undercover if I act reluctant to do him service! For Merlin's sake! You can't be that stupid to think after all I've done I would turn my back on the Order. I've worked too hard to get where I am!"

"And where are you? You think they respect you? Remus, all of them think that YOU are the traitor!" Sirius blurted stepping up to Remus.

Remus felt his heart drop.

They thought he was a traitor? He'd compromised his morals to kill six Brothers and Sisters. He'd convinced ten pledges to flee. He'd gone to extreme lengths just to convince Greyback that he'd turned his back on humanity. He'd provided countless amounts of useful information that had saved their lives time and time again...and yet they still only saw Remus as evil. As weak. All this time he had proven to be faithful and a hero yet they still doubted him.

"All of them?" Remus asked in a soft voice.

A flicker of pity washed over Sirius briefly.

"Except for Lily and James of course..." Sirius muttered pacing a few steps off.

Remus' brows furrowed and he let his hands fall limply to his sides.

"...and me. Until now."

Remus' jaw tightened as his friend faced him once more with crazed wrath in his stormy gaze. Tears threatened to flood his eyes. The boggart was becoming real. His friends were deserting him. Remus would be alone.

"Until now," Remus repeated with a soft chuckle.

"What information have you been giving him?" Sirius barked.

"What are you on about? Information?"

"Greyback said that you'd provided him with useful information! What was it?"

Remus gestured to Sirius with his arms extended, palms up in exhaustion.

"You know what information! I've already told you at the meetings! Everyone knows what I'm telling him!"

"We know what you _say_ you're telling him! We don't know if that's _all_ you're saying!"

"Oh, you're talking out of your arse, Sirius," Remus said flippantly.

Sirius stood planted with his fists balled up at his sides. His nostrils were flaring as angry, hurried breaths escaped his lungs.

Perhaps Remus was right. He usually was. Perhaps Sirius was talking out of his ass. Times were tough and Remus had once said that unity was important for their cause to succeed. That if they didn't trust one another their foundation would crumble. The Order would collapse in on itself like a dying star if they were to begin suspecting one another of treachery. _"Speculation is our greatest enemy,"_ Remus had said.

 _'But there is no speculation! There's definitely a traitor!'_ Sirius thought.

A rational voice in the back of Sirius' mind told him to get a grip and realize he was being paranoid. However, that voice was being drowned out by rage. Inappropriate, irrational and unjust rage brought on by suspicion.

"Listen, Sirius," pleaded Remus, trying one last time to calm his friend. "I've only told him about the alleged traitors among his Colony and that Dumbledore had plans for the war. I've only fed information that Dumbledore has permitted."

Sirius raised a brow at Remus and folded his arms again.

"Fabian, Gideon, Alice, Frank, Marlene, the McKinnons... _Dorcas_..."

Remus flinched slightly at her name.

"Those are the people that have suffered at your hand..." and before Sirius could stop himself-"... _beast_."

Remus took a single step forward, teeth clenched. His amber eyes flamed with malice.

"What did you call me?" Remus questioned in a deliberate voice.

Sirius stood with his face inches from Remus'.

"Beast."

They both looked at one another like they never had before. The experience was completely alien. Even when Sirius had pulled that 'prank' their fifth year with Severus, Remus had never looked at his friend with such vehemence. Remus could handle being called a werewolf. Over time he'd even adjusted to the words 'animal' and 'monster.' However the term 'beast' he could never overcome. There was something very primitive and dehumanizing about calling him a beast. Sirius knew that. That was why he had pressed the button.

 _'Well as long as we are going for low blows...'_ Remus thought.

A small, dark grin came across Remus' lips.

"Well, at least I'm not related to Death Eaters. At least my family doesn't own a poor, slaving house elf."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, trying not to show how much Remus' words hurt him. What's more, Remus knew better. He could taste regret on each word that left his tongue. However they were gone and there was no taking them back.

 _'Remus, he's called you a traitor, accused you of committing wrongful deeds_ _ **and**_ _called you a beast. He deserves this...'_ the evil voice in Remus urged.

"Disowned by my family that I am just _barely_ better than..." he continued.

"You watch it, Lupin," Sirius spat.

"Maybe _you're_ the traitor. Trying to weasel your way back into dear mummy's heart. You think they don't say things about _you_? About your pureblood family that's-if I'm correct-currently under suspicion for being full of the Dark Lord's supporters? Don't think everyone sees you so innocently. It was your _own_ cousin who tortured Alice and Frank into madness."

"At least I'm not a werewolf."

Remus had so many more biting things to say. So many more callous words that would break Sirius' pride into pieces to create a collage of emotional chaos. But he resisted.

 _'Prove you're humane. Prove you aren't like the others in the Colony. Show Sirius mercy,'_ the good voice tried.

With a sigh, Remus took a step back, shaking his head exhaustedly at his friend.

"Sirius, I don't have time for your antics right now. I've done more for the Order than anyone else. I've submerged myself, neck deep in a hell pit of moral turmoil! I've lied and deceived and even gotten people killed! I've been bloodied, beaten and made to fight! I don't care what the Order thinks or even what _you_ think," Remus lied in a quiet, but angry voice. "I'm no traitor. In time we'll come to see who is...and when we do...oh, when do, old friend...that will be a day to remember. Do you know why?"

Sirius blinked in response, trying to appear impassive.

"Because the hand that points the finger is usually the one that strangles you," Remus whispered.

There was a moment where the two just looked at one another in a thoughtful silence. This was it. The end of their friendship. Perhaps they would be civil in public or maintain face for James and Lily, but after this nothing would be the same.

The thought of treachery had sent Sirius into a state of intense paranoia where the only people he trusted were now all suspect for his demise.

Remus was at a point where he had never needed more support, but instead found himself surrounded by doubters and bigots.

"If you hurt Lily, James and Harry...if you _dare_ , Remus..." Sirius warned, voice shaking with ire.

He didn't need to finish the sentence. Remus already knew the end because he was just about to say it himself.

"Likewise."

Then Remus walked away into the night, Sirius watching as his friend disappeared into the darkness. The words he had said echoing in his mind.

" _Because the hand that points the finger is usually the one that strangles you..."_

Then Sirius did what he often tended to after Remus would scold him. He reflected on the words Remus had said with silently wounded pride.

Who had pointed the finger at Remus?

"Peter..." murmured Sirius.

Many thoughts swam through Sirius' mind. Peter? Wormtail? A traitor working for the Dark Lord?

 _'No way in hell. The arse trembles at that bastard's name...'_

The pieces of the puzzle came together very slowly then...

 _REMUS_

Taking his own advice, Remus tried to think of who had pointed the finger at Sirius.

"Peter..." Remus muttered.

Could it really be Peter? Could the phrase 'it's always the quiet ones' be true? Could Peter Pettigrew be the spy? If the information being given to Voldemort was on the Potters, the secret keeper had to be either Sirius, Peter or Remus. They wouldn't trust anyone else. If it wasn't Remus, it had to be Sirius or Peter.

 _'Certainly not Peter. He's missed half the Order meetings hiding with his family...'_

The pieces of the puzzle came together very slowly then.

 _SIRIUS_

 _'That miserable sod used to tremble at the very thought of James, Remus and I being angry with him. Maybe...he's trembling at the mention of his Master's downfall... The Dark Lord...'_ Sirius thought, still standing where Remus had left him.

Sirius concluded that if it wasn't himself who was the secret keeper then it either had to be Remus or Peter. The Potters trusted no one else.

 _'Peter has hardly any information to give, right? He's missed a great lot of Order meetings to prance about with his family... He gets most of the information from playing catchup with us.'_

Sirius felt as though he was on the cusp of a dismal discovery. He would have to forget it until another day though. This altercation had been far too arduous.

 _REMUS_

 _'Then there's the way he looks at the mention of anything to do with Voldemort. He quakes just like he used to when he feared James, Sirius and I were upset with him. Does he fear for his Master's defeat?'_ Remus thought, walking further into the darkness.

Further than necessary.

Remus' eyes grew somber as he tried to rationalize the suspicion he so despised.

 _'But don't we all tremble in fear for the prospect of a future with Voldemort as leader? Surely that's all it is. Peter has never been the bravest...'_

Remus felt as bad as the rest of them. Suspecting someone without any real cause. He suppressed the feeling of a dismal discovery. It would have to be dealt with later.

 _SIRIUS_

When Sirius arrived at his and Remus' flat that night, he clambered into bed completely worn. The day had been too much. Though there was a possibility that Remus was the traitor and that their friendship was over, Sirius couldn't help but say something to the body in the bed across the room.

"G'night, Moony," he said just loud enough.

REMUS

Not long after climbing into bed at their flat, Sirius arrived too, mirroring his actions. They laid in silence, both unmoving in their beds. Remus' throat itched as he longed to say something to his friend whose relationship with him was dangling by a thread. Before he could, Sirius spoke.

"G'night, Moony."

Remus felt a minuscule smile appear on his face. Slight comfort fell over him at the casual sentence that was emitted from his friend's mouth. It was an informal apology. One Remus knew well. Sirius would hardly ever say he was sorry. Instead Sirius would behave nonchalantly as though he hadn't said a thing.

Remus' response was always understood as an 'I forgive you' though the exact words were never spoken. Instead he would just as casually answer Sirius.

"Night, Padfoot."

Their friendship would not be the same for a very long time. They both knew that. Far too many words had been exchanged tonight to be forgotten so soon. It would take time and tragedy to bring them back together. They would fight and yell and brawl but eventually they would shake hands again as though the events of today had never occurred.

Perhaps that was why Sirius smiled a bit himself in the darkness.

Maribelle 28,

Thank you so much! I do try my best to capture the essence of each character. Also, I like your suggestion about a oneshot on Remus' childhood. I'll look into writing that, though I don't know if I'd have that OC be in the Order seeing as I try not to deviate too much from canon. Regardless, awesome suggestion! Be looking for a chapter about Remus attacking a best friend during his childhood! I'll have to get on that!

That artsy kid,

I very well may! I've already started a story about Remus' time in the Order but it's popularity died down giving me very little inspiration to write so it is on hold. It's called 'RISE OF THE PHOENIX' and it's all about Remus' undercover work, the discrimination he faces and his relationship with his friends and Dorcas. Also, I've just begun a story about Josephine called 'My Path' the first chapter is up now if you'd like to take a read! It's not going to be strictly related to this story because I would like to have Remus more involved with Josephine (not necessarily romantically) but I love the idea of a 50:50 story which would mean some deviation from this current series of oneshots. I'd probably maintain the underground I have created though because it took so much work and I honestly love what I've done with it. Thanks for reviewing!

VOTE KNOPE 2016

RIP ALAN RICKMAN

-OCEANEYEDREDHEAD


	13. Doe

_**Let me start off by saying how seriously I take the comments I get. For real, your feedback and following and favorite-ing is what keeps the fics going. That being said, I take all your advice into mind but what especially grabs my attention is when I get a PM. I was recently PM-d that since I capture the essence of Remus so well that I should do a oneshot from his POV. I doubt this will be recurring because first person POVs scare the crap out of me. Haha. Anyway, thank AnnieSLennoxx for the following oneshot. Also, to prove that I take your comments seriously, I will answer the request to see where Dorcas and Remus' relationship took off below.**_

 _ **Thank you all so much! Please comment and/or spread the word of Little Moments of Lupin!**_

 _ **OceanEyedRedhead**_

16, winter of year six

 _Doe_

I'd never been one for parties, much less organized school functions. Attending a Quidditch match was a chore for me and I doubt that I would ever go if James wasn't my friend. It was the least I could do after all he'd done for me.

Regardless, this was probably the worst school function I had ever been to. The Yule Ball. Sweet Merlin, this Yule Ball. A waste of time on my part. The moon was only two days from now already leaving me irritable, nauseas and achy. To be perfectly honest, I was a rather fine dancer. One of the only skills I enjoyed flaunting. However now, with my curse coursing through my body causing such pain I was hardly up for it. At least Irma Shacklebolt was having fun with Edmund.

Irma had not been my first choice for a date and I was not hers. Initially, she had wanted Edmund to ask her to the ball. Then Edmund asked Dorcas. After hearing about that and being pressured into getting a date by Sirius, I sought out Irma. It was a safe bet. After all, who would Irma want to go with now that Edmund was taken? I was aware that the bookish boy with the scars wasn't high up on her list of date contenders, but she said yes all the same.

When we'd entered the Great Hall that had been transformed into an ivory paradise I was quite pleased. James and Sirius had bought me dress robes so I could do without my father's pinstriped, purple hand-me-down pair, Irma looked particularly ravishing in a tight purple gown and the enchanted snowflakes falling from the ceiling did not go unappreciated. Then the Charmed Cauldrons began playing, Irma and I had danced to two songs and Edmund entered with Dorcas.

Irma's face had instantly fell, the warm brown of her cheeks flushing. I would be lying if I said that I was not a little put out by this. I had been under the impression we were enjoying ourselves.

Then again, when I saw Edmund I no longer wondered why Irma lamented being with me. He looked especially austere in his crisp, blue robes with neatly styled hair. Irma refused to meet my eyes. I instantly felt pity for her. Pity and understanding. After all, Dorcas had entered with him and I had felt a longing in my heart. It had taken all my will power not to look at her. I knew no good could come of that.

After the following dance I had surrendered to the inevitable.

"Irma, we both know we came here with the wrong person," I mumbled, gently swaying to the music with her.

She laughed quietly before finally nodding in agreement. I sighed and looked down at her, swallowing my pride.

"I wish I could show you a better time."

"I'm having a fine time, Remus."

My eyes scanned the dance floor to see Edmund standing alone by the refreshment table. The corner of my mouth hitched up in a smile and I nodded in his direction.

"Looks like Edmund is all on his own. Go see if you can steal a dance," I suggested.

Irma looked over her shoulder and spotted the lone Edmund, drinking Pumpkin Juice. He was smiling slightly as he watched people dance. Probably admiring the way Dorcas' curvy hips swayed to the beat of the music.

I mentally slapped myself for having such a thought. Thoughts like that this close to the full moon left possibility for recklessly, promiscuous incidents to occur. Sirius often encouraged such engagements but I never obliged. It wasn't in my nature. Only the werewolf's.

"Remus, I don't want to abandon you. I'm you're date after all," Irma tried.

I shook my head at her, obviously discarding her remark. I could hear her giggle quietly, even though her head was down. Though losing my date was not how I had imagined this night going, I felt more than happy to send Irma off to Edmund. There was just something in my gut that told me it was the right decision.

"I was never your date, Irma. Just a substitute. Besides, I'm much too tired from studying for half-term exams to dance any longer. Go enjoy yourself."

I pulled away from her at the close of the song, bowing slightly. She responded with a curtsy of her own.

"Hurry now. Go," I grinned waving her off to the refreshment table.

I shoved my hands in the pockets of my robes and turned on my heel, heading to a vacant bench by the wall. It didn't take but thirty seconds for Sirius to show up.

"Leila is a beast, mate," Sirius sighed, waving his fingers delicately at his own date.

Leila was a beautiful girl with long, raven hair and smoky eyes. She and Sirius were often mistaken for family what with the two of them being so good looking in that unattainably mysterious way. She danced violently with Jolie Michaels, Peter's date, and looked good doing so. I raised a brow.

"And where's Peter?"

"Eating of course. I suggested he check out the refreshment table though," Sirius exhaled proudly. "I don't mind the view of my woman dancing with another."

"Why am I not surprised?" I chuckled. "Lily and James look utterly absorbed in one another."

Sirius blanched, shaking his head.

"Ever since Lily first started dating him they have been inseparable. It's bordering on disgusting."

"Are you lonely, Sirius?" I asked mockingly. "Or jealous?"

Sirius scoffed and waved me off flippantly. Though he wasn't lonely or jealous, I could tell he was worried about losing James. Of course, this absurd fear would come to pass over time. James was never one to abandon his friends, even for Lily Evans. There was no use trying to console Sirius anyway. He simply never allowed it. Sirius healed his own wounds and you could only keep them clean by pointing out the ridiculousness in his thoughts. A sneaky and effective way of helping.

"I'm not lonely or jealous. I'm nauseated."

I snorted back laughter and shook my head. Sirius leaned back, mirroring my posture. I could feel his eyes on me. A habit he'd had since I met him. Over the years I had learned to tolerate it, though in some circumstances it became increasingly irritating.

"What is it, Padfoot?" I asked flatly.

"Why aren't you with your own bird, Remus?"

I shrugged and pushed some of my hair out of my face. Finally I looked at Sirius and nodded towards where I had last seen Edmund.

"Edmund was free and that's who Irma had really wanted to attend this function with. So, I sent her on her way. Irma and I weren't really meant to be here together honestly."

"I wasn't talking about Irma," Sirius replied nonchalantly. "I was talking about good old Dorky Meadowes."

Was I really so obvious? I had thought that I had kept a good poker face about Dorcas Meadowes. That I hadn't revealed my interest in her. Sirius had a knack for being completely oblivious about all important things, but keenly observant when it came to the _wrong_ things. This time is was my fascination with Dorcas.

"Hey, gents!"

James plopped down beside Sirius, grinning from ear to ear.

"Lily's off getting us both something to drink. It's the beginning of the domestic bliss we'll have someday," he sighed dreamily.

Sirius blanched again, sticking his tongue out. This only made James and I laugh. We both knew that Sirius would never settle down. He would never be tamed and that lifestyle suited him perfectly. He was like a feather blowing in the wind. Resting on the ground briefly before being whisked away.

James on the other hand was concrete. When he liked something-or in this case loved-he was sure of it. There was no moving him. Like an ancient tree rooted deeply in the earth, James stuck to his dreams and passions. It was his nature to do so. Something I admired. His constant determination and ability to soldier on despite the obstacles in his way.

"Here's the real rub, James. Irma left Remus to dance with Edmund."

"That sneaky, little snitch," James growled seeking out Irma in the crowd.

"No, Prongs. Moony told her to."

James looked at Remus, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Why on earth would you do that, Moony?"

Sirius gave James a knowing look. Almost instantaneously, James began to snicker. He smacked his palm to his forehead and nodded at Sirius.

"Yeah, follow your heart and go ask Dorcas, mate."

"Not you too," I groaned.

I was not as sneaky as I presumed it appeared.

"It's so obvious!" laughed James.

"I thought I was quite nonchalant…" I murmured.

James and Sirius sniggered and shook their heads. I hung my own in embarrassment. James made a noise of pity and I felt his hand clap my back comfortingly.

"I thought I was being sneaky…"

Sirius laughed harder and slapped his knee. Normally, I would be quite irritated by his candor but it actually felt welcomed currently. That was one of the funny things about Sirius. His most aggravating habits were often useful in times such as this. Times when levity and honesty were needed simultaneously.

"You are the least sneaky person I know."

"Sirius is right, Remus. We found out your biggest secret our second year."

I grinned slightly and looked up at the body of students dancing to the loud music.

"Well, maybe you're both just extremely perceptive. Or maybe I wanted you to find out and the whole thing was some…elaborate game I made to exploit my pain and entertain you," I drawled.

Sirius and James chuckled, but it died down shortly. I sighed, bracing myself for a James and Sirius lecture. They would coach me through some sort of life lesson as if they were experts. Looking back, perhaps they were. They had far more social experience than me. The boy who always lived in the middle of nowhere with barely any friends for fear he might reveal he was a monster.

"Well, you're a prat if you don't seize the moment and ask Dorcas for a dance," James said.

Sirius nodded in agreement.

"She's an odd one, but we know you like her. We've both seen the way you look at her," Sirius smirked, exchanging amused glances with James.

"I-I-I don't look at her in any particular way," I mumbled, my cheeks flushing slightly.

A frequent bodily function of mine, much to my regret. I was quite good at disguising my emotions, but those blasted cheeks always flushed when I was embarrassed. It was like some girl in an old movie.

"He doesn't look at her in any particular way. Did you hear that, Padfoot?"

"I did. It sounds like rubbish to me."

"I don't!" I protested, a small smile starting to appear on my face.

"See, you're smiling because deep down you know you have a shot with her, mate."

"You smug bastard," Sirius grumbled.

"And," James began pointedly. "She looks absolutely gorgeous tonight. Don't tell Lily I said that."

"Prongs is right, actually. Dorky cleans up well."

Lily appeared through the crowd in a green, taffeta dress. In her hands were two cups of Pumpkin Juice. One for her and one for James. James stood, smiling like a complete idiot and pecked her on the cheek. Sirius rolled his eyes, though a grin played on his lips. Whether he would admit it or not, I knew he was happy for James. Lily looked down at Sirius with polite smile.

"Evening, Sirius. Shouldn't you be dancing with Leila?"

"Leila is dancing with Jolie while Peter eats. I'm perfectly comfortable spectating while taking a breather," Sirius shrugged.

Lily's green gaze shifted over to me. We'd always gotten along well. Even when I would force compliments about James on her, she enjoyed my company. I couldn't help but feel slightly wary though whenever I saw her with James. I couldn't bear to imagine what Lily Evans would think of me when she found out I was a werewolf. Perhaps, I should have known better. But I didn't at the time.

"Remus, why aren't you dancing with Dorcas?"

My eyes widened for a second and I released a groan of frustration, running a hand down my face. I looked at James, circumspectly.

"Who all have you informed of my interest in Dorcas, James?"

"I guessed it without James, thank you," Lily replied, courteously. "She talks about you enough on her own. Perhaps if you stopped sitting here like a martyr you might have a shot at spending the rest of the ball with her."

My jaw tightened uncomfortably. As harsh and brutally honest as it was, I would be lying if I said I didn't need to hear it. A warm smile came across Lily's lips.

"Come on, James. I have a corner of the second floor library I think you'd like to visit," Lily said smoothly, pulling James away by his wrist.

James released a fit of excited giggles. As soon as he was out of earshot, Sirius and I laughed at him. My eyes watered.

"Who is the girl in that relationship? James or Lily?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," I replied curtly.

Sirius stood up and looked down at me with a disapproving smile. I narrowed my eyes, awaiting his scolding. My lips pursed and I raised my brows, inclining my head to usher him into saying what was on his mind.

"You're being a ponce. Go get Dorcas and let that randy wolf out-"

"-Merlin's beard," I sighed, exasperated and shocked by his words. "Can you say that into the microphone on stage, you know, just so everyone in school hears?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, laughing to himself. He shook his head at me and turned on his heel, walking into the sea of dancing bodies. I couldn't help but grin myself. Straight ahead I saw Irma and Edmund dancing. She looked considerably happier now. My smile tipped higher. To be honest, I was perfectly fine spectating. People-watching was a hobby of mine since I was a child. It was the closest to human interaction I got with children.

My parents had allowed me very limited contact with kids my age after I revealed my condition to a schoolmate. He was then obliviated and my whole family had to move over fifty miles away. It cost my mother her job in real estate for about a year. Then I was homeschooled. Truth be told, I only spoke with adults most of my life. Perhaps that was why I craved the company of Professors or why I took care of my friends so much. I felt like more of a parent than a student. Not only was I obligated to keep them out of trouble, but it came easily. I enjoyed it.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, closing my eyes and listening to the music. The gentle, droning voices of the band continued. When I looked back at the crowd I saw a very sweaty Peter trying to copy all of Sirius' dance moves only to fall short. I could help but chuckle slightly.

Then I was distracted. So distracted. So disoriented.

Dorcas.

She shouldered through the body of students, walking with such poise I would have sworn she was floating if I hadn't seen her feet. Her feet. Bubblegum pink heels. Her dress was navy blue and hugged her curvy frame flawlessly. The sandy, blonde hair that normally fell in slightly wavy tresses around her heart shaped face was twisted and tied back neatly exposing her long and graceful neck. The dark dress only further illuminated her pearly skin and the slit up her leg did nothing for the wanton beast inside me. Neither did the low-cut top perfectly shaping her breasts.

' _Shit! Stop that!'_ I scolded myself. _'Quit looking at her! Prove Sirius and James wrong!'_

Her warm eyes suddenly met mine and I struggled not go rigid. Instead I swallowed and set my jaw. As hard as I tried to look casual, I could tell my posture was tense. Quickly, I averted my eyes and went back to watching my fellow students dance, now feigning interest. I could see her get closer and closer.

' _Oh, shit. Oh, shit. OH, SHIT! Contain yourself! Calm down!'_

There was no ignoring it any longer. She was there. Standing right before me. Slowly, I looked over to her. She wore a smile on her bow-shaped lips and I felt my heart melt. She was a vision. There was no denying it. I cleared my throat anxiously.

"Nice shoes," I said brusquely.

Raising a brow, Dorcas looked down at her feet then back to me.

"Yeah, they're alrigh', I guess," she shrugged.

A moment of silence lingered between us. My eyes flickered between her and the dance floor, over and over again. She sighed lightly and sat beside me on the bench. My body twitched in anticipation. I could hear her heart beating. It was so calm and even. I could hear my own pounding frantically in my ears. The effect the moon was having on me. Intense. The effect Dorcas had on me. Incredible.

"So, you're date stole my date," Dorcas stated.

I smirked.

"I apologize. My company was not pleasing her, so I suggested she seek out the person she really wanted to go with."

"Was she rude to you?" inquired Dorcas in a slightly aggressive tone.

I laughed quietly, shaking my head.

"No, of course not. It's _Irma_. She offered to stay with me."

"And you said no?"

I smiled, nodding. Dorcas exhaled again.

"I'm not going to say I'm surprised at wha' you did."

"Why?" I asked curiously, my eyes still on the dance floor.

"Oh, you know what they say about you."

My eyes snapped in her direction. I instantly shifted into a state of panic. What did they say about me? Who all knew? She snickered at my expression and rolled her eyes. My face did not change.

"It's not bad. It's just what they say about you and those other boys you run round' with. The self-proclaimed 'Marauders.' You, James, Peter and Sirius."

"What-what do they say about us?"

Dorcas turned her eyes away this time, gazing out at our pupils.

"Well, they say Peter is the quiet one. That e's always trailing after the three of you like a puppy," Dorcas stated.

"Astute observation," I confirmed.

Dorcas released a soft laugh.

"They say James is the jock-ish, protective one. The one who gets wha' e' wants and if not, won't stop until e' as' it."

That was also quite true. James was so ambitious that you could swear he was a Slytherin. Then again, his loyalty to his friends surpassed his desires by far. It was something I'd always admired about James. His determination and bravery. As much of those qualities as I possessed myself, James had an excessive amount. A stunning amount. It bordered on ludicrous. Not in a bad way. After all, that's how he had obtained Lily Evans.

"And of course, there's Sirius. The 'bad boy,'" she scoffed doing air quotes. "The one that revels in detention and can get any girl e' wants with the wink of is' eye."

I fiddled with my fingers, following her eyes to the dance floor. Leila danced on Sirius in a manner that resembled someone having a fit. It was astonishing to me.

"And-erm-and what do they say about me?" I questioned hesitantly.

"Oh, you're the bookish one. The one will all the answers that keeps them in line. Without you we think they would have burned the school down by now. You're also referred to as 'the nice one.'"

' _So the goody two shoes. Great.'_

"I'm inclined to agree. I don't know ow' I would pass Potions without you; what with ow' clever you are."

I smiled wryly, raising my shoulders. I envied Sirius' ability to get women. It was my own fault. I could never bring myself to find those radiant words. The ones that glowed with charm. Then there was his confidence. What I wouldn't give for that confidence. Just a tiny piece of it. Damn the scars, curse and limited life expectancy that brought my self-assurance down. Damn it.

"I'd like to add that you're the wittiest of the four and very adorable."

' _What did she just say?'_

Slowly, I looked over at her. Dorcas still stared ahead. I swallowed again, my jaw hanging open slightly. Had she really just referred to me as adorable?

"Or is 'cute' a better way to describe you?" she mused.

I snapped my jaw shut, eyes wide at her words. Dorcas shrugged and looked over at me, blinking.

"I s'pose I'll jus' go with cute _and_ adorable," she concluded. "Ow' does that work for you?"

I nodded my head as best I could, my mouth slightly agape again. She flashed a brilliant smile at me, her white teeth contrasting with her dark red lipstick sensually. I bit my lip, fighting the urge to place my hand on her knee and snog her. Dorcas giggled at me, amused. I smiled sheepishly, my eyes down.

"You're blushing! That's so sweet!"

"I'm not," I insisted, though I could feel my face heating up.

"Yes, you are! It's so adorable! Keep doing it!"

I laughed that time. She was too charming with her minor cockney accent and large, innocent eyes. I had no idea what to say in response to that. I went with the first thing that came to mind.

"Well, I'm sorry I sent my date on a mission to steal yours."

"Eh, Edgar wasn't my first choice."

"Who was?" I blurted.

' _Say me. Say me. Say me.'_

"Sirius."

I felt my face fall. She'd called me adorable and cute and sweet and smart and she still wanted Sirius. Typical. Expected. I had been an idiot to think I was her first choice. At best I was probably fourth. The wolf in me became territorial. I wanted to grab her face and plant a kiss on her velvet lips.

"Oh," was all I could manage in a cracking voice.

I heard Dorcas laugh loudly and looked to her with an alarmed expression. Try as I might to contain it, I couldn't. It was impossible for me to compose myself.

"I'm joking you, sod!" she said, nudging me with her elbow. "My first choice was you, of course. Then you went and asked Irma."

"Because Edmund asked you before I could!" I replied defensively.

Dorcas scoffed and gave me a knowing look. I suddenly became aware of what I had just confessed and was embarrassed. Well, then again, she had admitted the same thing. What was there to embarrassed about? Nothing, essentially.

"I only said yes because you were taking your own sweet time, you were! I ad' to go with someone and gave up on you," Dorcas said pointedly.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out another candid reply. Dorcas seemed to have that influence on me. Making me act on impulse rather than rationale.

"Well, you shouldn't have," I grumbled.

Dorcas raised a brow and I looked at her bashfully.

"The day that Edmund asked you I was right there. That was when I was going to ask you."

I thought she would chuckle or even crack a smile. Instead, she sat up straighter and pursed her lips indignantly.

"Well, you better not be expectin' me to apologize, Lupin."

"I don't," I protested.

Another pause. She looked out at the crowd of dancing couples with envy and sighed, frustrated. I gazed at her apologetically until she faced me. Begrudgingly, she met my eyes.

"Once again, I'm sorry I told my date to steal yours," I said sincerely.

Dorcas' stern expression softened and she grimaced at me.

"I won't believe you until you make it up to me."

I cocked my head to the side, intrigued. How was I to do that? Make it up to her.

"What should I do?"

"Well, Mr. Adorable, Cute, Bookish, Remus, you can ask me for a dance."

A smile broke out on my face slowly and she grinned back.

"Show off those famous moves I've seen. You owe me that much," Dorcas added in a soft voices.

' _Sirius is right. I need to give into the wolf this once…'_ I concluded.

Inhaling through my nose, I braced my palms on my knees and stood to my feet. She looked up at me, a mischievous look on her face. I extended a hand to Dorcas, inviting her to dance. With hardly any hesitation, she accepted. I could feel my heart leap out of my chest at her touch. Together we started for the dance floor. Without warning, Dorcas dragged me into the crowd, running forward. I was suddenly shocked and scared and mortified.

Me, the quiet, goody-two-shoes, bookish boy was dancing with perhaps the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. The song wasn't something I was used to but I managed to pick it up all the same. All of my inhibitions washed away at the look on Dorcas' face. She was beaming at me. Genuinely pleased to be in my company. Though I couldn't see Sirius, I knew he was smiling smugly somewhere. My only concern now was that I wouldn't be able to contain my actions. The rather philandering, wolf impulses that threatened to emerge.

My eyes scanned the dance floor only to see that most of the couples seemed to be dancing quite shamelessly. The girls practically glued to their dates. All of them. Perhaps that's why I wasn't incredibly surprised when I felt Dorcas' body mold to mine. Her back was resting against my chest, her fingers in my hair. The most liberating and exhilarating sensation came from her hips swaying against mine. I'd never felt something like this. This urge to run away with her right now and-

' _QUIT THINKING LIKE THAT! YOU'VE GAVE IN TO THE WOLF ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT!'_ my brain admonished.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, only to notice that I was no longer moving. My hands were on her waist and not stationary. It was like I had been hit by petrificus totalus. The boys around me ran their hands up and down the bodies of their partners. Though I wanted to do the same, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid of what actions might follow that behavior.

However, it wasn't up to me apparently.

Dorcas' fingers grabbed my hands and she moved them higher up on her waist then slid them back down her hips, over and over again repeating the process. My heart continued to beat out of my chest. I could feel every curve of her hourglass figure beneath my fingertips. It was electrical.

She turned her head slightly so I could hear what she would say next.

"Relax," she whispered. "We're just aving' fun."

Evidently, that was all I needed to hear. My arms wrapped around her torso and I pulled her to me, following the sway of her body. Every inch of her skin was mine.

' _Mine…'_ I thought, practically growling.

"That's it!" Dorcas laughed, nodding.

I grinned as she turned around and faced me. Her hand took mine, raising it slightly, threading her fingers through mine. My other hand moved down to the small of her back and without thinking, I jerked her to me. She smiled up at me, her eyes squinting. I grinned back and we rocked quickly to the fast pace of the song.

I can't recall the exact sequence of events, but there was twirling and laughing and touching. A song where I was able to showcase the swing-dancing I had learned from muggle movies. The most physical contact I had ever had with a girl. It was startlingly terrifying. In the best way. What's more was that she was enjoying herself. Somehow that satiated my need to snog her violently. The wolf within was satisfied with this.

I'm not sure how long we danced together, but eventually the music slowed and only twenty people out of the former two hundred remained.

Dorcas was leaning her head against my chest and we were rocking gently to the beat of a soft voiced song. My grip on her had eased and I was simply comfortable. We said nothing, just danced. I was perfectly content that way, if not better. Dorcas sighed quietly then yawned.

"Tired?" I asked.

She nodded into my chest then looked up at me.

"But I don't wanna stop," she replied.

I laughed quietly, rolling my eyes. Who the hell was she? This siren who had lured me into her heart through Potions class and exposed me to the beauty of physical touch with a woman.

"Aren't your feet bleeding?" I asked, grinning.

"Yes, but the blood is lubricatin' my shoes so it's actually quite comfortable."

I snickered and not even thinking, kissed her on the forehead. We both froze, still holding hands.

' _Mine…'_

"I'm s-so sorry," I stammered. "I dunno what came over me."

Her lips parted in surprise. What had I done? Who did I think I was? A monster trying to kiss the princess. Ridiculous. Still, as much as I wanted to skulk off to the nearest dark corner and forget the whole ordeal, I couldn't bring myself to let go. She must not have wanted me to, because her hand still gripped mine and her fingers still rested on my shoulder.

' _Mine… Nobody elses'… Nobody can have her.. Mine…'_ the wolf urged.

I blinked, shoving away the image. It felt like an eternity had passed since I kissed her. In reality it had only been seconds.

"I think…I think we should call it a night," I murmured, slowing to a stop.

Dorcas' hands dropped gradually, falling to her sides. I stood before her, rubbing the back of my neck anxiously and staring at the floor. I could feel her confused eyes on me. I cleared my throat and shook my head. Dorcas took a single step back before turning to exit.

' _Damn it all! She's mine!'_

I lost control. I listened to the wolf. I did something very uncharacteristically Lupin.

My hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. I yanked her back, turning her around to face me. My fingers gently held her rosy cheeks and I pulled her face to mine. Our lips met. I'd never kissed a girl. Not like this. I decided to do what Sirius did whenever I saw him snog a bird. Slowly, our lips parted and closed, meeting and separating over and over again. My thumb stroked her cheekbone and I felt her palms rest on my chest. Our tongues danced.

Again, I lost track of time. I lost track of everything. I'm not sure how long we kissed, but it felt so good. It felt so right. Once more, I had managed to satisfy the wolf.

"Mr. Lupin, Miss Meadowes, I think it's time you went to bed."

We separated to see a very terse looking McGonagall before us. The dance floor was slowly clearing. Nodding silently, Dorcas and I walked hand in hand away, both of us snickering. It was rare that I found myself in trouble with a Professor and rarely was it worth it. This time though? This time it was worth it.

I would like to say that I ended the night there like a perfect gentleman. I didn't though. Again, like an alcoholic seeing a fine glass of wine I gave in to the beast inside me. We found a dark corner on the fifth floor and snogged for what felt like hours.

It ended with us heading to the dorms, eyes half shut and exhausted.

"Mr. Lupin, you're out late," remarked the painting of Gregor Pox. "I don't want to report you to McGonagall."

I looked at him with wary eyes.

"S'okay, I'm a Prefect. I'm going to bed. Right, Dorcas?"

"Right," she yawned.

I could hear Gregor laughing quietly behind us. We arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and delivered the password. With a look of disapproval she allowed us in.

I walked Dorcas over to the entrance leading to the girl's dormitory. She hugged me around my waist.

"G'night, Remus. I had a goodnight."

She pulled away and removed her heels, hanging them on two of her fingers. Turning around she walked to the stairs with dragging footsteps.

"Goodnight, Dorcas. I had a pleasant evening."

"It's jus' Doe," she responded, her back to me.

"Huh?"

I was too tired to say anything formal like 'pardon?'

"Jus' call me Doe. Not Dorcas."

My mouth twitched up into a grin.

"Alright. Goodnight, Doe."

She waved at me delicately and disappeared up the stairs.

Doe was everything to me. That was a night I knew I would never forget. My night with Dorcas Meadowes. My Doe.

Though Voldemort took her from me many years after this night, I knew one thing about Doe. After all was said and done at the ball, Doe had been mine. Mine and mine alone. And what's more…she had wanted to be.

 **THANK YOU FOR READING!**

 **REVIEWS MAKE ME SMILE FROM EAR TO EAR AND HOWL AT THE MOON…not that I'm a werewolf or anything…because I'm not…no really…I'm not.**


	14. Icarus

20, Mid War

 _Icarus_

Remus fell on the mat with a thud, his jaw throbbing at the blow that had been delivered by Josephine's foot.

"You move too slowly," she said casually, circling Remus' body. "Let's try again."

He had been at this one on one with Josephine for over an hour. They must have sparred three dozen times. Each time resulted in Remus falling on his face and Josephine circling him. She extended a hand to him, offering to help him up. Remus took it, defeated, and pulled himself to his feet. Josephine tightened her ponytail and cracked her neck, continuing to walk lithely around the mat.

"It's a problem most people I train have. Your movements are unsure and shaky. Hesitant. They give you away," explained Josephine.

Remus nodded and pushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. Josephine walked to the corner of the mat and gathered a small rag from the floor. She tossed it to him which he caught with ease. Dabbing his perspiration covered face he threw the rag aside and stretched his arms. They popped loudly as he released a groan. Josephine frowned and raised her brows at him.

"Water?" she asked.

Remus shook his head warily. Josephine rolled her eyes and jogged to the table off the mat, grabbing a steel cup of water. She handed it to him with a knowing expression on her face.

"Drink. It doesn't take a genius to see you're becoming dehydrated," she muttered.

Remus took slow, heavy sips until it was empty and handed it back to Josephine who threw it lazily over her shoulder. Much to his surprise it landed with a clatter on the wooden table from which she had retrieved it. He laughed breathlessly.

"Good aim. You do that a lot?"

"Yes. Now let's try again," she replied sharply.

Remus nodded and raised his fists, ready to start sparring again. Josephine narrowed her eyes at his stance and pursed her lips. She shook her head and walked over to him.

"Punch my hand," Josephine ordered, raising her palm.

"I don't want to…I don't want to hurt you," Remus replied.

Josephine scoffed, smiling slightly.

"I think I'll manage. Punch my hand."

Rearing his elbow back, Remus smacked her hand. It felt like he had made a firm impact and the way she waved her hand suggested it had been successful. However, the displeased expression on her face suggested otherwise. A thoughtful looked crossed her face as she paced about the mat.

"Okay, I think I see your problem… It's your lower body strength," she murmured.

Remus cocked his head to the side curiously and crossed his arms across his chest.

"My lower body strength?"

"Yeah, yeah, you've got a solid punch but that step forward I told you to take is just not putting enough force behind your hit. It doesn't help that you move with an irreprehensible amount of apprehension," she remarked softly.

She clapped her hands together and stood before him, looking him up and down. Slowly Josephine nodded as though approving of something that had been said. Remus waited expectantly for her criticism.

"Alright, ready stance," she said in a quiet, but commanding tone.

Remus assumed the position she had taught him. Knees slightly bent, feet parted, one arm with a level elbow and fist forward, the other angled upwards. Her small hands grabbed his wrists, making him shiver. Josephine's fingers were stunningly cold. Clearly aware of this fact, Josephine cleared her throat uncomfortably.

He watched thoughtfully as she angled his arms so that both his elbows were level and in front of him. His fists were no longer in the direction of his opponent but vertical with his thumbs facing him. She pulled the left arm forward slightly and then grabbed him firmly by the shoulder. She squinted slightly, angling him so that one arm was leading. Josephine knelt down before him and tapped his right foot.

"Move this one forward a bit."

Remus obeyed. She tapped his knees, still on the ground.

"Bend these a little more."

He crouched a little lower. Josephine stood and took a step back observing his stance. Finally, she nodded at her handiwork and a tight smile came across her lips.

"Alright, this is good… I like this…" she mused.

She stood before him again, raising her hand.

"So you're going to punch again, but instead of going forward like this," she said punching the air, knuckles first. "You're gonna go like this."

This time she swung her arm around so it made a side impact with the space and not front. Remus nodded in confirmation that he understood.

"All the strength will come from your hips and shoulders. Make sure you get some strength going through them," Josephine said, lithely running to the other side of the mat where two makeshift pillows were.

She held one in each hand. Remus knew the drill. Punch the two pillows.

"Just like last time, punch with your right, then your left. Both of them should hit the side of the pillows. Really rapid. Understood?"

Remus nodded, readying himself.

"Alright. Go."

Remus swung his right fist, then his left hitting each pillow with a firm thump. He went back to his readied stance and awaited Josephine's reaction. A small grin spread on her lips and she dropped the pillows, raising both her hands to him.

"Alright, we found your stance, Lupin," she confirmed.

Remus slapped his palms against hers, chuckling, then let them fall limply to his sides. Josephine tossed aside the pillows and stood before Remus in the position she had taught him. He recognized this. This was where Josephine would teach Remus his attack sequence.

"Alright so I'm going to try to strike your face, but you are going to block me like this."

Josephine quickly raised both her arms so they were horizontal, one over the other creating a blockade from her face. She brought them back down and nodded at him, signaling that he would now try it out. Without warning, Josephine's fists reared back and came towards Remus' face. Too slow. Her knuckles collided with his nose. She was far too generous to actually allow lasting damage to occur. Josephine made sure to throw punches meant for sparring and not legitimate blows. However, she had assured Remus that she would not be quite so generous when it came to their final lesson…or an actual fight with him if he stood in her way of escaping.

"Too slow," she said chidingly, turning in a lazy circle.

Remus rubbed his nose briefly and shook his head out of bewilderment.

"All set?" she clarified.

Remus nodded, standing before her in his readied stance. Once more, he was too slow. He expected Josephine to groan or growl or become frustrated, but instead she shook her head and told him that he needed to be faster.

The third time Josephine went to strike Remus, his arms were up and her fist slid in between the narrow gap. Remus sighed in frustration and let his arms fall to his sides.

"Dammit," he hissed.

"No! No! That was good!" Josephine assured him, grinning.

Remus raised a brow at her.

"Your fist got through, though."

"It's supposed to. Watch. Put your fist in between my arms," she ordered in sprightly tone.

She raised her arms into Remus' blockaded position. Cautiously Remus put his fist in between the gap. Josephine's arms collapsed on his.

"Now this part is all in the shoulders. Watch how I twist. It takes some agility," she warned.

Josephine shifted her shoulders so they went in a diagonal line and twisted Remus' arm. He hissed in pain and she dropped them.

"See?" she stated brightly, gesturing to him.

He smiled at her, happy to see some levity in her eyes. With each visit Remus saw more and more hope in Josephine. Perhaps it was her contact with another civilized werewolf that made her so happy to see Remus or perhaps it was that she came closer and closer to escaping with each passing day. Either way, Remus was pleased to see her spirits were lifted.

"Yeah. What happens after I twist their arm?" he asked curiously.

Josephine waved her hand flippantly, nodding.

"It's actually not that complicated, but if executed properly, you'll throw the opponent off balance. After you shift your shoulders, your bottom arm is gonna come up, grip the shoulder of your attacker and you'll push him down. Come here."

With a reluctant expression, Remus approached her. Josephine snorted back laughter.

"Alright, punch me. Like the first time. Forward, not from the side."

Remus sighed and threw his punch forward. Josephine raised both her arms in the blockade, catching his wrist. She quickly moved her shoulders causing Remus to bend slightly. Before he knew it, her arms were no longer around his fist and a hand was on his shoulder. It forced him to stumble forward onto the mat. Slowly, Remus looked up at his small, redheaded opponent. She smirked at him, brows raised.

"See. C'mon, you try it," she said extending a hand to him.

Remus accepted it and stood to his feet.

He failed the sequence twice and as usual, on his third try nailed it.

Josephine lay on the mat, shoved down by Remus. He offered her his hand but she had already hopped to her feet.

"Now as you can tell, an expert duelist like yourself, this is a great opportunity for a defensive spell," she stated. "What would you suggest?"

Remus stroked his chin.

"If they haven't already been disarmed, expelliarmus is the obvious choice. However, if they are armed then a stupefy to the back should do…" he murmured.

Remus caught himself. Too civil of orders. He was fighting with the dark side of the wizarding world. Stupefy was a charm of the white knight. He turned his eyes skyward.

"Or, you know cruciatus if you're in the mood to take your time with them. The killing curse should wait until they are facing forward unless aim is impeccable. If their back is to you, you'd have to hit the head so it's best to wait until the chest is exposed."

Remus looked back down at Josephine who wore a look of sympathy.

"You're still not used to fighting for the Dark Lord."

It wasn't a question. Remus smiled wryly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's difficult to consider using Unforgivables. I've only used defensive spells before I joined Greyback."

Josephine walked over to the table with water silently, pouring a cup for each of them then returning. Slowly she sat on the mat, Remus mirroring her. He accepted the cup of water and took a sip.

"Perhaps that's a bodily instinct. Something telling you that this life isn't what you need," she said softly.

Remus turned his eyes to Josephine to see her staring at him thoughtfully. She'd been saying things like this to him a lot lately. Trying to convince him to desert Greyback's army. It pained him to insist that he liked fighting for Greyback and believed it was what was right. Josephine feared so much for Remus' soul it seemed.

"I told you, Josephine, I'm not turning my back on this cause…" Remus said giving her a knowing look.

Josephine rolled her eyes, taking a swig of her water.

"You're on the wrong side of history, mate," she stated.

Remus watched as she set down her cup and began to massage her feet. This young girl before him was so resilient. Unwilling to give up on him. In a way he was comforted by her longing for him to leave. It meant that he exuded compassion and kindness. That he didn't belong with these primitive people. It also troubled him. Remus feared his attitude would expose his true motives to Greyback.

Then again, maybe Josephine was just very perceptive and to be honest, if Greyback believed that Voldemort wanted werewolves to join his higher ranks after the war was won, then he was more stupid than he looked.

"Did you ever consider that maybe you were, Jo?" Remus asked, swallowing, a small smile on his lips.

Josephine shook her head, a bewildered expression on her face though her eyes were still down. Remus' smile broadened slightly. He appreciated the look on her face that said 'why would I ever doubt myself?'

"You're quite sure of yourself, aren't you?"

Josephine nodded again, massaging the other foot.

"I admire you."

Her dark eyes shot up and met his.

"Do you wish you were sure of yourself too, then?" she asked hopefully.

Remus laughed softly and turned his eyes skyward.

"Why are you so keen on me leaving? Don't you like having me around?"

Josephine sighed, still squeezing her toes. Remus heard a loud pop and grimaced slightly.

"I don't want you to leave, but…you're so good. I hate seeing that goodness wasted here. You could be doing so much for the right people," she whispered.

' _You have no idea,'_ Remus thought, smirking.

"Well, I'm sure that you'll make up for my decisions when you escape."

Josephine exhaled again and cracked her fingers.

"To be honest, Remus, the days you are here are some of my happiest," she admitted complacently.

Remus grinned at her, drinking some more water. He raised a brow.

" _Some_ of the happiest? Last time I met you said they were _the_ happiest," he taunted.

A blush crept across Josephine's face and she averted her eyes bashfully. Remus felt his heart lift slightly. He knew that look. It was the same look he got when thinking about Dorcas.

"Merlin, there's a boy," he breathed.

Josephine tucked her chin and shrugged.

' _Of course there is. She's only sixteen…'_

"Who is he?" Remus inquired. "I wanna know."

Josephine looked up at him with a timid smile.

"Icarus," she murmured. "He's an elite."

Remus' jaw dropped. Icarus. A pledge that had become an elite. He was twenty years old and an amazing duelist. All he knew was his first name. The boy had little to no memory of his family and an American accent. The others often jested that he was the 'American Werewolf in London.' He was a handsome young man with neat, chestnut hair and sparkling hazel eyes. Remus enjoyed the company of Icarus despite his lack of interest in literature or writing. Icarus couldn't quite remember what he liked.

When rehearsing Unforgivables he always seemed hesitant and the last time he had dueled and performed a cruciatus curse, Remus had caught him frowning. However, the last time Icarus had defeated an opponent using only legal, defensive spells Greyback had him beat within an inch of his life.

"Oh…was that you who was tending his wounds?" Remus asked in a quiet voice.

Josephine hugged her knees to her chest. Remus could finally see the eager school girl in her emerging. It warmed his heart to witness that Josephine wasn't completely missing out on a normal teenage life, though a lot was still lacking.

"Yes."

Remus shook her knee in congratulations, then gave her a tenderly chiding look.

"He's a bit old isn't he? Twenty?"

Josephine pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes.

"Am I not practically twenty?"

Remus laughed at the look of malice in her eyes and nodded.

"Fair enough, Josephine."

Josephine rested her chin on her knees, her thoughts far off. Remus' brows knitted together in concern. She didn't look sad or happy…more methodical. He grasped what she was thinking instantly.

"Is he…is he going to run with you?" Remus whispered.

Josephine's eyes flickered over to Remus, a small smile broke out on her face.

"Now why would I tell one of Greyback's followers that?"

"Because this one is your friend and he's not going to say a word."

Her mouth twisted contemplatively. Remus sighed, rolling his eyes.

"If I wanted you caught I would have said something by now, you know?"

Josephine sighed and nodded at him, her eyes slightly hesitant. She took another sip of her water and blinked as Remus awaited her answer with bated breath.

"Yes, he is," she replied.

Remus smiled and raised his tin cup of water to her in salute. A wry smile appeared on her face and she raised her own, halfheartedly. It was moments like this Remus was able to see that Josephine was still just a sixteen year old girl. Inhibited, unsure and embarrassed by practically all things involving enthusiasm. Looking at her blushing cheeks and her coy smile, Remus felt hope rise in him. There was still hope for her to have a normal life, albeit as a werewolf.

"Alright, so what's your plan for escaping?" asked Remus, raising a brow.

Josephine swallowed and rolled her eyes. She seemed vexed and miserable at the same time. She didn't have a plan. Perhaps he would be able to help. Then again, who was he kidding? He had to help. He constantly felt obligated to help. It had taken everything in Remus to lie to her and not tell her how happy he was that she was not succumbing to the indoctrination of Fenrir Greyback and Voldemort.

"I'm going to offer you some advice, Josephine," Remus said softly.

Her eyes flickered to him, wide with curiosity and lingering on his every word.

"If you're looking for a plan of escape, look for your enemy's weakness."

"His weakness is my weakness. The full moon," Josephine replied.

Remus shook his head slowly.

"No, Josephine. If anything, the full moon is Greyback's strength. Perhaps a better way to discover his weakness is to figure out what his greatest power is."

Josephine gnawed on her lower lip and gazed up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Remus' eyes zeroed in on her as he awaited her response. He knew she could guess his weakness. She was smart. Finally, she looked back to him. Her dark eyes flickering with epiphany.

"He has control over everyone. Greyback's greatest power is his leadership over the colony," she concluded.

Remus nodded slowly and set down his cup. He gestured to her and inclined his head.

"And how would you disrupt that ability? How would you take it away and make it destroy him?"

Josephine shook her head, coming up short. Remus pursed his lips, unsure of if it was safe to tell her how to bring him down. A nagging voice within encouraged him to do so. Encouraged him to assist this girl. It was the least he could do.

"Greyback is able to manage the chaos of these rather primal people with fear. This being so, if people did not fear Fenrir, then his world would collapse into chaos. You need to create chaos. Make them afraid of something other than Greyback. Chaos is your friend, Josephine."

"So?" prompted Josephine.

"So in the midst of that chaos-whatever chaos you cause-you run."

Josephine glanced down at her blistered feet and exhaled.

"Me and Icarus?"

Remus nodded once, his face serious.

"And…and nobody else?"

Confused, Remus cocked his head to the side. Surely there was no one else Josephine was attached to. Looking at her he saw a detached and very rectangular person. Someone who had priorities and followed their head rather than their heart. Looking at her now though, vulnerable with slumped shoulder and furrowed brows, he could see the maternal schoolgirl within.

"Is there someone else?" Remus whispered.

Josephine met his eyes and nodded.

"Two children. Eileen and Barnabus."

"The young Elites?" Remus elucidated.

Josephine nodded her head and sighed, her gaze becoming distant. Remus placed his hand on her knee, comfortingly.

"Why them?"

Not looking at him, Josephine inhaled slowly.

"I wasn't…I'm not…I'm not heartless…"

"I know that," Remus said quietly.

Josephine began to fiddle with the drawstring on her pants and cleared her throat.

"Eileen and Barnabus have one thing in common. After they won in the arena I caught them both crying alone. They were shaking…and wailing…it was almost unbearable to watch. I couldn't just-just let it happen, you know?"

Remus shrugged in agreement and beckoned her to continue with a nod.

"So when I saw Eileen crying in the corner of Area Two I approached her and I-I-I comforted her. I mean…in the midst of all these barbaric children to see one with some empathy was almost…unbelievable. Something I had to see with my own eyes…"

A small smile appeared on her face then vanished.

"I consoled her, calmed her down and told her that if she were to need anything to come find me."

Remus awaited the story's sad ending. He could tell it was coming by the way Josephine sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Then Barnabus won. He was distraught as well, though I never saw this. Eileen went to him and informed him of how kind I had been to her so he sought me out and then…" Josephine swallowed. "…and then word got out that I was soft and kind… I lost a lot of respect from my Elites. Greyback was not at all happy to find out about my reputation. So that's why I try to seem very…distant."

"And…erm…you think Barnabus and Eileen can manage to escape? Manage to keep up with you?" Remus questioned.

Josephine sighed, smoothing back a stray strand of wavy hair. Slowly, she shrugged at him, eyes far off.

"I hope so. I've been focusing on them in training. Icaraus, Eileen and Barnabus have become my priorities. I'm trying to…train them up, if you will."

Remus nodded in approval.

"That's good. Very wise."

"And Greyback is thinking of promoting Icarus soon."

Remus raised his brows, slightly alarmed. If Greyback suspected that Josephine had feelings for his pretty, little doll then the boy would no doubt be brought to the slaughter. He gave Josephine a troubled look. Her eyes narrowed at him.

"Don't you worry he'll harm Icarus? He may see him as a thr-"

"No. At least once a week I beat the shit out of Icarus in front of Greyback, then let him beat the shit out of me. It makes for a good cover. Fenrir thinks we are both equally talented and I make sure to express a certain distaste for Icarus around him."

Remus snickered softly. Josephine shot him a half glare, half look of confusion. Remus raised his hands innocently.

"I just wondering how you find time to know that you like one another if you spend a lot of time beating the shit out of one another."

Josephine exhaled sharply and rolled her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips.

"We can thank Miss Anya Jay for that. Some Swedish bird who turned up among the recruits. Practically kisses the ground Fenrir walks on. He's very caught up in her lately."

"Has she gotten you kicked out of Greyback's bed yet?" Remus asked.

Josephine's face fell and she crossed her arms.

"Not yet. Hopefully soon. She watches the 'festivities' with us and I've-ahem-heard her and Fenrir going at it in his quarters."

Remus blanched making Josephine laugh. She nodded in agreement.

"My sentiments exactly, Lupin."

Eventually their laughter died out and a silence lingered between the two of them. Remus looked at her face that had been red with embarrassment moments ago and was now white as a sheet. Obviously, Greyback was in her head. Thoughts of him tormenting her. She had once told Remus that it was as if he was constantly taunting her even when he wasn't around. Thoughts of anxiety filling her head often sent her into a state of somber panic. Now was one of those times he was invading her mind.

The situation needed to be remedied. Remus scooted beside Josephine and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"So, will you and Icarus be forming a plan then?"

"What about Icarus?" an American accent asked.

Josephine's head whipped around. Coming up the concrete steps was Icarus. Remus had only seen the boy in passing but could tell that his shirt was a little looser than when he'd first laid eyes on him. The muscles that used to outline his body were slightly diminished though he was not sickly thin. Icarus' brown hair was somehow very precisely styled despite the current conditions and his eyes sparkled with a sort of ease that made Remus relaxed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw Josephine's eyes widen. She hopped to her feet and surveyed the area frantically.

"Who's this little shit?" Icarus asked, his eyes suddenly cold.

Remus stood with Josephine, his mouth slightly agape. Unsure of what to say for once.

"Icarus, this is Remus."

Icarus' brows raised in recognition as he looked from Josephine to Remus. The corner of his plump lips hitched up in a warm smile. Remus could see why Josephine liked him so much. He had a very kind manner about him.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry," Icarus chuckled walking towards Remus, hand extended.

Remus accepted and shook his hand, hesitantly. Icarus leaned in slightly.

"Gotta, you know, keep up appearances. I didn't know if you were one of those jack asses," snorted Icarus.

Josephine crossed to them both with deliberate steps.

"By 'jack asses' he means people who would betray us or follow Greyback avidly," she clarified.

Josephine surveyed the area frantically then stepped between Remus and Icarus, eyes narrowed.

"Regardless, what are you doing here?"

"Relax, everyone is still at lunch and Fur-Face is busy with Anya."

"Fur-Face being…" Remus began.

"Greyback. Yeah," grinned Icarus with a wink.

Remus couldn't help but smile back. The boy's slight happiness was infectious. Well except on Josephine whose lips were pressed in a worried line as she gazed up at him with apprehensive eyes. Icarus looked back down at Josephine and laughed softly, he brought his hand up to her face and stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. Her brows furrowed just slightly and a miniscule grin came across her lips. His hand seemed so tan against her fair face. Not as tan as it had been when he'd first arrived but definitely darker than hers.

"Hey, don't worry, alright? It's one of those moments we don't have to worry. Let's not ruin it," shrugged Icarus nonchalantly.

Remus watched as Josephine stared up at him with hopeful eyes. He didn't quit smiling at her. Eventually, she sighed and nodded at him in agreement. Remus felt his heart lift slightly. It was comforting to know that Josephine had this sort of presence around her. No wonder she had seemed happier these days. Icarus turned to Remus, his hand on Josephine's shoulder, though her own arms were crossed.

"I've heard a lot about you, Remus. You're a good man."

"Likewise. I can see you make Josephine very happy," Remus said pointedly.

A look of pride flashed across Icarus' face, his eyes twinkling as he glanced back down at Josephine then back up to Remus.

"Well, I like to think so," he replied squeezing Josephine closer to him.

A faint blush appeared on Josephine's face and she pursed her lips to fight off a smile, making Remus grin.

"I hear you're going to help us get out of this hell hole and not tell Greyback, even though you're a supporter."

"Yes. That's correct. Josephine and myself were just discussing tactics," Remus said.

Icarus offered a downward smile of approval.

"Huh, I guess that only makes you half jack ass," joked Icarus good-naturedly.

Remus laughed again, nodding.

"Yes, I s'pose so."

"Jo, did you tell him my plan?"

Josephine rolled her eyes and smiled, waving him off. Icarus groaned, closing his eyes.

"Why not? It's a good plan!"

Josephine sighed and jabbed her thumb in Icarus' direction. Remus had to suppress a loud laugh of delight. Right now, Josephine and Icarus appeared to be two normal kids in love. Lightheartedly bickering at one another. Not two werewolves trapped in an underground of savagery and sin.

"Icarus here wants to blow the place up," drawled Josephine.

"Boom!" Icarus exclaimed, slamming his fist into his palm. "Everyone is either killed, evacuated or caught by the Ministry! It's an awesome plan! And you can't tell me that you've never wanted to blow anything up, Josephine."

"I can honestly tell you I've never had that desire. Can you even remember having that impulse, Mr. I-Only-Know-My-First-Name and that I'm American," Josephine scoffed, hands on her hips.

Icarus raised his brows at her, smirking.

"Well, la-de-da, Miss I-Have-A-British-Accent and can kick ass," he retorted.

However, Remus wasn't listening to their charming back and forth. He was considering this option that Icarus had presented. Blowing the place up. Icarus and Josephine looked at Remus with confused eyes. Remus nodded, the corner of his mouth tugging up in a smile.

"That's not a bad idea, Icarus."

Josephine's jaw dropped as she stared at Remus in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Told ya so," Icarus said proudly, elbowing her.

"Josephine," Remus began. "What did I tell you would weaken Greyback's hold over his followers?"

"Chaos," she answered promptly.

"And what is an explosion, if not chaos?"

Josephine bit her lip, hopeful for the first time in a while. She blinked, exhaling as Icarus beamed with pride.

"Where will you both go after you escape? Have you both thought of that?" Remus asked, changing the subject.

Icarus threw his arm around Josephine and smiled, her eyes went downcast as her cheeks turned red.

"I'm taking Josephine back home with me. We'll hop the first ship out of here."

Remus' brows knitted together as he looked at Josephine.

"You're not going to go home to your parents or…or finish school?"

Josephine slowly looked up at Remus, her eyes filled with longing and hope. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"There's nothing left for me at Hogwarts or with my family. I want them to remember me as I was…not like this," she replied softly.

Icarus planted a tender kiss on Josephine's head before looking back to Remus. He looked positively elated. They weren't even close to being out of the woods yet, but somehow this young man just knew it was going to happen eventually. Remus envied his optimism. It rivaled even James'.

"Will you be looking for your family then? Trying to figure out what happened to you? If I may be so bold to ask?"

Icarus shook his head at Remus' question as though the question was pointless and stupid.

"No point, man. That life happened. It came and went and obviously isn't worth remembering or I would have more desire to find out about it."

Remus smiled warmly at the two kids in front of him, both so in obviously in love even if one of them didn't completely realize it just yet…Josephine.

"Well, I have notes on transformations and things that help you get through them if you would like a copy. You know, something to help you in this new life you want to procure," offered Remus.

Icarus looked down at Josephine, a deep love for her evident. The last time he'd seen someone look at another person this way was with Lily and James. Icarus seemed absolutely enamored in Josephine. Everyone had a beacon of hope in their life. Something to look at that got them through the day. A photo or a letter or a video or a person. Icarus' was obviously Josephine.

"We'd like that, Remus. Wouldn't we, Jo?"

She nodded, her cheeks still flushing. Then the dreamy school girl vanished and the warrior woman reappeared.

"Remus, how are we going to blow this place up? A simple bombarda spell will hardly cut it."

Before Remus could stop himself…

"Just leave that to me, Josephine," Remus replied.

The two young people before him froze in shock.

"You're going to do this for us? You're going to help us blow up the place you've worked tirelessly to help create?" Icarus asked.

Remus swallowed and looked from a puzzled Josephine to an inquisitive Icarus. This was a huge concession. Not a little one he could claim was out of compassion. No, this was a legitimate compromise of the morals he had led Josephine to believe he had. What lie could he tell to get him out of this? His mind searched frantically for an excuse but he came up short. Remus was too overwhelmed by all the information he had obtained.

"Listen, you work on finding a way to escape and I'll work on procuring a way to blow this place to hell beyond the veil," murmured Remus.

Remus averted his eyes and walked over to the table where his coat and shoes were. He could feel the awed gaze of the two young people behind him burning a hole in his back. Remus didn't have long to complete this task of getting them out. He could only hope and pray they didn't begin to question him or if they did they didn't blow his cover. Quickly, he slid on his shoes and coat then headed towards the stairs. A hand clapped down on his shoulder. Remus looked over his shoulder to see Icarus looking at him. A few yards behind him stood Josephine, her eyes wide in misunderstanding.

"Yes?" Remus said.

Icarus pulled Remus into a firm embrace.

"Mum's the word, man. I won't say a thing. Thank you," Icarus said in a hushed voice.

He pulled away, staring down at Remus with a warm smile. Remus stared at him with his heart beating out of his chest. Was this really happening? Did this young man really know what was happening and wasn't going to tell? Could he truly trust Icarus? Maybe he should obliviate him just in case.

"Good man," stated Icarus.

Remus' lips twitched into a smile. He felt something in him stir. It was what Josephine had talked about. A gut feeling. Just like she knew that she was on the right side, Remus knew that he could trust Icarus. His eyes flickered from Icarus to Josephine then back to Icarus.

"Watch over her until I return," Remus replied brusquely

Icarus nodded.

"Forever."

Remus began to descend the stairs, hearing Icarus run across the mat over to Josephine.

"Alright, c'mon. It's time for my ass kicking. Do your worst, kid!" he heard Icarus say playfully.

There was a loud smack, making Remus cringe just slightly.

"Shit, Jo. Good one!"

Remus chuckled. Even when getting the hell beat out of him this Icarus boy remained cheerful. Commending the girl he cared for, for probably giving him a round house to the face.

It was true what Sirius had told Remus when he doubted the genuine light of his nature due to his affliction.

' _We've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are…'_

Josephine and Icarus. Two people trapped in darkness were acting on light. Maybe, just maybe, there was indeed hope for the people stuck in this hell hole.

' _I'm getting them out of here,'_ Remus thought, heading towards the exit. _'They are going to get out of here.'_

Exiting the sewer system, every time Remus closed his eyes he saw Icarus, looking down at him. The words that he had spoken replaying in his mind.

' _Good man…'_

That night, Remus removed his seventh year yearbook from his bookcase; when Josephine would be in her third year. He thumbed to the Slytherin section and scanned the moving photo for her. Most of the Slytherins sat austerely before the camera, wearing either smirks or no expressions. There were a few who were full out smiling but they were far and few between. Finally his finger landed on the picture of a young girl. Her hair fell in curly waves around her freckled her face. Beneath two furrowed brows were big eyes full of wonder and hesitancy. She appeared to be rather self-conscious. Unsure. Slowly, the small grin on her face broadened then faded then broadened again. Her eyes looked down then back up at the camera bashfully.

It was Josephine.

To the right were larger pictures of candid pictures of Slytherins. A lot of them were snickering or giving nods of acknowledgement to the camera. There was one with a few seventh years rolling their eyes and simpering at the camera. In the background he could just make out Josephine talking to girls with a flat smile, they laughed at whatever she was saying.

He thumbed through the pages some more looking at the Slytherin Quidditch team. No sign of her there. Remus flipped to the Dueling Club page. He stood with the Gryffindors, back row being the tallest. The scars on his face stood out to Remus, making him grimace. The he looked at the Slytherin side.

His heart sank. In the photo of the Slytherin members was a small girl, front row. Her robes were well fitted and she wore an almost cocky smile that reminded him of James'. Her eyes were squinted just slightly as the girl beside her shouldered her playfully.

Remus was in the same club as her, most likely faced her in combat and didn't remember her.

He ran a hand through his hair angrily.

"I'll make it up to you…" Remus whispered shutting the book.

He repeated that like a mantra as he flung himself into bed and fell asleep.

Why you guys no comment? I like it when you guys give me feedback. Anyway, this is sort of a promotion for my new fanfic about Josephine. I hope you guys enjoyed and if you like these then I highly recommend my story about Josephine "My Path" and my story about Remus in the first war "Rise of the Phoenix." That is all! Please comment!

-OCEAN EYED REDHEAD


	15. Goodbye, Old Friends

21

 _Goodbye, Old Friends…_

I don't know when it was I realized that I would never have a 'happily ever after.' I seemed to realize it a lot in my life. When I learned what being a werewolf meant. When I learned that I couldn't trust anyone. When I learned what I was good for. When I learned I could lose everything. When I learned that I could lose all of them.

Peter.

James.

Lily.

Dorcas.

Frank.

Alice.

Marlene.

Sirius.

All of them lost in one way or the other. All of them convincing me that I could be happy at one point or another. Then something would happen where I would see that that was truly impossible. I could never be happy. Not as long as I was a monster. Not as long as darkness triumphed light.

Peter.

' _I'm sorry, Remus. I'm sorry it too me this long to realize that it doesn't matter what you are. Just to realize that you're my friend and that's all that matters."_

James.

' _Don't ever doubt us, Moony. We aren't them. We aren't the ones who see you as a monster. You're our friend. No matter what you do or what you've done we love you, Lupin.'_

Lily.

' _You may be the smartest man I know, but you are by far the dumbest if you don't think you deserve love. You deserve everything in the world, Remus.'_

Dorcas.

' _The world around us is falling apart but as long as I'm with you, I have a piece of it worth holding onto. You're worth keeping around, Remus. No matter what you are.'_

Frank.

' _Everyone who matters sees Remus Lupin, not a monster. Those who don't aren't deserving of a single thought.'_

Alice.

' _Remus, it only gets better from here. You've just sorted out who is right and wrong. You know who to trust and who to treasure. Who to write off and who to hold. Please hold onto us.'_

Marlene.

' _I'm more than your girlfriend's friend and your personal Healer. I'm your friend. I'm one of the good ones. I'm one of the ones that will back you up. Never doubt me.'_

Sirius.

' _Don't be an ass, Moony. I'm always your friend. I'm never going to let you down. Not again. I owe you everything. The Marauders are my escape from darkness, and in turn are yours. Always.'_

Damn them all for changing my mind. For convincing me I deserved better. For giving me hope.

I walk past each headstone. Each one reading 'friend' or 'sister' or 'mother' or 'brother' or 'father.' However, I don't see those generic titles. I see what they each said to me. No matter how much I say I hated hearing it. That I hated them for giving me hope, I know I don't mean it. I know that every time I feel worthless or lonely, I replay all their words.

I'm the only one left.

I thought I'd be out first. I looked forward to this life ending, especially if it was for a greater cause. Yet here I am, the one who had one of the most dangerous jobs, alive. Placing objects on headstones in remembrance of the ones who died too young. I can't help but think that it should have been me. If I could I'd give my life right now to bring them all back.

But I can't.

On James' headstone I place a snitch. On Lily's right beside him, my Prefect badge from the days we used to do late night rounds of Hogwarts together. Maybe I should have brought flowers. A white rose and orchids like someone else who had been here earlier.

Next I visit Peter's grave and leave a Chocolate Frog card he had given me because he said that he already had it. Truth had been that he'd never found that one. He'd just wanted to give me a nonchalant gift. Various candles illuminate his headstone and a single white rose.

Onto Marlene's. I lay the business card she had given me with her name and address and the 'Saint Mungos' emblem in the top right-hand corner. I see no harm in her address being exposed now that the home is a murder scene and unable to be repaired with the various explosions and broken walls inside. The McKinnons dueled the Death Eaters to the end. I have nothing to put on her parent's or brother's grave but Merlin knows that I will never forget their sacrifice. Even though the tragedy was a year ago some flowers still remain. A white rose leaning against each headstone.

Then there's Dorcas. It's an old headstone, but like Marlene's, no one has forgotten her sacrifice. Perhaps that's why there are so many flowers. A white rose, some lilies and orchids. I remove the final item from my bag. The book 'Brave New World.' Our favorite novel. Merlin knows how many times we discussed it. I had caught her reading it at Hogwarts and that was when I knew that she was 'the one.' I doubt I will ever find another 'one.' Not like her. Not quirky and bubbly and hot tempered and so full of love she practically glowed. Willing to cut ties with those she held dear just to be with me.

Finally, I cry. I'd been swallowing that lump in my throat this entire visit. I can't hold it back anymore. They're all gone. Locked up in Azkaban or Mungos. Buried beneath the earth. Unmoving and never to grow old.

I'm alone. I can't do this. I just can't. Perhaps it's time…it's time to end it all. I'll see my father one last time and then I'll do it.

Then I realize something. Each grave has one thing in common. A white rose. I wonder who it was. A friend? Family? Whoever they are, I pray they continue to do this after I'm gone.

"Mr. Lupin?"

I turn around and see her. She's staring at me with that concerned and sympathetic look she so seldom wears, but I know it well. Her lips aren't pursed. Her eyes are deep with distress. She's worried for that little schoolboy she watched grow up. Looped over her arm is a basket with a few white roses.

"Hey, Professor McGonagall," I sniff.

She strides towards me, cloak dragging the ground.

"My dear boy…" she whispers.

Then I can't hold it in. I break down in tears, covering my face with one hand. I feel her thin arms wrap around me, her chin resting on my shoulder while her hand strokes my hair.

"They're all gone, Professor. Every one of them is gone. It's just me."

I expect her to say that I've got her and Dumbledore, but she knows that's not what I want. I just want understanding. I know that she and Dumbledore will always be there for me. However, saying that won't convince me that it will all be fine.

"I know. I know, Remus. I am so very sorry," she says, her voice thick with tears.

I finally separate from her, feeling like the first year that she sat in her office and reassured, promising me that I could be a good student _and_ a werewolf.

"I should have said yes to be Harry's godfather. I should have said yes. Now he's with those horrible muggles…" I groan.

"You couldn't have known your best friend was not going to be a suitable godparent. There was no knowing that. You did what you thought was right, Lupin."

"He'll grow up alone. Not knowing what he is and what he's going to get into for years…"

I feel horrible. I know the feeling of not fully realizing the truth until the last moment. Not realizing that what you are can affect everyone around you for years and years. Now Harry would suffer the same fate. I could never visit him. Never teach him anything. Not for a while at least. He couldn't learn the truth. Not for a long time. That was my fault. McGonagall must realize this because she swipes away a few tears and grabs my shoulders.

"Come back home with me for some tea, Remus."

"I dunno, Professor."

I have something I need to do. I need to visit my father one more time before I kill myself.

"It's not a request, Lupin."

Then we disappear and arrive on the doorstep of a small cottage with diamond paned windows and oak door above a welcome mat.

"Wipe your feet," McGonagall says pointing her wand at the door. It clicks unlocked and we enter.

It smells like vanilla and cinnamon within. The lighting is warm. A buffet table is in the entrance foyer and covered in picture frames. She gestures to the doorway beside me.

"Go make yourself comfortable. I'll be in shortly," she comments removing her cloak and hanging it on the coat tree.

She sets off down the hallway. I shed my own coat and drape it on the hook beside hers.

I decide on an emerald green armchair beside the fireplace. I kneel beside the hearth and place my hand beneath the dry logs. A flame appears in my palm and I set the wood ablaze then take a seat in the chair. McGonagall enters with two teacups hovering and two plates with a few biscuit in her hands. One tea cup sets itself down on the small table beside me. She passes me one of the plates of biscuits and keeps one for herself.

McGonagall sits in the chair on the other side of the fireplace.

"They were all too young, Remus. James and Lily had such a beautiful future ahead of them. Frank and Alice too."

"At least Neville will have his grandmother to go back to…"

"She's a stern woman but she'll take good care of him."

"And those Dursleys? Harry deserves better."

A silence washes over us. She knows what I'm thinking.

"You would have made a fine godfather, Remus. Especially with Dorcas by your side."

I flinch. She's right. That's what Dorcas had suggested. She'd told me that maybe Sirius' bachelor lifestyle would make parenting hard and if he ever needed any help so he could go out, we should offer.

"I warned her that if she stayed with me that was the closest she would ever get to being a mother. She said she liked the idea. Then we watched Harry together. It went really, really well. She was amazing with him…" I say, a faint smile on my lips.

"I've heard you were as well. That one of Harry's first words was 'Moony.' Is that true?"

I roll my eyes, sipping my tea.

"The boy is smart. He learned a lot of words. Moony. Dad. Mum. Siri. Doe. Petey."

Another silence lingers in the air. I sigh and shake my head, unsure if I should let what I'd learned before the Potter's death slip out. I needed to tell someone. It was eating at me. Hurting my heart. Who better to tell than the woman who kept her emotions and all secrets locked up like a security vault at Gringotts.

"Lily was….she was….Lily was pregnant when…Voldemort killed them…" I murmur, staring at the flames that lick the hearth.

I feel McGonagall's gaze on me. When I look up her mouth is in a flat line and her brows are furrowed. She shakes her head at me. I nod back.

"Not terribly far along. Only about three months. This one was also unplanned…but James…he couldn't have been happier, Professor. They were so excited to tell Sirius. But then he was gone for weeks off doing 'something for The Order' regarding his family. Now I guess we know what the real mission was…"

"Those two deserved so much better. They all did. The McKinnons. Peter. The Longbottoms. Dorcas." 

I fish in my pocket and my fingers touch the small box I have kept on me for two years. I remove it and let my thumb stroke its velvety surface. A grim smile creeps onto my lips and I sigh. I pop it open and look at the silver band with the opal stone surrounded by tiny sapphires. I turn it so McGonagall can see it. Her brows knit together even more and I see her eyes glisten with tears.

"We had just had a really serious discussion about our future. She fell asleep and I snuck out, bought it from an antique shop. I carried it around for an entire year. I was trying to decide whether I was selfish enough to propose or not. Whether we could both handle the scrutiny of the community for her marriage to me. I was never sure. Merlin knows I wanted it will all my heart. I know she did too. I just…I waited to know what was best. I shouldn't have waited," I sigh. "I can't bring myself to return it. I've considered tossing it into the ocean where I asked her what she thought about marrying me."

"What did she say?"

I chuckle.

"She said yes."

"And you still didn't propose?"

I shrug and wipe away a tear before it can run down my cheek.

"I was going to. I talked with Sirius and James. We had a plan for the next night, but…she was dead by then. So…maybe if I had proposed sooner…if I hadn't waited she would-"

"No, Lupin. No. You couldn't have prevented it. The Dark Lord figured her out and would have come after her no matter what."

I shrug and close my eyes, snapping the box shut then putting it in my pocket.

"And now Peter is gone. After all those years it seems that Sirius didn't have an issue blowing him to pieces. For a moment I suspected that the spy was Peter. I feel awful for that now."

"You weren't the only one who believed that. Dumbledore and I suspected it as well."

"I guess it's now confirmed that it was not him," I say with a bitter laugh.

"I suppose so."

I look out the window and exhale, shaking my head.

"I'm the last one. The last of the Marauders. The last of my generation in the Order."

"Well, Frank and Alice-"

"They aren't coming back, Professor. Bellatrix made sure of it. Frank and Alice are lost no matter what we think."

"You must not lose hope, Lupin. That path will lead you to dangerous things," she says gravely. "Like pondering suicide…"

My eyes snap up to her. She wears a grim but knowing smile as she sips her tea. I shouldn't be surprised she knows. McGonagall seems to know almost everything.

"That's what you were doing when I found you in the cemetery, right? Thinking about offing yourself?"

I nod, rubbing the back of my neck. McGonagall shakes her head then lets her scrutinizing gaze settle on me.

"When Harry grows up, he'll need someone to tell him stories of his father. What he was like and what kind of friend he was. You need to be around for that. To tell him how James was always there for you and how Lily made you feel special. It's the least you can do. Don't be selfish. Think of that ring. Think of who it was for and how horrible you felt when she left you. Now imagine your father, Dumbledore, Harry, Neville…me. We'd be heartbroken without the final Marauder."

It was then that I realized that sticking around was the right thing to do. I'd never been the same man. The ghosts would always haunt me. But perhaps, if I tried hard enough, things would have to get easier. Somehow, right? Somehow it would get easier.

Maybe I'd never have friends like James, Lily, Peter and Sirius again. Maybe I'd never be in love with someone like Dorcas. I could, however, provide that kind of compassion for others. For Harry someday. For Neville. For my father.

How I wish I could go back and do it all right. Propose to Dorcas and save her. Say yes to be Harry's godfather. Figure out who the traitor was and save the Potters. Keep Sirius out of Azkaban. But that was all over. The past is the past. Now I have a future. A future to make memories. To make things better. I have another chance as the last of us all.

I'll work to make it better. To fix it. To make everyone happy. To live. After all, what else is there to do?


	16. Inevitable

*Well, I bawled my damn eyes out writing this. I have **two suggestions**. **1-Listen to 'The Baudelaire Orphans' by Thomas Newman for this first section. 2-Listen to 'Not Today' by Imagine Dragons for the second half.** Yeah, so major feels and such damn sadness in this chapter **. I'll try and lighten it up next chapter.***

21

 _Inevitable_

I can't believe I'm doing this. It's selfish and wrong but if James, Lily, Sirius and Peter think this is an instance where it would be alright to behave as such then I suppose it's okay. Lily walks into the living room with a Gryffindor banner and levitates it to hang on the wall. It looks just like the Common Room the night I confessed to Dorcas that I was a werewolf.

I nervously flick my wand at Lily and James' green couch and make it Gryffindor red, then take a seat, anxiously twiddling my thumbs.

Lily sits beside me, making me jump.

"Nervous?" she asks.

I nod, smiling wryly.

"More than I ever have been in my life."

"Doe is going to say 'yes,' Remus. I know it," reassures Lily.

"I sure hope so."

"Oh, shut it, you ponce. Of course old Dorky will say 'yes.' Don't doubt it for a second," Sirius exhales carrying in James' Quidditch Trophy and placing it on an empty shelf.

"I actually agree with Sirius on this one, Remus," Lily adds.

James walks in sporting his old Quidditch sweater that still fits like it did at Hogwarts, Harry on his hip wearing a golden onesie with two wings on the back. Lily designed it to look like a golden snitch. The scene from the night of my drunken confession has been recreated.

"Don't forget the fireplace, Remus. I'll put on the music," James orders as Harry looks around the room curiously.

"Give me my godson," Sirius smiles.

Sirius jogs over to James and pulls Harry off his hip, cradling him while tickling his stomach. Harry smiles toothlessly.

"You're gonna be a heartbreaker," remarks Sirius.

I smile and kneel before the fireplace sending flames from my palm to the wood. It ignites and I sit before it cross-legged.

"What time is it?" I ask Lily.

"She should be here in five minutes," she beams.

I nod and feel my neck get hot with anticipation. I only have five minutes. In less than ten I'll be engaged. Right? Right?

The fireplace makes a loud 'whooshing' noise and I whip my head around. Dorcas' face is in the flames. I manage to smile at her, attempting to mask my anxiety. Then I notice her face is wrought with fear. I can make out that she's close to tears.

"Doe? Are you on your way?"

"He's coming, Remus. He's coming," she says in a shaky voice.

I glance over my shoulder. Lily, James and Sirius exchange dark looks. I look back at the fireplace. Dorcas' eyes are closed.

"I'm...I'm not going to make it tonight, I'm afraid."

"Wait, _who_ is coming?"

"Voldemort. He-he-he knows it is me."

"How?" I cry frantically.

There's a loud clatter and Dorcas cringes.

"I love you, okay. I love you so much," she says holding back tears.

I shake my head.

"Just...just run. Get out of there!"

"He's probably going to question me. He's going to want information. I won't say anything, I promise-"

"Say whatever it takes to get you out alive!" I command.

Another bang, Dorcas looks around then back to me. She's crying now.

"I'm sorry I can't make it, Remus. I'm so sorry."

"You can make it! Run! Apparate!"

"He'll follow me. I can't lead him to you. He..." she trails off and looks away again.

"Dorcas, look at me!"

She looks back at me, her eyes sorrowful.

"I love you. I love you. Tell me you love me," she pleads.

"I-I-I love you!" I shout. "I love you..."

There's a loud bang and the muffled voice of someone else with her. Her eyes narrow and her jaw drops slightly.

"It's you…" breathes Dorcas.

My brows raise and I try to find the words, but I seem to have forgotten all of them. Who was she talking to?

"Remus! He's here with him. The traitor. Remus, the traitor in the Order is-" and there's a shriek as she is yanked out of the flames.

"Doe! Doe!"

I'm frozen as the events replay in my mind. We were just setting up for a proposal. We were just so happy. Dorcas used the floo network and contacted me. Now she's gone. She knows who the traitor is. She's about to be killed.

Slowly, I stand and turn to face my friends. Sirius holds a silent Harry and stares at me with his jaw clenched. James is frozen next to a trembling Lily. My eyes flicker between them all and I run a hand through my hair. Slowly, I nod and grab my wand from the coffee table.

"Okay, I've gotta go," I say.

"We're coming with you," Lily states boldly.

"No, Lily. Not right now. I don't want you to risk anything."

"Well then, I'm coming."

"No, James. You've got a son," before Sirius can start I cut him off. "You're a godfather. If I'm not back in ten minutes only Sirius can come and check in on me. Meet me at her house, Sirius. Understand?"

He nods numbly and passes Harry to James, grabbing his leather jacket.

"I'll take the bike in case we need a quick getaway," Sirius adds.

"I don't like this," James murmurs.

I sigh and place a kiss on Lily's forehead then look at James.

"I'm afraid I don't have time to negotiate."

I shoulder past James and to the front door. It opens to reveal Peter wearing an anxious smile.

"Where are you going, Remus?"

I disappear with a loud crack, ignoring him entirely.

I arrive on the sidewalk two buildings down from Dorcas' small house where both she and the late Marlene had once resided. I'd hoped it would be _our_ house after tonight. I sprint down the sidewalk. My chest is burning. My ears are ringing. I pray I'm not too late. As I near the house I hear a loud bang and see a flash of light from her dining room window. I mutter a curse under my breath and push myself even faster.

Faster than I thought possible.

A loud scream sounds. I know it's hers. Another loud scream. There's a noise that sounds like a strong gust of wind. I know it too well by now. Above Dorcas' home appears the Dark Mark, green and glowing ominously. Another loud crack. The Dark Lord has left. I know it. Even if he hadn't that wouldn't stop me from rushing in.

Still, there's no guarantee that there isn't a lingering Death Eater, so I ready my wand and rush up the steps to the front door, whipping it open.

"Doe!" I call.

No answer.

"Dorcas?"

Still nothing.

A lamp is shattered in the hallway, the bulb flickers ominously. I step over it nearing the dining room. Inside the table has collapsed from one of the legs falling out and the small chandelier lays broken beside it.

"Dorcas?" I say, kneeling and looking under the table.

She's not there, but there certainly was a fight. I continue into the kitchen where pots and pans are strewn about the tiled floors and her fridge is open.

I leave the dining room into the sitting area that is completely demolished. All of her books are torn to pieces. The charred wood from the fire spills out of the hearth in a damp, smoky pile. I whirl around and seize handfuls of my hair in frustration only to see something horrifying coming from the ceiling beneath the top floor. Drops of blood falling in a steady beat. With trepidation I walk towards it. I can barely breathe.

I pray he scuffed her up. Gave her a warning for divulging information on The Order. I feel my lips murmuring the word 'please' but can't hear anything.

I reach the stairs, each framed photo leading up them has fallen and broken.

Dorcas loves her photos.

I make out something sticking out between the railings by her bathroom door. A hand with a bleeding palm. The source of the dripping blood, no doubt. My breath catches in my chest, but I manage to make sure I keep walking.

"Doe…" I call weakly.

I step onto the landing and see the bathroom door ajar, with shattered pieces of the mirror leading a trail outward. My foot lands on something that crunches. I look down.

A black wand bound in what looked like thorns with a smooth handle.

Her wand.

Then I see it.

I see her.

She lies on the floor. Her blue dress ripped and the left sleeve of her green cardigan gone. My legs are like lead. I have to force myself to step closer to her body.

"Doe," I whisper.

In her hand is a sharp piece of the mirror she probably used for defense.

I stand over her body. Eyes closed. There are various slashes in her clothing. Each one seeps with blood. A large gash mars her cheekbone and there's bruising on her neck.

I sink to my knees and brush a lock of hair from her face, cupping her neck and lifting her head into my lap.

"Dorcas? Hey, Dorcas?"

But she isn't moving. Dorcas is just lying in my arms. I give her a gentle shake.

"Dorcas?"

Nothing.

I feel my face get hot as tears begin to streak down my cheeks. I know she's dead. Still it doesn't stop me from pulling her into my lap and holding her to my chest. She's cold as ice. No longer my warm and soft Dorcas. She's a shell. Those beautiful, silvery eyes are shut. If you didn't see all the blood you would have probably assumed she was asleep.

I'm enraged by this. He tortured her. Voldemort tortured her before killing her. What had she told him? Obviously nothing. Or else…or else she would be alive. There would be a ring on her finger. She would be smiling.

I hear the crunch of glass and turn my head. A Death Eater has his wand at me. I whip mine out and send a bolt of red light at him, knocking him over the railing. I can make out a crack and I know then, that I've killed a man. What's one more though? I've done it for Greyback.

There may be more in the house, but I really don't care. If they kill me, so what? What have I got? Who will miss me? If I'm killed nobody has to worry about taking care of me anymore. There's a loud 'vroom' and the front door swings open to reveal a wand-at-the-ready Sirius. His dark hair is wind-blown and his eyes are wild.

"Moony?" he shouts.

I can't answer. My mouth and throat are dry. I shut my eyes tight and force myself to swallow.

"Moony?" Sirius calls again, this time a little more panicked.

"Here!" I reply, hoarsely.

Sirius bounds up the steps, I turn my head and look at him with an expression that makes his brows furrow. He points to the body I hold, mouth slightly open. I can only nod.

"Shit…" he breathes.

I look back at Dorcas and pull her closer, trying falsely to revive her by begging her to come back. But she's not going to. Dorcas is gone. Sirius sits beside me and places an arm around my shoulder. I shut my eyes again, fighting back tears. My jaw is clenched as my stomach wrenches.

"I'm…I'm unbelievable…sorry, Remus. I'm just so sorry," Sirius tries.

I can't respond. Just twenty minutes ago, everything was going right for me. For once it was all going well. Then it's yanked away. It's all gone.

In the days that follow, I don't leave my flat. Sirius will come in to sleep but he respects my wishes to be left alone. He understands what it means to lose the only person you ever loved.

Marlene.

I'm surrounded by pictures of her. They're all I have left.

There's one of us on the beach, she is setting off fireworks with Sirius and dancing. I sit in a wheelchair watching her. I had broken my ankle and Marlene had insisted I remain seated if I wanted it to heal within the day. She'd taken this picture.

Another one by Marlene of us sitting in the window sill of their house after they'd just bought it. Dorcas pecks my cheek and we both look back at the camera.

Marlene had got another of us just standing with each other, my arm around her waist as I pulled her towards me. Dorcas laughs and tilts her head up so she can meet my eyes. I can't remember what she says but it makes us both laugh. Her hand rests on my chest and I find myself touching that spot, trying to replicate the feeling.

I can't though.

Lily had taken one of us in spring. Dorcas had been incredibly cold and wore a long coat and hugging her arms. I stand next to her in a suit. That was the day of the party Marlene threw for The Order to help us all lighten up.

The next one Dorcas has her hands on her hips, I have mine shoved in my pockets awkwardly. This was around our first few months of officially dating. I drop my head and Dorcas elbows me. She had said _'look at the camera like you're proud to show me off.'_ I had nervously mumbled in response _'I am…'_

There's one that Dorcas took of me and Frank wearing the same shirt one day. We are laughing. We are happy. She had a way of capturing that in her photos, though she seldom took them and more collected them.

One of my favorites is by James in their own living room. I lay on their couch with my head in Dorcas' lap looking out the window. Dorcas plays with my hair with as somber expression, but for a moment her cheek lifts higher, as though she's suddenly realizing something wonderful.

Another Dorcas had took was of me and Sirius at James' and Lily's wedding. I'm toasting with a smirk and Sirius smiles brightly. I thought I might have a photo like that, but with James in my place. I suppose not now.

Marlene has a picture of me and Dorcas at Hogs Head. I'm wearing my seldom used glasses and drinking butterbeer while Dorcas dips her finger in my mug and scoops off some foam then licks it. I scrunch my face, slightly grossed out. That was another around when we'd first started dating.

I love the ones of us when we are just out of Hogwarts. The ones Alice and Marlene had taken. One of Dorcas yelling at a party with her hand raised, holding a shot glass. I grin as she laughs. One of us on the grounds where I lay at the base of a tree and she is resting on my chest, just looking in my eyes. One of us sitting outside McGonagall's office, both waiting on our end of term reviews. I smile at her, trying to cheer her up but she stares angrily ahead. Though highly intelligent, she always anticipated bad marks.

There's one of us in downtown London.

One of her smiling brightly and clinging to me while I blush and can't bring myself to look into the lens.

I love the one where we are posing in our Halloween costumes as McGonagall and Dumbledore, pointing our wands out aggressively with intimidating, yet humorous, expressions.

Alice had taken one of me, Frank and Dorcas in the park. One of the brighter days of our youth. Where The Order was more of a hobby than an actual mission. We'd all had to grow up so fast.

Then I come upon both me and Dorcas' favorites. The ones of us in the Hospital Wing together. Occasionally at Hogwarts, Dorcas would come into the Hospital Wing after a full moon and visit me. Saying she noticed that I had been looking rather ill the past few days and had a feeling I would be here. For years she had pretended not to know the truth. Yet she would come in and visit me.

One she was smiling by my bedside, her face inches beside mine. I laughed at something she had said. Another Dorcas was in the bed beside me. James had taken this one. She kissed my cheek and we both waved at the camera. I slightly more exhausted than her.

Dorcas had loved these photos. The ones the Death Eaters had knocked from the wall to the floor. The one the Dark Lord had broken the frames of. Now they were mine. All of them were mine.

But for some reason…

I don't want them. They don't feel like mine.

I decide at the funeral tomorrow, I will leave the photos in her coffin. After all, they are hers.

In a way, even in death she'll have me beside her. The photos of us.

But I keep a few for myself.

The one of us at James and Lily's wedding. To remember what almost was.

The one of me and Frank. To remember how she brought us together.

The ones of me and Sirius at the wedding. To remember how my friends loved her.

The one of her on the beach. To remember her dancing.

And finally…the one of her lying in my bed at the Hospital Wing. To remember that she loved me even when she knew my secret. To remember that I am loved.

*Told you it'd hurt. LOL. **Thank you so much for your comments! I love them! Please let me know if you liked this chapter**.*


	17. Time of the Month

Just a very short, humorous one shot about our favorite werewolf on the day before the full moon. Inspired by a video on youtube called 'Time of the Month' by Parle' Productions about Remus Lupin.

17

 _Time of the Month_

 _Six A.M._

Remus sat reading on the couch in the Common Room. Normally he wouldn't wake up till about ten in the morning on a Saturday, but today was different. Today made three days before the full moon. The worst day of the lunar cycle. Not to him. To the Marauders. To Lily. To all of his friends. Remus was at his most irritable today.

 _Seven A.M._

"Morning, Moony," James said cautiously, stepping into the Common Room from the stairwell. "How are you feeling?"

James wasn't a 'morning person' but when he noticed that Remus was already out of bed, he felt compelled to check on him. Sure enough, he was looking rather miserable on the Common Room sofa. Remus lay at an odd angle, his book lying on his chest as he stared at the wall.

"I've tried this eight different ways…"

"What do you mean?" James asked concernedly. "I thought we'd figured out a good solution."

"No, Prongs. No. I've tried to get comfortable in eight different positions. It just isn't happening."

James fought off a smirk and sat in the armchair across from Remus, looking at his blank expression with amusement. He recalled last month.

"Oh, in October you put one leg on top of the couch, an arm hanging off and the other underneath your head. Th-"

"Tried it. Didn't work."

James bit back a snicker and stared at his pajama pants. He looked up after a few moments to see he had shifted to a position where half of him was hanging off the side. James sniggered and shook his head.

"Oh, Moony…that can't be better…" James grinned.

"No. This is an improvement. Honestly," Remus replied, his voice muffled by the couch cushions. "Don't touch me."

"Okay," he whispered.

James leaned back in the armchair and eyed Remus, mentally ready to count how many different positions Remus would try.

 _Eight A.M._

"Hey, where's Moony…" Sirius trailed off as he saw Moony.

He was lying with his head on the floor and feet at the head of the couch, eyes shut. Sirius snorted and looked over at James.

"This is position fifteen. Each one has been an _improvement_ ," James whispered.

Sirius sat at James' feet and crossed his arms, watching Remus expectantly.

"Five Galleons says that Moony moves four more times," murmured Sirius.

"Moony will not move any more. He's found the perfect position and he's far too tired to move anyway…" Remus groaned. "I'll just stay here and rest because I can't-"

"Sleep," James and Sirius finished together.

Remus nodded and continued staring upside down at the wall.

"All the blood is going to rush to your head and that's…bad…" James said.

With a loud groan Remus shifted to an awkward position where his feet were up in the air, off the top of the couch and his head was at a ninety degree angle on the cushions.

"You could snap your neck that w-"

"Sh… I'm resting…" Remus grumbled into the couch.

There was a suspended silence in which both Sirius and James watched Remus, lying with his eyes closed.

"Three more times and you owe me five galleons…" murmured Sirius.

 _Nine A.M._

Students had started to filter into the Common Room. Sirius and James had managed to take Remus to the largest armchair where he laid sideways, feet hanging over one arm and head over the other. His long limbs sprawling in every direction with his book on his chest. Whenever a Gryffindor would walk over and ask about Remus, Sirius would say: _'Our little group's monthly party. You know how this goes.'_

That was the alibi they had built over the past few years. Every month the Marauders had a 'private party' in a 'secret part of the castle' to 'cheer Remus up' before he visited his 'sick' mother. He was 'too weak to hold his ale' and would pass out in the Common Room. Nobody questioned it and everyone believed it.

Peter finally arrived downstairs. He caught a glimpse of Remus then found Sirius and James. They met his eyes and nodded. Peter knew what to do.

Peter dashed upstairs, went underneath his bed and pulled out the cigar box of chocolates wedged under the beams. The chocolate stash reserved for this particular time of the month that Peter had to fight tooth and nail not to eat.

He went back to the Common Room and placed the box in Remus' lap. Groggily he opened his eyes and groaned.

"Is that breakfast?" he grumbled with a suspicious gleam in his eyes.

James, Sirius and Peter all nodded. That was it for the box of chocolates. Remus was mindlessly eating each one. At one point Peter reached for one and Remus slapped his hand away. James and Sirius couldn't help but laugh at this.

"Hey, boys. Should I… Oh, good morning, Remus," Lily said brightly.

Remus waved dully and continued to eat the chocolate. Lily's eyes flickered from Remus to James who nodded, answering her silent question.

"Okay…I'll go downstairs and grab you boys some breakfast, shall I?"

"That would be wonderful, Lily Flower," winked Sirius.

"Bring Remus some Pumpkin Juice," added James. "He'll need to stay hydrated. Peter, go help her."

Peter nodded eagerly and hopped to his feet. Lily gave a delicate wave and left the Common Room. James and Sirius looked back at Remus who was chewing but no longer unwrapping chocolate. Not because he was done eating…but because all of the chocolate was gone.

"That's a new record," mumbled James.

Remus raised a limp hand in the air and sighed, his head falling and eyes closing. The Common Room started to empty as more students went to breakfast.

 _Ten A.M._

After Remus had drank a substantial amount of Pumpkin Juice, Remus complained that the fire of the Common Room was too hot and trudged his way up to the vacant dorm room. James and Sirius dutifully followed him, eager to watch the next scene unfurl. They knew what was coming.

Remus pulled his sweater off and threw it angrily onto the floor.

"Why is it so bloody hot everywhere?" he exclaimed, ruffling his hair.

James bit his knuckle to suppress a laugh as Sirius picked up Remus' sweater, folded it and put it on his trunk, grinning.

"I don't know, Moony. It's a travesty," snickered James.

Remus tugged at his tshirt and fanned his face before collapsing on his four-poster. Sirius joined James on his bed, right beside Remus'. He was lying on his stomach, staring in their direction but not at them. Abruptly he rolled over on his back with a groan making both James and Sirius jump.

"It's hot!" Remus growled.

"Take off your shirt," shrugged Sirius.

Remus inhaled through his nose and glared up at the ceiling. He gritted his teeth and clutched at the sheets.

"I can't take off my shirt because I have scars and if someone comes in they'll see the scars and then they'll ask about the scars and then I'll have to lie and though I'm a good liar it'll make me nervous which makes me hot and if I get any hotter I'm going to explode…"

Sirius buried his face in his hands, laughing. James massaged the bridge of his nose, smiling in amusement. This was the only time that Remus' transformation process was humorous and to be honest, he often jested about it himself. However, right now, he was not in the mood to joke.

"We don't mean to laugh-"

"It's fine, James. Laugh. I. Don't. Care," Remus spat through gritted teeth.

He wasn't lying.

 _Eleven A.M._

Remus was now sitting upright on his bed, sipping a mug of tea. James and Sirius were attempting to cheer him up with various remarks about Lucius Malfoy and Gilderoy Lockhart. He cracked a smile a few times…but the worst was yet to come. The aches.

"I swear I can knock Flint right off his broom. I just have to say that Jillian is topless and he'll topple over!"

"James, don't you consider that foul play?" Sirius smirked.

"Not necessarily. He's merely being strategical and-ah!" Remus gasped hugging his sides.

James and Sirius grimaced.

"Want us to send for a hot towel, mate?"

"No, Sirius. I'm not a third year girl on her period," smirked Remus. "As I was saying, James is being strategical. He's using Flint's weak-AH! Bugger all!"

Remus rubbed his arms then clutched his stomach. He shook his head.

"Need a nap, Moony?"

"I do not. Thank you for offering, James. I'm perfectly f…FUCKING HELL!"

Sirius cringed and cracked a smile.

"Are you bragging about your sexual appetite, mate?"

James elbowed Sirius, shaking his head.

"I'm afraid I'm starving in that department," Remus grinned.

The pattern continued. Remus barely got out a full sentence before he was overcome by aches and pains in his joints and stomach.

 _Twelve P.M._

Finally, it was time for the most entertaining segment of this monthly ritual.

The very irritable Remus Lupin.

"I should have the essay done by Monday if I start tonight. You boys are welcome to look at my notes, just don't copy w-"

"Word for word. We know, Remus," Peter smiled.

Remus threw a glare his way.

"You know everything, do you?"

Peter shrunk a little and Remus sighed, shaking his head.

"Apologies, Wormtail. I'm just slightly irritable right now," mumbled Remus.

Peter raised a palm in understanding. Remus looked at his hands solemnly and frowned.

"I'm sorry to put you all through this once a month… It's…really rather rude of me-"

"You can't help it, Moony-"

"Would you let me finish, Padfoot?" snapped Remus.

Sirius' lip tipped up in a smile, causing Remus to grin back.

"I did it again…didn't I?"

"You did," nodded James.

"Just a little."

"One more mood swing and I win eight galleons from James…" Sirius snorted.

"Mood swing?" Remus fumed.

Sirius, James and Peter all felt a shiver go down their spines at this sudden turn. It was the 'Moony's Kiss.' Named by Sirius because it was almost as chilling as a 'Dementor's Kiss.' Remus chuckled softly, his brows furrowing.

"I'm joking…" he added.

Peter's posture relaxed as he exchanged a relieved look with James. Sirius laughed and nodded at Remus in appraisal.

"No more mood swings. I think I'm done…"

"Eight galleons! I was this close! Are you serious, Remus?"

"No, you are," Remus smirked.

A grave look washed over Sirius.

"Don't you dare…"

Remus looked at James.

"You owe me ten."

James shrugged and dug into his pocket. Sirius looked at them both, confused.

"Why does James owe you ten?"

"Because I bet him I could make you angrier than me during a lunar cycle."

James handed Remus ten galleons which he deposited into his nightstand. Sirius folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

"You all are animals…" he grumbled.

"Just me," Remus smiled.

He was smiling.


	18. Beauty

15

 _Beauty_

Remus sat in the desolate Charm's room in front of the grand piano, playing a sad melody dolefully. Moonlight filtered in through the large window casting a dim glow on the keys. His mind wandered as it usually did when he treated himself to this rare delight on weekly prefect rounds.

He'd been playing since he was seven to learn to control his shaking fingers. It helped, though he would still tremble from time to time. Usually when it was important not to. Remus looked down at his fingers, slightly obscured by the sleeves of his sweater then back up to the head of the classroom where Flitwick would normally stand.

Warm cups of tea crossed his mind. The fireplace at home. How happy he found himself recently. Then nothing. Remus continued mindlessly playing the tune.

"You always play the saddest songs, Remus."

Remus looked over his shoulder, continuing the melody. Lily sat on one of the desks smiling at him thoughtfully. He shrugged. Lily slid off the desk and crossed to the piano, leaning on its hood.

"Why do you always play sad music?"

The corner of Remus' lip hitched up and he cocked a brow, beginning to play a ridiculously light and frivolous tune. Lily snorted as Remus winked.

"That's more like it," she nodded.

Remus slammed his fingers on the keys and gave a subtle bow of his head. Lily clapped lightly and walked to the bench. He scooted over allowing her to sit.

"Teach me something," sighed Lily.

"Hm...Okay..." Remus replied quietly, picking up her right hand. "We'll put this hand here. Let it lie there."

Lily's delicate fingers rested on four keys. Remus placed his left hand farther down the board, then placed his right hand on hers.

"Something happy?"

"Something easy," Lily snickered.

Remus laughed softly and nodded. He pushed down on her fingers playing a rhythmic four notes.

"Memorize that pattern and don't press too hard. Just gently tap the keys, okay?"

Lily nodded.

"Alright," he said, clearing his throat. "You start and I'll join in. You've got the pattern memorized?"

"I think so..."

"One, two, three, begin..."

Lily tapped the keys in the slow, rhythmic pattern Remus had taught her. His lips moved as he counted the beats and then began his own part. The tune wasn't joyful or sad. It was filled with longing. Deep and easy to listen to. Lily continued playing, amazed by the sounds she was making with Remus. At one point she became so distracted by it Lily got off tempo.

"Two, three, four, five...good," Remus murmured assisting her.

They played the melody for a few moments. Lily would get off beat occasionally and Remus helped her. He could tell something was lurking behind her big, green eyes. Something sad.

"And we finish in...three, two, one. Stop."

Lily removed her hand from the piano and places it over her other in her lap. Remus let his hand rest limply on the keys. His brows furrowed as he looked at her.

"Lily? Are you alright?" Remus asked.

She stared down at her fidgeting fingers and sighed wistfully.

"What is it, Lily?"

Lily finally looked at him with searching eyes, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Why didn't you tell me, Remus?"

Remus sat up a bit straighter and looked down at her with narrowed eyes.

"I don't understand. Tell you what?"

"About your furry little problem," she mumbled. "That you're a werewolf."

Remus' jaw tightened and he blinked, then forced a small smile.

"Because...I'm not," he tried.

Lily gave him a knowing look.

"You're not?"

"No. I'm not."

Lily took his wrist in one hand and pushed the sleeve of his sweater up with the other. She revealed numerous scars. Each one deep and menacing, though faded quite a bit. Remus followed her gaze down to them and exhaled.

"Did James tell you?" Remus murmured. "I won't be angry. Did he tell you?"

"He did not. James merely confirmed my suspicions."

"What gave me away?"

"A number of things. You're not as secretive as you think," she replied with a light laugh.

Remus smirked and looked straight ahead.

"Your absences and irritability, mostly. Then when you showed me your planner last week I saw that you were tracking the moon cycles."

Remus scoffed.

"Okay, that's as secretive as I can get. I don't go publishing the contents of my planner to everyone in Hogwarts."

"Then there's the way you sit when we talk about werewolves is DADA. The way you clench your fists at the mention of Werewolf Legislation and any assignment to do with Dark Creatures."

"Dark Creatures," Remus chuckled. "I always love that chapter title."

"It's offensive. I know. But you're far from being a Dark Creature."

"Mm, I'm not so sure, Lily," he winced with a sheepish smile.

"I'm sure. There's no way there's anything 'dark' in here," she murmured placing a finger on his heart.

Remus laughed softly again, this time shaking his head.

"Darkness. It's in my blood-"

"And mud is in mine-"

"Don't say that, Lily."

"Don't say that, Remus."

The two locked eyes, both of them looking half happy and half sorrowful. Lily placed her hand over Remus' and gave it a squeeze. He gnawed on his lower lip and shook his head at her.

"Lily, you just found out I'm a werewolf with blood that could turn you into a monster and you're holding my hand," he whispered.

Lily smiled and pecked Remus on the cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed, turning his head to her. When he opened his eyes, Lily had to fight back tears. His tawny eyes were wet beneath furrowed brows and the scars that marred his face seemed much more sinister. Much more meaningful. He was in pain. Every month he was in pain.

He would never escape it.

"It was nice having someone close not know..." said Remus quietly.

"One less person to lie to. You're rubbish at lying."

"I had you fooled for a few years," he half smiled.

"Do yourself a favor, Remus."

"Hm?"

"Don't fool those closest to you. Because you need us...and we need you."

Remus chuckled again and gave Lily and skeptical look.

"You need me? Me? Nobody needs me. Far less work if I wasn't around..."

Lily's jaw dropped a bit and a tear escaped her eyes. Remus frowned and wiped it away with his thumb.

"Don't worry, Lily. I'm not going to off myself. It's too much work," he smiled, playing the piano lazily with one hand. "Besides the boys would have a hard time getting through school without my notes."

"They need you. You just said it yourself," breathed Lily.

Remus peeked at Lily out of the corner of his eye, still playing.

"Hm. I suppose I did."

"And me. I need you."

"Do you now? I'm not exactly a handsome, Quidditch star like James."

"True," Lily said with a thoughtful tone.

"Or charming like Sirius."

"Maybe not."

"Or great at...eating...and..." Remus stammered with a grin, trying to come up with other things. "...kissing ass like Peter."

"No, that's true," Lily laughed.

Her laughed slowly died down. She placed a hand over Remus', stopping his playing. He looked over at her. Lily grabbed his hand and placed it over his heart, squeezing his fingers.

"You are none of them. That's good. You're not supposed to be," she said quietly. "You're supposed to be you. Smart, sarcastic, witty and not so hard on the eyes... There's too much light in you for there to be even a little dark."

"Is that so?" Remus smiled grimly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Lily nodded.

"Yes. Yes, it is. You constantly care about others, even when you're in a far worse state. You do favors without even being asked. Not to mention every girl swoons when you cast a spell or do that flip, thing with your hair."

He looked at her incredulously.

"The flip thing? You mean when hair gets in my eyes and I push it away?" he snickered.

Lily nodded, beaming.

"The girls love that," she added silently. "But most of all, we love you for what's in here, Remus. Your heart. We always will."

Remus' eyebrow knitted together and his lips pressed into a flat line.

"Is this...is this...goodbye? I under-"

"No, Remus. This isn't goodbye. This is the beginning to our new and improved friendship."

"New and improved?" he laughed.

"Yep. Because now we are completely honest with each other and that is a big deal. A good, big deal."

Remus stopped playing a wrapped a lanky arm around Lily's shoulder. Lily hugged his waist as he kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you, Lily," he whispered.

"Thank you, Remus."

The two friends sat in each other's embrace for a few more moments. Both reveling in what had just occurred. Remus was once again accepted and loved by those around him. When would he learn? Lily hadn't been pushed away as she'd suspected and was now an even closer confidante of her friend that before.

Finally Lily and Remus broke apart. She slid off the piano bench, while he smiled at her kindly. She pecked the top of his head.

"When I do my next round, I want to hear happy songs. Alright?"

"Of course," Remus replied, raising his hands.

As Lily exited Remus started up a slightly happier tune. Less melancholy and more...hopeful. Optimistic. A reflection of his new outlook, perhaps.

"Lily," Remus called before she could exit.

"Yes?"

He glanced over his shoulder, the song slowing.

"You have a gift. A gift for showing people the beauty in them...even-and perhaps most often-when they can't see it themselves."

Lily smiled, a smile breaking out on her face.

"Thank you," she said, loud enough for him to hear.

Remus gave her a grateful nod and went back to playing the piano. His thoughts somewhere much happier.

 _ **TRIVIA: What do you think is the fate of Icarus and Josephine?**_

 _ **What was Dorcas' favorite book?**_

 _ **What do you think Lupin will do when he becomes the final Marauder?**_

 _ **Should I write a oneshot about Remus deciding to go back to Tonks?**_

 _ **And more canon, what was Hope Lupin's occupation?**_


	19. Civil

16

 _Civility_

Remus let out a groan of pain as he stumbled down the desolate, dungeon hall. He'd just shoved his Potion's homework under Slughorn's door. After all, he would be absent tomorrow when it was due and Remus couldn't allow that. Of course he could ask one of his friends to hand in the homework but there were somethings Remus had to do for himself. That he had to do to feel like a normal person and not a victim.

Turning in his homework on his own was a monthly ritual. One Madame Pomfrey discouraged and The Marauders tolerated. However tonight was a Red Moon and as predicted, its effect on Remus was rather extreme compared to most moons.

Remus could see the stairs leading up to the Entrance Hall in the distance. He let out another groan, this one more of frustration than pain.

"Having difficulty, Lupin?"

Remus followed the voice to his left. On the ground sat Severus Snape, his nose in a book. Remus shook his head and braced his right hand on the wall, slightly doubled over.

"I'm managing fine. Thank you, Severus," he replied politely.

Severus cocked a brow as he watched Remus wipe some perspiration from his forehead.

The perspiration was one third pain, one third anxiety and one third humiliation. It had been a little over a year since Snape had learned Remus' secret. Ever since seeing him tired during class or having gauze wrapped around his hand had sent a wave of unsolicited sympathy and pity over Severus. He didn't want to feel bad for one of those Marauders.

Still, as he watched the young werewolf struggle to walk through the dungeons he felt his stomach lurch. He could see the embarrassment in Remus' eyes.

"You don't look like you're managing fine," he retorted. "I know it's a Red Moon tonight. That can't be good."

"It isn't," Remus replied hoarsely.

Snape pursed his lips, his dark eyes studying the way Remus' figure seemed to crumple with each step. Remus released a loud grunt and slumped against the wall, clutching his stomach. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily through his nose.

"Are you...is it...time?" Snape questioned, slightly wary.

Remus grinned, eyes still shut and shook his head.

"No. I've got about two hours. Don't worry."

"I'm not."

"Alright then," Remus said, finally looking at Severus.

He narrowed his eyes, zeroing in on the title of the book. Remus laughed quietly at the title.

"Is that book a coincidence?"

Severus peered at him curiously, then remembered the title of his book. The hint of a smile crossed his lips.

"Creatures of the Dark? Believe it or not, Remus, my reading selection doesn't revolve around your ailment."

"Course' not," Remus smirked.

Severus continued to observe Remus as he clutched his side and gritted his teeth. A dark look appeared on Remus' face and his brows furrowed.

"Enjoying the show?" Remus grumbled.

Severus quickly looked back at his book, slightly ashamed. Remus sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Sorry. I tend to get a bit irritable when-"

"-You're menstruating?" Snape finished.

"Oh, bite me," murmured Remus, looking at the ceiling.

There was a pause. A grin crept across Snape's face before he spoke.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone did that."

Remus' eyes shot in his direction. For a moment Snape was frightened. He had just insulted a werewolf. A werewolf on a Red Moon. You can imagine his surprise when Remus smiled and started laughing softly. A tight smile was on Severus' face. He never made people laugh. It felt good.

"Damn... That was a good one," Remus acknowledged with a good-natured smile.

"Thank you."

Remus' smile stayed as he struggled to gather himself. Snape peeked at him briefly. He had always rather liked Remus. He was no hero. Remus never intervened whenever James would pull the occasional prank on him-which had died down since he'd started dating Lily-but he never participated either. Lupin had only participated in his first year and then later, in private, he'd apologized to Snape calling the prank 'immature.' Snape sighed and rest his elbows on his knees.

"Why do you hang around James and Sirius?" he asked abruptly.

Remus raised a brow.

"Pardon?"

"James and Sirius. You're a rule follower and far more intelligent than them. I'm asking why you run round with those idiots."

Remus sighed, the corner of his lip twitching up into a smile.

"Because they're my friends. They've always been good to me an-"

"And what about to others, Remus? Does the way they treat others not bother you?"

He swallowed and met Snape's gaze.

"James and Sirius have grown up quite a bit since those days. I've intervened when I can and like to believe that I-alongside Lily-have done a fair job in making them behave," he remarked methodically. "Also, how many people would accept a…well, someone like me…for a friend?"

Snape stiffened and went back to scanning his book. He flipped a page and exhaled.

"And as for Sirius? And his little prank last year?" sneered Severus.

Remus felt his jaw tighten as that night flashed briefly before his eyes. The last thing he heard was James yelling Severus' name and Snape shouting _'what the bloody hell is Lupin doing?'_ For two months Remus refused to speak to Sirius. Sirius apologized again and again, but Remus would not accept. Why? Because Sirius said _'I'm sorry Snivellus found out!'_ That was not what Remus wanted to hear. Finally, Sirius had caught on and met with Remus in private. He said _'I'm sorry I didn't think and was selfish. I could've gotten Severus killed and I know you would have never forgiven yourself.'_

Then Remus forgave him. That two months of silence had maddened Sirius. Two months with no sarcastic comebacks. Two months without intelligent pranks. Two moons where Sirius was not allowed to attend and help his friend.

"Sirius paid for what he did in many ways."

Not wanting to pry, Severus dropped the subject. Remus tried to stand again and let out a loud huff, biting his lower lip as he grasped his side. Severus rolled his eyes and shut his book. Remus glanced at him out of the corner of his eye to see him striding towards him. He held up a hand in protest.

"I'll be fine, Severus-"

"I don't want a bloody werewolf running rampant about the castle," he groaned grabbing Remus' arm and putting it over his shoulder. "But only up to the first floor landing. I'm not in the mood to see James or Sirius."

Remus didn't respond. He merely took slow, dragging steps alongside Severus. Snape was shocked by the way Remus' body was trembling. No wonder he couldn't walk. The boy was practically vibrating. Snape cleared his throat.

"You're awfully sweaty."

"Something to do with my bones and muscle tissue getting ready to rearrange themselves, I s'pose," Remus muttered with a smirk.

Snape cracked a small smile as they began up the stairs, quickly making it dissolve seconds later. He didn't want Remus getting to comfortable or around him, nor the other way around.

"I was reading in that book about certain ingredients that-erm-make transformation easier on…on you people…"

"Oh, yeah?" inquired Remus, although he already knew.

Severus stared straight ahead as they neared the Entrance Hall, not meeting Remus' gaze.

"Some sort of medical advance that won't be available for years…and when it is it won't be cheap…"

"Delightful," Remus replied flatly.

"Well…something to look forward to maybe," Snape grunted as they walked up the final step and started towards the Grand Staircase.

"What else did you read in that book?" queried Remus.

Severus decided to have some fun with the most benevolent Marauder. After all, the werewolf seemed to have a civil and casual demeanor when it came to his ailment.

"That your kind generally slaughter up to a thousand woodland creatures a year. Care to verify?"

They started up the Grand Staircase. Severus could make out the hint of a smile on Remus' face. Slowly, Remus nodded.

"I've developed a taste for chipmunk."

Severus let out a small snort of laughter before quickly composing himself. Remus' grin broadened. They started towards the stairs leading to the first floor.

"Any other questions as we near our journey's end?" Remus asked.

"How will you be tomorrow? After a Red Moon. Will it be worse?"

The two slowly trudged towards the first floor landing. Remus sighed contemplatively.

"This is my second since I was bit. The Red Moon takes its toll. I'll be right as rain in a few days though, I'm sure."

"You don't believe that. You're scared," Severus observed as they arrived at their destination.

Remus leaned against the doorway that lead to the Hospital Wing. He smiled at Severus warily and shrugged.

"Gotta tell yourself something to get through this."

Snape averted his eyes, folding his arms behind his back. He cleared his throat nervously and ran a hand through his greasy hair.

"Well, I erm… I wish you the best…as best as it can go at least…"

Remus gave Snape a grateful nodded, still smiling warmly.

"I appreciate it. Now, you should get back to your book. Learn how to fend me off should things go awry," Remus replied, turning and heading towards the Hospital Wing door.

Severus felt a surge of anxiety pump through him.

"Hey, Lupin," he called.

Remus looked over his shoulder.

"Hm?"

"We're…we're not friends. This whole…this whole thing I just did…it doesn't make us mates."

Remus' smile tipped higher.

"Not at all. Of course not."

Severus watched with solemn eyes as Remus Lupin limped out of sight. He felt good about what had just happened. About helping that Marauder up to the Hospital Wing. There was something comforting in Lupin's presence, Snape found. Almost like talking to a kind, older brother or father. He could see why James, Sirius and Peter liked him so much. He almost wished Lupin was his friend.

The way Lily spoke of him. Called him 'the kindest of them all.' She called him 'gentle and caring.' All things a werewolf wasn't supposed to be. Yet here was Remus Lupin, making light of his dark affliction and thanking a young man who had sought to out him for being a monster.

' _Who_ _ **does**_ _that? And better yet, what idiot what turn down the friendship of someone like that…'_ Severus thought heading back towards the dungeons.

Still, something about the way Remus had replied made Severus feel better. His smile when he'd said _'of course not.'_

Maybe, just maybe, Severus _did_ have a friend. Even if he didn't want him. Even if they hardly spoke.

Severus would always harbor resentment for Remus, but if it came down to it, he would never wish him ill will.

*Based on a few things, actually. The 'Bite me' part came from a headcanon I found on pinterest and then the scene where Snape helps Remus is based on a scene from my other Lupin story called 'The Young Life of Werewolf-Remus Lupin.' I hope you enjoyed. **BTW, you don't have to leave a lengthy review, but if you could, after reading this simply comment 'READ' so I know people still read it** , I would be most grateful. You don't have to be a member to comment!*

 **TRIVIA** :

How did Remus' parents meet?


	20. New Start

20

 _New Start_

Remus stood in the back yard of the long abandoned house, staring at the manhole just yards away. The moonlight dimly illuminated the earth overgrown grass and rotting wooden bench, but his eyes remained fixed on the ground. He heard loud bangs, screams and explosions from within. Greyback's hideout was collapsing.

However it wasn't the wonder or excitement of achieving his goal that kept his eyes fixed on the manhole. It was anxiety and fear. Josephine and Icarus should have emerged by now. Judging by the sounds of complete and utter chaos from below, all had gone according to plan. Josephine and Icarus had packed the gun powder Arthur Weasley had given Remus into the cracks in the walls yesterday and set them off with incendio just ten minutes ago. They were supposed have climbed up the ladder and escaped by now.

A large puff of smoke erupted from the hole and then a crash. Remus froze, staring at the hole, petrified. Where were they?

"Lupin? Lupin, you there, man?" an American accent yelled from within. "I need your help, you British ass hole!"

A hand appeared and gripped the earth. Remus sprung forward and saw Icarus trying to make his way up the ladder. He grabbed his forearm, wondering where his right arm was. Wondering why he wasn't using it to bring himself up.

"I got you. Come on," Remus grunted pulling on Icarus' arm.

"I can't pull her up! Pull harder!"

'Pull her up?' Remus thought, his brows furrowing.

There was an explosion that sounded louder than any other noise Remus had heard. Icarus met Remus' amber gaze with urgent eyes.

"Move! Now!" Remus shouted.

With a loud groan, Remus yanked on Icarus' forearm and he emerged from the hole. The noises from within got louder. Remus' heart beat faster as Icarus laid on his back pulling desperately with his left arm. Remus looked down the hole to see an unmoving Josephine, dangling from Icarus' trembling hand. He quickly sunk to his knees and grabbed her arm. The explosions got louder and smoke began to rise from beneath her. With a yell of frustration, Remus pulled Josephine onto the ground. Icarus released her hand causing Remus to fall backwards, Josephine on top of him.

"ICARUS, MOVE!" Remus shouted.

Icarus rolled away from the manhole. A large puff of smoke shot up along with some small debris. Remus rolled over so Josephine was beneath him and covered his head. Icarus scrambled out of the debris' reach, panting as he stood.

The manhole filled with rocks. There was no returning and no escape for whoever was left in Greyback's Den. Remus briefly wondered who had died and who had escaped. Especially if Greyback had. He was snatched from the thoughts as he was tossed off Josephine to the grass beside her, lying on his back. He looked over to see Icarus kneeling next to her, holding her face in his hands. Much like his own it was covered in dust and smudges.

Her curly, red hair had broken free of it's rubber band and fell in a tangled mess around her. More importantly, she wasn't moving. Not at all. Remus' eyes widened.

"Jo? Jo?" Icarus called, shaking her shoulders.

She did not move.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

He knelt at the side opposite of Icarus.

"Everything was collapsing and-and we were running together then-then this giant rock fell and we had to-had to separate! So I ran back to get her and-and she wasn't moving! I picked her up and-and ran the rest of the way with her!"

Remus put his ear by her mouth. Nothing.

"How long ago was that?" Remus asked, placing folded hands on her chest.

"Like three minutes ago," replied Icarus confused.

Remus pushed down on her chest rhythmically, the way Marlene had taught him. He could hear the labored breathing of Icarus beside him. Remus counted the beats to himself praying she would wake up. Nothing.

"Come on!" he groaned.

Remus couldn't fail her. Not this poor, kind, good person who was just trying to make things better. Who was trying to live an honest life with a man she loved.

There was a loud gasp and a series of coughs as Josephine was revived. Icarus let out a relived sigh and pulled her into his lap, smoothing the hair from her sweaty face.

"Don't ever do that again," Icarus demanded.

Josephine nodded incoherently. Remus felt relief wash over him and stood, running his hands through his hair with a sigh. They'd made it out. Both of them. He'd done it. Remus had saved her.

"Remus?" asked Josephine hoarsely.

"He's here. Lupin, come over here."

With shaking footsteps, Remus arrived beside Josephine, sitting on his knees beside her. She pushed herself into an upright position and grabbed his hand with trembling fingers.

"Thank you, Remus," she whispered.

Remus nodded at her, smiling. She turned her eyes back to Icarus who kissed her forehead, repeatedly. Remus stood and walked over to the rotted, wooden bench where a large envelope and bag of clothes sat. Inside was Josephine and Icarus' future. His hands still shook as he grasped the envelope. It was still hard to believe their plan had work. Part of him wondered if Josephine knew his secret now. If she knew he was not 'on the wrong side of history' like she had said previously.

Icarus helped an unsteady Josephine to her feet. He bent down so they were eye level and asked her for the eleventh time if she was alright. She nodded and rolled her eyes, though a smirk was evident on her face.

"Sorry to interrupt," Remus interjected. "I have some...things for you."

Icarus and Josephine looked at him curiously. Remus cleared his throat and handed the bag to Icarus.

"This is a change of clothes. It's probably unwise to continue on in what you're wearing," Remus stated.

Icarus nodded. Remus inhaled and looked at the folder in his hands. With a wry smile he explained the contents to them.

"Inside this folder is everything you need to start your new lives."

Josephine's eyes widened as she pulled herself closer to Icarus. Remus cleared his throat handing it to her.

"This is for Miss Penelope Parnell who graduated from NYU with a degree in business and finance; and also for Mr. Luke Harris, who graduated from UIC with a degree in finance and marketing. Their I.D.s are in there, complete with photos, passports and bank accounts. Each account has...two thousand US dollars in it. Enough to pay four month's rent for their apartment in Washington state and that's six miles off from a sixteen acre forest devoid of human activity."

"Remus..." Josephine breathed.

Uneasy, Remus continued.

"Two boat tickets are included for a ship taking off for New York in five hours from Uxbridge Port. Then two more tickets for a plane ride to Washington...as well as keys to a rather plain car."

"How did you afford all this? You can't-"

"That's not important," Remus said with a dismissive smile. "It only takes a few owls and a couple of friends on the inside to make this happen so...don't worry yourself about me."

Icarus swallowed and gave Remus a look of genuine gratitude.

"Josephine and I don't know how to thank you."

"Penelope and Luke don't have to thank me," Remus replied pointedly. "They earned this chance at a new life."

Josephine broke from Icarus' grip and slowly walked to Remus. Her eyes studied him. Remus smiled wryly.

"Why? Why did you help me?" she asked quietly.

Remus exhaled and took her by her shoulders.

"I walked into a pit of moral turmoil and malevolence. Everyone within transformed from who they once were into monsters," he said with a serious expression. "Then I came upon this girl. A Slytherin girl with a pension for self-loathing and snarky mouth."

Josephine laughed softly.

"She was fighting with everything she had not to be like the rest, even if it meant hating herself. She was thrown into the arms of a monster who beat her down, but she never broke. Not at all. And though she tried her best to hide it, this girl cared about everyone she met. She wanted to save everyone; and despite being stuck in a cage she still grew. I admire people like that. They deserve to be rewarded. You deserve to be rewarded. You deserve happiness."

Her eyes narrowed again, watering slightly. Remus released Josephine only to have her launch herself in his arms. He could feel her body shake as sobbed. This was a moment Remus would never forget. Helping this moving young woman make a better life for herself. She was an inspiration to him. A beacon of hope that said there was still good worth salvaging in anyone.

Josephine stepped away, Remus felt naked under her scrutinizing gaze. Her expression softened.

"You never supported him, did you?" Josephine inquired quietly.

The corner of Remus' lip quirked up and he shook his head.

"No."

"Never?"

"Never."

"Are you…are you with The Ministry?" she asked in a low voice.

Remus shook his head, with a sheepish smile. A knowing look was on his face.

"It doesn't matter who I'm working with. What matters is that it's working and you were a central part of it. I couldn't have done this without you or Icarus."

Icarus smiled at Remus, giving him a nod of recognition. Josephine beamed ever so slightly and inhaled deeply.

"I hoped you weren't one of them. I'm glad you're not."

Remus quickly wiped away a tear. Icarus appeared at Josepine's side in his change of clothes. Remus cleared his throat and extended a hand to Icarus. He grinned and pulled Remus into a firm embrace. Remus returned it, trying to ignore how thin the boy had become over the course of living with The Colony.

"I said it before and I'll say it again," Icarus said, separating. "You're a good man"

Elated by this, Remus released a sigh and placed a hand on Josephine's shoulder.

"Don't miss your boat, Josephine…" Remus laughed to himself. "I mean Penelope."

She stood on her tiptoes and pecked Remus on the cheek. With a final glance, Icarus and Josephine joined hands and walked away. Their silhouettes fading away into the night. Remus stood there for a few more minutes, composing himself. He didn't want Sirius or James to see him in this state when he reported that all had gone according to plan. After all, he couldn't have done this without them either.

Then, with heart full of hope and solemn smile, Remus apparated to Godric's Hollow.

 ***Guys, it's my birthday so I expect some reviews…***

 **TRIVIA**

 **-What does Moony say to Snape on The Marauder's Map in The Prisoner of Azkaban?**

 **-What creature did Remus keep in his office when he worked at Hogwarts?**

 **-In previous oneshots in LITTLE MOMENTS OF LUPIN, what profession does Sirius think Remus would excel in?**


	21. The Couple

27

 _The Couple_

Remus sat on a bench outside one of the dodgier pubs in Diagon Alley. The Growling Mandrake just a stone's throw from Knockturn Alley. He was reading a copy of the Daily Prophet with a box of curry beside him, the street lamp above illuminated the pages clearly in the dark night. Remus often came here to read.

It was quiet and people here kept to themselves. Then there was the fact that the curry vendor nearby gave Remus free food simply because he liked him. Years ago this place probably would have made him uneasy, but after the horror's he had seen in the past this was nothing.

A couple walked up to The Growling Mandrake. The man trudged across the wet pavement, his wife's arm linked through his. She was mumbling something to him. Remus averted his eyes and continued reading the article he had fixated himself on.

A few moments later the door to the pub opened to reveal the couple walking out. The woman whose voice was young and angry was raised.

"This is ridiculous! You've got vacancies! What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Darling, let's go. It's fine," the young man said in a quiet, Irish voice, tugging her hand as she continued to shout through the open door.

"You haven't heard the last of this, you sod!"

The door slammed shut. The young woman slammed her fist against the door.

"I wasn't done talking to you, you coward!" she yelled.

"Briar, it's fine. C'mon."

'Briar' let out a loud groan and drew her cloak tighter around herself as she turned around to face the young man.

"We'll find somewhere else to stay, right?" she asked, voice shaking. "There's gotta be somewhere we haven't tried."

"Right," the young man replied.

Remus could hear the uncertainty in his response. A wave of sympathy fell over him and his brows furrowed. Remus felt compelled to help these two for some reason. Perhaps it was his compassionate nature or constant need to overcome the stereotype of his kind that prompted him to set aside his paper and abandon his curry to speak with them. Reasons, however, didn't matter.

Remus walked up to the two. They both had the hoods of their cloaks up, though he could make out facial features.

"Excuse me," Remus said.

Briar's eyes snapped in his direction. They were two inquisitive, dark turquoise disks set beneath slightly rounded, furrowed brows. Her lips were parted as though she were ready to defend them both, but instead her mouth shut. An expression that resembled recognition appeared on her freckled face.

"Yes?" she responded.

"Are you..." Remus noticed how the man wouldn't face him. "Are you two in need of lodging tonight?"

"Oh, erm...yes. Would you be-erm...offering?"

"Briar-"

"Hush," she snapped. "Who are you?"

"First, I'd like to know who you are, and why you were turned away," he asked somberly. "Nothing personal, I just like to know who is sleeping in my home."

Briar nodded.

"Briar and Dublin Habbersham, how do you do?" she said complacently.

Remus couldn't believe this was the same girl who had just been bellowing at the innkeeper just moments ago. She was so polite and accommodating.

"And we were turned away because...because erm..." she stammered looking from Dublin to Remus with a cautious expression.

The young man sighed and faced Remus. His handsome face had two vertical gashes on the left, barely missing his dark green eyes, but marring his high cheekbones.

"What my wife is trying to say is that we were turned away because I'm a-"

"Werewolf," Remus finished, nodding.

Dublin's eyes narrowed as he studied the scars on Remus' face that were slightly faded.

"Erm...are you one too?" Briar asked softly.

"Briar, that's a serious accusation," mumbled Dublin.

"It's fine," Remus interjected. "I am. That's erm...well spotted."

Briar clung to Dublin's arm, a wary expression on her face.

"Well? Would you two like a place to stay tonight? We've...we've gotta stick together. Us...civilized ones."

Dublin smiled sheepishly, his young eyes glowed with gratitude though the rest of him screamed exhaustion. Remus knew that all too well.

"C'mon. I'm not far from here," Remus said starting off towards his flat.

Remus flicked on the lights and illuminated his small and sparsely decorated flat. The kitchen sat right next to the living room where a long couch and two armchairs resided beside a Victrola on a mahogany end table.

"Kitchen has plenty of food for once. Bathroom is to the left. Tea?" Remus asked hanging up his cloak.

It was clear he wasn't used to visitors as he took Briar and Dublin's cloaks with shaking hands.

"Tea would be lovely. I'll make it. It's the least I can do," Briar offered, tucking a stray lock of auburn hair back into her bun.

"Mugs are in the cabinet above the sink and tea is in the basket by the stove," Remus explained.

He felt like he was in a dream. He had visitors. He had a werewolf visitor. A visitor who seemed to practice the civilized life that Remus tried to live. It had been so long since he's enjoyed the company of others. Remus walked into the living room, hands in his pockets and peered at his records, wondering which one would be appropriate to play with company.

"Go sit down. Rest. It's going to be alright, darling," Remus heard Briar say.

Dublin must have nodded because Remus didn't hear a response. He was probably embarrassed. Remus recalled his days with Dorcas when she would witness the discriminatory behavior of the wizarding community and he would flush with embarrassment and fear. Remus selected a record by Dean Martin and placed it on the victrola, setting the needle on it gently. It played a soft, slow tune in a scratchy tone. When Remus turned around he found Dublin sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees as he gazed ahead numbly.

Remus sat in the armchair across from him. He tried to think of a light topic. Something to discuss that would get Dublin's mind off the tragedies of tonight.

"So what brought you two to Diagon Alley?" Remus tried.

Dublin's eyes shot up. He looked surprised.

"What was that?"

"I asked what brought you to Diagon Alley."

"Oh...erm...we were visiting Saint Mungos," he murmured.

Remus nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. Was this going well? He couldn't tell.

"Mind if I ask why?"

Dublin shook his head and looked over his shoulder at Briar who was filling the kettle with water. He looked back at Remus. There was a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Erm...Briar is pregnant," he said quietly.

Remus raised his brows, jaw falling open slightly. His eyes flickered to Briar then back to Dublin. He blinked. She looked at the two and raised a brow.

"What?"

"Nothing, love," Dublin assured.

Dublin looked at his hands, a somber smile on his lips. Remus' mouth twitched up in a small grin as he glanced at Briar again, curiously. He was astounded to say the least.

"She can't be too far along. I can't even tell."

"Not even two months, actually," Dublin remarked.

A fond grin appeared on Dublin's face and he rubbed the back of his neck. A quirk Remus had developed. He wondered for a moment if it was a werewolf thing. However, he didn't wonder too long. He was too enamored in the couple he had just met. The couple with a bright future despite the grim hand they had been dealt.

"She's quick, Briar is. I brought lunch into the dining room today and saw her squinting at her planner. I didn't question it. She's always been organized," noted Dublin. "Then she just looked up at me with the most casual expression and said: 'We need to go to Mungos. I'm fairly certain that I'm pregnant.' I nearly spit out my juice."

Remus could tell even in the short span of time he had known Briar that she was clever. That she thought on her feet and though not always using her head, she used her heart to its fullest potential.

"She's...she's really something, that girl," chuckled Dublin. "Dunno what I'd do without her."

Remus ran his fingers through his hair and straightened up. He felt a sort of hope flow through him. These two probably had it rough, but somehow they were living. Just living. Something he aspired to do. Then again, though Dublin appeared grateful, there was a flicker of guilt and loathing behind his eyes. Remus knew that look too. Hating yourself for negatively affecting someone's life due to circumstances beyond your control. Not knowing if it was your fault because you didn't ask for what happened to you.

"How long have you...how long have you been...this way?" Dublin asked quietly.

"Roughly twenty-two years," he responded, grasping exactly what he meant.

Remus had been asked that question in that exact format most of his life. He even knew what came next.

"And does it get any easier?"

Remus averted his eyes and swallowed nervously. Inhaling, Remus formed a proper answer. The one he had told every novice werewolf he met, those who cared about him, doctors and Josephine.

"I'm afraid not, but eventually you learn to cope in your own way. You figure out what makes it better. What to avoid. I think I already know what makes it easier," Remus replied bowing his head towards Briar who was sifting through Remus' tea boxes.

Dublin nodded.

"She's been very helpful this year. It's my...it's my first year...so..." he mumbled. "What was yours like?"

"I dunno. I was five so I only remember it being agony."

Dublin sighed quietly and knotted his fingers together. Finally, Remus spoke. Confident enough to ask Dublin the big question.

"So how did you receive your bite?"

Dublin looked slightly startled. Remus could see the anguish in his eyes. He could tell the memory was still very fresh. After all, it was only a year ago. Remus' bite had been over two decades past and yet he remembered almost every detail.

"You don't have to say, Dublin. I understand. It can be rather unnerving. Perhaps I shouldn't have asked…"

Dublin shut his eyes tight for a moment, his jaw tightening. Exhaling he opened his eyes and looked at the scuffed, wood floor.

"It was my stag night and I went to the pub with some friends...we got...very, very, _very_ pissed. I barely remember any of that bit. Then, at the end of the night, we all went our separate ways. I took the shortcut through the woods that led to our house..." his gaze darkened.

Remus checked that Briar was still busy. She was removing mugs from the cabinet now.

"And I could barely walk in a straight line when I heard this sort of ragged breathing...I could feel it on my neck...I thought it was one of my mates or Briar having a laugh on me... After that moment I remember everything," recalled Dublin solemnly. "Every. Last. Detail."

Remus' brows knitted together as he watched the young man begin to tremble at the memory.

"Dublin, it's really none of my business. I shouldn't have asked."

"You invited me-a stranger-into your home tonight. You're owed an explanation as to who I am," countered Dublin dismissively. "Something bit me right beneath my shoulder and just threw me aside like I was a…rag doll. I suspected a bear or a wolf, though I'd never seen any when crossing this path. I waited for it to eat me…but it ran off. I felt like my insides were on fire. My entire body was…trembling and then I passed out."

It sounded about right. Remus vaguely remembered the extreme pain he had went through after his bite. Dublin winced, just recalling it all.

"When I opened my eyes, I could see the sky was a light pink through the leaves… It was very early. I felt someone dragging me very slowly through the woods. I tried to tell the person to get my fiancé but no words came out. It wasn't till later that I realized that it was Briar that was dragging me home. She's small, but tough," he smiled wryly. "Then it all went black again. I woke up to her voice on the phone. She was angry with whoever she was speaking with. Saying our wedding had been moved from this evening to a week from then and that if they didn't like it they could mail us their gift and not attend."

It wasn't hard for Remus to imagine Briar doing this. She was obviously very headstrong. She had a hot temper and a very protective demeanor. She was skimming one of Remus' cook books as she waited for the tea to boil.

"Then she called Mungos. They diagnosed me and I told her…I told her that maybe we should…put off the wedding a few months. So she could decide whether or not she could cope with it."

Dublin raised his brows and shook his head, exhaling. He grinned at Remus who smiled warmly in response.

"I will never, ever make the mistake of doubting that woman again. She was livid. Absolutely irate. Called me an ' _idiot'_ and ' _sod_ ,' then reminded me how much she was looking forward to wearing her dress. I apologized very quickly and she accepted just as fast. That woman…she amazes me."

The kettle screamed and Briar removed it from the stove, carefully pouring water into one of the mugs. Remus leaned forward and gnawed on his lower lip. He felt guilty for prying, but Dublin didn't seem to mind. Perhaps it was because he never had the chance to confess this all to anyone other than Briar and Ministry Officials.

"How is she feeling about the pregnancy?" Remus whispered.

"Well, I was terrified when she told me. Worried it would be like me. The Ministry had warned me that breeding was discouraged with werewolves when they branded me. Then we went to Mungos and they told us that they'd delivered a good, few, half-werewolf babies, none of which inherited any lycan DNA. Briar responded by smacking the back of my head and saying: _'I told you so.'_ Briar is fearless. She gets these gut feelings and most times they are completely spot on."

Two mugs of tea levitated into the room, hovering in front of Remus and Dublin. They both took them as Briar entered the living room and sat beside Dublin on the couch. She pecked his cheek then looked over at Remus. Her eyes reminded him of Lily. Her fire reminded him of Dorcas. Briar was indeed, the perfect support system for any werewolf. Hope rose within him as he thought of how these two kids sitting before him could live a relatively normal life. Perhaps he could too.

"Dublin couldn't seem to grasp the fact that contamination is done through the transference of saliva into an open wound. Not _semen_. Idiot," she murmured, sipping her tea. "But now we know that it's going to be alright."

"Unless someone figures out the kid has a werewolf for a father," grumbled Dublin.

"Well, if someone is rude to the baby for that then they aren't worth being around. Right, Remus?"

Remus nodded, raising his mug in agreement. Briar looked at her husband with a bright smile. He placed his hand over hers and kissed her forehead. She blushed. Remus couldn't help but wonder how old they were? They couldn't be his age, but they weren't less that twenty-two. It didn't really matter though. Remus could tell that decades from now the couple sitting before him would still be strong. As long as they stuck together.

"And if…and if anyone else discovers you have a werewolf for a husband…Briar, you could be sacked."

"A problem for another day. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it…Dad," she smiled.

Dublin blushed and slowly let his hand rest on Briar's stomach. Remus felt a small smile creep onto his lips. Looking at them he saw something of himself in them. He saw the future that he and Dorcas could have had. The three talked for another hour. Dublin asked Remus about the best ways to handle a transformation. Briar questioned him about how he'd appealed to employers with his affliction. Remus couldn't help but inquire about their wedding and their home the various aspects of their personal life.

He couldn't help but feel like he was getting a peak into an alternate universe where Dorcas had lived.

"Well, I'm going to fetch you both some blankets. The couch pulls out," Remus grunted pushing himself to his feet. "Also, I have a car so I can give you a ride to the station tomorrow if you like."

Briar set her mug on the end table and stood, extending a hand to Remus.

"That would be lovely, Mr. Lupin. Thank you."

Remus held back a snort of laughter at the girl's formality. She'd been almost all business this entire night. Solely looking for ways to make her husband's life easier. Remus walked over to the hall closet and removed a few duvets, ignoring the fact that the green ones was Sirius' when they were flat-mates.

Dublin also gave Remus a grateful handshake, then left them to sleep. He probably could have slept easily that night what with being exhausted from his double shift at the bookstore. However, he couldn't help but be delighted in the sounds of their late night whispers and soft laughter. Eventually, he fell asleep.

When he woke up to drive Dublin and Briar to the train station, a note had been awaiting him in the living area rather than them. It had said that they were grateful for letting them stay in his home and hoped that allowing him to sleep later would suffice for now as a gift. They promised that Remus hadn't heard the last of them and wished him all the best.

He hoped they were telling the truth. Remus wanted to know how life would be for the Habbershams.

 ***THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! It's always helpful to know if people are reading. I appreciate every comment!***

 **SRITA-KOMETA-** Gracias! Dorcas y Remus son mi pareja favorite, asi'! Espere mas historias sobre ellos en esto! Lo siento, mi espanol no es Bueno!

 **PRINCESS MILLY:** I'm a sucker for an underdog (obviously) and after killing Dorcas I could not let Jo die. LOL. Let me know if there is anything you would like to see me write about. As I previously stated, this is such an easy fic for me to write.

 **SIILENTPAWS-** I really like to write those interactions between Remus and Severus. The entire series we're always confused about where Snape's loyalty lies. It's interesting to see him struggle with himself to figure out if he should be friends with the enemy of his friend! Please tell me if you'd like to see something particular in these oneshots!

 **MiniMarauder5-** Congrats on getting the trivia right! I'll be sure to include more interactions between those two sort-of-friends in the future! After all, they are really fun to write. Also, I always appreciate when someone acknowledges the detail I put in the stories so thank you for that! Be sure to inform me of anything you'd like to see in these oneshots.

 **FFcrazy15 NLI-** Remus and Severus have such a complicated relationship. It's always fun to explore that as both a reader and writer. If there's any in particular you'd like to see in these fics, please don't hesitate to tell me! Congrats on getting the trivia right!

 **ANNABETHALWAYS-** Haha, I've made myself cry a few times writing this. I always thought JK Rowling was lying when she said that it made her cry to kill off characters, but damn it hurts. Lol. Thank you for reading and please tell me if you have any oneshots you would like to see.

 **Erica-** I love Remus way too much. We share a lot of similarities so it really isn't a struggle here. I just draw the parallels between us if I'm having trouble. I think that's why a lot of us love Lupin. We try hard to like ourselves despite our flaws and just can't seem to accept who we are. Please let me know what you'd like to see!


	22. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

18

 _A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words_

Remus sat on the roof of the Shrieking Shack, reading. Usually his books were works of muggle fiction or advanced text books. His desire to be the smartest wizard at Hogwarts despite his affliction was motivation for this. Remus desired to know everything about everything.

This evening, his reading material was much more morose. Tomorrow Remus and Sirius would be moving into their reasonably spacious flat just north of Godric's Hollow. They'd chosen that particle flat not only for the low expense, but to be near to James at Potter Manor.

This shift in life style inspired Remus to divert his literary routine to one of grim knowledge. A book on werewolves in society. He'd read many of these throughout the years, however this one was more recent.

It contained facts on the new developments with Wolfsbane and updates on what was known of a werewolf's anatomy.

So far he'd learned that Wolfsbane was still a work in progress. Now he was on the chapter about werewolf anatomy during a transformation. There were many drawings. Each one detailed and rather grotesque. It showed the development of a young man.

The first sketch showed the young man doubling over and his shoulders slowly growing and hunching.

The next displayed his arms and legs extending unnaturally.

There was a close up after that drawing showing a detailed examination of the fur that would start to sprout from his skin.

There was a before and after of eyes. A human's then a sinister set of dilated pupils.

Then, to his horror, a close up of the face. The jaw and nose elongated forming a snout and the canines becoming more pronounced as the neck became longer.

 _'This is what it looks like... What I look like,'_ Remus thought, his long fingers slowly grazing the rough pages of the book. _'This is what my friends see every month. This is what society sees when they look at me.'_

Remus peered beneath the drawing, trying to see the name of the artist.

"Thank you, Lizbeth P. Wallows for your enlightening drawings…" Remus sighed.

He shut the book and swallowed, setting it beside him. Small bits of debris from the shack lay around him. The Shrieking Shack was not structurally sound to say the least. Remus had played a part in that. He picked up a small piece of rubble and tossed it off the roof, aiming for a tree. His well-trained ears heard it softly hit the trunk.

Trying not to think about those unsettling pictures he had just seen, Remus continued to toss pieces of debris off the roof. He gnawed his lower lip in the process.

"Moony?"

Remus looked to his left through the large hole in the ceiling which he had climbed from. Sirius stood inside. Remus smiled sheepishly at him.

"What are you doing here? The party at the Potter's started half an hour ago. I started to get alarmed an hour ago when I realized you weren't thirty minutes early," Sirius grinned.

Remus didn't respond, he just continued to smile.

"Care to join me?" he asked after a brief pause.

Sirius shrugged and climbed atop the chair beneath the ceiling hole. Not being as tall as Remus, he required assistance getting up, though would never ask. Remus made sure he didn't have to and turned over, offering his hand. Sirius grabbed his forearm and together, they managed to get him on the roof.

Remus scooted the book to his side, farthest from Sirius, not wanting him to see it. He hated it when his friends knew he was low about his condition. He wanted them to believe that he'd grown not to care about it over the past few years.

Even though he thought that he had perfected the facade of being completely cavalier as to the situation, The Marauders knew when Remus was melancholy. Especially now, Sirius knew. But he would play Remus' game for a moment and let him believe that he hid his distaste well.

"So what's going on?" Sirius asked, brushing some dust off his jeans.

Remus shrugged, leisurely tossing another piece of debris off the roof.

"Reading, relaxing, reminiscing."

"That's quite the alliteration, mate," Sirius replied with a whistle.

"Using your big kid words, I see?"

Sirius looked at Remus who was smirking, though his brows were knitted together.

"I rarely get the opportunity."

Sirius reached into his back pocket, removing a cigarette.

"Want one?" he mumbled, placing it in between his lips.

Sirius knew Remus would say no. He often did. Except in what James referred to as 'code eclipse' situation. Situations in which he was so inwardly distraught, Moony would break his habit and smoke. It had only happened four times. Much to Sirius' relief, Remus raised a hand, rejecting his offer.

'So he's melancholy, I suppose...' Sirius thought.

He leaned towards Remus, cigarette extended fully towards him. He knew by now what this meant.

Remus snapped the finger of his left hand making a small flame dance between the tips. Sirius stuck the cigarette over it and sucked in rhythmically until the end glowed orange.

"Marlene know you're smoking again, Padfoot?" Remus grinned.

Sirius inhaled and rolled his eyes. He blew out the smoke and pushed back some of his shaggy hair.

"Does Dorcas know you're hiding here at the Shack filled with self-loathing and angst?" he countered casually.

Sirius watched intently as Remus rubbed the back of his neck. That wasn't good. Typical Remus nervous tick. He grabbed another piece of rubble and chucked it off the roof. Sirius saw some red beside Remus out of the corner of his eye. A book. Sirius smiled to himself. Was he depressed from a story again? Which of his favorite characters died this time?

"What book are you reading and what's happened in it?" Sirius drawled removing his cigarette and exhaling a puff of smoke.

Remus fiddled, eyes downcast. A small smile was on his lips, but it wasn't genuine. Sirius knew a real Remus smile from a fake one. He'd seen so many over the years.

"The usual stuff. Some historical, muggle stuff."

Sirius wasn't buying whatever Remus was selling. Why didn't Remus want him knowing what the book was?

"May I see this reading material?" inquired Sirius.

"Wouldn't interest you..." Remus murmured.

Sirius nodded and quickly formulated a plan to obtain that book. He raised a finger and pointed to the base of the tree Remus had been throwing debris at.

"What's that? Way down there?" Sirius muttered peering over the edge of the roof.

"Hm?"

When Remus leaned forward, Sirius ducked behind him with a loud grunt and snatched the book. Remus turned around and sighed, raising a hand in submission.

"Well...have at it then."

Wedging the cigarette between his lips, Sirius placed the book in the crook of his arm and opened to the page Remus had left off on. The page featuring pictures of his transformation as it went through various cycles. At first Sirius couldn't understand why Remus was so particularly melancholy. Lily was the perceptive one. The empath.

This book seemed routine for Remus. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary. He read this shite often and coped fine. None of the information looked new to Sirius. He knew what a transformation looked like.

Then it hit him.

Sure, Sirius knew what it looked like...but Remus did not. These drawings. These new, graphic drawings were unlike anything Remus had seen regarding his condition. It had to be a little jarring to see yourself this way.

"Are these...drawings what's bothering you?" Sirius muttered.

Remus gnawed on his lower lip, contemplating his answer. He didn't want to seem weak. He didn't want to appear too sensitive. Remus cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck again, causing Sirius' jaw to tighten. Two nervous, Remus Lupin quirks simultaneously.

Taking a deep breath, Remus forced himself to answer.

"Is that what it really looks like?" he asked in a quiet, but firm tone.

Sirius shut the book, eyes downcast as he searched for the proper response. He placed the book between them and took a drag of his cigarette, exhaling through his nose. Remus peered at him out of the corner of his eye.

"You look like a dragon when you do that, mate," he half-smiled.

Sirius grinned, removing the cigarette and shaking his head.

"Telling me that I resemble a strong, imposing, magical creature doesn't necessarily inspire to kick the habit. Though it does have some negative connotations being one..." Sirius trailed off as he watched Remus' smile fade.

'Well done, Sirius. Making a comment about a magical creature in front of your werewolf friend who is in a fragile state. Well done, indeed...' he thought.

"Erm...I'm sorry. I...I didn't-"

"I know," Remus replied casually.

"Yeah, but-"

"It's really fine, Padfoot."

"If I offended-"

"Sirius, it's fine," he said with a half-smile.

A silence transpired between the two. Sirius finished his cigarette and tossed it into the dilapidated gutter in front of them.

"Being a dragon is...way more offensive than being a-"

"Bloodthirsty, beast of the night?" offered Remus. "I suppose so. A werewolf doesn't breathe fire or fly though, so I'm not exactly as cool as a dragon."

Sirius shrugged.

"You never answered my question, Sirius," Remus mumbled. "Are those pictures...is that...is that what it looks like?"

Turning his gaze skyward, Sirius searched his brain for the right words. He never was very good with those. Always going for the joke when support was what was needed. He decided on honesty. Sirius could screw up words of comfort, but not the truth.

"Well, yeah, mate," Sirius shrugged.

He watched as Remus slowly nodded.

Remus felt his heart sink. He'd known the truth. He'd known Sirius' answer. For some reason though, Remus' brain had clung to the hope that he might answer differently.

"Surely you...knew that. I mean, with all the pain you experience."

"Yeah, yeah, I was leaning in that direction," nodded Remus, casually. "I just hoped that maybe there was a puff of smoke and then I vanished and was replaced with a werewolf, I suppose."

Sirius laughed softly.

How could Sirius stand to watch him do that moon after moon? The drawings in that book had been terrifying. Remus couldn't imagine seeing it all in person and looking at whoever it was that transformed the same way ever again.

"How do you cope with that? How have you all ever looked at me the same way again?" Remus blurted, letting his thoughts flow through his lips.

Remus smiled sheepishly, but it was a poor mask to hide his shame. Unnecessary shame.

Sirius raised a brow, incredulously.

"Moony, c'mon. We all knew it wasn't gonna be pretty when we heard you shriek that night our second year. When we found you covered in blood and gashes," he said pointedly. "Honestly, we were expecting a lot worse."

"I can't imagine much worse than that."

"Julius Umbridge," Sirius stated.

Remus let out soft chuckle and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"The man looks a bit like a toad."

"Pity the wife..." murmured Sirius.

"You should pity the daughter. Dolores."

"Never had the pleasure."

"Mm, pray you don't, Padfoot. I had Advanced Herbology with her. She's...ugh..." Remus replied, shuddering.

Sirius grinned and turned his eyes back to Remus, who forced himself to meet his gaze. Remus gave a wry smile and shrugged. What was he supposed to say? Was a simple 'thank you' good enough? Should he access his aptitude for eloquence and explain his appreciation to Sirius in a lengthy speech? Maybe a few Sickles? Sighing, Remus settled for the most simple option.

"Th-"

"No," Sirius said, cutting him off. "No need."

Remus pursed his lips to fend off a laugh and averted his eyes.

"I'm eager to attend James' and Lily's party," Sirius grunted, standing.

Remus nodded, mirroring him and bracing his hands on his knees.

"Erm...don't tell James about this," Remus said in a soft voice.

"'Course not," Sirius agreed. "Burn the book."

Remus' brows raised as he followed Sirius' gaze to the red book in his hand.

"C'mon, Fire Fingers. I know you can."

Remus grinned and held the book over his other palm. A blaze shot up and hugged the book's binding. Eventually it caught fire and Remus tossed the book onto the grass below. Sirius clapped briefly then walked carefully back to the hole from which he'd climb through. He hopped down.

Remus smiled to himself, following after Sirius. His tawny eyes watching the book continue to burn, a flicker of satisfaction lingering behind them.

 _*Thanks, guys! I love getting these reviews! The next chapter I am pretty excited about. I'm starting on it tomorrow. I just got back from vacation so it may be a week-a few days if I'm lucky. I hope you guys enjoyed this one! It's inspired by a friend of mine who just celebrated her one year, seizure free anniversary. She once watched a video of a seizure and wouldn't sleep over with me for weeks because she was afraid I'd see one and not want to invite her over again. Funny enough, she had already had one in front of me when I was at her place and her parents told me not to say anything. Anyway, HAPPY ONE YEAR SEIZURE FREE TO BELLA!*_


	23. The Box Opens

15

 _The Box Opens_

It wasn't a good time to bother Remus Lupin. Not with less than a week until the full moon and with OWLs coming up. Perhaps that was why his friends had left him to his own devices today. To walk about the grounds in solace. They knew better than to interrupt him when he was deep in thought, so when he'd said _'I'm going for a_ walk' in the Great Hall at breakfast, the three boys had merely nodded in approval and went about their breakfast. Keeping all their internal anxiety as to if he was truly alright to themselves. Regardless of how they acquiesced currently, it would be no reflection of their behavior tonight.

When they were settled in for the night, James would no doubt ask Remus about his day. Probing for any sign that suggested he was anything less than happy. Peter would offer him a chocolate bar. Sirius would jeer at him playfully as usual. A relief to him after the way Remus had shunned him after the stunt he pulled with Snape at the beginning of the year. That was the way it worked. It exhausted Remus, but he indulged them. After all, it didn't hurt. It felt good actually.

Thoughts of if he'd studied enough or whether he had completed all the extra credit assignments swam through his mind as he came closer and closer to the forest where the Thestrals lingered. It wasn't until his third year that he realized that he could see them. He had been horrified at the sight of the beasts. Not because of their eerie figures or unnaturally, elegant poise. Rather because he knew it meant that he'd witnessed someone die.

For weeks he struggled with telling someone. Remus couldn't help but wonder if while in werewolf form, he had slaughtered a human instead of an animal. There was one night that summer when he woke up covered in blood. Soaked in it. His parents had claimed it to be a deer and he'd thought nothing more.

Then he'd discovered the truth, and though relieved he was still disturbed. Very rarely he visited the Thestrals. Once every few months.

As he reached the clearing he could hear the delicate whisper of a girl's voice. Light. Airy. Ghostly. He immediately knew the owner.

Pandora.

Sure enough, Remus entered the clearing to see the willowy and mysterious Pandora standing before a Thestral. Though he had sought this place out for solitude, he wasn't angry in the slightest that Pandora was here. The corner of his lip lifted slightly as he approached the whimsical Ravenclaw.

"Hello, Remus Lupin," she said in her spectral, gentle voice.

"Pandora. What brings you here?" he asked, standing beside her.

"The Thestrals. I enjoy their company," replied Pandora, stroking the jaw of the Thestral before her. "And you?"

Remus shrugged, hands in the pockets of his trousers.

"Solitude, I suppose."

Pandora turned her large, almost translucent eyes to Remus. When he'd first made eye contact with Pandora, he recalled being shocked by them. Almost everyone who met her was. Especially Xenophilius Lovegood.

"Would you like me to go?"

"No, no. You were here first, Pandora. Don't mind me. It was lovely seeing you," Remus replied with a kind smile.

He turned to walk away.

"Who did you see die?" Pandora asked.

Remus turned his head, stopping in his tracks. Pandora was watching him, her head cocked to the side curiously. There was no lying his way out of this. She knew that he could see them. Remus rubbed the back of his neck, searching for fake explanation.

"My uncle…he had a heart attack. I was very young when it happened so I don't remember it, I'm afraid," he tried.

Pandora nodded, pulling her silky, silver hair over her shoulder. She gave the Thestral a gentle rub and strode towards Remus. It was almost like she was gliding.

"That's very sad, Remus."

"Well, like I said, I was very young so I don't remember it that well," he managed.

Pandora stood before Remus, studying him with her inquisitive eyes. A hint of a smile crept upon her lips, Remus couldn't help but mirror her. He had to change the subject though. She could tell he was lying and that was never good.

"Who did you s-"

"Why did you lie, Remus? You don't have to tell me who it was. Just tell me why you lied," she interjected.

Remus blinked at her, smile fading. Pandora was very perceptive. Almost eerily so. So many people thought she was simply an odd girl. She wasn't just odd though. She was smart and gentle and compassionate. It made Remus sad to think that no one would could really see the genius and kindness in Pandora. No one except Xenophilius that was. Every urge told him to try and tell Pandora that he wasn't lying try to convince her that this nonexistent uncle had died before his eyes.

Remus knew it was no good though. Inhaling, Remus gave Pandora a sheepish smile.

"Because I don't know who I saw die."

"Hm…" remarked Pandora thoughtfully. "For me, it was my cousin Ceres. We were climbing trees and she fell from the top branch and broke her neck. I had the misfortune of watching the light leave her eyes."

Remus placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Pandora met his gaze.

"I'm sorry, Pandora. That sounds traumatizing."

Pandora shook her head, that same soft smile returning to her face.

"It's alright. I was very young so the memory is rather fuzzy. Ceres always loved the sky. The infinity of it. Now she's infinite too."

"That's beautiful, Pandora," Remus remarked warmly. "Ceres. Was she named after the dwarf planet in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter?"

"Yes, she was. Or rather, she is."

Remus let his hand fall from her shoulder. A Thestral trotted beside Pandora and nuzzled her arm with his nose. She reached into the large bag slung over her shoulder and removed a small sliver of meet, holding it up to his mouth. The Thestral gratefully accepted. Remus smiled at her thoughtfully.

"Ceres is actually any asteroid. It's beautiful. Silver with tiny bright spots all over it."

"Maybe she's one of those spots now, then," Pandora said with a small laugh. "Do you think you can't remember who it was because you saw them killed while you were in werewolf form?"

The smile vanished from Remus' face. What had she just asked? What had she just asked in such a casual voice? What had she just asked without quaking in fear? Remus' jaw opened and shut as he searched for words. He'd never been caught so off guard. He took a step back, instinctively. James knew. Peter knew. Sirius knew. Snape now knew. Now Pandora as well? How long until she told someone? Remus took another step back as his breathing became shallow.

"If I was going to tell someone, Remus, I would have when I first found out," she said in a calm voice.

"Which was when?"

"Our first year. After the second moon."

Remus was astonished. Their first year? He'd barely had any scars then. His best friends didn't even know then? How the hell did Pandora know?

"My mum says that I'm very intuitive. That I get it from my great grandmother Gemma. It was something in your eyes. I could tell you had a secret the very first time I saw you. Please don't run away," she said as Remus took yet another step back.

"S-sorry," he stammered. "I'm just a bit taken back…and confused…and shocked."

Pandora turned to face another Thestral, removing more raw meat from her bag and letting the creature eat it off her palm. Unafraid. Unassuming. Completely calm.

"Is it really that shocking?" Pandora questioned wistfully. "You know how much I love the moon. I follow its cycles. I go to the Astronomy Tower and watch it on all of the full moons and blood moons, etcetera. That first full moon, I heard a howl from the east. It wasn't the howl of an adult werewolf though. I knew that. I know what werewolves sound like. The forest behind my cottage has a few. They're our neighbors actually. Very nice couple, they are.

"That's a different story though. The howl I heard was not as strong and defiant. It was frightened and young. I knew that it had to be someone from this school… Then you were gone the next day. Then it was the same pattern the next month. I remember that particular month I had heard numerous howls before Professor Binns found me lingering and took me back to Ravenclaw Tower. The howls were painful ones. Then you show up in Herbology with a bunch of cuts and bruises from 'an accident' you had while visiting your 'mother.'"

"And-and-and you knew?"

Pandora nodded gingerly.

"I knew."

"And you didn't say anything?" Remus asked incredulously.

Pandora shook her head, a look of incomprehension on her face.

"Why would I do that?"

"Be-because you're afraid, perhaps? Because you're concerned that you're attending school with a monster?" he replied with a hasty laugh.

"I don't go to school with a monster though. I go to school with Remus Lupin," Pandora said pointedly.

She approached Remus and took his hands in hers, wide eyes full of understanding and compassion. He could feel his heart beat louder. She was touching him and she knew what he was? Did Pandora have no fear?

"You're a good man, Remus Lupin. Everyone knows you are. So what does it matter that you're a werewolf if you have a good heart?" she said bringing their hands to his heart.

She held his gaze for a moment, still smiling softly as he stared at her in awe. She's known since their first year. She'd always known. Pandora had always known and she'd never said a word. Not during Potions. Not during Charms. Not in the library. All because she-like his other friends that knew-didn't think it mattered. Except the difference here was that Pandora hadn't known Remus very well when she'd found out. She wasn't biased and predisposed to him being a good person through and through. It probably wouldn't have weighed on anyone else's conscience to inform their parents about a strange boy at their school being a werewolf.

Yet, Pandora had got the feeling that Remus was good and kept her mouth shut.

Finally she released his hand and walked back over to the Thestral she had been doting on.

"So," she said over her shoulder. "What's the story behind you being able to see Thestrals? The truth now. You can trust me."

Remus cautiously walked to another Thestral. The only magical creature that didn't flinch at his touch. He gave its neck a fond pet and sighed. Alright, fine. It would feel good to tell someone.

"Well, you were right. When it occurred, I was a werewolf, which is why I had no recollection of it all. For the longest time I had no idea why I was covered from head to toe in…in blood the next morning. Then I came to Hogwarts in the fall and could suddenly see Thestrals," Remus said, cringing at the memory. "It took me some time to inform my parents. They told me they had hoped I wouldn't be able to see the Thestrals. That I'd never need to ask that question."

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. This was the hardest part of the story to recall. To even say.

"I had…I had not killed anyone. That was not the reason behind all the blood. According to a Ministry Case Record, I had come across a rogue werewolf in the woods. It had savagely murdered a homeless, muggle woman. Being very young I was rather…cantankerous in my werewolf form. The…I…my wolf had been angered by the other werewolf's actions and we fought at each other until dawn.

"My parents had found I'd escaped from where they usually hid me during moons and were alarmed. They went straight to the forest where they found me lying beside a much older man. Both of us covered in blood. Then there was the homeless woman, mauled to death. My father had contacted the Ministry and reported the incident. A general consensus was made in which everyone agreed it was best if I was not informed if I didn't remember. That a child not having knowledge of the Ministry's inability to contain werewolves was ideal. My parents were very sad when they told me about the brawl I'd gotten into…"

"They knew you'd think yourself a monster, probably. Did you?" queried Pandora.

Remus looked at his shoes, kicking the ground slightly. A very soft laugh escaped his lips.

"I still do. I…I always have really. I feel like that's the only thing that keeps me from being one," Remus explained.

He jumped as he felt a delicate hand brushing his forearm. Pandora stood beside him. She didn't look any different. She didn't look frightened or upset by the story. If anything, she look contemplative.

"I can see why that would make sense to you, but I think that's bad for your health, Remus," Pandora observed. "Would you like to feed the Thestral my last piece of meat?"

"Oh…erm…okay," Remus replied, nonplussed.

Pandora removed a slab from her bag and handed it to Remus. Cautiously, he held it up to the Thestral's jaw. Abruptly, the creature bit it right out of his hand. Remus jumped back with a loud gasp making Pandora laugh. It was high and sweet. It sounded like tiny bells going off. He couldn't help but laugh with her.

"I didn't expect him to accept it so quickly," Remus exhaled.

"They're very hungry. Nobody visits them often. They're scared because they're different. I thought it was just Hagrid and I until I saw you."

"It's a rare occurrence, but I do come down here often enough. Probably not as much as you."

"No, probably not," added Pandora pensively. "Better rarely than not at all like most students."

They stood in silence for a moment longer. Finally, Remus brought himself to speak. He cleared his throat.

"I enjoyed talking to you, Pandora. I've only told James that story."

"My lips are sealed. Don't worry yourself, Remus."

"I'm not," he grinned.

Pandora gave Remus a gentle hug and a light peck on the cheek. When she pulled away she saw the stunned look on his face.

"Oh…erm…Pandora, I-"

"I'm only a friend, Remus. I wouldn't dare encroach on you and Dorcas. You too are meant for each other," smiled Pandora.

"Like you and Xenophilius?" Remus smirked.

Pandora's eyes turned skyward and she smiled fondly.

"Yes. Yes, I should suppose so. I enjoy Xenophilius' company. We were discussing our future the other day. It felt nice. I think he's the one."

"Ah, you believe in 'the one,' then?"

Pandora nodded simply. Remus admired her confidence. It came so easily to her, it seemed. Everything she said, she believed. Pandora was not one to be swayed. Perhaps that was why she didn't mind Remus being a werewolf despite society's depiction of him.

"You should believe too," Pandora said with a knowing look.

"What was this future you discussed?" Remus inquired.

He was eager to change the subject from things he knew he couldn't have. Like having Dorcas forever.

"We want to live in the countryside. Back in Ireland. We both miss it. We want to work in improving the future. Enlightening everyone to the ideals of acceptance over fear induced rejection. We want to have daughter and name her Luna."

Remus nodded, enamored in this beautiful vision. The things she wanted to accomplish were so selfless. So exquisite. He thought most people his age only thought about how they wanted to be married and blissfully in love with money and a dream job that brought in lots of it. Yet here was Pandora, dreaming of cultivating the world for the next generation while living in the place she loved with a daughter she would love even more, no doubt.

"That's a beautiful future, Pandora."

He fingers squeezed Remus' hand tenderly as the Thestral before them trotted away.

"You'll have one too. I know it."

"Even as a werewolf?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Mmhm," she replied humbly. "I'm going to go have some pudding. Enjoy your solitude, Remus."

Then Pandora skipped away, leaving Remus breathless. Awestruck.

Leaving Remus filled with hope.

 _*That sure was fun to write! I wish more was specified on the elusive and brilliant Pandora Lovegood other than she was smart and blonde and looked like Luna. Anyway, oncoming we have a_ _ **duel with a canon character, some James and Remus**_ _and perhaps a_ _ **Tonks oneshot coming.**_ _Any_ _ **ideas or things you would like to see? You have not because you ask not! Love y'all!***_

 **MiniMarauder-** Rowling did an amazing job in creating this deep character that you though doesn't get a lot of plot time intrigues us. It's so fun to delve into and super easy. I'm glad you liked the chapter and will pass on your congratulations to Bella.

 **Hillstar-** That chapter was Sirius and Lupin sadly, but don't worry! We've got some James coming up. I hate that they never stress how close Remus was to him. I'm glad you liked his response. I hoped it wasn't too sensitive since I was basing it off a very lovely-yet emotional friend of mine (sorry if you read this Bella, but you've admitted it). Anyway, thanks for being a loyal reader!


	24. Returning

38

Returning

Remus inhaled deeply and knocked on the door of Andromeda Tonks' home. The rain dripped on his head and he pushed his damp hair away from his clean-shaven face. He wanted to look presentable when he reunited with Dora. Well, _if_ he could reunite with Dora.

The door opened. Andromeda stood in the door, her wavy black hair tied back from her very symmetrical face. The House of Black's signature dark eyes, glinted with contempt. She crossed her arms and pursed her lips.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

Remus composed himself with a sigh.

"I want to see her."

" _Now_ you want to see her?" Andromeda asked with venom.

The rain continued to fall steadily. Remus swallowed trying to come up with an answer that would allow him access to the household. He knew that if he couldn't make his way past Andromeda he was not seeing Tonks.

"I…I really messed up, Mrs. Tonks. I was a cowar-"

"Git?" she finished.

Remus nodded solemnly, drawing his cloak tighter around himself. She wasn't wrong. Andromeda's eyes narrowed at him. This was not going well. The rain poured harder and a strike of lightening flashed across the sky. Andromeda looked from the stormy night to Reus then back inside her house. She stepped aside and gestured to the entranceway, signaling Remus he could enter.

Gratefully, Remus accepted, stepping inside.

"Take off those muddy shoes," grumbled Andromeda.

Remus removed his shoes and hung his soaking wet cloak on the hook by the door. Slowly he started for the steps that led up to the guest room where he and Dora normally resided when visiting her mother, but he was stopped before he could reach the second step.

"Hold on, Lupin," Andromeda said quickly. "You're coming with me. We're going to have a talk in the living area. Then we'll see where that leads you."

Andromeda walked into the living room, Remus followed close behind. To his relief the fire was blazing. He took a seat in the chair closest to it, letting the flames warm his wet frame. Andromeda hid a look of concern and sat on the sofa opposite him. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but once more Andromeda cut him off.

"She's sleeping. Has been for two hours. Nymphadora goes to bed around eight lately. You can see her when she wakes up."

"How's she doing?" Remus asked quietly.

Andromeda sighed and straightened up in her seat, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"She wouldn't eat for a while. Stress and rather grief-stricken."

"I s-"

"From her husband walking out on her when he found out she was pregnant," added Andromeda coolly.

Remus' jaw tightened and he averted his eyes, staring into the fire. The familiar and frequent ball of guilt developed in his stomach. He took in a deep breath trying to suppress the warmth in his chest that stung like a hot, branding iron.

"Is sh-"

"Do you want to know why I hated the idea of you marrying Nymphadora, Remus?"

Remus smoothed his hair again, staring at his fidgeting fingers. He knew. Andromeda had made it perfectly clear. What was this game she was playing with him?

"Because I'm a werewolf," stated Remus, clearing his throat.

Andromeda nodded, threading her fingers. Remus cringed and rubbed the back of his neck. This was painful. Though he felt like he deserved it. Remus was finding it difficult already to forgive himself not only for impregnating Tonks but also for walking out on her. This wasn't helping.

"It wasn't because I didn't like you. It wasn't because I thought you lacked integrity or love for my daughter. I knew you would love her and cherish her. Two things necessary in a proper marriage," Andromeda said nonchalantly. "Being a werewolf carries a certain sort of baggage for both you and Tonks. However, she was so sure that you could both bare that burden and that it wouldn't affect her. She had such faith. So much that it made up for where I was lacking. She reminded me of my marriage to Ted and how my mother had hated it. She even called me a hypocrite."

Andromeda smiled slightly at this, Remus' lip hitched up at the corner. That sounded like Tonks.

"So I put my faith in you and Nymphadora. I had hope you two would complete each other. Despite my distaste for your affliction, I started to _actually_ like you. To believe in your union with Tonks. But then," Andromeda began warily. "She came to me in tears saying that you had left her when you found out she was pregnant."

Bowing his head in shame, Remus gnawed on his lower lip. He could only imagine what biting words Andromeda had in store for him next.

"Then I realized that…that this wasn't just your fault. It wasn't just you being a cowardly git. You weren't running out on Nymphadora because you were scared of parenthood or commitment. You ran out-if I'm assuming correctly-because you felt guilty. You knew how much I disapproved of your marriage. How much society disapproved of it. You ran out because you feared you'd ruined her life."

Remus felt Andromeda's probing, dark eyes on him. He closed his eyes and nodded. Andromeda was absolutely right. That was, indeed, why he had left.

"I thought….I thought it would be better for her…if I left," Remus began softly. "I thought-I hoped that people would assume that the baby wasn't mine if I just…disappeared. That maybe she would be better off without a werewolf husband and father. It didn't seem…ridiculous at the time."

"But then?" prompted Andromeda.

Remus thought back to that dark night in the muggle hotel room where he replayed the words of advice he'd received from Harry and Kingsley and the mysterious stranger in the pub. Finally he met Andromeda's gaze wearily.

"Then I decided that what was best for Tonk-Nymphadora was not what society wanted…but what she wanted. And for some reason what she wanted…was me," he said, a bewildered look crossing his face. "Now, I'm here. I'm…a little late and I'll never forgive myself for what I've done to Dora. However, I can make it right. I can't fix it, but I can improve the situation. It's never too late to improve."

Andromeda studied Remus' face. She noted how pale and sallow it was. The man looked thinner than usual. Was that even possible? He had dark circles beneath his eyes and on his neck she could make out a cut where he had nicked himself shaving.

"Say that you were stupid," Andromeda sat flatly.

Remus raised his brows, surprised.

"Pardon?"

"Say that you were stupid," she repeated. "Admit it."

Remus could see a little bit of Tonks in Andromeda right now. The way she was fighting off a smile while taunting him. The flash of mischief in her eyes.

"Erm…I was stupid."

"Good. We've made progress," Andromeda shrugged.

Remus smiled slightly and was surprised to see she was smiling back. He sat up a bit straighter in his chair and stroked his jaw.

"So she's…how far along is she?" he asked.

"We're at month five now. It started off…poorly. Like I said, she wouldn't eat much. She was very stressed. Then came the morning sickness. Dora actually lost weight during the third month right after you left. Then she caught word of your delving deeper into the underground," sighed Andromeda. "That's when she moved out of your place and came here. She was a wreck for days."

Remus flinched. That had been the opposite of his intention when he'd tried harder to put himself in harm's way. He'd hope to disappear entirely. Remus should have known that The Order would be informing her of his every move. He couldn't believe how thick he had been.

"By the fourth month Kingsely managed to convince her you were alright. We got her eating again. Now she's doing just fine. Eating normally."

"She's not still…in the field is she?" Remus asked nervously.

Andromeda shook her head, adjusting the pillow behind her back. Remus sighed in relief. He should have known Kingsley would take care of her. He'd promised Remus, after all. Kingsley was never one to break a promise.

"She's not too happy about it. They've positioned her in the more strategic side of the game. She plans out raids mostly."

Remus remembered Lily Potter doing something similar when she had been pregnant during the original Order's reign.

"She hates that. Not at all pleased with being out of the action even though I've convinced her that its necessary."

"I expected that," Remus smirked.

A loud crash of thunder sounded. Remus and Andromeda jumped. After a moment, Andromeda stood to her feet.

"I'll make us some tea. Just stay here. Warm up," Andromeda murmured, walking to the kitchen.

Remus looked out the window at the now perilous storm. There was no going home tonight. He'd probably just sleep on the couch tonight. Then see Dora in the morning. What was he going to say? Remus felt like he probably should have planned this. Thought it out. He was good at apologies. He'd been making them his entire life.

"Mum, the thunder is keeping me up."

Remus' head shot in the direction of the stairs. It was her. He stood and watched the doorway, unsure of what to say. She was about to lay eyes on him for the first time in three months.

"I think I'll just take a shower. Could you make some tea…" she trailed off as she set foot in the living room and laid eyes on her husband.

Remus stared at her, mouth slightly agape. Tonks' brows furrowed as she stared at him with uneasy eyes. She pursed her lips.

"I'm…I'm…I'm sorry…" was all he could utter.

He was always so good with words. So where were they now? Where were those amazing words that resolved so much conflict? Why couldn't he find any for himself? He was too bewildered. He didn't even notice that her short, wavy hair was shifting from pink to purple to orange then back again or that her stomach was swollen in her Weird Sisters t-shirt. All he could see was the hurt expression on her face.

"I-I-I just…I'm so, so, _so_ sorry, Dora."

He closed his eyes, he could feel his body tremble in anxiety.

"I can't…I just can't express-"

When Remus opened his eyes he saw Dora crossing the living room with purposeful strides. He paused, unable to speak. Was she going to slap him? Kiss him? Probably the former. Remus knew that he would slap himself. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him firmly. Her chin on his shoulder. With almost no hesitation, Remus embraced her back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said, stroking her head.

He could feel her sob into his chest, a few tears of his own escaping.

"I hate you so much," she mumbled. "Merlin, I hate you for what you did."

She pulled away and kissed him on the lips firmly.

"You're an idiot and I hate you," she continued, still kissing him.

"I know," he breathed. "I hate me too."

They shared a long and tender kiss. Remus took in the smell of her. Cinnamon and vanilla and strawberries. She lodged her delicate fingers in his thick, greying hair, kissing him firmly once more. When she pulled away, she had locked her eyes with his.

"I hate you, but I missed you. I missed you every day. I hate you for that," she sniffed. "But…I'm glad you're back. I'm so glad you're back."

She buried her head in his chest again. Andromeda stood in the doorway, holding a tray with two teacups. She watched her daughter and son in law with compassionate eyes. The uncompromising love that Tonks had for Remus melted her heart. They were so enraptured with one another that Remus didn't even notice when she set the tray on the end table and left the room.

"I love you," Tonks said breathlessly.

Remus smiled kissing the top of her head.

"I love you too," Remus replied into her head. "I promise…I'll make it up to you."

 _A Half Hour Later_

Andromeda had bid the two goodnight not long after their final kiss. They'd finished the tea she made before concluding it was time to bed. Remus had offered to sleep on the couch, unsure of if Nymphadora wanted him that close to her after all this. She had rolled her eyes and dragged him up the stairs.

Borrowing some of Ted's old clothes, Remus and Dora retired to the guest room. As Remus removed his dripping clothes he finally took in what Tonks looked like now. Her hair was short with soft, light brown waves. Two bubblegum pink locks framed her heart-shaped face that though slightly more narrow that he felt comfortable with glowed. His eyes drifted to her stomach. It was quite swollen. She was very obviously pregnant. And it was his.

For a moment he felt happy, but then it vanished. Just like it had that morning when she had anxiously confessed it to him. He cleared his throat, averting his eyes. Fighting off the urge to shatter into a million pieces. He exhaled and folded his clothes, setting them on the armchair.

Tonks, able to read Remus like a book, snorted back laughter. She shook her head and walked over to him.

"It's not going to be a werewolf, Remus," she whispered in his ear. "I've had a lot of time to do a lot of research and even had it confirmed by an off-the-books Healer."

His eyes snapped in her direction.

"Off-the-books, Remus. As in no one at Mungos knows I'm pregnant. Kingsley filed with the Werewolf Registration committee that you engaged in procreation. Other than surveying the baby after birth on the first moon, they'll leave us. No one knows."

Remus' lips quirked up slightly. Tonks, as usual, was on top of it all. Exhaling, he faced her. Part of him wanted to touch her stomach where his child-a child he never thought he would have- was growing. Part of him wanted to back away. There was no way Tonks was ready to allow him some intimate contact. Her hand grabbed his and gently placed it on her belly. Remus' eyes widened. Tonks grimaced.

"Yeah, I know it's…weird. It's just…odd because there's a…a person in there but after a while you don't even notice."

"No," Remus said absentmindedly. "No, it's…beautiful. You're beautiful."

Tonks beamed at Remus, pecking him on the lips then retreating to the bed. Remus' hand trembled as he let it fall to his side. He'd never imagined anything close to this scenario. It could never happen to him. A beautiful wife and child. It was everything he'd said that he'd never have. Especially after Dorcas.

Remus clambered into bed beside her, staying just a few inches away. He didn't feel deserving of her company. He suspected he wouldn't for a while. Instead he stared at her back with longing eyes, appreciating the fact that he was sleeping the same bed as her again.

"Hey!" gasped Tonks. "The baby is kicking."

She rolled over on her back and grabbed Remus' hand. His eyes widened hugely almost making Tonks laugh. Was this even happening? Was this some sort of weird dream? Was he about to wake up in that muggle motel?

His hand touched the curve of her stomach. He felt a quick burst of pressure against his palm and lost his breath momentarily. It had kicked. It had touched him. He retracted his hand, cringing. Tonks laughed quietly and grabbed his hand again, returning it to her stomach.

"It's just a baby, Remus. It's just a little baby. He won't hurt you. He doesn't stand a chance against the big, bad Marauder, Moony."

Remus nodded numbly, feeling the little push against his hand again.

"Holy shit…" murmured Remus.

This only made Tonks laugh harder. Remus hardly ever cursed. Especially like that. And when he did it was always hilarious to witness. The way his eyes would get big and his brows would furrow. The way his jaw would tighten and lips would purse.

It took a few more nights for Remus to return to behaving normally around Tonks. Eventually his tremendous guilt eased and he was able to properly hold her hand and comfortably touch her stomach. Finally realizing that this baby was a little bit of both of them and that the bit of the baby that was him, was probably not dangerous. Even if it was, the baby would be loved all the same.

Tonks adjusted fine. Accepting Remus with open arms, though occasionally using the fact that he left her tauntingly to get him to do things she wanted. Though the months leading up to the epic battle of Hogwarts were what caused Remus Lupin's life to end, he wouldn't take back those days when he played with his son instead of dueling dark wizards. He wouldn't resend those late nights with Tonks when they drank wine. The day that they struggled in building their son's crib.

Most of all, he did not regret coming back.


	25. Of Chocolate and Dances

_Beginning of Year 5_

 _Of Chocolate and Dancing_

Remus sat on his bed, legs stretched out before him as he read the Advanced Charms text. The only people left in the dorms were him and James. Everyone else had already left for the Autumn Dance.

James was currently on try number six of fastening the bow tie of his dress robes properly. Sirius had offered to help with a simple spell but James had insisted that he not wait up. Even Peter had tried, but once again, James denied any aid.

' _Honestly, Peter, you've got a date. Don't ruin this. She may change her mind if you make her wait!' James had jested._

So now it was just he and Remus. James let out a frustrated groan as he yanked the messy bow from his neck. He took a deep breath and began to try again.

"You know, James, I know a very simple spell that might do the trick if you-"

"No," James interrupted. "When Lily and I are living together someday she'll have seen all her muggle friends and her father tie a bow tie with their bare hands. Imagine what she'd think, if I-probably her husband by then-can't do something as simple as tie a bow without magic."

"I think she'd understand if a pure blood wizard wasn't well equipped to do anything without the aid of a simple spell, frankly. Arthur is the only pure blood I know able to do trivial tasks not using magic."

"That's because Arthur Weasley is obsessed with the way muggles function. I, however, want to woo Evans-"

"With your ability to tie a bow tie?" snickered Remus.

James half smiled at him from his reflection in the mirror.

"It can't be that hard anyway," Remus yawned flipping the page of his book. "I mean, you tie your school tie without magic every morning."

"Bow ties are much different apparently."

Remus yawned again, nodding.

"You're awfully tired."

"Can't imagine why," snorted Remus.

James winced. So preoccupied with his first official outing with Lily he had nearly forgotten that it was only last night they had been in the Shrieking Shack. Remus was still recovering from that nasty gash above his eyebrow and the rearranging of his skeletal system less than twenty four hours ago.

"I-"

"Don't apologize, please," Remus said casually as he peered at a footnote in his book.

James gave a single nod and resumed muttering the instructions of how to loop the fabric so it created that much desired, immaculate bow. Even so, it managed to come out crooked and uneven. James puffed and rolled his eyes, moaning with aggravation. He plopped down at the foot of Moony's bed with a sigh.

"Want to know a fun fact" Remus asked looking at James.

James turned his head to face his friend with an exhausted expression, brows raised to signal he was indeed keen to know one of Remus' 'fun facts.' These were either indeed an interesting tidbit he had discovered or a sarcastic remark. Seeing as Remus had been reading a text, James assumed the former.

"You're a wizard and can probably use a spell to easily fix your bow tie," Remus said, holding back laughter.

James pursed his lips, fighting off a smile and gave Moony's leg a light punch. Normally it would have been a firm shove, but James quickly recalled how sore Remus was. He stood again and faced the mirror, once more resuming his attempt to fix his tie.

"In too much pain to go to the dance?" James inquired.

Remus set down his book and rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging.

"Among other things."

James' brows furrowed in concern as he sharply faced Remus. Gnawing on his lower lip, Lupin folded his arms and gazed contemplatively at the ceiling.

"Did you seriously not ask Meadowes?" James questioned.

Remus blinked, exhaling. He finally looked at an incredulous James.

"The-the opportunity didn't present itself."

"Didn't present itself?" he gawked. "You study together every other night in a secluded section of the library! Moony, we even planned what you were going say!"

"What we _planned_ was daft," Remus drawled.

"It was clever! Charming!" insisted James. "Or did you just forget? You were going to offer her a chocolate frog and say: I thought you might like-"

"-this seeing as you are just as sweet. Fancy going to the dance with me? Yeah, Casanova, comparing her personality to chocolate then suddenly drawing a parallel to dancing was not exactly smooth."

"I know! _You're_ not 'exactly smooth' either! It was perfect for you. It was going to compliment your awkward, yet endearing and witty nature."

Remus laughed, shaking his head.

"Awkward, yet endearing?"

"Yes," James said earnestly.

"Where in the bloody hell did you summon that description from?"

James tilted his chin upwards and removed the bow tie once more.

"Straight from the thestral's mouth," he replied smugly.

Remus' eyes widened and he sat up straighter. Had James… No. He wouldn't.

Yes, he absolutely would.

"You didn't ask her…"

"I did."

Remus let out a moan of humiliation and slumped back, covering his eyes with his forearm.

Dorcas had said that? As sweet as that was, now she definitely knew Remus had feelings for her. How long had she known though?

"When did you ask her?"  
"About a week ago," James said promptly.

"Bloody hell…"

James scoffed, turning his head to look at Remus. A knowing expression on his face.

"I wasn't completely obvious that you liked her, Moony. I'm not an idiot. I asked her for three words to describe each of us."

Remus removed his arm from his face and sat up with a grunt. This was humiliating, no doubt. However, Dorcas hadn't treated him any differently in the past week. Perhaps James' plan had worked. Perhaps she had suspected nothing at all. After all, James blatantly asking for a girl's impression of him wasn't that out of the ordinary. As much as he had matured over the years he was still quite vain and loved to have his ego stroked.

"What'd she describe you as?"

"Handsome and charming, but arrogant. Sirius got charming and handsome but arrogant."  
"And Peter?" inquired Remus.

James smirked.

"Her exact words were 'um...nice I s'pose.'"

Remus couldn't help but smile. That was Peter. Just nice. There wasn't much more to him really. Loyal, perhaps?  
"I suggested clingy."

"Hungry, maybe? He ate most of my stash of chocolate," Remus murmured.

James' eyes flickered with realization and he crossed to the trunk at the end of his four poster bed.

"I almost forgot," James grinned.

He removed a rectangular box labeled 'Finest Truffles' and walked back over to Remus.

"Happy birthday, Moony," he smiled, extending it to him.

"Not my birthday till-"

"March. I know. Still."

Remus smiled and gave a grateful nod. James resumed the venture of tying his bow tie once more. He really was determined to impress Lily. Right down to the smallest detail. Opening the box, Remus shook his head. When would James learn that it wasn't these trivial things that would impress her. She cared much more about him being kind and caring than his ability to win the Quidditch Cup or score the highest in Transfiguration or tie a measly bow tie without the assistance of magic?

Remus set the box of chocolates beside him and hoisted himself off the bed, a small grunt of pain emitting from him in the process.

"C'mere," Remus said.

James turned around, a perplexed expression on his face. Remus straightened the fabric under his friend's collar and began the slow task of his fixing his tie.

"You know how to do this?" James asked.

"Yeah. Mum taught me."

"Oh, I always forget your mum's a muggle," James remarked softly. "You're just so good at...well, anything to do with spells really."

"If you recall, my father didn't think I would ever attend Hogwarts so he got me a lot of books on everything to do with magic. I read eleven of them when I was six. Just that summer."

James laughed quietly as Remus squinted while his long fingers tied a careful loop.

"Typical Moony. Would rather spend his summers reading than playing with friends."

"Well," Remus sighed. "Didn't have any really. Homeschooled. Primary school with other children wasn't really an option. My scars would raise questions and frequent absences would've probably gotten me into trouble."

James frowned. As long as he could remember, he had always had friends. Even without the assistance of muggle primary school he'd had neighbor friends and such.

"What about neighbors?"

The corner of Remus' mouth quirked up.

"The moment I was bitten we moved to the countryside. No neighbors in sight. Not exactly wise, you know?"

"That sounds… lonely," James replied solemnly.

"I s'pose. I had my parents. Books. A few nurses I liked whenever I had to visit Mungos to get professionally patched up," Remus shrugged, fastening the bow tie. "There. I'll teach you how it's done later so you can impress Evan's with your 'muggle know-how,' alright?"

James nodded as his friend smiled warmly and clambered back onto his bed with a soft groan. How was it this boy had never had friends before they met? He was kind and considerate. Clever and funny. James knew rude and stupid boys who had had multiple friends since they could talk. Then there was Remus, who at five years old lost everything because one night a month-just twelve times a year-he was an animal. It didn't seem fair.

And here he sat on the night of the Autumn Dance, reading with a box of chocolates in an empty dorm. No date or party for him. Yet he didn't show the slightest hint of resentment. Years of practice, probably. A bit of anger boiled in James as he admired the perfect presentation of his tie now. He turned on his heel and looked down at Remus who was reading his book, chewing on a piece of chocolate slowly.

"Moony?"

"Hm?"

"You ever think you'll ask Dorcas out? Or even tell her that you fancy her?" probed James.

The hint of a smile played on Remus' lips as he turned the page of his book. He swallowed and looked up at James.

"As of now, I'm perfectly happy studying with her and admiring from a distance."

"Have you ever kissed a member of the opposite sex?"

"Yes."

"That wasn't your mum."  
Remus released a quiet laugh.

"Nope."

James shook his head.

"Moony, what is life without romance?"

"You sound like a second year," Remus sniggered. "Besides, it's best for me not to get... Comfortable with the idea of a love life, James."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that relationships are pretty much out of the question for me, James," he said simply. "Maybe with another...well… another person like me."

"Why not with… someone else?"

"Because that's not how it works for people like me."

"Quit saying that, Moony. You're no different than everyone else," James added pointedly.

"Okay," scoffed Remus.

"I mean it! If anything you're better! Smarter! Nicer! I-"

"But none of that matters, James," Remus said in a firm but calm tone. "None of that matters. Not when you're a werewolf."

James shook his head in defiance and exhaled. Remus could practically feel the anger emitting from him. He continued reading his book. Best to let James recover. Let his temper subside. Finally he sat at the foot of Remus' bed, shaking his head slowly. Remus grimaced and turned the page of his book. He'd let James have the first word. After five years he knew the strategy of an argument with James. He was an angry and proud individual in times of confrontation. Especially when it involved his friends.

"Sorry… it's just… it's not fair to you, Moony."

Remus closed his book and gave James a grim smile. James knew it all too well. The humility and sadness behind it. Say what you wanted about Remus Lupin, he was the most likeable martyr you'd ever meet. Probably because he wasn't even trying to be. Never. Remus honestly thought what he got was fair. That people had good reason to be frightened of him. He understood their prejudice where it made others spit on them. Made other werewolves resent humanity.

"People are scared. They always will be. I'm perfectly happy though. I've got some really, really brilliant friends."

"And you always will," James said firmly.

"I know. Even if I wanted to get rid of you all, I couldn't."

"That's right."

They both chuckled quietly. Remus leaned forward slightly.

"And I owe you the world for what you've all done. Last night was… it was nice. I have cautious optimism about the full moons to come," he said quietly.

"Not bad for our first try."

"Not at all. Better than I'd had expected."

"What'd you expect?" James laughed.

"That I'd maim at least one of you," snickered Remus. "Sirius might get a scratch on his beautiful face and hate me forever."

The two shared a moment of quiet laughter. Remus gently nudged James' shoulder.

"Go to the dance. Don't keep Lily waiting. She'll want to see that bow tie."

James stood and straightened his robes, grinning.

"G'night, Moony. Enjoy the chocolate."

"Oh, I will," Remus smiled.

As James reached the the exit of the dorms, but couldn't help looking back at Remus. He sat on the bed. Quiet. Meek. Reading his book and snacking on the chocolate James had given him. Finally, he turned his head and took a deep breath, preparing himself for his first date with Lily Evans.

"James?"

With no hesitation James turned around, brows raised. Was Remus going to come after all?  
"Have you changed your mind?" asked James hopefully.

"Erm...no. I'm not really up for dancing, mate," Remus smirked. "I just wanted to ask if you'd tell Dorcas to have a good time tonight and please vividly be able to describe her dress and her dancing."

Color filled Remus' cheeks and James bit back a snicker.

"Absolutely, Messer Moony."

"Thanks, Prongs."  
James set off down the stairs and went down into the Common Room. Remus remained in the dorms, reading, but in the back of his mind imagining what Dorcas was wearing and how she was dancing. If she was enjoying himself. The grin on James face as he set off to meet Lily with his perfect bow tie. It was more than enough to satisfy Remus.

I know, I know. I was gone forever. My laptop got a virus and I've been super, duper busy. Like insanely. Don't forget to comment and follow!

-OERH


	26. Dumping Dorcas

19

Dorcas leaned against the lamp post outside Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop in Hogsmeade, red and gold scarf tied around her neck, hands deep in her coat pockets. Snow fell gently from the grey sky, sticking to her hair and eyelashes. Dorcas had arrived early. Too early as usual. It made her anxious that Remus wasn't here yet. Then again, it was twelve fifty eight. Remus was 'Mr. Punctual.' Always showing up right on time.

'He's not gonna stand you up,' Dorcas told herself.

Or would he? He had been vicariously avoiding her. He was probably home right now. Regretting ever sending that letter asking her to meet him here to discuss the future status of their relationship.

"D-"

Dorcas gasped loudly as there was pressure on her shoulder. She whirled around almost slipping on the ice. Doe knew who it was yet it still shocked her. Grabbing the lamp-post for balance she stared, wide eyed at the man before her.

Remus looked at her with raised brows, an amused smirk on his lips.

"Sorry, sorry," Dorcas panted. "You just...you scared me is all."

He released a quiet laugh, tucking his chin.

"Well, I am-by nature-terrifying."

Doe rolled her eyes. Always with the werewolf jokes.

"Let's go inside. It's freezing," she mumbled.

Entering the tea shop, Remus ruffled his hair shaking snowflakes from it. Dorcas began to shrug out of her coat.

"Here."

Remus pulled it off slowly and hung it on the coat-stand beside other cloaks and jackets. Dorcas walked towards a table by the window, watching him out of the corner of her eye. He hung up his own battered jacket and scarf.

"Mint tea?" he offered as she sat down.

Dorcas nodded, propping her elbows up on the table.

"I'll be right back," smiled Remus.

Walking up to the counter, he fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a sickle.

"One pot of mint. Two cups," he said placing his money on the counter before Madame Puddifoot.

She was a petite old woman with a warm smile. Though Remus had been in here countless times she never remembered his face. Then again, that could be said of most of her customers. Despite her fleeting memory, she had the best tea in Hogsmeade and a very sweet disposition. Like a grandma you never had.

"Biscuits?" she asked.

"No, just keep the change."

"Thank you. Coming right up."

Remus rested his arm on the counter and looked over his shoulder. Dorcas sat at the table staring out the window at the people walking by. The corner of his lip hitched up. People watching. She always loved that.

Now how to tell her it was over? How to tell her their relationship would be predominantly professional now. They could still be friends but nothing more.

"Here you are, dear."

Remus turned around to see Madame Puddifoot holding a tea tray with a green pot, two matching cups and a small metal, pitcher of milk.

"Thanks."

His hands trembled as he walked around the occupied tables towards Dorcas. It took him a minute to realize it was because of the approaching moon, not his nerves. Though that wasn't entirely ruled out. This conversation had been rehearsed the past few days since he realized ending their relationship was best.

He set down the tea tray with a clatter. Dorcas jumped again. He sniggered quietly.

"I don't know why that frightened me," she sighed.

Probably because she was scared of what he was going to say. There was a cold, looming presence upon her.

"Don't feel too guilty, Doe. You're having tea with a werewolf," Remus whispered.

"No, I'm having tea with Remus Lupin."

He grimaced, pouring them both a cup of tea and relaxed in his chair.

"Well for today and tomorrow at least."

"I know," mumbled Dorcas reaching for his hand on the table. "How are you feeling? I've been worried."

Remus' eyes lingered on Doe's thumb that stroked the back of his hand. Absentmindedly he wrapped his fingers around hers. That's how it was with Dorcas. Easy as breathing. Remus didn't even have to think with her. He gave her knuckles a gentle squeeze.

"I'm alright," he assured her.

Slowly he withdrew his hand, leaving Dorcas' palm open and empty. She cleared her throat and took a bottle of honey from the table caddy. Remus watched with furrowed brows as she methodically fixed her tea. He knew what came after the honey. Just a splash of milk. Then she would stir it quickly but without splashing a drop.

"Doe, I know I said it in the letter but I think it's worth saying again to you...in person, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. It was childish and rude to do so. I apologize."

"You're right," Doe said, stirring her tea quickly. "It was childish and rude and it IS worth stating in person."

Remus took a sip of his tea, smiling slightly. Ever the candid one. Ever the girl with the quick response. Even if it was an ill-mannered one.

"So we both agree."

Dorcas finally set down her spoon, her fingers immediately hugging the cup. However, she did not drink. Instead Doe fixed her silvery eyes on him. They were searching with a hint of sadness behind them.

"Why don't we just address it all now. Cut out the pleasantries and get right to the meat of this," Dorcas said.

Remus nodded at her with a shrug. He had planned on waiting till they were at least halfway finished with their pot to have this conversation. Doe had been spot on. It was going to be pleasant conversation till that moment.

"Alright, I'm just going to say it."

Remus looked down into his cup mustering up the strength and courage to say the words he'd always expected she would eventually say to him.

"I think we should... break it off."

Still looking into the depths of his tea cup, Remus felt Dorcas' eyes on him. They were burning a hole in him. Remus knew that if he looked up and saw her gaze so full of compassion and probably hurt he would go back on this. He couldn't do that. This was the right decision and it had to be done.

And Doe. She didn't know that she had this effect on Remus. That just her stare was enough to make him reconsider even his strongest decisions.

"Why?" she managed to say.

Remus shook his head.

"After that...that dinner-"

"I don't care what my father thinks. Besides, he apologized after I left that night."

"But you're still not speaking I presume."

Doe swallowed. It was her turn to avert her eyes.

"I forgave him. He said he was sorry. We're no longer at ends with each other and that's what counts," she assured. "Besides, even if we didn't-"

"Doe, this isn't about your father."

Finally they looked at one another. Remus inclined his head giving her a serious look.

"This is about how you can expect that reaction from everyone if you are in a relationship with a werewolf."

"Then screw em'," she whispered back.

Remus leaned away and rubbed the back of his neck. Dorcas was so frustrating when she was obstinate. There was hardly any reasoning with her.

"Remus, what you are doesn't matter to me."

"You think I don't know that, Doe?" Remus chuckled. "Of course I know that. But I can't make you an outcast. If it were ever to become widely known what I am to the public...I...everyone close to me would be shunned or at least frowned upon. Heavily."

"Hey, we are all aware of that. Don't sell us short. We know what being your friend means. It's definitely a risk."

Though Remus already knew that, it hurt to hear it out loud. Dorcas could see him wince slightly. She drained her tea cup and grabbed Remus' hand again. Her grip was now more solid and reassuring than before. He looked up at her.

"But you are worth that risk. You make yourself worth that risk. Because you're a good man. One more than worthy of our friendship...and more."

Remus released a slow breath through his nostrils and shook his head at her. He couldn't resist grabbing her hand back. Then he remembered what he had come here to do. The only way to accomplish it was to make her believe that this was what she wanted. What Dorcas wanted she always got.

"Dorcas, you could...you could do so much better than me," he tried in a low voice.

"That's not true, Remus. I-"

"It's absolutely true. Perry Dawkins. Andrew Fair. Ben Dyer. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Those are just some of the men that have been interested in you. All talented wizards. All men your father would've had to dinner minus an interrogation. All men that aren't...monsters."

"Don't say shite like that. Don't!" she whispered angrily.

Remus frowned, squeezing her hand a bit tighter.

"Because it's getting to you? Because you know it's true, maybe?"

"No," scoffed Dorcas. "Because you sound like a twat."

 _'Uh oh,'_ thought Remus.

Her cockney accent was coming out, that meant she was angry. When she was angry there was no convincing her of anything. He had to calm her back down. If he had any chance of changing her mind at least.

"Okay, Doe, I'm just gonna say this as plainly as I can manage, okay. Because you're a smart person."

"Oh, bless you for sayin' that," snarled Dorcas flatly.

Remus fought off the urge to roll his eyes and instead opted for squeezing her hand again.

"Look at my face. You see these scars?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"I gave them to myself. What if I gave one to you? Or worse. What if I bit you?"

"You're not a vampire. Unless I plan on cuddling with you on a full moon I am not in any danger," Doe drawled.

Remus shook his head slowly.

"Meadowes, I'm undercover in the werewolf community. That's bad. That's dangerous for everyone I know. If they were to find out I was a spy do you think they would just kick me out? It's not like it's a book club where if I don't read they tell me not to come back."

He could see the worry blossom in her eyes.

He could see her fighting off a frown.

This was working. This was the key to ending their relationship.

"If I were to slip up you'd probably be the first person they'd come after."

Slowly Dorcas sat back in her chair, slumping a bit. She wasn't looking at him. He watched her intently. The expression on her face looked sad then scared. Remus swallowed, a bittersweet happiness inside him. So this was how he would do it. Frighten her out of the relationship.

Then what he feared happened. She looked furious.

"Remus, I can take care of myself. I'm an adult. I'm a gifted witch, okay? And for you to think that this minor amount of danger that hinges on the possibility the perfect Remus Lupin might mess up would be enough to deter me from being with you, then you are not as smart as you look. I..."

The worst part was that her words made sense. She was too clever for each of his plans. He couldn't reason his way out of it with Dorcas. He couldn't make her agree to leave him out of pity. He couldn't anger her out of being with him. Dorcas couldn't even be scared out of her relationship with him.

Remus only had one option left. It was his last resort.

He had to hurt her. Wound her.

"Alright, Dorcas," Remus interrupted raising a hand. "I tried to be nice about this but I guess I'm just going to have to be blunt."

Doe's hunched and angry posture straightened and her forehead crinkled in curiosity.

"Doe, it's not the danger you're in or that I could make you a social pariah or even your prejudiced father."

Her jaw tightened. Remus could see her finally listening. He'd known her for years. That look meant she was all ears. She was open.

In other words, primed to be broken hearted.

He took a deep breath.

"It's not that I'm a...a werewolf," he whispered. "I don't love you, Dorcas. Not anymore."

Doe swallowed, her face blank. Remus felt his heart sink. Yep. He'd done it. Those words hurt her just enough.

"You don't... Do you...erm-do you mean that? You don't mean that," Doe stammered.

Remus looked down at the table and nodded. His fists were balled up. There it was again. Dorcas' penetrating gaze. It had fallen on him again. Burning through him.

"I tried to do this the nice way, Dorcas. This isn't how I wanted this to go but if you're going to be so indignant I have no choice but to be honest with you."

 _'I'm lying,'_ he thought.

"You-you don't love me...anymore?"

"No."

 _'Of course I do.'_

"Why not?" she asked, voice trembling.

Remus raised his eyes just slightly to see one of her hands anxiously tracing the patterns of the table cloth. He could hear the soft drumming of her fingertips on her lap.

"I just... We just aren't a good fit anymore, Dorcas."

"That's a lie," Doe said firmly.

Remus shook his head.

"It's not."

 _'You're right.'_

"How long have you felt this way?"

Remus internally ran a hand down his face while physically he maintained his composure. It hurt to look at Doe. The forlorn expression on her normally cheerful face.

"A month I s'pose," he muttered. "The point is...the point is...that this can't continue. For both our sakes."

Dorcas hastily turned her gaze to the frosted window and wiped away a tear with the heel of her hand. She sniffed loudly. There was a lead ball on Remus' stomach. It was getting heavier by the minute. The pain he was inflicting. It was hitting her hard.

 _'This is what you wanted. It's what's best.'_

"Are you alright?" asked Remus timidly.

She continued to stare out the window, eyes swimming with tears. He could see her cheeks flushed with anger. Remus' heart nearly leapt when her eyes met his again. There was something probing in her gaze. Almost disbelieving.

"I'm left with two options, Remus. I can believe you. Believe you don't love me and that's why you're ending it and _that_ hurts," Doe said through gritted teeth, her expression wounded yet hard. "Or, I can see through what you've said and come to the conclusion that you _don't_ find me strong enough to cope with life's obstacles. That you believe that I am incapable of standing against prejudice and adversity. Both of these options _hurt_."

Remus shook his head at her. Did he really have to say it again? Maybe it'd be easier.

"This is your last chance. Say what you mean. I'll leave you alone. Just...be honest so I'm not left wondering why I'm so hurt."

If Remus said it was to protect her, Dorcas would be infuriated and assume he didn't see her as someone able to stand in the face of adversity. Cross Doe. Cross Doe was a force to be reckoned with.

He could lie again. Say he no longer loved her. It would hurt. She would probably cry. That would leave Dorcas in a state of distress and depression. Her two worst enemies.

The choice was obvious. Remus winced momentarily and nodded. He could see she was making a conscious effort not to let her lower lip tremble.

 _'Deep breath. Then say it.'_

"I don't love you anymore, Dorcas. That's the head of it."

Doe's eyes shut. A few tears escaped, but only for a moment. She quickly wiped them away. In one swift motion Dorcas was up and on her feet, heading for the coat rack.

"Doe, I..."

She stopped, mid-yanking her jacket on.

He wanted to take it all back. To make her feel better. To apologize. Remus wanted to fix everything he'd just broken. That's what he did best. He fixed things.

 _'You've already fixed this. You're relationship with Dorcas was broken and this fixed it.'_

"...I hope you'll be at the next Order meeting," he finished in a low voice.

Dorcas scoffed and pulled on her coat.

"It'll take more than a break up to keep me from taking down the Dark Lord."

"Doe, we're in public. You sh-"

"No," she snapped.

The slight, chiding smile that had crept on his lips vanished. She was glaring down at him.

"You don't get to do that anymore. You don't get to give me a lecture and smile. Not anymore."

Remus' jaw shut. He nodded slowly. Doe wordlessly wrapped her scarf around her neck, regretting ever deciding to give him a chance. She shouldn't have listened to Marlene. Before she left Doe paused at the door and looked over at Remus. He could see in her eyes that she was giving him a final chance to make this right.

Instead he sat there. He just sat there.

Remus was both relieved and distraught at The Order meeting. Not only did Dorcas show no signs that they had just broken up, but she even shook his hand as they greeted one another.

"All that worrying for nothing, mate. She seems right as rain," Sirius had murmured to Remus.

"Which either means she is right as rain or absolutely distraught. Trust me, I've dated her for years. It takes a lot more than a handshake to get Dorcas to open up."

During everyone's presentations Remus couldn't help but glancing over at Dorcas occasionally. She sat there attentive and calm. Remus wished Dorcas would give some sign as to what she was really feeling. No such luck though. She was a vault of emotions with three random access codes and four locks requiring very different keys.

"Remus?" Dumbledore said in a slightly raised, but calm tone.

Remus jumped slightly, looking up from his folded hands. Everyone was staring at him. He turned his gaze to Dumbledore.

"Will you give a closing statement, Remus?" he urged.

"Oh, yes. Right."

Standing Remus avoided eye contact with everyone but James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. Closing statement. How had he forgotten to prepare one. Had he even really listened to any of the reports today? Remus never liked to use his ailment as an excuse but he really didn't see much of a choice. It was that or admit he hadn't been paying attention because he was concerned with a breakup.

"I'll be honest-erm-I'm not as attentive as I usually am today. This is because, of course..."

His eyes inadvertently met Dorcas'. She stared up at him with raised brows. Casually awaiting him to finish his sentence. Inwardly he laughed in spite of himself. Remus had asked Dorcas if she would be competent enough to attend the meeting. Look at him now. A complete mess of emotions.

Then Dorcas did something shocking. Something he didn't see coming. She offered the slightest hint of a smile at him. Remus cleared his throat.

"I'm not as attentive because I'm still a little exhausted from the full moon a couple of days ago-"

"Would you like Frank to give the closing statement?" McGonagall asked in a maternal tone.

Remus shook his head flippantly.

"No, no. All that really needs saying is good work everyone and..."

Try as he might, Remus' amber eyes slowly switched to Dorcas. That small smile had vanished and was swapped for an conscientious gaze. But behind those silvery, intent eyes lurked a pain only Remus could detect. Longing. Heart ache. Upon seeing that vacant and agonized stare, Remus found the words suddenly came to him.

"...And I know it's been hard. This whole ordeal is taking a real toll on us even if others can't see it. In all honesty, we've been doing our best to make it through and you've all been just brilliant. It's important now more than ever to remember that we all make mistakes and if in anyway we trip up or do something completely...stupid we should take it with a grain of salt. Even if the mistake seems devastating it's nothing we can't fix with a little bit of understanding..."

While Dorcas looked as though a great weight was being lifted off her chest, everyone else seemed slightly confused. Had someone messed up? Peter raised a hand slowly. Remus tore his eyes from Dorcas and looked at his friend bewildered.

"Erm...question, Peter?"

"Yeah...has one of us...done something devastatingly wrong?" Peter inquired swallowing.

Remus raised his brows and shook his head. How did he save this?

"No, of course not, Peter. I just want everyone to remember that they shouldn't put pressure on themselves and that everyone makes mistakes. Especially when they feel the weight of the world on themselves... I mean we all are under an immense amount of pressure and with good reason, right?" Remus pressed.

The Order nodded in slight agreement while Dorcas fiddled with her fingers, staring up at Remus through her lashes. He saw a hint of a genuine smile on her lips.

"So if you do something stupid. Really, really stupid, we need to remember to forgive each other."

Dorcas raised a brow at him.

"Or-or not. It's entirely...it's entirely up to you. Whatever you want."

Again, looks of confusion washed over everyone but Dorcas and of course, a very amused Sirius.

"What I'm saying is...is that if we do something stupid then...then we have to remember that even if the world belongs to them, we belong to each other."

Remus' eyes locked with Dorcas' whose small smile had broadened a bit. He could swear her eyes were watering just slightly.

"We can't let the small things get in the way because if we do then erm...the Death Eaters and Voldemort win. That's who I'm talking about of course. Just remind yourself, that our mistakes don't matter and if we let little things come between us we've already lost. So...thank you."

Remus quickly sat down. Sirius patted his back biting back a snicker. The whole table was silent as everyone exchanged confused glances.

"Alright, thank you Remus for that rather...scattered yet eloquent closing statement," added Dumbledore.

Remus nodded and raised a hand in acknowledgment.

"Remus makes a good point. In the end, our love and companionship is what will help us win. We must never forget the value of loyalty and compassion. Meeting adjourned," he stated.

Everyone stood from the table and one by one left the creaky, abandoned, country home they called Headquarters. Dorcas and Remus remained sitting. Staring at one another from across the table.

"I'll erm...see you back at the flat, Remus?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded absentmindedly as Marlene said something he assumed was similar to Sirius to Dorcas.

The room was empty now. Everyone either gone or outside.

"I-"

"Was-"

The two cringed as they both spoke at the same time. Dorcas sniggered shaking her head.

"You first," Remus insisted looking down at his hands.

"Was that meant to be an apology?"

Remus blinked and looked up at her, cheeks flushed. She was laughing at him. That smile made him light up. He couldn't help but grin back.

"Yep."

"Well, I forgive you then."

"And are we...are we..." Lupin stammered.

Dorcas winced.

"An item again?"

"Yeah, that," he mumbled.

"Aren't you actually a werewolf?"

Remus let out a bark of laughter.

"Yes, that is true," he snickered.

Dorcas stood abruptly, slipping on her leather jacket.

"I guess I can deal with that," she shrugged nonchalantly.

His heart lifted. Deep down he had known Dorcas would forgive him but it was more than he had hoped for with her quick wit attached to it. He stood with her.

"I'll see you tonight then? The Three Broomsticks?" he asked.

She paused, eyes meeting his. Remus held his breath. He hoped she would say yes.

"Yes."

And with a loud crack Dorcas apparated away. Remus stood alone now, beaming to himself. It was all behind them now. Smooth sailing from there.

In the doorway just slightly out of Remus' sight stood Peter Pettigrew, letting out a sigh of relief. Remus' speech really wasn't about him. No one knew his secret. The secret darker than the beast within Remus. The secret of his treachery.

justagirlwholikestowrite: Those are my favorite ones to write! I'm glad to know you're a fan of them! I worried people would find them too grim and I was mildly sadistic for loving them. Haha. I have a great idea for a more serious version of 'Time of the Month' I'm working on. It's... well, you'll see when you read it. Thank you for being a reader!


	27. Mr Smith

MR. SMITH

20

Remus threw back the last of his Firewhiskey and let the glass fall to the pub bar's surface with a faint clatter. No one in the Three Broomsticks noticed aside from Rosmerta. She looked up from her battered cash register, a warm smile appearing on her lips as her brows furrowed. His face scrunched up momentarily before he released a long sigh.

"Would you like another, dear?" she asked walking in front of him.

Remus dug his hands into the pockets of his coat, searching for any money he had left because frankly, yes. He would like another. Rosmerta gently patted the bar that separated them with her hand, making Remus look up.

"I'll give you one on the house," she nodded.

Remus shook his head. He hated charity and pity. Especially this time of the month and especially from people who knew what he was.

"Remus, I insist. It's gonna be a rough few days, love. Just this once, accept a gift from me," she tried.

Remus met her kind gaze. She'd always been like the big sister he'd never had and it didn't hurt that she was very pretty.

"Thank you," Remus said clearing his throat.

Rosmerta responded with another understanding smile and crossed to the rack of bottles, his empty glass in hand.

"So you didn't have any plans for tonight?" asked Rosmerta, unscrewing the lid of the Firewhiskey.

"No, I did. I was watching Harry with Sirius," he replied quietly.

Rosmerta poured the amber liquid into the glass.

"How is that beautiful boy?" asked Rosmerta.

The corner of Remus' lip quirked up.

"Every bit like his father and not even a six months old."

"Where are Lily and James?"

"On a nice weekend getaway. It took some convincing but they finally agreed once Sirius told them we'd already got them a hotel room in Dublin."

"They were worried..."

She didn't need to finish the sentence. Remus nodded in confirmation. James and Lily had expressed concern that watching Harry this close to the full moon would put too much pressure and strain on his health. However this was the first time in months James and Lily had been free from working with The Order and as Voldemort's followers continued to rise the chance to have time to themselves in the coming months was unlikely. It was now or never.

"Well," Rosmerta said setting the glass down in front of Remus. "I've heard you're very good with Harry."

Remus shrugged.

"He's easy enough to watch. Very well behaved in my opinion."

He took a swig of his drink with shaking hands. Rosmerta noted this but fought off a frown. Ever since the day Dumbledore introduced her to the meager eleven year old she'd been fond of him. She'd only just started working at The Three Broomsticks then. Dumbledore had informed her that on the nights she heard cries of pain or howls of a wolf from the shack down the road she had nothing to fear. It was only the sounds of a young boy going through a transformation. At first she'd been alarmed but when she looked down at the boy with the faint scars on his arms and neck a wave of sympathy had washed over her.

'If you wouldn't mind encouraging the rumor of ghosts and ghouls haunting the shack I would be most grateful,' Dumbledore had said.

The little boy looked up at her meekly and offered a grimace.

'The Shrieking Shack it is,' Rosmerta had smiled.

She remembered the faint blush on Remus' face at her response. Rosmerta knew she was pretty and she knew her smile could light up a room just as well as her scowl could blow out every candle. She'd ruffled the mop of sandy brown hair on his head causing him to jump and grin ever so slightly. He immediately became her adopted little brother.

Rosmerta watched the shaking of Remus' hand as he raised the glass to his lips again. He caught her stare and set the Firewhiskey back down quickly. Rosmerta tried to hide her concern.

"Yeah, I...erm...I didn't want to hold Harry with my hands like this," Remus replied rubbing the back of his neck. "My arms were starting to cramp and the...pain flared up. Sirius insisted I get a drink and leave Harry to him."

"Aren't you worried he'll burn the Potter's house to the ground left home alone?" snorted Rosmerta.

Remus grinned shaking his head.

"No, Sirius is an entirely different man with Harry. He becomes an actual adult with him... I'm more worried about him keeping Harry up too late to show off his Patronus."

Rosmerta laughed softly.

"Evening," an elderly voice said.

Remus looked to his right to see an old man removing the hood of his cloak. He had hair that though white was wavy and nearly falling in his lined face. He set a suitcase on the stool beside him, glancing over his shoulder. He flashed a wary smile which Remus returned with a wry grin. Rosmerta raised her brows. The man removed his cloak and popped open his suitcase, once more casting a quick glance over his shoulder before tucking the cloak away. He hurriedly shut it and turned back around to face Rosmerta.

"Can I get you a drink, sir?" asked Rosmerta.

"Rum and Butterbeer, please."

A look of recognition crossed Rosmerta's face as she beamed at the stranger.

"Well, well, well, it's been quite a while. Where've you been?"

The man smiled.

"I was visiting the States then I hopped over to Belgium then over to Hungary. Horntail issues," he sighed.

"And not a scratch, I see?"

"Never."

"Good to see you," Rosmerta added. "Be right back with your drink."

Remus looked at the man out of the corner of his eye and picked up his glass. Hands still trembling. The man peered over at him causing Remus to put his glass back down, sacrificing taking a sip. He didn't want to risk anyone figuring him out. For both him and Rosmerta's sake. Nobody wanted a werewolf in a bar. Nobody wanted a werewolf anywhere.

Remus cleared his throat anxiously and drummed his fingers on the bar. He hoped the man assumed he was a recovering drug addict. That was better than being a werewolf in the eyes of the wizarding community. Rosmerta returned and placed a glass of dark liquid with a few ice cubes before the elderly man. Her eyes darted from him to Remus.

"Erm...erm I should go see if the other customers need anything," Rosmerta murmured walking away.

Remus cocked a brow. It wasn't like Rosmerta to shy from conversation, yet she'd just fled like a Hinkypunk from light. The elderly man had seemed to be her friend. She liked Remus? So what was the reason for her sudden abandonment.

"That time of the month I see."

Remus jumped in alarm. The man knew? How did he know? The shaking hands... No, the scars... Yeah, the scars. There was no way this man had paired the shaking hands with a werewolf. Not unless he was tracking the lunar calendar. That was highly doubtful unless the man, himself was a werewolf. That was very unlikely. He appeared to be in his eighties. Werewolves we're lucky to make it to their mid-fifties. No matter. It was time for the often useless, but knee jerk reaction script of denial.

"What do you mean?" Remus tried as convincingly as possible.

The man inclined his head, an inquisitive expression on his face.

"You're a werewolf, I presume?" he said softly.

Remus forced a smirk.

"That's quite an accusation. What makes you think I'm a werewolf?" he chuckled.

The man took a sip of his drink before gesturing to Remus' quaking hands.

"Your hands are shaking like mad. If memory serves me right, the lunar calendar says the full moon is in two days. The pre transformation jitters would be hitting you about now. Then there's the scars. Those are cursed wounds. The only kind magic can't make disappear. Unless you're a wizard hell bent on appearing intimidating you'd have vanished them long ago," he explained. "Then there's the slight amount of prematurely greying hair."

Remus gnawed on his lower lip, gazing at the man out of the corner of his eye. His lightly penetrating gaze softened to a hesitant smile. The man had kind eyes. Eyes that didn't seek punishment or a need to shun Remus for what he was. The tension in his shoulders eased as he came to the realization that this man was not a threat.

"What's your name?" asked the stranger.

"Remus Lupin. And you are?"

The man took Remus' hand, surprising him. Physical contact even though the man knew what he was?

"Newt Scamander."

Remus' jaw fell open just slightly.

"N-Newt Scamander?" Remus stammered. "Of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?"

Newt nodded. It all made sense now. How he knew what Remus was. How he didn't fear touching Remus' hand. How Rosmerta had felt comfortable leaving Remus alone with him, despite her normally protective behavior.

He still hadn't released Newt's hand. In fact, his grip had tightened.

"Your...your chapter on Dark Creatures...the original before it was converted to textbook standards?"

"Yes?" probed Newt with an uncomfortable laugh.

"Brilliant. Just-just brilliant, sir."

Finally letting go of Newt's hand Remus had turned on his barstool so he faced him. Remus was not lying. Newt Scamander's chapter on werewolves was not only accurate but didn't demonize those afflicted with lycanthropy. However, when Hogwarts began using it for text they'd included some warnings about interacting with werewolves. The original version of his book was, in Remus' opinion, astute and intelligent. Two words he didn't use lightly. Then there was Newt's article in the Prophet about how werewolves were perfectly normal outside of the full moon. It had earned him the stereotype of being a crazy, old genius that was stuck in his ways for a year or two but he never resented the statement.

"Well, thank you," Newt replied. "Remus Lupin, you said? As in Lyall Lupin? You're his son?"

Remus nodded, brows raised. Newt released a light sigh, an expression of defeat on his face.

"How is he?"

"Erm...fine? Do you know my father?"

"Yes."

There was pause in which Remus tried to sort out what the cause of this awkward silence was. What had conspired between Newt and his father? Were they enemies? Former friends?

"May I inquire as to what happened between you both?"

Mr. Scamander cleared his throat uncomfortably then took a sip of his drink. He looked to Remus with solemn eyes.

"Came to me asking for advice...about his son," Newt said with a grim smile.

Remus couldn't help but wince in embarrassment. One of his lifelong heroes pitied him, or at least had heard some sad tales about Remus. He gnawed on his lower lip and shook his head at Newt.

"Sounds like my dad," Remus said with a forced grin. "What'd he ask...out of curiosity."

"Well, mostly if I knew anything about Wolfsbane. It was about fifteen years ago we spoke. There had been talk about a cure or...something to aid the pain of a transformation. I told him that potions and antidotes weren't my...area of expertise. That I specialized in magi-zoology. He was-"

Remus swallowed, eyes widening slightly.

"Tell me he didn't lose his temper."

Lyall Lupin was, for the most part, a quiet and contemplative man with a lot of patience and a brilliant mind. However, if his family was at all disrespected or discriminated against-for obvious reasons-he was not afraid to show a more abrasive side.

Newt shook his head.

"No. He just...he didn't lose his temper at me. Mainly let off some steam. Told me a lot about you and begged for any help or advice I could give."

The old man exhaled again.

"He said you were getting older and the wolf was getting bigger and he worried you'd break out of the basement you were kept in at home. I just told him if that happened that the best way to get you back would be to-"

"Imitate a werewolf's howl because that's one of the only things werewolves respond to nonviolently as long as the person imitating is out of sight," Remus finished. "I read your book on the domestication and taming of magical creatures. I wasn't really sure why you included werewolves since both domestication and taming are not possible with them."

Newt smiled softly.

"Well, not that I've discovered yet. I included it because though the werewolf is a...violent creature there is a way to handle an encounter. Including werewolves was more of a principled stand than anything."

"A stand on what?" Remus mumbled, taking a drink.

"That werewolves aren't anymore dangerous than say, a hinkypunk leading a traveler to their death or a dragon breathing fire."

Remus raised his brows. Though he wasn't surprised at Scamander's stance on werewolves he was surprised at his willingness to discuss it with him. There was only one reason anyone would discuss their platonic feelings about werewolves with a werewolf.

"Mr. Scamander, you don't have to go into this. You don't owe me anything."

"Owe you anything?" asked the old man, confused.

"In my experience, sir, p-"

"Newt, please," he corrected politely.

"Erm, Newt, in my experience-not that I have much-people only want to discuss their amicable feelings towards werewolves with a werewolf out of some sort of self imposed guilt. I assure you, you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable and try to con-"

"My boy, no offense, but I'm a magizoologist and I enjoy talking about magical creatures. It's not out of this 'guilt' you assume. It's simply because this is my work and I enjoy it and frankly, I'm enjoying talking to you," Newt explained. "And not because you're a member of a particularly topical and fascinating group of people, but because you seem interesting and intelligent."

Taken aback, Remus' eyes widened. He nodded at Newt who fought off a smile. It was amusing to see someone so starstruck by him.

"So let's set aside the ideas that I have some kind of ulterior motive in talking to you and just enjoy one another's company over some alcohol?"

Newt raised his glass with a frail hand prompting Remus to mirror him.

"Yes, I'll-Ill drink to that, Mr. Sc-"

"Newt."

Remus fought off the boyish laugh of a blushing child looking at their hero and nodded.

"I will drink to that, Newt. Cheers."

The two tapped their glasses and took a swig.

"Now, if you don't mind my asking, have you tried the Wolfsbane Potion?"

Remus nearly spit out his drink.

"Are you-are you joking? Those things cost Galleons to buy and even more to make yourself!" Remus snorted.

Newt grimaced and shook his head.

"S'pose I should've seen that answer coming. I've heard it's damn expensive here."

"Yes. It's nearly an arm and a leg."

"So what do you do on full moons then?" Newt murmured as he checked to make sure no one was listening. "Check yourself in to one of the sanctuaries? Run miles away to a desolate forest?"

Remus took a drink and looked down at his hands. The light hearted tone vanishing from his voice.

"I get by."

Newt's brows raised as he gave Remus an incredulous look.

"You get by?"

Remus shrugged inconspicuously. Not wanting to pry, Newt turned to his suitcase. Remus watched out of the corner of his eye as the man opened it and fished around.

'I've scared him off. I've scared Newt Scamander.'

The clattering of change made Remus jump. He looked down to see that Newt had dropped what appeared to be far too many Galleons. Remus' jaw dropped momentarily and he swallowed.

"Remus," Newt began. "I'm working on a new book featuring nocturnal beasts. I think what would really set it apart from other books would be a testimony from one of the species. Maybe the testimony could preach humanity? Inform others that their bias is unreasonable."

Remus' tawny eyes flickered from the pile of money to Newt then back to the Galleons then back to Newt again.

"I'd be willing to pay for the interview," Newt offered gesturing to the money.

Remus guffawed and gulped back some of his drink.

"You're barking mad, Newt," he grinned lopsidedly.

"Some people say so," nodded Newt. "But, Remus, I would very much appreciate an anonymous interview. Grant me the honor of allowing you to plead your case in my book."

The chance to publicly speak out on behalf of all the humane werewolves Remus knew. The opportunity to make a difference. How could he pass this up?

'You can't,' the voice inside Remus piped up.

"I think the compensation should cover a few batches of Wolfsbane," Newt said with a warm smile. "Please."

Remus tossed back the rest of his drink.

"Alright."

NOCTURNAL BEASTS PART THREE

WEREWOLVES

AS COVERED IN 'FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM' I HAVE STATED THAT THE WEREWOLF IS NO LONGER HUMAN AFTER THE FULL MOON AND ONLY DANGEROUS DURING THAT DURATION. TO SHED FURTHER LIGHT ON THE TOPIC BELOW IS THE INTERVIEW I HAD WITH A WEREWOLF OF ALMOST TWO DECADES. NAME IS WITHHELD FOR PRIVACY REASONS AND SHALL BE REFERRED TO AS 'SMITH.'

NEWT: Mr. Smith, please tell me about the pain of transformations without the aid of the very new and exclusive Wolfsbane Potion.

SMITH: Transformations are blindingly excruciating. Imagine every bone in your body breaking and all your organs twisting. Imagine someone driving a nail into your brain with a hammer. Imagine someone drowning you while you are on fire. After you've put all that together, you're close to what the pain of a transformation is like.

NEWT: Smith, do you find that after a transformation you retain any part of yourself? What's the most you remember of being the wolf?

SMITH: I remember nothing. It's like you're a 'lumos' spell and the wizard has just cast 'knox.'

NEWT: So when you come to after a full moon, how do you usually feel?

SMITH: Aside from the overwhelming aching that plagues my muscles and bones for days to come I'm very disoriented. Naturally, my brain tries to conjure memories I don't have so I often have to remind myself that I won't be able to remember and need to get a move on. So I would have to say I feel pain and confusion, and then much like before the full moon, my senses are annoyingly heightened.

NEWT: Which senses are heightened?

SMITH: Well my eyesight is irritatingly sharp. Like I'm looking through a camera lens and it's focusing and unfocusing over and over again. Then my hearing is amplified. I can hear everything. I can hear far too much. A simple whisper of someone beside me almost sounds like it's being screamed in my ear. Which doesn't do much for my splitting headache.

NEWT: As explained in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, post transformation werewolf/wizards experience an excruciating amount of discomfort in their head due to the abnormal swelling and contracting of the brain. Furthermore, Smith, as you are unable to afford the aid of the Wolfsbane Potion, what do you do on full moons to sustain yourself?

SMITH: Essentially, I-like many others of my kind-isolate myself from anything I may harm or contaminate. Then, with the assistance of people I am lucky enough to call my friends, I recover gradually.

NEWT: On the topic of 'friends,' do you find social relations uncomfortable or difficult? Have you had trouble making friends?

SMITH: For the most part, I'll admit I make it hard on myself. I don't particularly want to burden anyone with my ailment and as you can imagine, when people discover it the results are a mixed bag.

NEWT: Elaborate.

SMITH: I've had reactions to the discovery of my condition vary from disappointment to anger to fear to pity. It's hard to predict which way people are going to swing. I swear with absolute certainty that no one has ever been elated to discover what I am.

NEWT: But regardless, you do have companions. People who you would call friends confidently?

SMITH: I am lucky enough to confidently call people my friends.

NEWT: Do you have any sexual partners?

SMITH: This is necessary?

NEWT: Yes.

SMITH: I do.

NEWT: Is this partner also a werewolf? Feel free to disregard this question.

SMITH: I will say that the partner is not a werewolf. For their protection that is specific as I would like to be.

NEWT: Very well. And you say this is for their 'protection?' What are you protecting this person from?

SMITH: Discrimination to be very general.

NEWT: Is it common for friends and significant others to be discriminated against solely for being friends with a werewolf?

SMITH: It is. I've had loved ones fall subject to

violence and taunting simply for being on good terms with me.

NEWT: How do you feel about this? Would you say this negativity is justified given your condition?

SMITH: I can say that people fear what they don't understand and fear often makes people violent and stupid causing them to reprehensible things.

NEWT: Well put. On the topic of fear, in a recent statistic, wizards and witches have stated they feel not only uncomfortable but even scared in the company of a werewolf despite the absence of a full moon. I've said on multiple accounts that a werewolf is completely harmless when in human form-which ninety eight percent of the time-and is unable to contaminate anyone. In your experience have people heeded what I've said?

SMITH: In my personal experience I've seen very little evidence of that fact being recognized. Often if I go out for a meal with my friends, if the staff suspect my condition in any way, I've caught them throwing out my cutlery after I'm finished where they wash others. I've been shunned by people who have figured me out. Where I do have many friends who seem to have no apprehensions as to my ailment, I have seen a great deal more fear, if not also hate me.

NEWT: Why do they hate you?

SMITH: For the most part, I'm sure that it's because they're afraid; though on separate occasions I've been told that I'm selfish for not simply killing myself and ridding the world of my evil.

NEWT: I see. So some people regard you as evil. What would you say to the people out there who see werewolves as evil in both forms?

SMITH: I suppose I would say that I understand their reservations, as ill-advised as they may be. If I'm being bold though, I'd beg them to tap into their humanity-something they believe werewolves don't have-and recognize that I'm not different than them three hundred and fifty-three days of the year. Where some werewolves may be unruly or even 'evil' in nature we are not all bad. My whole life I have strived to be the opposite of the stereotype laid out for me. The angry, manic and chaotic man thirsty for blood. I've worked hard to be regarded as intelligent and level headed.

NEWT: Any advice to witches and wizards on how they should behave around a werewolf should they discover their secret? Anything that may make the werewolf feel safe?

SMITH: The best advice I can give is that you've probably already met a few and not even noticed. So treat them as you would anyone else. If they're rude, call them all. If they're kind, embrace their company. If it's a full moon, run away. On any other night, have a drink with us or even play a game of gobstones.

NEWT: Thank you for your time, Mr. Smith.

SMITH: And thank you for yours, Mr. Scamander.

"See, Moony? I told you that you weren't the only good one out there!" Sirius smiled shutting the book and handing it over to Lily.

She set it on the coffee table and joined James on their couch.

"What are your feelings towards this Mr. Smith?" Sirius asked rooting through the biscuit jar on the mantle of the living room fireplace.

He put the lid down after selecting one with a loud clatter.

"Sh!" hissed Lily and James pointing upstairs at Harry's nursery.

It was ten at night and he had finally fallen asleep. Sirius cringed and took a seat in the armchair beside Remus'.

"I rather agree with this 'Mr. Smith'," shrugged Remus, stroking his jaw. "Though he sounded a bit like a know-it-all."

"Remus, you know better than anyone that just because someone speaks eloquently doesn't mean they're a know-it-all," said Lily.

"Do you think you've met this one?" asked James thoughtfully. "He seems like a person you'd be friends with or at least have spoken to."

Remus maintained his poker face and looked over at the flames dancing in the hearth.

"I dunno. I should like to meet him though."

"Move over, Dorcas. Remus is beating for the other Quidditch team," sniggered Sirius.

"Yes, my agreeing with this complete stranger on the benevolence of my kind certainly means I have discovered my hidden desire to be with a man," drawled Remus. "Anyway, what do you all think of the man in the interview? I mainly bought the book for that and if this is some character Newt made up to support his own theories I think I'd be rather disappointed."

The three of his friends exchanged thoughtful glances.

"I don't think it's fake. Newt Scamander wouldn't fake an interview."

"Sirius is right. He's the highest authority on magical creatures and isn't going to risk ruining his reputation with an interview pleading humanity on werewolves without it being from an actual werewolf," James nodded.

"And whoever Smith is, is obviously credible. Newt Scamander wouldn't interview just anyone," said Lily. "They'd have to be very special."

Though all Remus did was raise his shoulders in noncommittal agreement, inside he was beaming.

-Holy crap. It has been forever. Sorry! I've had a lot going on with dream jobs and weddings and my laptop finally died on its last breath so I'm having to share with my roommate. I have two more chapters ready to go and would like to post them within the week! I apologize in advance for their strange format as I am uploading them from my phone-

OER


	28. Fight It

Fourteen

Fight It

"Well, trust me, lads. Give it one or two more years and Evans will finally consider me her official beau!" James announced throwing himself down on the plush, red chair by the common room fireplace."Mark my words."

Remus continued to read his book, but the corner of his lip quirked up slightly. James' enthusiasm towards Lily never ceased to amuse him.

"Did you write that down, Remus?" asked James.

"Mmhm, duly noted."

James sighed dreamily, gazing up at the ceiling. Sirius couldn't help but groan. He could never help but groan whenever James exhaled like that. Why? Because he knew a very embellished and exaggerated story about an encounter with Lily was forthcoming.

"She was just standing in the library-you know I like it when she stands."

"Yes, Lily stands on two feet like no other bird ever to live," Sirius drawled leaning against the mantle of the fireplace.

"And then she looked at me with those green eyes. Those peridot green eyes-"

"What the bloody hell is a peridot?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"A very light green gemstone. The birth stone of people born in August typically," Remus pointed out.

"Ugh, and what in the bloody is a birth stone?"

"Muggle thing," Remus explained turning the page of his book. "Each month has a gemstone. You were born in November, Sirius which makes yours a...topaz if I recall-"

"Where do you store this wealth of useless, muggle knowledge?" Sirius scoffed.

"My brain. You should try it sometime." Sirius ran his fingers through his shaggy, onyx hair and rolled his eyes, but there was a small smile on his lips.

"Typical muggle custom. They're too obsessed with material items to see the bigger picture," he chuckled.

James pursed his lips and exchanged an unfortunate glance with Remus. Sirius still hadn't quite grown out of the Black family prejudice remarks. He meant no harm and he was heartless to say the least, but regardless, the language and candor he had grown up with was slow leaving. The Marauders put up with it anyway. Hoping that one day he would shed that demeanor and realize the innocent error of his ways.

"Anyway, as I was saying, Evans looks at me with those big, sparkling, green eyes and shushes me, like this."

Remus turned his eyes to James, clenching his jaw shut to avoid laughing. After four years the Marauders had learned no matter how ridiculous or humorous James seemed when discussing Lily you had to do your best not to laugh. He would sulk, lash out and become embarrassed. These light tantrums didn't last more than a moment usually, but were annoying all the same. James raised a finger to his lips and released a soft shushing noise.

"Mmm, I see," Sirius said, blinking slowly. "Riveting. She told you to be quiet."

"The story isn't over!" James snapped. "Now, after she so tenderly shushed me, Lily smiled. I love it when she smiles."

Remus quietly snorted back a laugh and bit one of his knuckles.

"So romantic! James was told to quiet down by a beautiful mudblood," Sirius smirked.

James and Remus held each other's gaze for a moment. This time they both winced. For some reason, Sirius assumed that since he liked muggleborns and didn't wish them any ill will, he could use the term 'mudblood.' He only did it among friends, but that didn't keep them from worrying he would someday say it around the wrong 'friends.' Like Lily or Frank. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head at James, while Sirius stared into the flames of the fireplace.

"It's okay," mouthed James.

Normally Remus would agree but with the moon only two days away he found difficulty managing his anger. With a deep breath Remus resumed his reading, while James slipped back into his dreamy, distant gaze.

"I dunno what's so special about her, James. I mean she's a pretty bird, I'll say that," remarked Sirius. "She's got lovely hair, but she just really seems to loathe you. Deeply, deeply despise you."

"She is waning off of loathing, thank you. Now it's more of a...gentle hatred," shrugged James.

Remus released a bark of laughter and instantly regretted it. A sharp stab of pain in his ribs. James and Sirius immediately opened their mouths ask if he was okay but before they could get a word out Remus raised a hand.

"Congratulations, James. You two have truly taken the next step in your relationship. Mutually not despising one another," he grinned. "Now you just have to ask her on a date. Mind you to remember the nights you've got detention so you don't inadvertently stand her up or get suspended."

James gave Remus a pointed nod and folded his arms.

"Lucky here that when Remus asks Dorcas out, he never has to worry about scheduling a date on a night he has detention," Sirius said reluctantly as he joined Remus on the couch. "Always able to wriggle his way out of trouble, this one. How do you do it?"

Remus shrugged, peering at a subtext in his book.

"S'pose professors like me too much and realize that if it weren't for you lot, I'd never have received any of those three detentions I've endured."

"Oh, poor, Remus with his three detentions while James and I have had more than forty."

"I'm on forty-seven currently," remarked James. "But Remus is right. He only gets caught when we slow him down to admire our work."

"Maybe you'll start to listen more often when I say to cut and run," murmured Remus. "I'd also recommended not laughing while being confronted by the Professor who caught you. Feign some regret."

"They don't give you detention when we get caught because you feign regret?" Sirius asked skeptically.

Remus shrugged in response, flipping the page of his book again.

"Sure it's not because they pity you for your little furry problem?" he grumbled good-naturedly.

James immediately cast a glare at Sirius who was smirking playfully. Remus swallowed the irritation in his throat and cracked his neck anxiously.

"Maybe I should volunteer to become a bloody werewolf and I wouldn't get into trouble," Sirius added just loud enough for James and Remus to hear.

James noticed Remus wince ever so slightly and his grip on his book tighten. Making light of Remus' 'condition' was a hobby of theirs. One that Remus often enjoyed and joined in on. But this joke? This jest about volunteering to experience the excruciating pain of a werewolf? That was a bridge too far. Yet, Sirius, once again thinking that being friends with a werewolf allowed him to make such remarks didn't falter. James shook his head at his pureblood friend. He could almost feel what was coming next and if he was right, pre-moon Remus would not react as calm and level headed as he always did.

"What do you say, Remus? Gimme a little nibble on the next full moon and we'll call it even? We can be beasts together-"

But Sirius was cut off by the sound of Remus slamming his book shut. His eyes widened. James sat up a little straighter. He could practically read Remus' mind. He had been teased about doing the worst and by far the most stereotypical, degrading thing a werewolf could do. On top of that, Sirius had called him the most offensive word possible for his kind.

"Do you really think that is okay, Sirius?" Remus said in a low voice.

There was a fire in his eyes that sent a chill down Sirius' spine.

"Calling me that. Joking about it. Do you really think that's okay?" he asked again, brows raised. "Answer me, Sirius. I want to know."

James' jaw tightened as he watched in fear of his friends' next actions.

"I-I...I was only kidding, Remus. You know I don't see it th-"

"That's not an excuse, Sirius," spat Remus. "Our good humored banter about my affliction is often welcome but that... _that_ word? That word? _Really_?"

Sirius' eyes flickered to James, hoping he would defend him. Yet, James just looked at him gravely and gave a solemn nod. He was siding with Remus. Why? Sirius couldn't believe he was in the wrong.

"Can you name a single time I've referred to myself as a beast and meant it as a joke? Can you?" hissed Remus.

Sirius came up short with an answer. He really didn't have one. He couldn't remember a single instance Remus had used the word without being genuinely self deprecating. Instead he just stared at Remus, almost gaping.

"And calling Lily a...a you-know-what?" Remus gawked. "Making casual remarks degrading her intelligence?"

"Remus, we all know that Lily is brilliant. I mean, it's just a dumb stereotype we are aware isn't true. I don't judge Lily for being a mud...muggleborn," Sirius insisted. "It's only a joke. I respect her all the same-"

"If you respect her all the same then you wouldn't say things like that. Even if you're kidding! What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

Sirius looked like he had been slapped. Even so, James couldn't defend him. He didn't want to stop Remus either. It was time they confronted Sirius about this. It had been delayed because they both wanted to spare themselves the unpleasantness, yet somehow that was just as bad as Sirius saying what he was. Not even trying to correct him. Still, Sirius had one thing in his arsenal to bring to his defense.

"I'm doing my best, Remus!" snarled Sirius. "I was raised in a house of pureblood-maniacs. I can't help it if I'm politically incor-"

"Stop," Remus said in stern tone. "You can't hide behind that sorry excuse any longer."

Sirius turned red in the face, his head whipping in James' direction. "Back me up, James! He's gone mad!"

James sighed and sat up straight, elbows on his knees. He gazed at Sirius over his glasses.

"He's right, Sirius. It's about time we confronted you. Before someone who isn't your friend does," James said in a cautious voice.

Sirius' head spun back to Remus who was still eyeing him carefully. Sirius hated that look. The one that made Remus look like a professor. Knowledgeable and mature. It always made Sirius feel embarrassed and vulnerable. Like he wasn't smart enough to be friends with Remus.

"Well, you don't know how hard it is to just change like that," said Sirius snapping his fingers. "My family thinks I'm a traitor simply for being in Gryffindor! The whole lot of them is backwards so forgive me if it's difficult for me to completely repress all my bad habits. You don't understand!"

Remus arched a brow.

"I don't know what that's like? Me?"

For a moment Sirius was confused. Then he remembered something he constantly forgot. That Remus was a werewolf and werewolves had reputations. They'd only talked about it a few moments ago and he'd already forgotten. A blessing and a curse.

"Remus, I-"

"Pretty much everyone in this room? Everyone," Remus said gesturing to all the inhabitants of the Common Room. "If they knew what I was, they would hate me. Hate me, Sirius. For something that's not even my fault. Guess what? I'm not just figuring that out either, I've known that since I was five. "First lesson I learned was that werewolves weren't popular and my dad told me that if anyone found out, they would not be my friend. So I hid. I hid and heard children in the schoolyard tell stories about monsters or complain about their fears of creatures under their bed. Things like me. They were terrified of me. Someone just like them."

Sirius only nodded, his face expressionless. Remus hooked his finger around the collar of his weathered sweater and tugged it down, not bothering to even survey if anyone was looking. Beneath his clavicle were angry, dark characters reading " _WW312_."

"The Ministry gave me that when I was seven years old. So there would be no hiding from the public what I was if I were ever to consider being intimate with someone. To prevent future 'breeding,'" Remus said with a sneer. "And they dragged me away from my dad, I was trying not to cry. They put me in a long line of people much older than me. Bigger. Some even scary looking. I'll never forget what one of them said."

James listened intently. This was a story none of them had ever heard. He could feel his heart ache for his friend. His kind, steadfast, intelligent friend.

"This man saw me. He had a beard and cracked glasses. I'll never forget his face. He leaned down and said 'They're about to mark us in there like cattle. Because that's all we are to them. Never forget that.' And I didn't. Especially not after they tattooed this fucking mark on me," snarled Remus yanking the collar of his sweater back up. "And for months I hated all my muggle schoolmates and all wizards. I even hated my parents because of what that man said. Do you hear me?"

Sirius swallowed and said in a barely audible tone "Yes."

"Eventually I learned better. It took almost a year but I realized it was wrong to catalog my thoughts on how evil everyone who wasn't a werewolf was. I realized that that man did not speak for everyone. I decided I'd cast aside all judgments. Even when we get those awful lectures in class on how we need to stay as far away from werewolves as possible. A teacher communicates those things. Perpetuates stereotypes- _harmful_ stereotypes-about things he doesn't understand simply because it's standard. Even if it doesn't make sense to him and he doesn't believe what he says, he still says it."

He didn't realize it, but Remus was breathing quite heavily now. His jaw tightened as he inhaled deeply through his nose. He wasn't finished yet, but Remus knew that if he was going to finish lecturing Sirius on this subject without getting into a row with him, he'd need to compose himself. He took one more deep breath, closing his eyes then once again fixed them on Sirius.

"So those children in the schoolyard's words, that old werewolf's words, our professor's words. They mean something regardless of intention. Regardless of if they're a child with an overactive imagination, of if they're an old man with a grudge who is lashing out, regardless of if they're a professor who is doing as he is told because he thinks it's fine if he doesn't mean it and if it's required of him he has no right to counter it," Remus said pinching the bridge of his nose.

He blinked at Sirius. "Do you understand how harmful words can be even without any meaning? Do you get it now?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied without hesitation.

Remus could tell by the blank look in his eyes that he truly understood. He wore that look only when he was shocked or devastated. Remus nodded at him. Had he been too harsh? No. Someone needed to address this before it got out of hand and who better than Remus? Sirius cleared his throat.

"So," he said looking from Remus to James, then at his hands. "What are some guideline for me. Some tips on-"

"No," Remus said in a calm voice.

"I'm not going to help you here because, Sirius, despite how you were raised, you're still a human being capable of sorting out right from wrong. Muggleborns and werewolves have spent far too long teaching you right from wrong when all it takes to find the answers is to think. So think." Remus stood and tucked his book beneath his arm.

He took one step forward before giving Sirius a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. Letting him know that he forgave him. Then he headed for the dorms. Sirius looked at James.

"He was right, wasn't he?"

"On all accounts, Sirius," James confirmed. "Every word."

"Have I...I haven't just lost a friend, have I?"

The corner of James' mouth tipped up.

"No. That's not Remus' way, mate. You know that." James could see Remus giving a passing wave to Dorcas Meadowes and Rory Jordan before laboring up the dorm-room stairs.

He stood and looked down at Sirius.

"You're not going to help me? The girl you fancy is a...a muggleborn. For _her_ sake. I mean you aren't a muggleborn or werewolf so it's fair for you to help, right?"

James sighed and pondered. It was true. That would be fine, honestly. He opened his mouth to say 'yes,' but stopped. He could see Sirius' face fall.

"This is an adventure I think you need to take on your own. It's better that way. In your case, thinking long and hard would help better than me quizzing you."

Sirius nodded solemnly and dropped his hands at his sides hopelessly.

"Great. See you in the morning," he grumbled.

James dug his hands in his pockets and grimaced at Sirius.

"You're off to a good start though using 'muggleborn.' Good on you," James said genuinely.

And then Sirius was left alone in the Common Room to contemplate what he'd just been told. To sort himself out. Whatever anger he'd had for Remus a few moments ago had vanished.

 _'Merlin, he's right. I'm not better than Regulus if I don't figure this out. No better than Lucius even,'_ he thought running his fingers through his hair. _'Alright, think like Potter and Lupin, Sirius. Think._ '

"James...James? Remus, get up."

The two boys blinked awake. The dorm was dark with minimal moonlight filtering through the windows. Just enough to illuminate Sirius Black standing in between Remus and James' four poster beds. Still in his school uniform. James grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and hoisted himself up onto his elbows. With a soft groan, Remus rolled over onto his back, bangs pasted against his forehead from sleeping face down. He sat up, leaning on his knees.

"Sirius," he sighed. "Perhaps I was too hard-"

Sirius raised a hand to silence him.

"No. No you weren't."

Ruffling his matted hair, Remus nodded and gestured for Sirius to continue.

"Of all of us," Sirius whispered, careful not to rouse the dorm. "I'm not necessarily the one with 'the words.' I never have been. So I'll make this brief but I'll trust you'll know exactly what I mean."

"Go on, mate," James said.

"I'm sorry. I'm gonna do better. I'm not asking for help, but please keep me in check because..." Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat. "...because you're my friends. I can't lose you. Not one of you. Especially just because I was behaving like an idiot."

The three exchanged somber glances. Sirius awaited their responses with bated breath. Finally, Remus inhaled through his nose and nodded.

"I'm glad to hear it. But, Sirius..." Sirius began gnawing on his lower lip.

Without Remus, James and Peter he would be that much closer to becoming his family. He knew now that his friends were the only things keeping him grounded. Downstairs he'd compared his feelings while living at home to when he lived at Hogwarts, surrounded by the Marauders. That made him truly happy.

"Sirius," Remus continued. "Even if you hadn't come to this conclusion we would never, ever abandon you."

"Yeah, mate. We'd just keep bugging you until you stopped behaving like a total prat," James yawned.

Sirius offered a small, wry smile while he two friends grinned at him warmly. He nodded once and crossed to his bed, removing his tie. He looked at the empty bed to his left and sighed.

"How much longer is Peter going to be in the hospital wing?"

"He took a bludger to the shoulder, Sirius," chided Remus lying down.

"I should never have let him on my broom," James groaned. "My mistake."

"I guess pureblood wizards aren't so smart after all,James," mused Sirius.

Remus bit his lower lip contemplating the offensiveness of the remark while Sirius wondered if he should eat his words.

"I mean, he was ridiculing the upper class. I think that's fine..." murmured James.

Remus grinned and looked over at Sirius who was unbuttoning his shirt.

Sirius grimaced uncomfortably and quietly and continued changing for bed.

"I'll allow it," Remus exhaled falling back onto his pillow.

The three boys went to sleep with smiles on their faces. None bigger than Sirius' who realized he had a family that loved him after all.

 _Trying out a new computer! Hopefully this means I can publish things quicker for you guys. So far it's a pain because I'm having to copy and paste then edit and space things out. If anyone has any tips I'd be glad to hear them! Thank you all for your patience and your continued patronage of my little fictions AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

OER


	29. Father of the Bride

_**After many requests, I've finally written a oneshot that not only features Remus' part at James and Lily's wedding but also one of your favorite characters for him to interact with. There are about four different names for James' parents so I just chose the one I liked most. I apologize for any difference from canon with the wedding. Thank you all for continuing to read.**_

19

Father of the Bride

Potter Manor had been a somber place since Fleamont and Euphemia Potter had passed within days of each other of Dragon Pox. What had only been six months ago felt like ages now though. Now an entirely different feeling lingered in the air because today was different. It marked the start of something new. Potter Manor was the venue of a very important wedding. The wedding of Lily Evans to James Potter.

November 1979 marked many things for Lily and James. The third day of November Lily discovered that she was pregnant. The fourth day after telling James, she found herself engaged to him. An affair that was being saved for Christmas, which James Potter decided he could no longer wait for. The fifth day after announcing both their pregnancy and engagement to The Order of the Phoenix members, the newlyweds Frank and Alice Longbottom revealed that they too were pregnant and due at also the same time as Lily and James. The eighth day, James and Lily decided on a wedding date of November 29th and the venue of Potter Manor. A place they would sell shortly afterwards to relocate to a safer location in the quaint, but homey Godric's Hollow. Only four blocks away from Remus and Sirius' flat.

Today, it seemed as though everyone's day to day roles were swapped.

James Potter who had been slowly dissolving his flirtatious, bachelor persona to become dutiful boyfriend, stood taller and smiled brighter. Today he was assuming the role of loving and faithful husband and father to be. He'd known for years this was the man that Lily Evans would make of him and he didn't miss an aspect of his former self. This was a promotion to him.

The troublemaker and notorious lady's man Sirius Black was slightly more sentimental today. A little more serious(pardon the pun) too. He was the best man and soon to be godfather. Remus had noticed his maturity level spike as of late.

Peter Pettigrew was no longer the meek and pandering follower, trailing behind his friends. Today he wore dress robes and stood proudly alongside Sirius as a groomsmen. It was almost as if this was the affirmation he needed from James all along to assure him that he was their equal, not their servant.

Albus Dumbledore was father of the groom, even if he didn't realize it. Though something told Remus he was aware by the way James kept beaming proudly whenever Albus acknowledged how beautiful Potter Manor looked for this occasion or remarked how happy he was for him and Lily.

Minerva McGonagall served a similar role. Both mother of the groom and bride. Where James' mother was deceased, Lily's mother was simply not in attendance. After Petunia's refusal to go to Lily's wedding she decided it was best to distance herself from her family now anyway. Times were increasingly dangerous and the only way to keep her family safe was to disappear. However heartbroken she was a week ago about possibly never seeing her family again, all of that had vanished now. She was gaining a new family and Minerva McGonagall's presence further reassured her of the fact she would never be without a mother.

Alice Longbottom for instance, was now her 'Petunia.' Her Maid of Honor. Nothing about Alice had changed today except for the length of her dimpled smile at her elation for this union.

And finally, there was Remus. Normally the faithful companion of both Lily and James, today he was many other things. First off, he was the wedding planner. Who better to plan an organized event and quickly than Remus Lupin? Alongside Lily they had been an unstoppable force of preparation. In addition, he was a groomsmen, though currently absent from the party of Marauders on the ground floor of the mansion. He'd just left them after making sure they were in their places for the ceremony.

Now he was upstairs ready to assume the duty he was most proud of.

Surrogate Father of the Bride.

He knocked on the door he recognized to be the guest bedroom. Behind it he heard the soft voices of Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Alice.

"Who is it?" called Marlene.

"Remus."

"Come in!" Lily's voice came. "We're all decent!"

An eruption of laughter became louder as Remus opened the door. Lily sat at the vanity with Alice perched on a stool beside her, chatting. Dorcas stood behind Marlene zipping up the back of her lavender dress. Each girl wore some soft shade of purple though the dresses were all different in shape. Marlene's was short and very fitted with a plunging collar. Doe's was tea length and cap sleeved. Alice's was floor length and gently fell off her shoulders.

"It's ten minutes to start. Just coming to tell you all to take your places," Remus said, hands in the pockets of his dress robes.

"I love it when you're bossy," grinned Dorcas.

The corner of Remus' mouth quirked up as he held open the door and nodded his head outside. Alice stood and hugged Lily from behind, whispering soft words Remus assumed were of encouragement and comfort in her ear. He couldn't quite see Lily's face but he could tell she was smiling by the way her cheek appeared lifted.

"Bye, Lily! You look stunning," Marlene said squeezing Lily's bare shoulders.

Dorcas gave her a firm hug.

"We'll see you in a few," added Doe walking past Remus and pecking him on the cheek.

"You look lovely," he said softly to her.

"Thanks," Dorcas blushed leaving the room.

Marlene and Alice followed suit leaving just Lily and Remus in the room. He shut the door as soon as they had all exited. Lily turned around in her chair, hands folded in her lap. Remus smiled warmly at her. She was beautiful. Her green eyes were complimented by a shimmering gold shadow, long lashes curled. Her fiery hair was full and wavy, swept up in a low bun with a white lily tucked behind her ear.

"Wow," Remus said. "Breathtaking. You look just breathtaking, Lily."

She grinned back at him, eyes watering slightly.

"You clean up well too, Remus."

"Not about me today," he replied shaking his head and taking a seat on the stool where Alice had sat.

Lily looked back in the vanity and let her hands trace the lacy, sweetheart neckline of her ivory dress.

"Thanks for walking me today, Remus."

The memory came back to him. The foot race he and Peter had lost to Sirius giving him the title of 'Best Man.' James suggesting they all go out for drinks but Remus refusing, not wanting to tempt the fate of his stomach with the full moon just one day away. Peter, James and Sirius had departed Potter Manor for drinks at the local pub leaving Lily and Remus in the kitchen with a pot full of tea.

" _More tea, Remus?" asked Lily._

 _Remus nodded._

" _Yes, please. That foot race. Merlin, it was exhausting. I'm parched."_

 _Lily began pouring tea into a cup, arching a brow at Remus and glancing at him skeptically through her lashes. He cocked his head to the side innocently._

" _What's that look?"_

" _Oh, please," scoffed Lily, handing Remus his steaming cup of tea. "You big fibber."_

" _I'm not a fibber!" Remus laughed. "You know how sore I get the day before-"_

" _Mmhm, I also know how much faster you are right now. Seventh year you told me that it felt good to stretch your legs and run before a moon."_

 _Remus took a sip of his tea._

" _Don't know what you're talking about…"_

" _Oh, I'm just a frail, aching werewolf. I can't run fast right now. You win, Sirius! Ah!" Lily mocked sitting at the dining room table._

 _Remus snickered leaning back against the counter and eyeing Lily._

" _Well, the title of best man doesn't mean nearly as much to me as it does to Sirius. I don't need it," shrugged Remus._

" _I s'pose it's a good thing you didn't win," she mused._

" _Dodged a curse, did I?"_

" _It'd be hard for you to be both best man and escort me down the aisle."_

 _Remus slowly looked at a grinning Lily. Her elbow on the table with her head propped up on her palm._

" _Erm, what?" Remus asked._ _"Your… your father, Lily?"_

" _My father won't be in attendance. None of my family will."_

" _Lily, we already made the guest list-" Remus exhaled thinking back to three nights ago when they'd finalized who was invited._

" _I need to distance myself from them. At least until the war is over," said Lily somberly. "Besides, they're hardly pleased with my being pregnant out of wedlock."_

" _I'm still telling you, they'll move past it, Lily. They will hardly-"_

" _Remus, will you accept? Will you be walking me down the aisle?" she smirked._

 _Remus took another sip of his tea and stroked his jaw. What was this honor? Why was it his? He was very close with Lily, but walking her down the aisle? The job of her father. Why him? Surely, she didn't consider them just as close he did. He had no friends outside of the Marauders, the Order (at least some of them) and Lily; for obvious reasons._

" _Lily, are you sure you don't want to ask someone like, I dunno, Albus or-"_

" _Albus Dumbledore didn't walk with me down dark corridors and talk all night. He didn't let me cry on his shoulder when Severus was mean or when James and I quarrelled. He didn't teach me how to play a song on the piano or take me for tea at Madame Puddifoot's. He didn't listen to me complain for hours on end," Lily said with a stern but amused look._

 _Remus' smile tipped a bit higher and he felt his eyes prickle with tears._

" _Lily, you don't need to feel obligated to-"_

" _I don't. This is what I want."_

 _Quickly, he swiped away the two tears that had fallen with his knuckle. Lily stood from her seat and crossed to Remus._

" _Yes, of course. I'd be honored," he beamed._

 _Lily bum rushed Remus, nearly knocking the wind out of him. He cringed at how the impact shot through his tense muscles but tenderly returned her embrace, kissing the top of her head. After a moment longer the two separated._

" _Alright, let's talk about erm, food, for the reception which I'm assuming will also be held here? The parlor it's...it's rather large," Remus said clearing his throat and sitting at the table._

 _Lily joined him, sitting opposite._

" _Neither of us is bad in the kitchen so we can cook together the day before. Charm it to stay fresh till…"_

 _After another hour of planning, against his better judgment, Remus agreed to a splash of Irish cream in his tea. Lily considered it a 'favor' saying he was drinking for the both of them._

"Everything is set. Everyone is in place. Frank's a little nervous about marrying you both but I'm sure he'll be fine as soon as it all starts," Remus remarked, his cheeks flushing. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm excited, also a little nervous. I know that's only to be expected, but I feel a little guilty for being anxious."

"No, you were right the first time. That's totally natural," Remus corrected.

Lily sighed and fiddled with a loose tendril of her hair.

"Any pointers? On how to deal with this sort of feeling? How do you ease _your_ nerves?" babbled Lily.

Remus chuckled, looking at her with a smirk.

"Well, I'm not sure if it'll work for you but if you really want my advice?"

"Yes, please."

"Three unregistered animagi and sometimes a bottle of Firewhiskey," he smiled wryly.

Lily laughed to herself and turned to Remus with a grateful smile.

"Well, I can't have alcohol and my three unregistered animagi are currently occupied elsewhere," Lily stated.

"Ah, well, in that case," Remus said with serious expression. "I'd prescribe a few deep breaths, remembering how much you love James and a werewolf. How's that sound?"

"Perfect."

The two shared a warm smile. Remus' hand found Lily's and he squeezed it comfortingly. Lily sniffed, holding back tears so as not to ruin her makeup.

"I'll walk you down the aisle at you and Doe's wedding someday," Lily offered.

Remus looked at his scuffed shoes.

"Well, I dunno if we'll go that far, me and Doe. She knows my feelings about legally tying herself to me and-"

"Remus," Lily said seriously."I'll walk you down the aisle at _your wedding_."

"Today isn't about me, Lily. Alright? Save your insistence on werewolf matrimony till after your honeymoon."

Lily nodded with reluctant resolution. Remus took Lily's hands in his and inhaled through his nose.

"Lily, thank you so much for doing me this honor. It's been a privilege being your friend all these years," he said softly. "I never imagined you'd still want to be my friend after that night in the Astronomy Tower where I had to nonchalantly discuss James' Quidditch fitness regimen with you."

Lily laughed at the memory of a stammering Remus trying to casually brag on James in an obvious effort to impress her. He'd groaned immediately afterward and tried desperately not to look at her until she started laughing. Then _he_ started laughing. Then he'd discussed things with Lily about James that _actually_ impressed her. How James was paying careful attention to the books she read and was attempting to read them himself. How he'd suddenly taken an interest in muggle music because she liked it.

"And remember, no matter what happens at this ceremony, nothing will be worse than Sirius' best man speech."

She laughed again at this and nodded.

"He'll probably attempt to flirt with Marlene throughout the whole thing."

"I've heard one or two lines of it and some of it is actually very thoughtful," Remus remarked. "That said, there are one or two things he has to say about the way Marlene looks in her dress."

Beneath them came the muffled sound of Elvis Presley's ' _I Can't Help Falling In Love.'_ Remus turned his tawny eyes to Lily.

"Ready?" he asked quietly.

With one last glance in the mirror, Lily looked back at Remus with a teary-eyed smile.

"Yes, I'm ready."

Remus stood and extended his hand to Lily. She accepted, her fingers shaking slightly; but as soon as Remus gave them a comforting squeeze the trembling subsided. As Remus and Lily descended the stairs they made out the backs of Alice and Sirius heading down the aisle. They were next. Remus looked at Lily one more time who was inhaling and exhaling steadily. He looped his arm through hers and grabbed the bouquet of roses off the buffet table by the bottom of the steps. He handed it over to her.

"You love him," Remus whispered with a kind smile.

Lily relaxed again and turned her eyes forward. They began their slow march down the aisle.

All the members of the Order (the whole of the guests) stood, their eyes fixed on Lily. Her eyes were on James though. As were Remus'. James was smiling broadly and his eyes were glistening with tears. Remus couldn't help but grin a little bigger himself. James didn't look happy or elated. He looked excited. Exultant. He radiated joy. Remus' eyes shifted to Sirius whose jaw was open just slightly as he smiled at Lily and Remus. He elbowed James and murmured something in his ear.

They reached the end of the aisle. Remus and Lily faced one another, holding hands. Remus placed a kiss on her cheek and they embraced one another tightly.

"Love you," Lily said quietly.

They pulled apart and Remus blinked back the tears brimming his in eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy for someone. He couldn't remember ever feeling this way actually.

"You too," he nodded.

Lily took her place opposite James, and Remus walked to the end of the line of groomsmen. The exchanging of vows seemed to happen in a flash. Maybe it was because the situation was so surreally joyous in this time of turmoil or because Frank Longbottom was so nervous he was speeding through the words.

It didn't matter as soon as he said the words 'you may kiss the bride.'

The guests erupted into applause as Lily and James exchanged a very uncensored kiss.

"What can I say about James Potter? My mate since first year. My roommate for all seven. A man who became my brother."

Remus tuned out for part of Sirius' speech as he took in the scene. The smiling faces of the usually tense Order members. The warm lights. The smell of home cooked food. The loving energy that was practically tangible in the room.

"...Marlene, I'm not pressuring you to catch the bouquet, but I'm not encouraging you either, darling…"

Remus recognized this as the first of two references to Marlene in his speech. His eyes flickered to Dorcas who was watching Sirius with an entertained smile. She looked from Sirius to Remus and shook her head. Remus smiled back at her and shrugged.

"...I don't want to make things uncomfortable…"

There was the second Marlene joke. The rest of the speech was very heartfelt and sweet. Sirius was a completely different person for a few minutes. He was Sirius, godfather and best man.

"Please, raise your glasses to Lily and James Potter," Sirius finished.

Everyone echoed Sirius and took drinks of their champagne. The glasses refilled themselves after being set down.

There was a touching speech from James about how long he'd waited for Lily and how she'd made him a better man.

A heartwarming speech from Alice as to how in the absence of having an actual sister, Lily had filled that void.

Lily's own speech closed it all out with a very eloquent and thoughtful word on love and expressing it for those closest to you in times of darkness.

It was time for the part everyone was looking forward to. The reception. Food. Drink. Dancing. Things they hadn't had time for since their graduation party seventh year.

"You look beautiful tonight, by the way," Remus remarked as he and Dorcas swayed to the crooning voice of Dean Martin. "Do your parents know you're on a date with a werewolf, young lady?"

Dorcas rolled her eyes at his teasing.

"I'm a grown woman. I can make up my mind for myself, thank you."

Remus pressed his lips to her forehead as they continued in slow circles.

"I have to say, you look good in dress robes, Lupin."

"Thank you, Meadowes. Formal wear suits you well, too," chuckled Remus.

There was a small silence where Dorcas looked up at him hopefully.

"Maybe, soon, I'll see you in a pair again? Standing similar to where James was today?"

Her voice was quiet and timid. Two words not often associated with Dorcas Meadowes. Remus swallowed, eyes darting about the room.

"Doe, you… you know how I feel about that," Remus murmured. "Let's not discuss this now, okay?"

"I only thought that… I mean after you saw how happy everyone was you might change your mind…"

This one hit Remus right in the heart. He inhaled trying to cool the fire in the pit of his stomach. She was a mind reader, Dorcas was.

"Can we just-"

"I'm sorry," Doe interrupted, offering a grim smile. "Let's be in the moment."

Remus nodded, still not looking at her. Dorcas' eyes danced about the room, she gave a small grin.

"These decorations? It was all you and Lily?" she inquired.

Remus looked at the floating candles and twinkling lights. The cream colored ribbons adorning the various chairs of all shapes and designs.

"Lily told me what she wanted. I only acquired it and helped her set up."

"You may have career as a wedding coordinator," mused Doe.

"No, no, no," Remus cut off. "Far too much of a sap to do this full time. Besides, what if someone scheduled their wedding on a full moon? What do I say? Hey, can you reschedule for a day that I'm not werewolf because that's my day off."

Dorcas laughed and rested her head on Remus' chest.

"I suppose I could tell them I'm always available with the exception of the full moon's zenith. I can still be around as security for your wedding. Do you have reinforced chains in yours garage?"

Another well solicited giggle from his girlfriend. Remus was blushing now.

"This is how you'll advertise yourself. Remus Lupin, wedding coordinator slash bodyguard-full moon rates will apply."

"Yep. Stamp that on a business card and call me an entrepreneur."

"It'll be your Christmas present. I was going to buy you a month's worth of wolfsbane, but I'll just invest in your future business. More profitable for the both of us-"

"Whoa, Doe," Remus said slowly. "Are you serious? A month's worth? That's… that's a lot of money."

"Not as expensive if you brew it yourself."

"That's a complicated potion, Doe. And not your responsibility."

"I've got help," she said simply. "Speaking of Potions, did Lily not invite Snape?"

"Oh, Merlin, if I told you the truth there you'd think I was lying."

"Try me."

Remus took a deep breath and bowed his head so he was closer to Doe. What he was going to confess was not something that needed to circulate.

"Lily actually wasn't convinced inviting him was a good idea after that last row with James. The one right at the end of seventh year. Remember?"

"No one in Gryffindor could forget that."

"Okay, so after that incident, Lily decided that Severus hated James too much to enjoy the occasion and she couldn't enjoy his presence if he was miserable all the while. This is where it gets interesting," Remus mumbled looking out of the corner of his eye. "I turn over the guest list to James and he asks why Snape isn't on there. Lily explains and James then offers to go ' _work things out with Severus.'_ He said he would personally invite him and make sure there were no hard feelings."

"So Lily told him not to?" Dorcas asked curiously.

"I don't know actually!" he hissed. "Because Lily said she'd have to think about it. So I went home for the night and I thought better than to ask about it again. I was hoping I'd get an answer but Severus is just as unlikely to come without an invite as he is if James had offered an olive branch."

They continued to dance. Remus could see the thoughts swimming in her head. So very Dorcas. For all her compassion and wit, she was very nosy. It was a good quality to have in a time of war in which you worked for a resistance.

"Hm, that _is_ a puzzle."

"I guess we'll never know," shrugged Remus.

"No! You have to ask!"

"I'm not going to ask!" he laughed.

"You have to! You've went and got me curious."

"Tell you what, if it comes up, which with Peter's lack of tact no doubt it will, you'll be the first person I tell the answer to. Deal?"

He held his hand out to Doe as the music faded. She shook it with a smirk. The music became upbeat and a slightly drunk Sirius was all too eager to begin the traditional 'Persephone Lope' dance featured at most wizard weddings. While Dorcas dove right in, Remus confessed that his limbs were a little stiff with the next week's approaching full moon and he needed some air. James insisted he just relax and take a seat, but Remus said the fresh air would do him good and it couldn't hurt to do a quick patrol of the Potter's grounds.

Slinging his robes over his arm and loosening his tie, Remus exited the house with wand in hand. He began a lazy stroll through the dark lawn. The moon above was getting large, but nothing could spoil this night.

As Remus reached the front of the house where he could see the parlor of dancing guests he realized that he wasn't the only one watching. A cloaked figure stood beneath one of the many pear trees, looking straight ahead. Remus drew his wand and began striding over quickly.

"Remove your hood. I'm armed," Remus said aiming at the mysterious figure.

Instantly, they removed their hood to reveal a rather annoyed but still very greasy, Severus Snape.

"First your the father of the bride and now you're the bodyguard," drawled Snape. "Seems like a demotion to me."

Remus released a sigh of relief and tucked away his wand, posture relaxing.

"Severus, I didn't know you were coming," Remus said crossing to stand beside him. "You're a little late but Lily-"

"I'm not late," he snapped. "How else would I know she had a werewolf subbing in for her father? I've seen the whole thing."

Remus blinked, shoving his hands in his pockets and following Snape's gaze into the parlor.

"Well feel free to go on in. Lily will be happy you're here."

"Is a symptom of lycanthropy stupidity, Lupin, or do you just not listen?"

Remus turned his head to look at Severus who was staring at him with raised brows.

"I'm really not certain how to answer that question," smirked Remus.

"I've been here the whole time. If I intended on going in don't you think I would have by now? And you'd do well not to try and convince me to enter, Remus. James already attempted to do that two weeks ago and I'll give you the same answer I gave him. No way in hell."

Remus' eyes widened.

"That was...a lot of information," Remus nodded. "I'm glad we've grown close enough that we can have these little talks, Severus. I feel like you really trust me."

"Why wouldn't I trust you, Lupin? You only tried to kill me."

"In my defense, you followed me. I did not invite you."

"No, that was all Sirius."

Remus cringed at the memory. The memory of the longest fight he'd ever had with his friends. Peter had forgiven Sirius instantly. James had taken a few days to warm back up to him. Remus had ignored Sirius for over a month. Apology after apology, Remus continued to ignore his friend. Until after six weeks Sirius had gave perhaps the most desperate beg for forgiveness Remus had ever witnessed. Then, almost as instantly as Peter, Remus forgave his friend.

"I really don't understand why you remained friends with that arrogant arse. Still not sure why you forgave him."

"Well, as you are always so keen to remind me, Severus, I'm in no position to be picky with my friends, for one," exhaled Remus. "And second, his intention was not to get you killed. In all honesty, I don't know how _you_ forgave him."

"I haven't and don't plan to presently."

"At least you're consistent, Snape."

A silence transpired between them. Through the parlor window Remus could make out the laughing Dorcas dancing with Sirius. No doubt she was stepping on his feet. Her words suggesting marriage echoed in his head. Doe knew what she was doing. She knew that she could tip him over the edge if she talked about it enough. It would be easy too considering he actually wanted to marry her. However, he was obligated to decline.

"Aren't you worried the wizarding world's most self proclaimed playboy is having a dance with your girlfriend?"

Remus snorted back a laugh and shook his head.

"If anything I'm worried for _his feet_. She's lovely but can't dance to save her life."

A barely perceptible smile graced Snape's lips. He peered at Remus out of the corner of his eye, noting the deep and angry scars marking his pale skin. His face, so young, was offset by a pair of very old, wise eyes. As much as Severus Snape enjoyed indulging in self-pity there was no denying that Remus Lupin had life just as hard as him. Where was Severus was blessed with good health, Remus was blessed with friendship. Where Severus was cursed with loneliness, Remus was literally cursed. So why weren't they friends? Snape remembered why as two new figures appeared in the window.

An ivory clad Lily and absolutely glowing James.

Severus scowled briefly. He was jealous, sad and angry. Envious of James. Sad for obvious reasons. Furious with Remus for never taking his side.

"You've said that you don't hate me on numerous occasions, Lupin."

"I have," confirmed Remus.

"So why did you let them do it? Torment me for all those years. You had the power to do something and you didn't. That's just as bad as helping them, you know-"

"We've been over this, Severus," he grimaced. "I don't want to chase off what little friends I do have and-"

"And I've been over this with _you_. Obviously they would never stop being your friend. Never. They like you far too much. And what do you think for? Certainly not for being a werewolf. Definitely not because of your knack for _pranks_ ," Severus said the last word like it tasted bad on his tongue.

Remus raised a brow at Severus.

"Oh? Then whatever for? I sense a compliment oncoming."

Severus clenched his jaw shut as the corner of Remus' mouth hitched up. He decided not to press Snape. No good would come of that. Snape would rather die than tell a 'Marauder' there was something worth liking about them.

"My point is, you should have said something. You should have realized-"

"Come off it, Severus. I was scared," Remus said in a low voice. "You of all people should understand that."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" snapped Severus.

"Why are you out here? Why? You've been invited. Lily would love to see you. James has agreed to let bygones be bygones. You don't care about what anyone else in there thinks, supposedly," Remus said incredulously. "So what are you doing outside?"

At this, Snape stiffened. It was true. He was afraid to go inside. To confront the finality that he would never be with Lily Evans. It was humiliating, heartbreaking and… he was scared. Remus tried not to look smug. He wasn't after all. He didn't enjoy the pain he'd inflicted on Severus with that brutal truth.

"So, I suppose you're next in line then?" Snape said, clearly changing the subject. "Are you going to catch the bouquet and make half breed, mutant, werewolf babies with Meadowes?"

Now it was Remus' turn to be uncomfortable.

"Why is everyone so bloody invested in my relationship?" grumbled Remus.

He rubbed the back of his neck, biting back more words of frustration. Severus' head snapped in his direction, dark eyes glinting with curiosity.

"Are you seriously not going to marry her? After all this time?" Snape said in a tone that vaguely reminded Remus of his father. "You've spent years with her and with Voldemort on the rise people are marrying off left and right. You've been with Dorcas about as long as James and Lily. What's the bloody hold up?"

"Because I can't. I can't let her do that to herself," Remus said simply.

Why was it so easy to say these things to Severus?

"Oh, _do what_ , you miserable martyr?" Snape groaned.

Remus looked at Severus, surprised at his sudden anger that reflected slight enthusiasm.

"Do you have the faintest idea how rare it is for someone like you to find someone who doesn't care about you being a werewolf?"

"How could I not know with how often you remind me?" snorted Remus. "Besides, a moment ago you insinuate that being a werewolf had nothing to do with people's opinions of me."

"Romance and friendship are two different things. I ought to know," he replied bitterly. "Dorcas doesn't care about the stigma or that you'll probably die long before her…"

"Barrel of laughs, you are, Severus…" Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"...so marry the bird before she comes to her sense."

"It's not that simple, Severus."

"It is."

"No, not really."

"Yes. It is."

" _No_ , Snape," spat Remus.

Snape looked a bit startled. It was rare to see Remus Lupin angry. Regardless, he couldn't show his concern. So instead he said…

"Do explain, Lupin."

Sighing...

"If she marries me, the next logical step is finding a suitable place to live and all I can afford is a hole in the wall with Sirius. After that it's children and I am highly discouraged by the Ministry to breed and for good reason. Then it's growing old together, which you so kindly pointed out, isn't an option. I can't check off a single box on the 'things you need to do when you're a husband' list," Remus said in a rush of words.

Snape regarded that he'd thought about this a lot and most likely, hadn't felt like disclosing it to his friends. The way Remus saw it, he probably wouldn't be disclosing, he'd be 'burdening.'

"To be honest, I dunno if I'll make it through the war what with my mission and considering how stubborn Doe is that might be the only way to break it off with her."

Severus almost choked. He looked over at Remus whose expression was calm and contemplative.

"Merlin, Remus… You are so poor at ending relationships that you have to _die_ to get out of them?"

Remus grimaced and shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm deep in it now, Severus. You don't even know," he sighed. "The things they do… The things I've done. If Greyback finds out what I'm really doing there he'll-"

"Lock you up in a kennel?"

Remus chuckled, recognizing Snape's attempt to add some element of levity. It didn't go unappreciated, and knowing this made Severus' imperceptible smile return. Eventually, the wary look resurfaced on Remus' face. He tilted his head watching the way Sirius held Doe and dipped her. The smile on her face that made her nose crinkle. Someone like Sirius could make her happy. This did not go unnoticed by Severus.

"So, what? Black is next in line for Dorcas' hand? Don't be daft. She's far too stubborn. Would probably end up trying to summon you into a ghost so she could continue to date you," Snape said amusedly. "You however, are much more malleable. I have confidence you'll give in and have a small, very private wedding then go on to make a pup or two."

"Nah," Remus added, shaking his head. "Besides, I'll be too preoccupied helping Sirius look after his godson. Godric knows he'll need help."

Snape flinched. Remus looked at him with wide eyes. Did Severus not know Lily was pregnant? Remus' mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find the right words to confront the situation.

"I...erm...you knew about that, right?"

After what seemed like ages, Severus nodded.

"James told me when he was trying to convince me to come to this… function."

"Ah, and… how are you?" inquired Remus genuinely.

He knew that this probably felt like the final nail in the coffin of solitude for Severus. He paused before turning his stare from the dancing guests to his feet.

"I'm alright. How far along is she? James said they'd only just discovered it."

"Almost a month. She found out only three days later. They couldn't wait to tell everyone either. We were due for a bit of good news."

"That's very quick…" Snape grumbled

. "Well, you know, Lily. She told me she felt something 'just wasn't right' and went and brewed some sort of detection potion with that small apothecary she keeps in the hall closet," he said with a good natured smile.

"Sounds like her… When did _you_ find out?"

Remus couldn't tell the truth. That he'd known before James. He'd promised Lily he wouldn't tell a soul. Instead he simply said…

"When they told Sirius and Peter."

"I see."

A wave of pity hit Remus. Here was Severus Snape watching the only woman he ever loved be perfectly happy without him in her life. She was legally bound to his enemy and carrying said enemy's child. Remus couldn't imagine what Snape was feeling, though if he could it was something similar to how he felt after a full moon. Severus' dark eyes gave nothing away. Remus decided to try once more.

"What if I asked Lily to come outside? You could see her in private. No one would ever know you were here and-"

"I won't spoil this for her."

"Severus, she'd be happy to-"

"Look at her, Remus," snarled Severus. Softer then, "She doesn't need me to be happy."

"She wasn't able to invite her parents and Petunia refused to attend. I-"

"No, Lupin."

"Do you get some sort of pleasure out of interrupting someone who is talking to you?" inquired Remus quizzically.

"Only when they're a know-it-all werewolf."

"Okay, well, you don't have to call me a 'know-it-all.' Just 'werewolf' would suffice," Remus said raising his shoulders.

"Yes, but I'd hate to come off as simply speciesist."

"You just want to come off like you hate me?"

"Lupin, I don't quite hate you so much as I'm irritated by you."

"Sorry about that then. What can I do to fix this?"

Snape swallowed, refusing to look at Remus.

' _You could stop being so nice to me for one. It makes it difficult to dislike you,'_ he thought.

"Well, you could start by recognizing how lucky you are and-"

"I know how lucky I am," muttered Remus.

" _And,_ " Snape said giving Remus a knowing look, "take advantage of the fact that you've got plenty of friends and a girl who loves you warts and all."

"And by take advantage, you mean…"

"Marry the bird, Lupin," Severus scoffed. "For Merlin's sake, she's brewing you one of the most complicated potions. A month's worth of it."

Remus turned to Severus, confused. How did Snape know about that?

Remus remembered what Doe had said inside when he'd pointed out how expensive and difficult Wolfsbane was to make.

' _I've got help. Speaking of potions, did Lily not invite Snape?'_

Remus' jaw threatened to drop but he kept it in check. Snape peered at him out of the corner of his eye and drew his cloak closer around himself.

"So, am I to assume that you're the 'help' Dorcas had enlisted to make the Wolfsbane?" Remus questioned quietly.

Severus rolled his eyes, doing his best not to show his embarrassment.

"The girl is rubbish at potions. She's paying me to assist her and purchased all the supplies herself. It's easy money, werewolf. It's not a good deed," he said flatly. "Besides, one month without you demolishing the Shrieking Shack and scaring the poor villagers is practically me performing a public service."

"Mm, so it's not out of the goodness of your vacant, little heart? Or the fact that we're such good mates?" Remus smirked.

"Lupin, we are not…"

"...not friends. How could I forget?" he nodded. "So you're in it for the money? My aching heart. I'm touched."

' _I'm doing this to alleviate my guilty conscience for sicking Lucius Malfoy on you our seventh year, you prat.'_

Lily and James disappeared from sight, exchanged for Peter and Hestia. Snape sighed and pulled his hood up.

"Leaving?"

"I've seen all I need to see," Severus said softly. "You'll have a full batch of Wolfsbane by the end of December's full moon. You'll need to start taking it nightly the very next day."

Snape stole one final glance at the window and exhaled before turning to Remus. Remus tore his gaze from his dancing friends to Severus and offered a wry smile.

"You know, Remus, you're parents doomed you to be a werewolf."

Remus raised his brows, smirking.

"Yes, I'm aware of my father's transgr-"

Severus waved a hand dismissively. "I know that story. It's not what I'm referring to."

"Oh?"

"Remus Lupin. Remus after the Roman tale of Remus and Romulus. The brothers raised by wolves. Lupin is Latin and basically means 'wolfish.'"

Remus' brows furrowed and an amused smile played on his lips. Snape fought off one of his own.

"Your name is essentially Wolf Wolf."

Laughing, Remus nodded at Snape. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I've analyzed that myself a few times," he added. "It seems we agree that it was destiny that I be cursed."

"Better you than me, werewolf. Goodnight."

"Night," Remus acknowledged.

Snape disappeared with a loud crack, leaving Remus standing alone on the lawn. The ghost of a smile etched on his face. It will always be a mystery as to if his grin would have broadened had he known that though Dorcas had provided the supplies, Snape was brewing the Wolfsbane gratus.

-Got another one halfway written and on the way!

 **Hillstar-** Thanks for continuing to follow this series! I had so much fun writing that interaction and am slightly ashamed of myself because I definitely laughed at my own joke. I was super psyched to write Newt and Remus' oneshot just because I had been imagining for a while what that would be like.

 **Guest-** Your friend sounds like the spawn of Satan. Normally I don't dislike Slytherins because I admire their disregard for what others think, but thinking Remus Lupin is evil? That's crossing the line…. Thanks for reading!

 **QUESTION: What is your favorite one shot in this series? Who is your favorite character for Remus to interact with? What's your favorite tone? Favorite topic? I write to serve!**


	30. Our Time

_This Chapter was inspired by follower/regular reader/stroker of my ego, **justagirlwholikestowrite**. Thank you for suggesting I write a chapter on the headcanon you found and your appreciation of my writing. Truly, readers like you are the reason I continue to write. _

_Enjoy!_

16

 _Our Time_

" _Leo Ridens_ ," Remus muttered to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

She didn't rouse. Remus couldn't quite blame her. It was eleven at night and where she would normally do her best to wait up for a late night arrival of Remus Lupin, he was not expected. He was supposed to be in the hospital wing till tomorrow evening. Never had Poppy Pomfrey suggested that Remus stay so long. Then again, it wasn't every month there was a Red Moon-it was every six months-and not every Red Moon affected him quite this harshly. Regardless of why or even when he had left the Hospital Wing, Remus felt like he couldn't remain standing much longer.

" _Leo Ridens_ ," he tried again a little louder.

The Fat Lady snored on. Remus buckled slightly as the nausea that had been plaguing him since early this morning washed over him again. It was like a particularly nasty hangover. Straightening back up, Remus inhaled deeply through his nose.

" _Leo Ridens!_ " he half-shouted.

The Fat Lady, jerked awake with a startled snort and bewildered tried to gather herself. Finally she made out a wincing Remus Lupin before her, one arm wrapped around his torso as he hunched slightly. She took in the busted lip and gash beside his eyebrow.

"Erm..."

" _Leo_... _Ridens_..." he panted.

The Fat Lady blinked and nodded at Remus. He offered her a very forced and exaggerated toothy smile as she swung open. With a grunt, Remus clambered inside. He could see the flickering light of the fireplace reflected on the walls of the Common Room ahead. Pain shot through his leg abruptly and Remus found himself tumbling out of the portrait hole and onto the floor.

"Shit," he hissed, rolling onto his back and hugging his knee to his chest.

After another moment of gathering his strength, Remus pushed himself to sit upright. Inhaling, he forced himself to stand, groaning. Now he just had to make it up the stairs to his bed. The very thought sent a wave of fatigue over the young Gryffindor. Remus ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. No. He couldn't do any more stairs tonight. He'd just have to sleep on the couch by the fireplace. Tomorrow Remus could tell more inquisitive housemates that he'd returned late from visiting his mum and hadn't wanted to wake anyone, so he'd opted to sleep on the sofa rather than make a racket. Setting his jaw, Remus hobbled towards the couch.

His eyes were set on the fireplace. How good would it feel to rest his aching bones. Just as he was about to throw himself onto the welcoming cushions he spotted someone already vacating the spot. Lily. She was in her plaid pajama pants and black _Beatles_ t-shirt. A red pouch was pressed firmly against her abdomen. Remus considered waking her, but decided better. He would just sit on the armchair opposite her. He didn't need to lay down. As he crossed before her and neared the armchair, he felt the warmth from the fireplace against his legs.

"Hello?" a hoarse voice said.

Remus looked over his shoulder to see Lily squinting, looking around her. He wanted to walk away but instead he froze. Remus didn't want Lily to see him like this. She'd never seen him directly after a full moon. He never wanted her to.

"Remus? What are you doing here so late?"

He couldn't stand much longer, so rather than flee, Remus collapsed into the armchair.

"I could ask you the same question," he said, trying not to pant.

Lily sat up straight and groped the space around her, searching for her wand. Finally she came across it and pointed to the red pouch on her stomach. Remus' brows furrowed as Lily released a sigh of relaxation.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked.

Lily nodded and gave him an exasperated look.

"Cramps."

"Ah," Remus concluded, adjusting himself to be comfortable in his chair.

"My sympathies."

There was a beat and Lily was suddenly wide awake. Remus knew that look on her face. It was the dawn of pity for "poor Remus."

He'd seen it on many faces over many years.

"The Red Moon! Are you alright?"

Remus raised a hand.

"I'm fine. Just...very sore."

Lily's eyes zeroed in on the white fabric peeking out from beneath his sweater collar. Remus followed her gaze.

"Bandages?" Lily inquired in a quiet voice.

"I...did myself a real number last night."

"H-how?"

Remus exhaled again and shook his head, letting it fall backwards.

"I'm fine, Lily," he said again. "How are you feeling?"

Lily was about to protest. Tell him that it was nothing compared to what he was experiencing, but realized that he really didn't want to discuss what he was going through. He genuinely wanted to know her pain. Maybe even imagine it as his own, because whatever he was experiencing was far worse. Lily swallowed.

"It's day two. That's the worst day," she remarked. "I have cramps that feel like someone is stabbing me in the gut with a knitting needle and twisting it around. My head is killing me right in the middle. I'm very, very tired but can't sleep because of how sore I am."

Saying all of this Lily was overcome with a sense of calm. It felt very good to relay her pain. Especially to someone as receptive as Remus. She eyed him, curiously. Remus snorted slightly and raised his head up.

"That sounds very familiar."

"And my emotions are all over the place..." added Lily. "I cried earlier because James said 'goodnight' and not 'sweet dreams.'"

Remus fought off a laugh, instead his smile tipped higher.

"This is becoming more and more relatable by the second."

"James didn't say 'sweet dreams' to you either?" Lily smirked.

"I didn't even get a goodnight."

Lily laughed while Remus stifled a chuckle of his own. If he released anything more than a snicker his lungs would throb and his head would follow suit. He opted instead for a weak grin. Observing this, Lily fumbled around the couch before reaching beneath her pillow.

"Ah, here they are," she murmured removing a small, golden box.

Lily leaned towards Remus stretching her arm out to him, box in hand. Gripping his torso Remus reached out to her, grunting slightly. She pretended not to notice the bandages on his hand. The second he had a hold on the box, he struggled with not collapsing backwards in pain. He clenched his teeth and settled back against the chair, swallowing the agony that plagued his rib cage. Setting the box in his lap, Remus opened the lid to see an assortment of chocolate. A few missing.

"The best pain medication," Lily remarked.

"Scientifically proven, actually," added Remus.

His long fingers selected a dark truffle. He popped it in his mouth and stared into the fireplace, chewing thoughtfully. Lily fought off frown. Here sat her best friend. Broken and bruised, but plastering on a smile all the same. For whose sake she was unsure. Who knew why Remus Lupin did the things he did? A genuine martyr, steadfast friend and contradiction to his stereotype, he was the most friendly mystery you could meet.

Swapping her frown for a complacent expression, Lily asked the question gnawing at her.

"I...I thought that James' and Sirius' erm-involvement-prevented you from harming yourself?"

Remus turned his eyes from the flames to his lap. He sighed and picked up another chocolate, turning it methodically in his fingers.

"I'm afraid it does very little good on a Red Moon. I'm...much stronger. Less coherent," he muttered, trying to maintain an even tone. "According to James, the wolf didn't seem lucid. Madame Pomfrey suspects that he was in just as much pain as me for once so clawed at himself... and you really don't want to hear all of this," Remus sniggered with a wry smile.

Lily didn't realize she was crying till that moment. She quickly wiped away the tears with her knuckle.

"Sorry. I'm a little emotional..." Lily said rolling her eyes.

"I get it. Trust me, I'm especially irritable around this time of the month," Remus replied nodding.

"You're on your period too?"

Remus' eyes flickered to Lily, a smile played on her lips. He grinned back at her and shrugged lightly.

"My monster-al cycle."

Lily laughed, covering her mouth to smother the noise. One thing Remus Lupin would never admit was that he enjoyed making people laugh. This was a truth he wouldn't confess because it was a very Sirius and James trait. The third Marauder recognized their group hardly needed another Sirius or James. Not to mention, humor wasn't the strongest element of his personality. Sarcasm rarely warranted more than a smile, that said when it provoked an actual laugh, Remus was slightly thrilled.

Lily hunched over and groaned. Remus frowned as he watched her remove her wand from the couch cushions and touch it to the red pouch on her stomach. She let out a sigh of relief and looked at Remus.

"Had to warm up the water in this compress. Other than a pain relief potion, it's the only thing that eases my cramps," she explained lying back down. "Well, other than that and chocolate."

Remus held out the box to her with raised brows. Lily waved a hand dismissively.

"I'm fine. Any more and I'll be sick."

Shrugging his shoulders again, Remus chose another chocolate and folded his arms. His tawny eyes turned back to the flames that licked the hearth. Lily cocked her head to the side, studying him. The gaunt look on his pallid, scarred face. The way his chest was sunken beneath his large, weathered sweater.

"You really aren't grossed out by hearing about this stuff?" Lily asked.

Remus looked at her again with a nonplussed expression.

"Why would I be?" he asked. "It's perfectly natural."

"Well, that's what James says. And when I bring it up to him he doesn't quite look like he's disgusted at the thought, but his eyes..." Lily winced.

"They're screaming?" finished Remus.

Lily laughed again making something within him warm.

"Exactly. His eyes are screaming."

"Well, James' mother is much older than the rest of our parents. He hasn't had quite as much experience as me. I've bought my mother's lady's products at the grocery many times."

"I dare say that you're also more mature than him," added Lily pointedly.

"Naturally."

Lily exhaled again as the wave of cramps passed. She sat up and held the compress out to Remus who stared at it with a puzzled expression.

"I don't have cramps, Lily. Sorry, that's where our similarities end."

"For any sore muscles you may have. Just trust me," she insisted.

Remus accepted the red, rubber pouch and set it on his left thigh where his muscle ached. Sure enough, the pain eased. He looked at Lily, nodding.

"You're right," he stated. "Let me know when you want it again. Merlin knows you need it more than me."

"Hardly. I'm going to say that the pain you go through is a lot worse than mine," scoffed Lily.

Remus flattened the bag out on his leg, letting the warmth pass through him. The tension easing in his hamstrings.

"You said that cramps were where our similarities ended," Lily pointed out. "What are our similarities, Remus?"

He sniggered and folded his arms again, tilting his head back against the arm of the chair behind him.

"Well, it happens once a month to both of us, causes irritability and heightened emotions. We both get fatigued and achy. Might I also say that we both experience quite a bit of blood loss?"

"Different kind of blood loss," Lily smirked. "Yours is much more dangerous."

"Well, no need to compare _that_ closely... Tea?"

"What?"

"I want tea. Do you want tea?" Remus questioned.

"Actually, tea sounds brilliant right now. Are you really up to making some? The cups are all the way over there," Lily said nodding across the room at the tea station beside the Common Room notice board.

"Erm... I'm a wizard. I think I can manage," Remus chuckled pulling out his wand.

He flicked it at the tea cart that wheeled its way in front of him. Grunting again, Remus stood, passing Lily the warm compress.

" _Auguamente_ ," he said tapping the kettle with his wand.

Water expelled from the tip and deposited itself into the kettle before levitating to rest just above the flames in the fireplace. Remus fell back into the armchair and watched the box of chamomile tea bags open. Two sachets rose and fell into a pair tea cups.

"Anything in yours?" Remus asked lazily as the small pitcher of cream poured itself into his cup.

"I got it," replied Lily lifting her own wand.

The bottle of honey squirted itself into Lily's cup. The kettle screeched on the hearth.

"Shit... shit, shit," Remus hissed flicking his wand at the kettle.

It flew out of the fire steadily and the scream slowly quieted. Lily sniggered.

"I woke everyone in the bloody tower," Remus snickered.

Lily looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was exiting the dorms.

"Disregard that. They're all still asleep," Remus said quietly.

Lily turned back around. Remus' eyes were narrowed before they switched from the kettle pouring water into the cups to her. He pointed to his ear with his free hand.

"Heightened hearing. I can make out everything from this room to the dorms. It'll be around for another day probably."

Lily noted how casually he said this. As if he'd explained it quite a few times. Which he had.

"Here you are."

Lily's cup floated over to her, a saucer beneath it.

"Thanks."

"Mmhm," he responded summoning his own cup.

With another wave of his wand, the cart tidied itself and rolled back to its position by the notice board.

"So what is it for you? Chocolate, tea and gauze?" Lily inquired sipping from her cup.

"What? Are you talking in regards to treatment?" Lily nodded.

Remus took a steady drink of his tea, ignoring the slight burning sensation down the back of his throat.

"Chocolate, tea, bandages, a pain potion, some blood clotting ointment, a nice day of sleep, a good laugh from James and Sirius, three animagi, a violent tree and an old house that isn't exactly structurally sound," Remus said nonchalantly. "It's not _that_ sad."

Lily realized once again that her eyes were watering. With the palm of her free hand she dried her cheeks.

"I didn't even realize I was crying," she grumbled. "Shit."

"You're worse than my mother," Remus snorted with a grin.

After a moment of silence, Lily finally found the strength to speak up again.

"So does...does a pain potion help at all?"

Remus shook his head, grimacing.

"Not for the transformation. It helps a bit afterwards. I mainly take it because Poppy insists."

"Poppy? You're on a first name basis with the school healer?"

Remus shot a knowing look at Lily.

"The woman has seen me naked and whimpering like a child. That definitely broke the barrier when I was twelve."

"Why did she see you naked?" Lily gawked setting her tea cup on the saucer.

Remus looked up at her from his cup incredulously.

"Do you think a werewolf runs round with a school uniform on and wakes up with a fresh set of dress robes?" he asked with a lopsided smile.

Lily felt her cheeks get hot with embarrassment. How obvious had that been? Remus took her humiliation for being uncomfortable discussing her friend being nude and cleared his throat.

"Erm... new topic?" he suggested. "You would... you would think there was some sort of charm for _your_ time of the month."

"I was just discussing that with Mary. She's so lucky. Her period is practically nothing, you know? She gets a headache and that's it."

"Hardly seems fair," replied Remus at a length, draining the last of his tea. "She should let you hex her out of solidarity for your discomfort."

"I'll suggest that next month then!" Lily groaned abruptly and fell onto her side.

"Oi," Remus said tossing the compress to her.

Lily caught it deftly against her chest and settled it on her stomach once more. Remus peeked under the collar of his shirt and peeled back the bandage. The long, deep scar had stopped bleeding but that didn't stop the pain. Remus flinched and covered the wound again. When he looked back up he saw Lily gaping at him. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Erm...it's nothing."

"That face you made suggests otherwise."

"It stopped bleeding at least."

"Will it... will it scar?" she whispered.

Remus nodded, sighing.

"Most definitely. It's a new spot too," he said in a low voice.

He brought his hand up to his mouth, eyes looking at the ceiling.

"One more Red Moon like this and my entire torso will be covered in scars."

"How many Red Moons have you gone through?"

"There are a lot of Red Moons. Only some of them affect me like this. I can tell if they will be bad ones by how terrible the pain is in my legs. This is the second time in my life it's been like this."

"How often is there a Red Moon?" yawned Lily.

Remus snorted.

"Did you stop taking Astronomy?"

"Careful..." Lily warned.

"A Red Moon is every six lunar cycles."

"Oh, that's a lot more often than I thought. And they're not always so terrible?"

"No. This was the worst in a long time. Usually I'm just a lot slower to heal on Red Moons, but on this occasion everything was much more painful."

A silence transpired between the two. Lily ran a hand through her hair, skimming her face for any tears that may have escaped.

"Remus, I'm so sorry," Lily said quietly, brows furrowed in concern.

Remus waved her off.

"Lily, please. I'm been doing this since I was five. A lot earlier than most other werewolves. I'm a seasoned veteran now."

"Doesn't mean it's easier," Lily corrected, raising her chin a fraction.

Remus grinned in response, matching her confidence.

"How would you know?"

"Because you practically collapsed in agony right onto the floor and your obviously in a lot of pain."

She wasn't wrong. And it hadn't really gotten any easier.

"Well, I've got two animagi that keep me from scratching myself most of the time. I haven't had a bad nick on my face in years," said Remus pointedly. "And there's a lot less crying since I was five."

"Less?" Lily smiled.

Remus tilted his head down.

"I'm big enough to admit that when I experience the pain of a transformation my eyes water. Frankly, I find your insinuation that I should be embarrassed to be a bit sexist. Perpetuating gender roles now, Lily?"

Lily clamped her lips shut, holding back another laugh. Remus crossed his arms and turned his eyes away.

"That's what I thought."

Eventually Remus ' _scourgify_ '-ed the tea cups and sent them back to their station on the tea cart. Then it was just he and Lily sitting in silence. Enjoying each other's company. Lily glanced at the clock on the fireplace mantle.

"It's one-thirty. We should sleep," she said in a groggy voice.

Remus shook his head, eyes drooping.

"I want to but my legs have the tingles."

"The what?" Lily yawned, burrowing deeper into the couch cushions.

"The tingles," he insisted. "They're itching to move or run but the rest of my body is too fatigued to achieve that. So they're just tingling. Keeping me up."

Lily frowned.

"What about a jelly legs jinx?"

"I'm not jinxing my own legs!" Remus laughed, ignoring the aching in his lungs. "Besides, that's not any better."

Lily eyed Remus speculatively. Studying him almost. When he noticed, Remus' eyes widened and the corner of his lip hitched up.

"If James catches you looking at me like this..."

"You've never openly discussed your lycanthropy with me until tonight," she stated.

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. Of course they hadn't. It wasn't a topic he was too keen on. Remus leaned forward as much as his aching ribs would allow.

"Well you've never openly discussed your menstrual cycle with me until tonight," he posed.

But Lily would not be sidetracked. Her puzzled expression only hardened.

"Why won't you talk about it with me? I'm sure you do with James and Sirius. I thought we were that close."

"We are," Remus said quickly.

Too quickly. Lily blinked. Was he angry? No. The faint blush on his pale cheeks betrayed that he was not angry, but embarrassed. He leaned back again, propping his elbow up on the arm of the chair. He snapped his fingers and a small ball of flame danced in his palm. Lily watched, transfixed as Remus tossed the ball around his hand lazily.

"To be honest, Lily, it's not a topic I'm terribly eager to discuss. I like to avoid it when I can."

"Doesn't it feel good to just... talk about all the things you feel like you can't mention?"

"What can't I mention to James, Sirius and Peter?" queried Remus rubbing his eyes.

Lily pulled her blanket up higher over her shoulders.

"You know," she began sleepily. "Like if you're scared or something. It's gotta be scary to go through what you do."

Remus squared himself, fidgeting with his fingers. She wasn't wrong. If he could help it Remus tried not to show how after all these years, no matter how regular the transformations were he was still terrified every time. Every single time. This was something he didn't say to James or Sirius, much less even admit to himself.

"Go on. Let it all out," Lily sniffed.

Remus could make out her emerald eyes glinting in the dimming firelight. They were fixed on him, no matter how tired they seemed.

"Lily... I like having a friend I don't have to... discuss my affliction with... even though they know about it. Do you understand?" Remus said timidly.

Lily seemed to toss the idea around before she spoke next.

"How about we only discuss it during our time of the month?"

Remus' brows raised.

"What?"

"We're synced up, you and I," Lily stated. "I get my period around when you are experiencing side effects of the upcoming full moon. How about we reserve that time for complaining to one another? I can complain to you about school and Petunia and James and you can complain to me about... werewolf stuff?"

Remus half smiled at her, eyebrows knitting together.

"And if I don't want to discuss 'werewolf stuff?'"

"Then you don't have to. But, I can tell that after this particular moon, you have some things you'd like to say."

And she was right. Despite how 'fine' everything had turned out, Remus had indeed been harboring his stress. This Red Moon had burrowed itself beneath his skin and stirred up so much fear. Fear of pain and even fear of what the wolf would do under the circumstances. Things he didn't want to say to Madame Pomfrey or the boys. Even his parents. They'd probably insist he didn't stay at Hogwarts with the thoughts he was having. So this was a good outlet. A therapy session once a month with Lily Evans. One of the kindest and least judgmental people he knew.

"Alright. I'll take you up on that deal, Lily."

"Great," she smiled, folding her hands behind her head. "Go on then. Fears."

"We're starting now?"

"No time like the present, Lupin. Proceed."

Remus sighed wondering where to even begin. He pulled his leg up and crossed it over the other before lounging back.

"Well, it's all of it. The pain for one. After all these years when I...when it...happens I've known exactly what sensations were coming. Where they would start and how long they'll last but I suppose what really scares me about them...is I know that...erm...that they're...they're...they're killing me."

And Lily Evans was wide awake once more.

She was sitting upright, a brow raised though for once she was speechless. Noting this, Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably, propping his elbow up on the arm of his chair and resting his chin on his fist.

"I accepted a long time ago that while most of my friends would live well past a hundred I would be long gone by then... My parents may even out live me... And while most of you are almost guaranteed a chance of passing away in your sleep peacefully I'll... I'll most likely go mid transformation or immediately after. I'll die writhing and that prospect is just...it's... Lily?"

He heard sniffling and as he turned up to look at her, he saw tears streaming down her face. She'd drawn the blanket up to her chest and was shaking.

"Oh, Lily, we don't need to do this. This isn't your burden. Let's-"

"Honestly, I'm in-in need of a-a good cry," Lily said blotting away the tears with her blanket.

"You really shouldn't have to-"

"Remus, that's just awful. Surely-surely that's not true. That-that new potion they're working on. It's s'posed t-to make it easier on you. M-maybe if you take that you'll...you'll be fine," she tried. "I heard of a werewolf in Tibet living to-to eighty four."

Remus opened his mouth to explain that he could never afford that potion and inform her that he hardly felt the need for her sympathy, but then he realized none of that mattered to Lily Evans. She'd see only the possibility that somehow he could come into possession of the Wolfsbane Potions. That he had a chance of living to eighty four. So instead he offered a wry smile and said:

"I'm fine, Lily."

She shook her head in response.

"You can't be fine knowing all of that."

"Oh, I absolutely can," Remus corrected. "I've accepted it and moved on. Most muggles die in their seventies and grow up knowing it. Eventually they see their life as a ticking clock and aren't concerned any longer. I share that feeling with them."

This seemed to ease Lily somewhat as she declined once more, still sniffling slightly but her tears had slowed to almost a stop.

"Lily, lets just leave it at that. I don't think it's-"

"What else are you afraid of?" she interrupted.

"Lily..."

"What else are you afraid of?" Lily repeated sternly.

Remus exhaled and bit his knuckle, debating on whether to continue or not. Part of him argued not to. This wasn't Lily's problem. He'd kept this all to himself for years. He didn't need to start venting now. Then again, Lily was a big girl and his friend. Friends shared their problems, right? She'd complained to him about Severus. Opened up entirely to him. Cried on his shoulder. It was almost rude to reject her offer and Remus Lupin was not rude.

"I'm also... afraid of the-erm-effects that my transformations have on my friends. It's... not a pretty sight. I haven't seen it of course, but the pain makes it quite apparent that it's a gruesome affair."

"So what?" countered Lily, folding her arms over her chest.

"So I worry that James, Sirius and Peter will grow weary and...maybe even become too scared to...to continue being my friend. To look at me," he murmured.

"Rubbish. They don't care. If anything, they probably just feel-"

"Scared."

"No," Lily cut off. "They feel sad to see their friend go through this."

"Pity is almost as bad as being scared," Remus said quietly. "Almost. However, consider why they feel pity. They care about you. They're your friends and friends love friends gory bits and all. You've got nothing to worry about when it comes to fearing desertion. No one is going anywhere."

To his surprise, a wave of comfort hit Remus. What had started as indulging Lily Evans had just become genuinely therapeutic.

"Next concern?" Lily prompted simply.

Remus crossed his arms again. What came to mind was something he couldn't bring himself to share because saying it out loud made it all the more real. He was scared of isolation. Of all his friends deserting him. Of being alone. The possibility was very likely.

"Erm, I think I'm out for now," Remus smirked.

"Liar. Tell me."

"Maybe next month," he tried. "Deal?"

After a moment of severe scrutinization, Lily exhaled sharply.

"Fine."

"Alright. Your turn then."

Lily confessed the usual things they talked about on prefect patrols. The ever present threat of forever losing her friendship with Severus. Her hopes for James' furthering his maturity. Finally, they started on the topic Remus knew would not be easy. The growing distance between Lily and Petunia.

"She's probably going to marry that sod, Vernon. He hates me too. Then...then we'll probably be done...forever."

Then the tears fell again. She stifled a cry and closed her eyes. Ignoring the pain, Remus pushed himself to his feet, slowly hobbling to her on his 'tingling' legs. When Lily looked up she frowned.

"Remus, you should r-really sit," she choked.

"What do you think I'm coming over here to do? Move over," he said gently.

Lily drew her legs up beside her, sitting up now. Remus carefully lowered himself to sit beside her, releasing a grunt of relief as he leaned back. Lily bit her lip and scooted closer to Remus. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, giving her gentle hug.

"Continue."

"I-I know she's terrible to me b-but she's still my sister. I don't want to lose h-her."

"What's the best case scenario here?" Remus questioned.

"Th-that Petunia breaks it-it off with Vernon and-and we slowly become sisters again."

"And the worst case scenario?"

"She marries him and refuses to...to even speak to me again and just...just fucking hates me forever."

At that she dissolved into soft sobs, burying herself in the crook of Remus' neck. Remus brought his other arm up to embrace her.

"This may not help much, but if the worst case scenario were to occur, Petunia will never stop loving you or being your sister," he said softly. "She may behave otherwise but in the end, Petunia will never truly hate you. It's just not possible."

"Y-you haven't met Tunie," Lily said sitting up straight again.

Remus removed his arm and rubbed the back of his neck, wincing slightly.

"True, but she is family. Family can say they hate each all they like but in the end I don't think they ever really despise one another."

"Okay, but what if she stops talking to me?"

Remus looked at Lily, her eyes still swimming with tears. He gave her a lopsided smile.

"I think that for now, she's still talking to you and that may or may not change. You can't really control that," he said evenly. "But she can't stop _you_ from talking to _her_. Writing her letters. Phoning her. Running into her. How _you_ interact with _her_? _That_ , you can control."

The corners of Lily's lips lifted just barely. Remus smiled back at her.

"You're suggesting I just pester her?"

"Yes."

"And you think that'll work?"

"It's been working for James," shrugged Remus.

Lily laughed, shaking her head.

"Good plan. I'll do that then," she said letting her head fall on his shoulder.

Remus felt his heart leap a bit. She knew what he was and wasn't afraid in the least to touch him. He let his head fall on top of hers.

"You're a good friend, Remus."

"Back at you, Lily," he grinned.

The two debated whether or not Frank Sinatra was overrated then discussed if the realism of H.G. Welles' alien invasion. Eventually Lily trailed off on a rant about how 'Jane Eyre' wasn't nearly as good as 'Persuasion' and fell asleep. Remus following suit not long after. The minute the sun filtered in through the tower windows Remus blinked awake. The Common Room was still deserted. He gently shook Lily.

"It's dawn," he muttered.

Lily groaned falling sideways. Remus cracked his neck uncomfortably. Hours of sleeping sitting up had not positively affected him. Once again, Remus pushed himself to his feet taking a glance at Lily who was curled up into a small ball.

"Lily, everyone will be up in an hour or two. We should go to bed," he whispered putting his hands in his pockets.

She didn't stir. He decided it was best to just leave her there. Bending over, Remus pulled the soft, maroon blanket over Lily's shoulders and started for the boy's dorms. The walk up the stairs wasn't painful, surprisingly. Just fatiguing. With dragging feet, Remus crossed the dorm to his four poster beside James and collapsed onto it, not bothering to pull the covers up.

"Remus?" James slurred groggily. "When did you get back from the hospital wing?"

"Last night," Remus yawned. "I was in the Common Room."

"Doing what, mate?" inquired James turning his head on his pillow to look at Remus.

Remus folded his arms over his stomach.

"Just sleeping with your girlfriend."

"Oh, okay," James responded. "Wait...what?"

 _Thanks again to **justagirlwholikestowrite** for her suggestion of this oneshot. If you have anything you'd like to see please leave it in the review section. I love hearing from all of you and hope to have another chapter up soon!_

 _Thanks!  
O.E.R._


	31. Guardian

31

 _Guardian_

Perhaps it was the forest green mailbox or the brass wind chimes of the rundown, but somehow charming cottage that made it very obvious to Albus Dumbledore that the man he was looking for resided there. The place had a very distinct air of Remus Lupin about it. Albus walked down the gravelly path to the small porch. He noted the meek shrubs that framed the two stairs and the single wicker chair with an empty tea cup in it. As though on cue the front door swung open with a squeak and a man with a thick but greying head of sandy, brown hair exited the cottage. Over his shoulder a messenger bag and on his arm his rather weathered green jacket. He stopped midway shutting the door behind and stared at Dumbledore. His tawny eyes looked exhausted on an otherwise young face.

"Remus," noted Albus with a pleasant smile.

Remus wore a confused expression as he pulled his front door closed and locked it not with a wand, but a key, Dumbledore noted.

"Professor? What brings you here?" asked the young wizard, arching a brow.

Albus ignored the question but continued to smile at the man who had been his student over a decade ago.

"Where are you off to?"

"Work," replied Remus slowly.

"Ah, I see. What do you do now? Last I checked it was the bookstore, correct?"

Remus nodded, smoothing his tousled hair out of his eyes.

"I quit there about two years ago. Substitute teaching and right now, summer sessions at the local primary school."

"Oh," Dumbledore remarked. " _Do_ quit that job."

Bewildered, Remus Lupin stared at his former professor. He straightened the strap of his bag. What was he on about? Quit his job? This was the easiest and most convenient job Remus had ever held. Why on earth would he give it up?

"Ex-excuse me?"

Again, Albus ignored the wizard's query.

"I saw a lovely cafe around the corner. I could do with a strong tea. Shall we chat? Do you have time?"

Remus glanced at his wristwatch. He always left home early for work to stop at the cafe Dumbledore had mentioned. He highly doubted Albus' suggestion of going there was a coincidence.

"Erm... sure."

Together the elderly wizard and werewolf began the short trek to the cafe. Dumbledore noted how the other cottages seemed to be worse for wear than Remus'. Not a surprise seeing as most of them were muggles and didn't have Remus' advantage of magic to aid them in repairs.

"How long have you lived there?" asked Albus-though he already knew.

"About a year and a half. Paid it off seven months ago."

Remus seemed to swell a little with pride, Dumbledore saw. How long had it been since he'd had a place to call home that wasn't a dodgy flat? It wasn't often werewolves owned real estate, which was another source of pride for Remus.

"Property is a lot easier to obtain with muggles," Remus said as they rounded the corner and stepped onto the sidewalk.

"It's a lovely place, Remus," nodded Dumbledore. "I _do_ hope you're not attached to it."

Remus smirked at him, navigating his jacket onto his shoulders while holding onto his bag.

"You're being very cryptic, Professor."

"I'm not sure if you should be calling me that, Remus. A man of your age."

"As long as I live, to your face, you'll always be Professor," Remus said with a good natured laugh.

"I suppose we'll have to wait and see to be certain."

There it was again. Remus grinned a little more. He noticed the way the muggles glanced at Albus curiously. He must look odd in his robes with a long, silver beard and half moon spectacles. Of course though, Albus didn't seem to care in the slightest. He even nodded to some of the pedestrians.

"I'm guessing you're not going to enlighten me until we've sat down with tea?" Remus guessed.

"You were always very clever, Remus."

The door to the cafe gave a faint ringing as Albus and Remus entered. The queue was fairly short.

"I'll pay," the werewolf said in a stern, but warm tone that only he was capable of.

"I should hope. I don't believe I have any muggle currency on me," sighed Albus. "I'll take a black tea."

Remus and Dumbledore reached the register, behind which stood a girl a few years younger than Remus. She wore a very snug, blue sweater that highlighted her small waist; her long auburn hair was fastened in a wavy ponytail just beneath the crown of her head. A familiar smile graced her pink lips as a blush painted her freckled cheeks.

"Good morning, Remus."

"Morning, Elaine," he said returning a warm smile.

"The usual? A large, black coffee and a chocolate scone?"

"Thank you. Can I also add a large black tea to the mix?"

The woman's mouth tilted up a little higher.

"I dunno. _Can_ you?"

Remus sniggered quietly.

"Which one of us teaches summer school English, Elaine."

Shrugging, the woman set to work making the tea and coffee and retrieving Remus' chocolate scone. Remus looked over his shoulder at Dumbledore whose brows were raised at him, a mischievous smirk on his lips. Clearing his throat, Remus turned back around. Elaine set down the two cups and a small porcelain plate, holding a scone.

"Thanks, Elaine."

"Mmhm," she beamed as Remus exchanged his money for his purchase.

"Keep the change."

"You're too kind," Elaine smiled.

With a nod Dumbledore picked up his cup and followed Remus to a table by the window. Albus received a few confused looks from customers but it was hardly something to trouble him. He however noticed, the distinct lack of attention Remus got. Existence in the muggle world seemed to suit him. Especially judging by that cashier's demeanor. The two sat opposite each other. Neither taking anything in their beverages. Well, until Albus tapped the rim of his cup with his finger and the dark water lightened while two sugar cubes dissolved. Remus surveyed the area to see if anyone was watching. No. They were in the clear.

"She was awfully nice," Dumbledore stated taking a sip of his tea.

Remus' eyes flickered to the register where Elaine was eyeing him. She quickly averted her eyes and busied herself with wiping down the counter.

"Elaine? Yes, we've grown rather friendly with one another," said Remus casually.

"I can see that." Albus pointed to Remus' cup which he examined.

In cursive was Elaine's name and a series of digits. Grimacing, Remus quickly turned the cup around hoping Elaine hadn't seen him read it.

"Not interested?"

"I don't do that sort of thing, Professor," Remus said gulping some of the coffee.

It burned the back of his throat but he'd take the searing pain of hot coffee over elaborating that he hadn't dated anyone since Dorcas Meadowes. Dumbledore raised his hands innocently. After a moment of silence, Remus tugged anxiously at the collar of his white button down that was beneath a weathered and rather ill fitting maroon sweater.

"Are you going to reveal to me the reason for this visit?" inquired Remus hesitantly.

"Yes. I'd like you to quit your job and come teach at Hogwarts."

Remus choked on his coffee. Dumbledore smiled amusedly as he watched the man pat his chest trying to regain his breath. He coughed and sat up a little straighter. Albus awaited his response patiently, but all he could say was...

"Huh?"

Dumbledore chuckled.

"Come teach at Hogwarts."

"Erm... no?" Remus said as though it were a question.

"Why not?" Dumbledore asked quizzically.

Remus raised his brows, a wry smile on his face.

"Have you forgotten who makes the racket in the Shrieking Shack every month?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"I haven't. Convenient, isn't it? You wouldn't have to apparate and risk splinching from pain every full moon to get to the Shrieking Shack. In fact, you wouldn't have to go to the Shrieking Shack at all," stated Dumbledore with a knowing smile. "You'd be provided with Wolfsbane throughout the entire year. Able to experience less painful transformations in your own office and be tended to by Poppy Pomfrey the next day."

Remus' lips pressed into a flat line as he stared at his hands cupping his coffee.

"Wolfsbane courtesy of a particular Potions Master who has a schoolboy grudge against me?"

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes crinkling.

"He's more than happy to brew Wolfsbane for you in return that you let him substitute your class the day you rest."

"I've heard he wants the Defense Against the Dark Arts position..."

He could see the possibility of Snape proving to be a better professor when he substituted, Dumbledore sacking Remus and replacing him with Severus.

"So why not him? He's been there longer. No doubt pining after the position all the while."

Albus took a gentle drink of his tea and shook his head.

"That doesn't mean he'd be a good teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts," Dumbledore said pointedly. "Remus, you were always the most talented duelist. There's no one I'd rather have teaching my students defensive spells than you. Wasn't Defense your best class?"

This was all true. Remus looked out the window contemplatively, watching people walk hastily to work. He gnawed on his lower lip, then turned back to Albus. Looking at the anxious thirty one year old, Dumbledore could see the shadow of the boy who had attended his school.

"How do the other professors feel about it? Surely they're wary of my... condition."

Albus waved a hand flippantly.

"All the staff were in favor except for two people."

Remus let out a short laugh, the corner of his mouth hitching up.

"Severus and who else?"

Dumbledore returned his grin.

"I can't disclose that, but yes, Severus did express distaste until I made the deal of his substitute teaching," he explained, taking a sip of his tea. "And Professor Binns."

Lupin snorted and rolled his eyes as he recalled his fifth year debacle with Binns. Where he'd stated that the curriculum of History of Magic didn't require a lesson on werewolf origins as it was a topic already covered in Defense Against the Dark Arts and accused him of teaching negatively bias lessons on the lycan community.

"What more can I do to convince you, Remus?"

Exhaling, Remus stroked his jaw.

"Professor, I don't spend much any time in the wizarding community anymore for a reason," he said calmly. "I'm in danger with them. Muggles however... They hire me. They don't suspect me. I don't have to work hard to hide my condition. I'm afraid I-"

"That's it then," Dumbledore interrupted, a twinkle in his blue eyes. "You're afraid."

Hiding his exasperation, Remus drummed his fingers on the table. Albus wasn't wrong. He was scared. Scared of messing up. Of not being able to adequately do the job. Especially with the likes of Severus Snape looming over his shoulder.

"Well, perhaps this will convince you. Harry Potter is at Hogwarts now."

Remus smirked at Albus.

"You think I don't know that? He's thirteen just last week," Remus replied. "I would have liked to pay him a visit, but you forbade it on his second birthday."

"The last thing I wanted was for you to encounter The Dursleys. Besides, he would have asked questions eventually. Questions we all couldn't answer."

"They put _bars_ on his _windows_ last year, Albus," he said, clenching his fist. "And both years Harry has attended your school he's almost died."

"Then maybe someone should be there to keep him out of trouble."

"I would think that would be the man who determined the course of his life after the death of his parents and incarceration of his godfather," Remus said shooting Albus a look.

"Or you perhaps?"

Leaning back in and gazing out the window yet again, Remus tapped a finger on the table. How long had he been awaiting this opportunity? How long had he regretted refusing the opportunity to be Harry's godfather? How long had he wished he could meet the boy he'd known since birth and checked up on once a year from a distance? Remus swallowed. Was he really the right choice to watch over Harry though? He could protect him adequately, sure. He could tell him about his parents. He certainly wouldn't mind listening to him. Then again, did Harry really need another person in his life that showed him kindness but refused to have him live with them? Remus knew all too well the courtesy that the Weasley family had shown him. When he'd seen Harry greet them at the Platform last year as he departed Hogwarts he could make out a certain longing in his eyes-his mother's eyes-to leave the Dursley's waiting outside unknowingly while he fled to the Weasley's home. He'd probably even wondered if he could just live at Hogwarts for good.

"Professor," Remus began, "Is it really healthy to dangle hope in front of Harry? If he were to learn who I am to him, he might ask to… to stay with me. Not only would I refuse that to prevent him from having to bare the burden of my affliction, but you told me he is not safe outside of Hogwarts anywhere but with his aunt and uncle."

"Remus, any hope is better than none at all. Hope is hope despite whatever outcome follows it. In the years to come, Harry would return to school to see you. A man who has countless stories of his parents. The only person in his life that has known him since birth left alive-"

"Not the only one…" Remus said in a soft, dark voice.

An image of Sirius flashed in his mind. Sirius cradling Harry.

" _I don't like children, Sirius once said. I don't want any of my own," Remus smirked as he observed Sirius murmuring to the cooing baby in his arms._

" _I never said I didn't like them," Sirius corrected, eyes still glued to Harry. "And as for the second part...maybe I've changed my mind."_

" _And all it took was these babysitting sessions to do that?"_

 _Remus joined Sirius by the crib where Harry's tiny hands stretched out for the mobile just out of his reach from Sirius' arms._

" _He's brilliant. I had no idea that babies were loads of fun."_

 _Remus grinned and pulled the mobile closer with his finger so Harry could squeeze the cloth stars and and moons._

" _He's so little. Look at how tiny his hands are!" Sirius remarked._

 _The love that flickered in the dark eyes of Sirius Black was unlike any that Remus had witnessed on him before. Sirius Black had gone soft._

"Remus, did you hear me?" Dumbledore's voice summoned Remus back to reality. He looked from the window back to his former professor, whose expression he'd found to turn grave.

"What?"

"I'd asked if you were aware of what I think Harry could use protection from."

Blinking, Remus took another sip of his coffee.

"All sorts of things I'd imagine. Severus perhaps or-"

"Sirius Black," Albus supplied calmly.

Remus blinked again, this time more bewildered.

"S-sorry?"

"You've really not heard?"

It didn't surprise Dumbledore that Remus hadn't heard. It seemed like his only involvement in the wizarding world as of late was observing Harry from afar. He probably hadn't glanced at the Daily Prophet in ages.

"Remus, Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban."

And Remus' stomach dropped. His heart pounded in his ears. Sirius was out? The traitor. The rat in The Order. The person who'd effectively murdered Lily and James and _literally_ murdered Peter. The one responsible for the death of Marlene and the Prewett brothers. The one responsible for the murder of Dorcas. Remus felt his ears get hot and a burning sensation in his chest.

"How?"

"Nobody knows. He slipped right past the Dementors and no one has seen him since."

Surreptitiously, Dumbledore reached inside his robes and removed a folded piece of paper, sliding it across the table to Remus. With trembling fingers Remus unfolded it to see a familiar, but haunting face staring back at him. He'd seen this picture years and years ago when Sirius was first admitted to Azkaban. His mug-shot. The smooth but shaggy mane of black hair, disheveled. His usually clean shaven face baring something a bit more than a five o'clock shadow. His mouth that usually wore a bright, alluring smile that made women swoon was enraged and screaming madly. No doubt at the sight of the Dementors swarming about him at the time. Bony fingers clutched a sign to his chest reading his name and birth date. It made his stomach twist. That was the man who had been his friend. His classmate. His flatmate. A groomsman. A man who had learned to become an animagi just to keep Remus from harming himself. And it was as if a sack of bricks had fallen on top of Remus Lupin.

"So...so no one has-has any idea as to how he managed to slip past the Dementors undetected?" Remus clarified as he hastily folded the paper back up and handed it to Albus.

Dumbledore tucked it away, shaking his head.

"It's a mystery. But what isn't a mystery is why," he began. "Voldemort has shown many signs of trying to resurface. Lamentably, we learned Sirius to be a heavy supporter. He's escaped, most likely, to do his Master's bidding. To kill Harry."

Again, the image of Sirius holding Harry flashed briefly in Remus' mind. Surely this wasn't true. Remus had a wary feeling about Sirius' guilt since the night it had happened.

"Remus, you can protect him. You knew Sirius better than anyone else. Harry needs you now more than ever before," Albus said solemnly. "He's never heard of Sirius and if he discovers that he's been told to be wary of his own godfather, the man who betrayed his parents… He'll be distraught, Remus. Filled with rage. Someone needs to help him navigate this year. I have no doubt that somehow, Harry will become informed of his connection to Sirius."

Remus rubbed his jaw anxiously, shaking his head.

"You're saying that I'm the only person who can help Harry through this? That you think I can help him control the rage he'll feel towards Sirius?" he asked skeptically.

"Who has more experience with this situation than you, Remus?" tried Albus.

Exhaling, Remus placed his hands on the table, threading his fingers through each other. Dumbledore noticed his knuckles whiten tensely, while his face remained somewhat neutral. Ever the master of self control. Currently, a millions thoughts were running through his mind. What if Harry found out what Remus was? What would he think when he discovered that Remus had been friends with James and not once over the years made any effort to contact him? How was Remus supposed to navigate a teenager through the choppy waters of adolescent rage that would be on a whole other level than his peers? And lastly, him? A professor at Hogwarts?

"Remus, please entertain the idea. I'll need an answer by this Friday so I may be able to interview other candidates. We leave in a little under a month after all. What do you say to that?" Dumbledore extended his hand to the man across the table from him.

Sighing, Remus lifted his hand and shook the Professor's.

"No matter my answer, know that I do appreciate this opportunity, Professor."

"I've no doubt," Albus said sipping his tea.

Remus looked out the window then to his cup of coffee then out the window again. Was it his imagination or had he just seen large, black dog outside? Remus' eyes narrowed as he searched the alley between the house and the bakery outside for the suspicious canine, however nothing remained. His gaze snapped back to Albus.

"No time like the present if I think about it," murmured Remus. "I'll take the job."

There was no doubt in his mind now that he was responsible for Harry's safety and if he wasn't going to inform Dumbledore of his suspicions as to Sirius' escape then it was truly his duty to protect him. Guilt was no stranger to Remus, whether warranted or self imposed, but he prided himself on being able to right wrongs as best he could. He would continue to keep Sirius' secret of being an unregistered animagi to himself, but it would in no way impede Harry's safety as long as he was around, thus making the deception irrelevant in his eyes. He felt a weight fall on his shoulders that he knew would not be leaving anytime soon. He was betraying the only man who had given him a chance despite knowing he was a werewolf. He was betraying him again actually. What Remus didn't ask himself, was why he was willing to. The answer was that not only did he feel slightly indebted to Sirius Black for what he'd done for him while they were in school, but he also had the smallest of feelings that Sirius was innocent. Only time would tell.

 _ **Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please let me know if you have any suggestions or if there's anything you would like to see!** _

_**Demigod-Wizard-Gatekeeper:** Thank you so much for reading! "Sweet" perfectly encapsulates Lily's relationship with Remus I think! _

_**Guest:** I'm so glad you liked 'Our Time.' The last line came to me out of nowhere and I won't deny that it's now my favorite ending I've written._


	32. Little Lady Ophelia

**_This chapter is sponsored by the suggestion of one 'hillstar.' Thank you for your reviews!_**

25

 _Little Lady Ophelia_

"Remus, when you're done with the 'Mystery' and 'Science Fiction' section, start on the 'Children's.' Alright?" asked Patricia Cross, manager of _Green's Books_.

Remus brushed his tousled hair out of his eyes as he pushed a cart of books down the aisle.

"Already on it." he called.

"You can go on lunch in about an hour, yeah?"

"Sounds good," Remus replied, stopping before the 'R's.

They'd received a few of Anne Rice's book ' _Interview with a Vampire.'_ Remus picked up a copy and turned it over to read the summary. A story about a virtuous vampire dealing with his demons. Remus smirked at the all too familiar concept and began lining the books up. Next was a man named Daniel Marquette. His book made Remus' brows knit together. The cover featured a full moon above a lush forest. Before it stood a beautiful woman looking quite unsettled as a large silhouette loomed behind her. Remus flipped it over examining its summary.

' _Lone wolf, David McHenry meets the alluring Detective, Rose Malloy. Against his better judgment, David engages in a relationship with Rose despite his being a creature of the night. A werewolf. As if that's not bad enough, David has been framed for the murder of his neighbour Allison Hughes. Will Rose and David be able to piece together the puzzle that will prove him innocent?Will David succumb to his feelings for Rose and let himself be happy? Time will tell in the latest book by Daniel Marquette, 'Blood Red Moon.'_

Remus swallowed as _her_ came to mind. _Her_ probing gaze. _Her_ warm smile. _Her_ laugh rang in his ears. Then _her_ scream.

He wanted to see how this had all worked out for this 'David' character.

' _David's thumb caressed the cheek of Detective Malloy. Brilliant Detective Rose Malloy who'd cracked the case. Cracked all the cases. She'd saved him. She'd proven him innocent. Most importantly, he was human now. The moon would never plague him again.'_

"What…"

Suddenly, anger surged through Remus. 'David' had gotten a cure for his lycanthropy?

"Load of shit," Remus murmured shoving the copy on the shelf.

Remus continued arranging the books. Some on aliens. Some about murders. Some set thousands of years from now. A few times Patricia walked past Remus and he couldn't help but wonder what his manager and coworkers would think if they knew he was the creature they'd read about. That he'd had the star-crossed romance that muggles evidently, fantasized about.

' _Irresponsible idiot,'_ thought Remus as his thoughts drifted back to 'David McHenry. ' _Lucky one too. A fucking cure? Really?'_

Remus shook his head as if to make the thoughts tumble out of his brain and through his ears, onto the carpeted floor, never to re-enter.

'Emma Blacke.'

If the last name hadn't so closely resembled that of a certain person that used to be in Remus' life, he probably wouldn't have stopped to look at it. The cover was a large moon with the shadowy figures of a man and woman beneath it. They clung to one another.

"Seriously?" Remus breathed.

Against his better judgment, he turned over the book.

' _In the latest installment of the Full Moon series-Darkest Skies-we follow our favorite couple as their relationship faces a whole other obstacle. Priscilla and Riley were only married a year when tragedy struck them yet again. One night on an evening stroll they cross the path of Markus. A werewolf bent on biting anyone and everyone he can. Much to their misfortune, the curse of the full moon befalls Priscilla now. It's Riley's turn to be their for her, as she was for him. Their love is strong, but as the two experience the pain of their new lives it is hard to tell if they can withstand this latest test on their relationship. Second in the Full Moon series. Look for book three, Dawn of the Moon, in stores now!'_

Remus' brows raised. Two werewolves? Married? What would the Ministry think?

After he slid the book into place on the shelf, his eyes inadvertently searched for ' _Dawn of the Moon.'_ Only one copy? Was this actually that popular or was it so unpopular they didn't need more than one? None of this mattered as he pulled out the copy and began reading its back.

' _Priscilla and Riley are back in the final installment of the Full Moon series. Now the two werewolves face their greatest challenges yet. Parenthood.'_

"You are _fucking_ kidding me…" Remus muttered.

' _When Priscilla becomes pregnant neither she or Riley can cease worrying about the outcome. What's worse, Markus and his clan have heard and after generations of werewolves not being able to reproduce with one another he becomes very interested and decides to pursue the fateful duo. Will Riley and Priscilla obtain the future they'd so hoped for when they married or will Markus and his clan succeed in their plan to abduct their child? Find out in Dawn of the Moon.'_

Once more Remus cracked open the book to the final page.

' _After years of tests and trials, Priscilla and Riley were free. They're daughter would one day discover their strife, but never experience it. Fate which they assumed had always worked against them had finally swung their way. The happy ending they'd so pursued, now a reality.'_

Remus blinked slowly. Two werewolves breeding? Was that a joke? How had their government not charged them? How were their _only_ problems some anxiety and a greedy werewolf? Did stigmas and reputations play no part in their lives?

' _Fuck that,'_ he thought almost slamming the book into place.

When he looked back down at his cart of books he only saw a few children's stories remaining. He'd finally finished his work here. A relief as he couldn't stand one book about that began with a cheerful werewolf/human relationship and ended with a scene that depicted a picture perfect life. Did these muggle authors honestly not think about another society that may exist beneath the surface of theirs? One featuring the species of they were so fascinated with. What's more, did they really think that true love would conquer the ultimate feeling that the person they were with was a monster? Abruptly, Remus swung the cart around and started out of the aisle, turning towards the Children's section. _She_ flashed in his mind again. Dancing at the Potter's wedding. That night on the beach. That night on the couch. _Her_ fingers combing through his hair. That first kiss. Exhaling sharply Remus made a turn and entered the Children's area.

The walls faded from hunter green to a warm yellow with framed pictures of famous books adorning them. A mural painted by Alan Merritt in the blank space by the building blocks. He turned the cart of books so he could tug it behind him towards the area of lengthier (lengthier meaning sixty pages or so) stories for children. As he started to arrange the book series about fairies, Remus found himself finally able to push Dorcas from his brain and focus on the task at hand. The tense muscles in his back relaxed.

There was tugging on his trouser leg. Remus looked down with confused expression. A little girl stood beneath him. She looked up at him with round, hazel eyes and tucked a lock of short brown hair behind her ear.

"Erm… yes?"

"I need a book."

Slightly bewildered, Remus set down the book in his hand. It wasn't often he spoke with children. Not for a while at least. The last kid he'd spoken to was Frank and Alice's son, Neville at Mungo's and that was four years ago.

"Okay, well… what kind of book?"

Her eyes became anxious and scanned the area briefly. She raised a tiny finger and signaled for Remus to come closer. Slowly, Remus knelt in front of her, suppressing an amused smile. He had to at least appear to take her seriously.

"I want… a scary book," she whispered, pulling at the sleeves of her sweater. "But… my mum says I shouldn't read scary books. So this has to be a secret."

"Ah, okay. I see," nodded Remus. "But what about when she buys it for you? She may see that it's scary then."

"I know," said the girl knowledgeably. "I need the book to be short so I can read it before she's finished in the bathroom. She takes a _long_ time in the bathroom though. I dunno why."

Remus rubbed his jaw, pressing his lips together to stifle the laugh threatening to escape.

"Got it," he said as seriously as he could manage. "I think I've got just the thing. Come with me."

Remus made sure to take smaller strides across the Children's section so she could keep up with him.

"I'm Ophelia by the way," she piped up. "And I'm five."

"Pleasure, Ophelia. I'm Remus."

"That's a funny name."

"Ah, see that's because my middle name is quite boring I'm afraid. It's John."

"You're right. That _is_ boring," agreed Ophelia.

Remus stopped at the end of the aisle, crouching slightly before a row of very thin, colorful spines.

"How old are you?"

"Much older than you," Remus smirked continuing to read the book titles. "Why don't you guess?"

"Mmm… you're younger than my dad…"

"Probably."

"But _way_ older than my big brother," Ophelia mumbled. "You have grey in your hair too so… you're thirty."

Remus snickered rolling his eyes.

"Twenty-five actually, but thanks for that."

"You're welcome."

"Now, a scary book you say. Hm…" he mused. "Well, I suppose to pick the right one we'd have to figure out what you're scared of first. Monsters, perhaps?"

Ophelia seemed to consider it then shook her head.

"No. Monsters aren't scary."

"Oh no?"

"No. They aren't real so how can they be scary?" she offered with a knowing look.

' _More real than you know,'_ Remus thought with a chuckle.

"So how about bugs? Those are pretty scary."

"Snakes are scarier," Ophelia whispered. "So, let me get this straight, snakes are scarier than bugs, but _bugs_ are scarier than monsters?" questioned Remus arching a brow.

Ophelia nodded in response.

"Well, I think we ought to go with a book about bugs maybe. Because if you're very scared of snakes you might not be able to focus on a book about them. You want to be able to read the story and pay attention to it, yeah?"

"Yes."

Remus pulled an emerald green book out. The cover of it featured a girl holding a beetle. He handed it to Ophelia who stared at it curiously.

"This doesn't look scary…" observed Ophelia. "What's it about?"

"This book is about a girl who is searching the attic for her grandmother's diary. Then out comes this little beetle. She's about to squish it when it asks her not to and explains that it has as much a right to live as she does."

Ophelia cocked her head to the side, eyes narrowed.

"That doesn't sound scary, Remus."

Remus shrugged examining the book himself then looking back to Ophelia. He was surprised at how much fun this had turned out to be. He always enjoyed finding people books, but usually he just left them after making a recommendation. Remus was never really asked to debate them or defend his choices.

"That's because it isn't really that scary. It just has a scary character. Because you're scared of bugs, right? That makes this just a little bit scary."

Ophelia pouted, folding her arms across her chest.

"I think, Ophelia, that this book might be just the right amount of scary for you. I think your mum may even buy it for you."

With a sigh, Ophelia reached out and took the small book from Remus. He bit his lip, holding back a laugh at the look of skepticism on her face. She opened the book and skimmed through the pages with her small hands.

"It has a lot of pictures," she remarked, her expression lifting. "I like them."

"See? And it's _just_ scary enough for you I daresay."

Ophelia shook her head, continuing to flip through the book.

"No. I don't like bugs but this beetle isn't very scary."

"Oh? I thought you said they scared you."

She shot Remus a knowing look that bewildered him momentarily. It was a look far beyond her years. Like a parent realizing their child was lying to them. He blinked at her.

"That doesn't mean the beetle is scary. Plenty of things scare people but that doesn't mean that they are scary. It just means that people are scared."

Her words made something inside of Remus warm. That part of him that constantly justified the wizarding world's hatred of him. The part of him that said they had every right to fear him. They were wrong though. Just as Ophelia had pointed out. He wasn't scary. The wolf, sure. They had every reason to fear him in wolf form. But human? Who he was 353 days of the year they had no reason to treat like a pariah. Remus Lupin was the farthest thing from scary, so why were people so afraid of him when he was human?

"Those are very wise words, Ophelia," Remus said softly. "Erm, so will this book due or would you rather something else?"

Ophelia hugged the book to her chest and beamed.

"I'll keep this one. That way my mum will buy it and I can have it instead of keeping it a secret. I don't think secrets are good."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's almost lying. Secrets are bad to keep from your mum."

"Hm," pondered Remus. "Secrets are bad to keep from people you love. I agree."

"What happened to your face? And what happened to your hands?" asked Ophelia pointing at the scars.

Remus grinned faintly at her candor and examined the numerous silvery marks on his hands. How to answer the question?

"What if I told you that I don't quite recall what happened?"

Ophelia narrowed her eyes, raising her chin a fraction.

"I'd say you're keeping a secret and you said that secrets were bad."

"That's fair," Remus said at a length. "I got scratched by a mean dog."

Ophelia looked horrified for a moment then frowned.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Are you afraid of dogs now?"

"Only a little. Not as much as I used to be."

Remus offered Ophelia a wry smile. She stuck out her hand in response.

"Thank you, Remus."

Remus gently grasped her fingers and gave them a small shake.

"You're welcome."

"Ophelia!" a woman's voice called.

Remus stood to see a rather harried looking woman striding into the children's section, a large bag slung over her shoulder. Ophelia turned around, still holding the book to her chest.

"I'm here, mum," she said.

A look of relief washed over the woman as she exhaled, standing at the end of the aisle.

"I told you to wait outside the bathroom and then we'd pick out your book," she said placing her hands on her hips.

Remus shoved his fists in his pockets, averting his eyes uncomfortably. The woman walked to her daughter and smiled, brushing hair from Ophelia's face with her manicured fingers. She looked up at Remus with exasperation in her hazel eyes.

"Is she still on about getting a scary book?"

"Oh, erm, we actually decided on something a bit _less_ scary," Remus replied gesturing to Ophelia.

She held the book up to her mother with both hands. The woman accepted it, scanning the cover for any hint of something that may give her daughter nightmares.

"See, mum? It's not _too_ scary."

"It's not actually..."

Remus raised a finger quickly before the mother could point out it was actually a picture book with no scary elements at all. Her mum closed her mouth, arching a brow at Remus.

"...It's not actually _that_ scary of a book. _Just_ scary enough because it has _bugs_ ," Remus said offering the mother a nod.

She smiled at Remus.

"Yes. Exactly," she chimed in.

"Mum, this is Remus. He got scratched by a mean dog and is twenty five," Ophelia said in a matter-of-factly tone.

"Ah, I see. I'm Lorraine," the woman said tightening her already severely secure ponytail. "I _do_ hope my daughter wasn't...too inquisitive."

"Not at all. We had a good time."

"Well, I'll be certain to tell them you helped Ophelia at the checkout," Lorraine stated. "Remus, was it?"

Before Remus could confirm Ophelia had already opened her mouth.

"Remus who is twenty five years old and is only a little scared of mean dogs."

Remus looked at the beaming Ophelia and nodded.

"Precisely. Be sure to tell them all of that or my supervisor won't know which Remus you're talking about."

Lorraine laughed and took her daughter's hand.

"Well, thank you, Remus. Ophelia, thank him for-"

"I already thanked him, mum. We shook hands too," Ophelia added. "Goodbye, Remus."

"Bye, Ophelia."

With a last grateful nod, Ophelia and Lorraine departed the children's section, hand in hand. Remus stood still for a moment, smiling to himself. He much preferred the muggle world. The world where people saw the scars on his face and felt concern instead of fear. The world where a parent saw him helping their child and thanked him instead of hastily dragging them away. A world where he was hired without suspicious looks thrown his way when he requested a day off once a month. Part of him really considered leaving the wizarding world behind for good, but he wasn't there yet. Not yet, but unfortunately, he would be soon.

 _This chapter is dedicated to superfan_ _ **hillstar.**_ _I had so much fun writing this chapter and having Remus examine paranormal romance books. Fun fact, where we now have whole sections in stores dedicated to paranormal romance, they used to be classified as 'mysteries' and 'science fiction' due to the literatures lack of what we would now call 'smut.' Pretty neat, huh?_

 _So?_

 _Is there something you would like to see? Any of you? What character do you wish Remus could interact with? What character do you **love** him to interact with? What scenario have **you** wondered about Remus in? Pitch them to me in the reviews and you could see your suggestion next. _

_One more note, I would love to hear what character you ship Remus with the most._

 _I'm a huge shipper of Remus and Dorcas (thanks to the hp lexicon) and then second most Remus and Tonks. I know there are tons of Wolfstar people out there and damn, I'm not going to pretend I haven't wondered if Sirius was gay. I could definitely see it._ _Apparently there are some people out there who ship Remus and Lily! Remus and Narcissa is another pairing I've come to love._

 _What's your favorite Remus ship?_

 _Finally:_

 _ **Hillstar:**_ _Thank you so much for all your reviews and constant support. Please continue to pitch me your ideas. I have plans for more 'Remus and the Muggle World' shots to come. Some humorous and some darker. Let me know what you'd want to see!_

 _ **Thatartsykid:**_ _I had such a hard time believing Remus accepted the DADA position what with his constant martyrdom and self deprecation. Regardless, I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your 'brit-pick.' I'd never heard that term before and I plan on attempting to use it on my own later. I think that slip up has made it official, I write too much Marauder's fanfiction and am stuck in the sixties and seventies._


	33. Charity

15

 _Charity_

Sirius Black tried his best to mask his trepidation as he entered the Great Hall. After all, it was only breakfast. Only breakfast two days after he'd almost gotten Severus Snape killed by a werewolf. A werewolf named Remus Lupin. When he'd seen Remus yesterday for the first time outside the Hospital Wing he hadn't acknowledged his existence. Not even a nod when he'd said 'hello.' When Sirius had asked James how angry Remus was with him, James had shot him a glare and walked off. Even Peter wouldn't speak to him, though he seemed reluctant to do so.

So with heavy feet, Sirius Black walked towards the Gryffindor table. Relieved to see that his usual spot beside Remus was open, unlike yesterday when it had been vacated by a stack of books. A heavy weight lifted off his chest as sat down opposite James and Peter and beside Remus.

"H-"

But before Sirius could get a syllable out, Remus was on his feet and casually slipping his bag over his shoulder. Without a word he strode off.

The weight was back abruptly. Pressing down on Sirius' heart. Slowly, he turned his dark gaze to James.

Another glare flashed at Sirius from behind his friend's glasses. James stood, grabbed an apple from the center of the table and started after Remus.

Sirius looked from the untouched plates of James and Remus to the last Marauder. Peter looked uneasy as Sirius awaited his departure.

"Peter," Sirius said softly.

Peter took a finally bite of his bacon and offered Sirius a half-hearted (at best) smile before standing. He paused a moment before reaching into his back pocket and removing a folded up piece of parchment.

The Map.

Hastily he tossed it to Sirius and headed off in the direction Remus and James had went.

Sirius watched his three friends (former friends?) disappear from the Great Hall. His appetite suddenly left him. Most of Gryffindor watched, some more discreetly than others. Sirius glanced up at them. Pity, confusion and even amusement on the faces of his housemates.

"Shit," Sirius muttered.

Sirius stood, snatching the Map off the table and stalked off, not knowing where he was going.

Remus looked wistfully around the Shrieking Shack. This had been a place of isolation when he'd first arrived at Hogwarts. His second year it was a haven. After the boys had found out, it was a place of acceptance. A symbol of friendship.

Now it was sullied with betrayal. This sanctuary that had reminded him that there would always be at least three people who saw past his affliction was now filled with treachery.

He let his hand brush the rough wood of the banister. Remus was grateful that James and Peter had agreed to let him come here for a moment of privacy. Though he'd been grateful for their company and their lending him an ear as he complained and confessed, he needed some time alone.

Sirius Black, however, was not keen on that idea. Which was why he'd exited the Great Hall and examined the Marauder's Map alone in the corridor to find where Remus had gone. He'd resolved that as long as James and Peter weren't around to back Remus up, he had a chance of mending their friendship. He needed, more than anything, some one on one time with Remus.

So when Sirius Black came up the stairs of the passageway and into the Shrieking Shack it was safe to say he was a little nervous.

Remus was nowhere to be seen. Not there in the downstairs at least. Sirius swallowed.

"Erm... Remus?" he called timidly.

No answer. Sirius looked at the map again. Sure enough, the dot labeled Remus Lupin was here inside the Shrieking Shack.

"I just... I want to apologize, Moony," admitted Sirius.

"No," a firm voice said. "You don't get to call me that."

At the top of the stairs stood Remus, glowering down at Sirius.

"Get the hell out of here, Black," snarled Remus.

"Please. Just hear me out. I only want to say I'm sorry-"

 _"Get the fuck out!"_

It was a deafening roar that came from Remus' mouth. It sent a shiver down Sirius' spine and for a moment he wavered on whether to stay or not. This was a Remus he'd never laid eyes on before. Could he even communicate with this person? It didn't matter. He had to at least try.

"Are you deaf?" Remus growled taking a step down the stairs.

"Remus, I..." Sirius struggled to find the right words. "I'm truly, truly sorry. I honestly just thought-"

"You obviously didn't _think_ anything, Black!"

"I... I know what I did was wrong..."

Laughing bitterly, Remus descended the stairs till he stood before Sirius. He'd never seen him look like this. Guilt was usually something Sirius Black didn't deal with. Remus saddled himself with more than enough guilt for the all three of the Marauders. Now he had no one to hold this feeling for him. He'd made a mess he couldn't just shake off like cheating on his tests or pranking first years. This was much worse. It was, if he was being completely honest, unforgivable.

"Just...five minutes. That's all I'm-"

"Five minutes? I've already given you _five years_ and I certainly won't waste five more minutes on you," he spat shoving Sirius back.

If this had been anyone else on earth, Sirius would've shoved them back. Then perhaps hexed them. For once though, he was looking before leaping. Instead, he stumbled backwards before catching himself on the fireplace mantle.

"Two minutes then. After that you never have to speak to me again just... Moony-"

" _Don't_ call me that," snapped Remus.

"Sorry. Remus... let me say I'm sorry and then we never have to speak again. I can't live with myself if I never got to apologize," he said softly.

Remus stared at his friend, his tawny eyes almost expressionless. Something about that was very intimidating to Sirius. Finally, Remus exhaled.

"Two minutes," he grumbled turning on his heel and crossed to the staircase. "Go on, Black."

Sirius swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He straightened himself up as he tried to remember the speech he'd rehearsed in his mind. Unfortunately, none of the words were coming back. He had lost them all.

"Erm..." Sirius stammered. "I was overwhelmed with the shock of it all. With what we'd accomplished. I was too proud and stupid and mad at Snape."

"Mad? You weren't _mad_! You wanted to boast. You wanted to show him up. You wanted him to be impressed! You wanted Snape to see that you were an animagus that runs around with a werewolf. How daring! How brave you are, Sirius!" Remus mocked mirthlessly.

He wasn't wrong. It wasn't anger towards Snape. What he did wasn't in anyway justified, he was, as most fifteen year old boys are, just trying to show off. No matter the cost.

"Do you even realize what I could've done to him?" questioned Remus raising his brows.

Sirius was quick to respond.

"Yeah, mate-"

"I'm not your 'mate,' Sirius. Not any more," Remus said, his eyes narrowing.

"Remus, I know. I almost go Severus killed and that-"

"You almost got _me_ to kill, Severus! _Me_ , Sirius! _Me_!" Remus shouted hoarsely. " _I_ could've gotten expelled! _I_ could've been locked up! _I_ would have to live with the fact that I'd murdered someone for the rest of my life-albeit a short one- _I'd_ have that on _my_ conscious! Don't you understand that me and the wolf are the same person?"

No. He hadn't. It was apparent this was his answer by the bewildered expression on his face. Sirius really hadn't thought about Remus' condition like that. After all, how could he connect calm, intelligent and reliable Remus with a bloodthirsty monster? Seeing this, Remus continued on.

"Do you think that if I'd killed Snape they would've just given me a month of detention and slapped my wrist? No. I would've been taken to The Ministry. Expelled. Quite possibly imprisoned."

"Well, I-I mean... surely they wouldn't have punished _you_..."

"But they would've, Sirius! They most definitely would have! Shit, what part of this are you not getting?" Remus asked exasperatedly. " _I'm_ the wolf. _Me_."

Sirius stared at his fuming friends, his eyes helpless for once. He'd never heard Remus say anything like this. In fact, any time he talked about 'the wolf' he had said the exact contrary of this. That he was not the beast he became every month. He'd even debated Professor Binns on this fact. Now though? When he spoke about The Ministry, it was the complete opposite and Sirius would be lying if he said it didn't hurt him to hear this.

"Remus, I'd never thought of you and...and the wolf as the same...you know-person. You're just... you're not what we're taught a...a werewolf is supposed to be. I'd never connected those dots."

Remus' set his jaw, drumming his fingers on the bannister.

"What you're taught a werewolf is _supposed_ to be," he muttered. "Taught by whom? By Hogwarts...or by your fanatic, fucking family?"

Sirius paused because he knew the answer wasn't what either of them wanted it to be. He couldn't help but feel like he was digging a deeper and deeper grave for himself with every word he spoke. It was only when Remus raised his brows that Sirius responded.

"By...by both I suppose."

"And what do the fucking Blacks say about me? About my kind?" Remus asked, sneering. "Well?"

"Just...just mad shit, Remus. Nothing that I... take seriously."

"What the fuck do they say, Sirius?" Remus shouted smacking the head of the banister so hard that the decorative ball fell off and rolled across the floor. "That I'm less than you, correct? That even if I was a pureblood wizard I'm still less."

The topic had come about one night at a Black family dinner. Sirius had remained silent all the while his relatives discussed the downfall of The Ministry for allowing a werewolf a desk job. Remus was not wrong. He'd hit every point the Black family made. Still, a knee jerk reaction inside Sirius made him deny it.

"That's never come up. I wouldn't care if they did-"

"Oh, no? Then tell me, what made you treat my affliction like a special toy to impress your enemies? Obviously I'm not worthy of being treated like a human by you, a pureblood wizard," Remus replied, words dripping with sarcasm.

Sirius couldn't speak. He was way beyond his depth. He'd never expected Remus to pull out the 'fanatic family' card. Yet here it was. Worthy of being played. The look of rage left Remus' face and he suddenly appeared exhausted. He ran a hand down his face before looking back to Sirius with a hollow laugh.

"Did you hear Mrs. Potter after she met with Dumbledore? Did you hear what she said to James?"

Sirius shook his head.

"Of course not... probably too busy thinking about yourself," Remus grumbled.

That one stung Sirius. Mainly because he knew it was true. Since they'd woken up a few days ago in the hospital wing and then had numerous meetings with Dumbledore to get the story straight, Sirius had been thoroughly worried more about how he would be treated by his friends for this mistake, rather than how they were feeling themselves. There was no time like the present to start making amends.

"What'd... what'd she say?" Sirius asked cautiously.

Remus laughed sardonically, eyes on the ceiling.

"She said... she said 'James, I _do_ wish you told me that you were friends with a werewolf.' With a... with a _werewolf_ ," he repeated now biting the inside of his cheek. "Dorea knows my name. She's met me many times and as soon as she finds out about me I'm not... I'm no longer James' friend Remus. I'm James' friend... the werewolf."

He could make out that Remus' eyes were glistening. It wasn't often you saw Remus Lupin so emotionally vulnerable. He usually kept things bottled up. It was his specialty. It was how he remained available for everyone else. Remus seized handfuls of his hair and kicked the banister making it wobble.

"Moony..."

The glare Sirius caught made his whole body freeze. He gathered himself and raised his hands in surrender.

"Remus... James doesn't care what his mother thinks and no matter what you heard I'm sure Dorea will still like you just as much as before."

"I know James doesn't care! It's not about if _James_ will care it's about what he's subjected to for being my friend."

"What? His mum being cross that she wasn't told?"

Remus gave Sirius an annoyed look.

"Right now it's his mother and when we graduate it could be a coworker and so on and so forth until he's passing up valuable relationships because of me! All of you are!"

Sirius' heart lifted slightly as Remus said 'all.' Was he his friend again? Realizing that he was once again focusing on himself rather than his friend, Sirius forced himself to stand a little taller in the wake of his lanky, towering friend.

"Maybe that will happen and maybe it won't, but Remus, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit here. You're... you're Remus Lupin. It's not like your relationship is a charity. Something we get nothing out of-"

"For James and Peter at least. You utilized what I am to your full advantage."

Sighing Sirius managed to take a step closer to Remus. Remus looked for a moment as though he may punch Sirius, but instead his fists clenched as he stared his friend down.

"I'm garbage, Remus. We all know that. Of the four of us, I contribute next to nothing. James thinks of everything, you're the smartest, Peter is more supportive than we give him credit for and me? I give you all nothing. If there's a friendship that's charity here it's yours with me."

Remus stiffened as he watched Sirius deflate. He put his hands in his pockets, lowering his head as he kicked at the floor.

"I've been... so fortunate to get into Gryffindor and to have such... such good people be my friends. You've all made me so much better than I was," Sirius said softly. "I've got a raving, lunatic of a cousin whose most definitely a Death Eater and the rest of my family is full of prejudiced, pureblood maniacs. I'm just... I'm not meant to be who you blokes have made me... I owe you all the world for that."

Remus gnawed on his lower lip, taking in the scene before him. Sirius Black. Humbled. Apologetic. And altogether, more like Remus than ever before. Believing himself undeserving and dark.

"And how did I pay you back for your friendship, Remus? By playing a prank on Severus using something about yourself that I know you hate. Solely to amuse me."

And then it dawned on Sirius. His throat became thick.

"All this...all these years you go on and on about how you aren't deserving of us as friends... In the end it's me though. I don't deserve any of you. Moon-Remus, last night you may have been a werewolf but... I was the fucking monster."

A silence transpired between the two. Sirius' solemn expression faltered for a moment and Remus almost felt inclined to embrace his old friend. Instead he stood with his hands in his pockets, chin tucked slightly as he fought off a look of sympathy. Remus exhaled slowly and took a step towards Sirius.

"I don't feel sorry for you," Remus lied.

Sirius shook his head.

"I don't want you to. I just thought... I just wanted you to know that... I'm not blind to my privilege of having you as a friend... no matter what you are."

Remus' brows knitted together. Sirius Black was his friend. He was practically family. Family does stupid things and you forgive them for it. No matter how many times they screw up you sigh, shake your head and move on with your relationship. He had to be certain though. Certain that he was ready to forgive Sirius or this would all mean nothing. The anger would continue to make his blood boil and they're relationship would never heal.

"Sirius-Sirius," Remus said firmly. "I'm a werewolf, not a toy. My condition is not a special skill. It's a plague and it makes my life a living hell."

Sirius nodded, his spirit lifting as finally Remus' scornful tone became lighter. Almost like he was scolding him for cheating on an exam.

"People hate me. They are disgusted by me before they even know me. I go through excruciating pain you couldn't even imagine and there is no end in sight. Do you understand why I don't find my condition as something to toy around with?"

"Yes."

"I need you... I need you..." Remus broke off adjusting his wary tone to a more stern version. "I need your most solemn promise that you will never, ever use my affliction for your amusement again. I need your assurance that you are going to take the fact that I'm a werewolf, classification XXXXX in the Fantastic Beasts text books seriously. Do I have your word?"

Sirius opened his mouth to respond but Remus silenced him.

"Mean this. Alright? Know that after you agree to this, that if you ever break your word to me again we're done. Finished."

It wasn't true. He would always forgive Sirius. Still, he had to stress the seriousness of what his friend was promising.

Sirius nodded, sniffing.

"Yes. Yes, Remus."

Remus extended his hand to his trembling friend. He accepted eagerly, as if he thought that if he didn't take Remus' hand immediately it would disappear.

"Now, don't expect things to go back to normal right this minute, Sirius. I'm going to... I'm going to need time because... I've forgiven you, Sirius but I'm still very, _very_ angry," Remus almost growled.

"I'll... I'll take it. Are you sure you've forgiven me though? Are you certain you're ready for that?"

He knew he shouldn't question Remus' generosity in accepting him back so quickly, but Sirius couldn't help himself. It was undeserved, this mercy. This redemption.

"I'm certain," Remus replied. "How'd you find me?"

Sirius pulled out the map from his back pocket making Remus roll his eyes in a very 'Remus' fashion. Sirius hadn't realized just how much he missed that.

"Fucking Peter..." Remus grumbled.

"He had... good intentions."

"Oh, I'm sure. C'mon, open it up, let's find where they're off to."

Sirius' heart leapt at the word 'let's.' Together. He tapped his wand to the map and let it unfold, words and lines sprawling across the pages. The words 'Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs' appeared and both boys had to fight off a fond smile. Sirius knew it probably wasn't alright to start referring to Remus as Moony again-not yet at least. But the option would be available soon knew it and Remus did too.

 ** _Guys, thank you so much for all the feedback. It makes my day. Thank you for the lovely PMs and your follows. My computer is a hunk of junk which makes publishing difficult but I'm gonna try and get better about it. Love you all!_**

 ** _O.E.R._**

 ** _P.S. I just edited this after publishing to correct some typos-this is what happens when your new computer doesnt have Microsoft Word :P_**


	34. Amused

_'Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was **first amused** , then impressed, then seriously smitten with the young witch.'_

 _-Pottermore_

 _Amused_

 _34_

"Next member!" Nymphadora Tonks called from her makeshift office in Grimmauld Place.

She'd been reviewing the members of The Order of the Phoenix for the past hour. Scanning their file, assessing their strengths and reviewing the missions Mad Eye and Shacklebolt had assigned them.

Arthur Weasley exited the room and called out to the next person to be assessed.

"Remus, you're up!"

Tonks shuffled through the folders till she arrived on the file that had _'Remus Lupin'_ scribbled across it. She opened it and laid it flat on the desk before her. A very long and lanky man entered the room. Tonks glanced at the photo in his file and compared it to the person before her.

Same thick but greying sandy hair, tousled but neat. A sallow face with a squared jaw.

"Please have a seat," Tonks said gesturing to the rickety, wicker chair before her desk.

The wizard took a seat as she continued to compare and contrast the photo. He looked a bit older. Not by much. Just more streaks of grey in his hair and his tawny eyes seemed a bit more tired. Then there were the three long scars across his face. Deep and angry.

He fidgeted with the cuffs of the rolled up sleeves on his button down shirt and offered a sheepish smile to her. He was oddly familiar to Tonks.

Tonks' stomach did a flip but she didn't know why exactly. Instead she just smiled and nodded back.

"Erm, I'm Remus. I dunno if you remember me but we met when you very, very young. I was visiting with Sirius and you and I-"

"-made a fleet out of army men!" Tonks concluded as she placed the name and face of the man with a memory. "It's fuzzy, but yes. Sirius' friend."

"Did-did Sirius not mention my presence here?"

He almost sounded embarrassed. Tonks shook her head, her wavy auburn bob swaying.

"I haven't really got to speak with my cousin. I got here just today, you see and Alastor put me straight to work. Told me I could see him after I got done with assessments. S'posed to motivate me to work faster," Tonks said rolling her eyes.

"Ah, well, yes. That does sound like Mad Eye."

Something about the way his smile tipped higher made Tonks' cheeks get hot. She forced herself to maintain her pale complexion.

"Right, so, let me start by introducing myself-but you already seem to know me," she said with an anxious laugh. "I'm Tonks, I've worked for the Ministry as an Auror for a little over a year. I've been trained under Alastor Moody. I'm a metamorphamagi and I love the Weird Sisters."

Remus' fought off a snicker as she recited this all off in the most bored tone he'd heard. It was obvious she'd been saying this all day. She inhaled and folded her hands over each other on the dark desk.

"Today, Alastor has blessed me with the task of assessing every Order member's files, going over their skills and having them inform me on their role they are currently playing to help the resistance. We'll start by reviewing your information. How does that sound?"

Remus couldn't hold it in. He sniggered, covering his mouth with his hand. Tonks arched a brow at him. She wasn't unfamiliar with this. A lot of people-particularly older _wizards_ -seemed to find her professionalism humorous. It was comical to them given her age and unfortunately, her gender. She set her jaw. Remus must have picked up on this because he raised his hands innocently.

"I'm sorry you just...you just..." he laughed shaking his head.

Tonks rolled her eyes and tapped her finger on his file impatiently.

"You sound so _incredibly_ bored," sighed Remus.

Tonks' jaw popped open in surprise and she found herself smiling...then laughing with him.

"Erm...yeah, your the seventh person I've rattled that off to."

"I don't mean to tease you, Miss Tonks-"

"No! No! I mean..." she murmured averting her eyes. "I could use some levity. This is dreary business."

Though he wouldn't admit it for quite some time, something about this young witch made his stomach twist in a similar way. He recognized it was irrational and ridiculous what with the short time they'd known one another. The four minutes that is. Still, he hadn't felt this feeling for someone since...her. Dorcas.

"Perhaps we should just get this over with. So you can talk to Sirius?" suggested Remus.

Tonks nodded vigorously and looked down at his file.

"Okay, Remus John Lupin. Born March 10, 1960. Currently unemployed and residing here at Grimmauld Place," she murmured. "Formerly the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. You only held that position for about a year... What made you quit?"

Remus propped his elbow up on the arm of the chair and wiggled his finger down signaling for her to keep reading. Tonks' brows furrowed as she looked back to the file. Lupin bit his knuckle awaiting her reaction.

'Gender: Male, Species: Wizard/Werewolf-contamination date: 3/8/1965'

Tonks' eyes flickered to his photo, her mouth forming an 'oh.' The scars made sense now. The moon had only been two days ago. That would explain the tired look in his eyes. She gnawed on her lower lip and looked up at Remus who seemed to be awaiting some sort of punishment, judging by the concerned expression on his face. He almost looked like he was prepared for death by firing squad.

"So," Tonks remarked. "Were you let go from Hogwarts for being a...a werewolf? Isn't that illegal?"

Relinquishing the grip his teeth had on his knuckle, Remus stroked his jaw.

"Well, not exactly since Dolores Umbridge passed that new bit of-erm-werewolf legislation which is why I've had to live here with Sirius and can't...you know, get a steady job..."

Tonks groaned.

"That miserable toad of a woman. That legislation has made my job a bloody nightmare."

"Oh," Remus said surprised at the expressed distaste for Dolores Umbridge over him.

Only Remus Lupin would be surprised by that.

"I feel like I should apologize," Remus offered smiling wryly.

"Why? You didn't put over _three hundred_ files featuring every employed werewolf in the United Kingdom on my desk and ask me to owl every business they work to explain the Full Moon Absentee Article," Tonks grumbled leaning back in her chair. "So, is that why you were let go? Full Moon Absentee Article? Because most people don't know this but if it wasn't reflected _concretely_ in your work they have no grounds to enact it."

"Erm, no. I resigned actually," Remus said in a quiet voice. "There was an incident."

Tonks looked from Remus to the file skimming for whatever incident he was referring to.

"Oh, you would not find it listed there, actually, Miss Tonks."

"Just Tonks," she said dropping the file to the desk limply. "I'm intrigued. Why isn't it documented?"

After giving her a brief summary of what had happened that fateful night Sirius had come back into his life and Peter was 'resurrected', Remus found her expression to be a cross of being mildly impressed and extremely bewildered.

"That's one hell of a night."

"Well, as I said, no one got hurt. I knew that what people would want most would be me to be sacked. If I beat them to it, no one would file suit against me or Hogwarts or Dumbledore. They would just be happy I was gone," Remus said casually. "So despite Dumbledore's protests, I quit."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you were a fine professor."

"Thanks," Remus said limply as he straightened up in his chair.

Tonks couldn't remove her eyes from this man for some reason. She just kept gazing at him blankly, enjoying the rapid thrumming of her heart against her ribs. Perhaps that's why she didn't notice Remus Lupin's rather perplexed but amused expression. He couldn't quite figure why someone so young and frankly beautiful would be so ensnared with him. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Would you like to know the...the part I play here?" he prompted gesturing towards her.

"What? Oh, yes! Yeah, of course. What do you do here, Mr. Lupin?"

"Oh, erm, Remus will do just fine," he noted warmly. "So, Albus has effectively reactivated my role from the first war which was to be an informant on the werewolf underground while undercover among them. Luck-"

"What?" Tonks blurted.

"I...erm...yes?" stammered Remus, the corner of his mouth quirking up.

"You're undercover? With Greyback's Colony?"

"I am. And while among-"

"This is a role you're reprising? You've done this not long ago?"

"Well, I think I was actually a little younger than you when I-"

"How old were you?" Tonks questioned leaning forward.

"The first time I went underground? It was a few years. From when I was about nineteen to when I was twenty one."

"That sounds terrifying!" she gawked.

Remus laughed a little at the shocked expression on her face and crossed his legs. Folding his arms over his chest, he nodded at her.

"It was a bit terrifying when I was younger...and a little bit now too," he remarked. "But I've managed to infiltrate Greyback's ranks and I basically keep track of their numbers, their plans for contaminations and operations that could endanger civilians."

"What's your name?"

Remus blinked at her. That was a strange question. He cocked his head to the side trying to figure out what she meant, but her quizzical stare told him that Tonks genuinely believed her question made sense.

"Erm...Remus John Lupin?"

Tonks waved her hands dismissively.

"I mean what's like, your undercover name in the Werewolf Colony."

Remus smirked at the young witch deciding to have a bit of fun with her. He leaned forward on his knees.

"Not even Alastor knows but I feel like I can tell you," he whispered.

Tonks nodded eagerly and leaned across the desk. Remus looked at her gravely.

"My name...in the werewolf underground..." he said in a low voice. Tonks nodded again, urging him to continue. "...is Gilderoy Lockhart."

Staring at him with wide eyes, Tonks tried to make sense of that. Gilderoy Lockhart? Why? Why on earth would he give himself that name? Everyone knew that handsome lunatic wasn't a werewolf. Then she saw the serious expression on Remus' face turn comical. He smiled and laughed softly. Tonks pursed her lips together trying to not to grin.

"Oh, _haha_ ," Tonks said, falling back in her chair.

Remus, now actually allowing himself a real laugh, matched her posture.

"Come off it though, what's your undercover name?"

In response Remus just laughed again.

"I don't have an undercover name! I'm just me!"

"No? No secret identity or..."

"No, Tonks! I'm just myself when I'm down there!" Remus chuckled. "I'm just a different version of Remus Lupin. In the first wizarding war I was joining their ranks because I was disgruntled about not being able to land a steady job and blamed halfbloods and muggleborns."

"And...and now?" she inquired.

"Basically the same. I told them all I was back because I lost my job at Hogwarts for being a werewolf," he shrugged. "They really don't care much your reason once you prove you're a good wand. It's not like during the first war when you had to prove your _loyalty_ ," he muttered.

Tonks eyes flickered interestedly. She opened her mouth but Remus had beat her to it.

"..and now you want to know what I had to do to prove myself fifteen years ago?" Remus laughed.

"Well, yeah! No shit!" Tonks said raising her brows. "Just, okay, just start from the beginning."

Remus stifled the grin that stemmed from something warming within him. It wasn't often someone was entertained by his presence. It wasn't often someone asked about his past prepped for admiration rather than pity. Remus rubbed his jaw, wondering where to start.

"Erm... I had finished at Hogwarts with a mind to study education at Oxford to-"

"Oxford? The university?"

Remus noted amusedly that Tonks seemed to have an issue listening whenever she had something to say. It was difficult not to oblige, especially what with this fondness he found himself prone to around her.

"Yes, the university. However, McGonagall highly encouraged me to enroll in the Ministry's Auror program. She assumed my dueling skills would outweigh my...affliction but-"

"They rejected your application," finished Tonks looking quite annoyed.

The corner of Remus' mouth lifted. He felt a little proud.

"No, actually. I was accepted without a question."

Tonks looked at him expectantly but instead he just held her gaze. Saying nothing. Though he wouldn't admit it to himself, Remus was enjoying this. It had been a long time since he'd been alone with a woman. Well, certainly this wasn't the same kind of alone... for now anyway. Tonks looked down at his file and read the line labeled 'special skills.'

Special skills: accomplished duelist, surveillance specialty, produces very strong, corporeal patronus.

So why wasn't he an auror? All signs pointed to him being a perfect candidate. There was only one roadblock.

"But what happened? Did you fail out or something?"

"No, on the contrary I passed every course. I had glowing recommendations. What happened was that they only allowed me into the program so they had time to come up with an excuse by the end of it for why I shouldn't be an auror."

"Which was?"

The story that had once made his blood boil with anger was now a small anecdote. Something he no longer let affect him. Remus only just realized this seeing as he hadn't discussed it since he was much much younger.

"Their excuse was generic; the same one I'd heard a thousand times over. They couldn't afford an Auror who needed time off again and again."

Tonks eyed him, drumming her fingers on the desk. She finally spoke.

"It doesn't sound like they were biding their time for an excuse... sounds like they were taking a poll."

"A poll?" Remus questioned,

Tonks nodded.

"They were asking all of the staff how they felt about working alongside a...a...a lycan?" she tried.

Remus smirked at her.

"Werewolf is the preferred term in the U.K. The Dutch however, they prefer Lycan," he said pointedly. "So after they took this poll the results must have been..."

"Very negative," Tonks supplied. "Most likely almost no one felt...comfortable working with you. I've seen them do the same thing with a half werewolf."

"Hm, I see."

"I'm... I am sorry."

Remus waved a hand dismissively.

"No need to be."

"I voted yes to working with the half werewolf by the way. I...I have _no_ qualms _whatsoever_ with-erm-with werewolves," she said, failing in her attempt to be nonchalant.

"Well, I appreciate that. Thank you."

Butterflies swarmed in Tonks' stomach as Remus smiled warmly at her once more. She crossed her arms leaning back in her chair again.

"So after they rejected you?"

"Ah, yes. They offered me a desk job with my father in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures office. I refused though."

"What? Why?"

Remus shrugged, balancing his chin on his fist.

"I was young. I wanted to put my dueling skills to use and Dumbledore approached me with a proposition that not only housed me but also made my affliction an advantage."

"Going undercover with werewolves," Tonks gasped.

"Exactly."

Curiously, Tonks inquired about his time there. He explained how he'd moved up in the ranks. The precautions he took to avoid as many casualties as possible. With each task he accomplished he saw Tonks grow more and more impressed. Remus was not one to have his ego stroked, but when it was a beautiful, talented, young witch, he found himself glowing with pride.

"You? You're the one who brought the fall of Greyback during the first war? You're the one who destroyed his underground? They tell us that it was a happy accident due to Fenrir's negligence at work and you're behind it! That's brilliant."

Remus half smiled, his cheeks flushing.

"Erm... I had help. I couldn't have done it without James, Lily and Sirius. Arthur provided the muggle gun powder we used to collapse the underground in. Then, of course, Josephine and Icarus. They're the real heroes."

Tonks placed her hands flat on the table, eyes wide with more questions. Craving more and more answers.

"So what happened to Josephine and Icarus after they escaped? Where'd they go?"

He gave her a knowing smile, shaking his head.

"I'm not going to tell a person bound by the law the whereabouts of two fugitives."

Now it was Tonks' turn to give him a knowing look.

"I'm working for an underground resistance movement and smuggling government secrets. I'm hardly a woman _bound by the law_ ," she drawled.

And it was Remus' turn to eye Tonks. Her dark eyes bore into him like shimmering coals. Suddenly he was powerless to them. He shifted awkwardly in the chair, exhaling.

"I'll tell you this. I helped Josephine and Icarus to get out of the country with fake identities to take to the States. Last time I saw them they were living in a remote area of the Pacific Northwest inhabited by a werewolf colony that works together with some generous witches and wizards to have normal lives. They had eloped not long after I'd bid them farewell and later adopted a very sweet, little wizard. Satisfied?"

Tonks' eyes glistened, beaming at him. She blinked quickly to push away any tears and cleared her throat. Emotional as a Hufflepuff was deemed to be, Tonks refused to let anyone-especially coworkers much older than her-see her cry. She didn't need any further doubt regarding her being suited for a position than was already given by her age.

"So you saw them ag-again. That's...so sweet. How long ago was that?"

Remus thought for a moment before recalling the year.

"I was twenty five or twenty six. About the time when I went on a... journey of self discovery for a few months," he admitted.

Tonks snorted.

"You? A journey of self discovery? You're joking."

"I'm detecting some serious judgment in your tone, Tonks... I was in my mid-twenties. It was hardly unacceptable to go on adventures."

"...of _self discovery_ ," she murmured looking at his file once more. "So, you're a Gryffindor. Oh, I'd forgotten you and Sirius were dorm mates."

"And what were you?" Remus questioned curiously. "I'm guessing a Ravenclaw with all this wit I'm receiving."

"Hufflepuff, actually."

Remus cocked his head to the side. Nympadora Tonks. A Hufflepuff? At first it was hard to believe, but then the pieces of the puzzle came together. The way she was so touched by Josephine and Icarus' story. How she listened so intently. Her friendliness and candor. Most telling though, was her instantaneous accepting of Remus being a werewolf. Still. The girl was part Black. He was a little dumbfounded that she had ended up in the most neutral of houses. Then again, Ted Tonks was a Hufflepuff. She took after her father obviously.

"Moving along, you're file says that you're an expert duelist, quite proficient at Defense Against the Dark Arts, highly logical, able to produce a very strong patronus and..." she paused, biting her lip momentarily. "Erm, just more like that."

"It says 'werewolf' doesn't it?"

"Yep," she replied offhandedly. "Which is of little importance to me despite how useful it can be. What I'm most impressed with is the fact that not only are you very familiar and informed on the Dark Arts but also an expert duelist. These are two very handy things during the present situation. I wonder, being a former professor, how opposed are you to advising the other members on dueling techniques to counter Dark Magic?" Tonks asked, arching a brow.

Remus blinked. Was this truly an opportunity to help The Order being extended to him that had nothing to do with his lycanthropy? Surely she was about to bring that up. Yet, she didn't. She remained staring at him with a single brow raised. Opening and closing his mouth a few times Remus finally was able to respond.

"Absolutely, I... that would be an honor. Are you... are you sure I'm the right person for that? Not Alastor? Not you?"

Tonks scoffed closing the folder containing Remus' file and setting it on a pile of other members she'd already reviewed.

"Mad Eye is hardly a teacher and I never was that good at defense. Just efficient. My real strength is disguise and surveillance."

"I see. Well, if you're sure The Order wouldn't be opposed to... to someone like me teaching them then-"

"Oh, please. You're around rather progressive people. Being a werewolf is hardly reason for concern."

There was a beat before Remus grinned at her. It reached his eyes even. She returned the expression before placing her elbows on the desk and offering him a mischievous look.

"So, what are your hobbies?"

The conversation between the two took a turn towards the more trivial side. Both Remus and Tonks found themselves laughing on many occasions and also sympathizing with one another.

"You're a lot funnier than I thought you'd be!" Tonks observed.

"Sorry to disappoint but-"

 _"Knock! Knock! Knock!"_

Both Remus and Tonks froze. She groaned softly as Remus looked over his shoulder. Tonks flicked her wand at the door that swung open to reveal Alastor Moody.

"What can I do for you?"

Moody looked from Lupin to Tonks and grunted.

"You've been interviewing Remus for upwards of an hour. Just ask him to tea and get on with the rest of The Order."

And just as abruptly as he'd spoken, Alastor disappeared. Tonks flicked her wand at the door again, rolling her eyes before standing. Remus stood with her, extending his own hand.

"I look forward to getting to know you better, Remus."

"I share the sentiment," he confirmed giving her hand a kind shake. "I'll be on my way but...erm...tea would be lovely when you're free. Does that...does that sound like something you'd be interested in?"

Hiding her excitement, Tonks bobbed her head as she fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt.

"Sure, just make the tea a pint and I'm in."

"Wonderful."

As Remus exited the room, he stole a final look at Tonks as she sat back down and grabbed another file.

He had no idea he was looking at the woman who would change his life. The beacon of hope during this war. The woman who would become his wife and have his child. The woman who would learn to make Wolfsbane for him eventually. Nymphadora Tonks would soon become everything to him and he had no idea.

Well, he had an inkling at least.

 _ **Been meaning to publish this one for ages now. I plan on doing a three part series on this one. Probably spread out because you guys know how I like to jump around. There will be a second part called 'Impressed' and the final will be 'Quite Smitten.' What do you think? I love hearing your comments and your suggestions on what to write. There will definitely be more 'Remus in the muggle world' themed writes. I'm halfway through with one. Any other ideas? Give em to me, people!**_

 _ **Also, I'm 90 percent sure that there's a ghost haunting my new flat. Any ideas on how to exorcise them? lol**_


	35. Bad Werewolf

_Bad Werewolf_

17

Remus Lupin and Lily Evans had a weekly appointment. Wednesday evening prefect patrols. As dull as the occasion sounded, sometimes it was the focal point of both party's weeks. It was a frequent detox. Lily confessed her burgeoning feelings for James that she couldn't inform Marlene, Mary or Alice of, for fear they'd leak such secrets. Remus would revel in complaining about the absurdities that were results of his companions' immaturity. He would also vent about the frequent waves of depression that accompanied his condition.

Things he felt would only increase the burden of his affliction on his friends. Indeed, the opportunity to figuratively vomit out their heaviest secrets was appealing but the seemingly eternal supply of chocolate provided by Remus certainly contributed to their elation. Lily's talent for a heated ' _aguamente_ ' spell provided them with an endless amount of cinnamon vanilla tea. Tonight, descending the stairs of the Owlery after a quick patrol, Lily could hardly hold in her knowledge of Remus' secret any longer.

Not the secret of his Furry Little Problem but something more on the embarrassing side. Something that Remus would call 'trivial' or 'juvenile.' Something that Lily would 'sweet' or 'lovely.' A crush.

"Well, Lily," Remus said as they descended the last step leading down from the Owlery. "I assure you James has feelings for you. You just rejected him for so long I think he's a bit hesitant to make a move. It's the beginning of the year though. Give him a few weeks at least. Besides life doesn't end after we graduate."

The two started across the Grounds, heading for the castle.

"I'm aware... but you know how impatient I am, Remus."

"Imagine if you were James and had to wait almost _seven years_ though," snickered Remus.

"I dunno. I'd probably burst into flames... Could you hint to James that I'll say yes this time? Please?"

Remus groaned sipping some of the tea from his charmed cup, careful not to spill as they crossed the gentle slopes of the grass.

"Remus, you did it for years for James! Just this once for me!"

"You know, Lily, you both are perfect for each other. Each of you just loves to take advantage of my kindness."

Lily choked on her tea, laughing.

"Your kindness? Your _kindness_? _Really_?"

"Yes! What? Are you saying I'm not kind?" Remus asked, stopping.

"No! I mean, you're very kind! However, you are the _most_ sarcastic person I've ever met! Kindness is not your defining characteristic!"

"Well, the student body would disagree..."

"Because they haven't heard you talk about your mates!"

Remus grinned and held out his tea cup to Lily who tapped her wand on the edge sending steaming water over the tea bag inside.

"They bring it on themselves, Lily. Besides, you're the only one I talk about them with."

"And you're so _mean_! With your impressions! Especially the ones of Sirius."

Remus resumed walking with a sort of strut and his shoulders hunched.

"I dunno what you mean, Lily Pad," Remus said in a husky voice, running a hand through his hair and spinning on his heel. "Got a cigarette, _darling_?"

Lily sniggered tossing back the rest of her tea and jogging to catch up with him. She linked her arm through his as they continued across the grounds.

"So, _so mean_!"

"I'm just utilizing my talents as a performer. Nothing _mean_ about that," shrugged Remus. "And perhaps he shouldn't have so many ticks that are easy to mimic."

Lily smiled and sat down in the grass.

Remus, who thought it best to get back to the castle, had a weakness for Lily Evans and joined her with a grunt. He reached into his pocket and removed a rectangle wrapped in foil. He placed his tea cup in the grass and crossed his legs, peeling away the silver paper. He broke off a chunk and extended it to Lily who accepted gratefully. Remus' eyes searched the dark, star speckled sky for the moon. It was a week away from being full.

He exhaled, taking a bite of his chocolate. Lily, followed his gaze and looked back to Remus who was now staring down at the grass. She gnawed on her lower lip, folding her knees to her side.

"Try not to think about it, dear," she said softly.

Remus looked at her with a wry smile.

"Think about what?"

"The muggle studies homework," Lily smirked.

Remus blanched and shook his head.

"I hate that class, because if you have a muggle parent you already know everything!"

"You know everything! It's _incredibly_ dull," Lily agreed energetically. "And people get angry about it saying you have an advantage!"

"But it's a mandatory class! Besides, they grew up with magic. You don't see us whining about the advantage they have in every other class."

"Exactly!" she nodded.

They sat in silence. Remus was no longer thinking about the full moon. Lily had accomplished her mission. Well, one of her missions. The other was to bring up the secret he didn't think anyone knew. The crush.

"On that note... what would you say is your favorite class this term?" Lily questioned.

It didn't take him but two seconds to respond.

"I'm really enjoying Advanced Transfiguration."

"Thought so..." Lily said with a smug smile.

Remus' looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"What are you smirking about, Evans?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just find it curious that the best Defense Against the Dark Arts student in our year prefers Advanced Transfiguration..."

"Well, being good at it doesn't mean it's my favorite. You know I enjoy challenging myself," he shrugged.

Lily cocked her head at Remus, her smile becoming mischievous. He raised a brow, swallowing a bite of chocolate. He had a sneaking suspicion of what Lily was going to say, but even _he_ wasn't sure if her assumption was a baseless claim.

"What?" he said flatly.

"You sure Advanced Transfiguration isn't your favorite because of _someone_ in the class?"

Remus continued to look oblivious, silently hoping she would drop it.

"Someone whose name rhymes with Shmorcas Schmedose..."

Remus rolled his eyes, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"We _sit_ at the same _desk_..."

"Awfully close at that desk lately..."

"Lily..." Remus sighed.

"What?"

"Please stop."

"Stop what?" replied Lily innocently.

"You know what, Lily."

"I most decidedly d-"

"I _don't_ fancy Dorcas Meadowes."

"I didn't say anything about Dorcas Meadowes," she said primly.

Remus pushed a few strands of sandy hair away from his face, shaking his head.

"Alright, I don't fancy Schmorcas Schmedose."

"Oh, _really_?"

"Really."

After a pause, Remus looked out of the corner of his eye at a very smug Lily. Perhaps she didn't realize how depressing it actually was to discuss this. Knowing the ever optimistic Lily couldn't possibly see this, Remus decided to come clean.

"Lily... even if I _did_ fancy Dorcas Meadowes I couldn't possibly date her. I'm not in the position to."

Lily looked confused momentarily, then her brows furrowed. Remus bit his lower lip and plucked up a blade of grass, twisting it in his fingers.

"I dunno if you're entirely correct there, Remus."

He laughed quietly to himself.

"Dorcas is my partner in AT. That's it. I'm perfectly content in things remaining as they are."

If you did not know Remus Lupin well, you would not see through this attempt to mask his disappointment. You would applaud him for his ability to accept things as they were, appreciate what he had and move on with his life.

 _Also_ , if you did not know Remus Lupin well, you would find him quite amiable. He would appear the shy and bookish type although he'd offer you a smile and nod in the corridor should your eyes meet when you crossed paths. Remus would be the first person to offer you his company at breakfast should all your companions be ill or even you just appeared anxious. If you missed class and needed notes, Remus would have no qualms lending you his. Should you seem stumped while taking an exam, Remus Lupin would surreptitiously offer you the correct answer-even with his strong aversion to cheating.

All of these things, because even if you _didn't_ know Remus Lupin well, he was ever the advocate of the underdog. He _welcomed_ the outsider. He _conversed_ with the quiet. Probably because he knew what it was like to be all three. And while for two years he had remained saddled with all those attributes, it wasn't long after third year he disposed of them to become a sort of hero for the unspoken.

He remained 'the listener' of his social circle. He continued to be 'the smart one.' 'The brain behind it all.' Only with the power to aid the wounded with no mind to be rewarded for it. If you were like Lily or the Marauders and had the pleasure of knowing Remus Lupin very well, there would be sides to him you'd see that others didn't (as is mostly the case with the reserved type).

For instance, you would know that Remus was rather foul mouthed with a particular love of muttering _'fucking hell'_ under his breath when exasperated or even just _'fuck.'_ Taboo words like ' _damn'_ or the insult _'arse hole'_ were lost on him. His insults were far more tasteful, or rather eloquent. Things like _'arrogant imbecile'_ or _'braggadocios prat.'_ Whichever he deemed appropriate.

Some companions would even playfully refer to him as 'mean' due to his pension for sarcasm and ability to point out the absurd. Heaven help you should Remus Lupin uncover a particular habit you'd formed. Then he'd be able to do an impersonation.

Unlike most people inclined to do impressions of their friends, Remus had a talent for knowing what was 'too far.' He could tell insecurity from nervous quirk. In summation, he knew the difference between entertaining and bullying.

And if you asked Remus Lupin why he was so constantly considerate or why he favored the underdog, he would look at you quite nonplussed. That is because he didn't know he was doing anything of the sort. It was all instinctual. Effortless. To put it simply, it was just how Remus worked.

But if you're reading this then chances are you already know all of this about Remus Lupin, which means you will understand Lily's indignation when he said...

"And if I did fancy Dorcas-which I don't-I couldn't do that to someone I cared about..."

Lily's emerald eyes narrowed as her friend finally looked at her.

"Do _what_ , exactly?" she probed-though she knew the answer.

Remus shot her a knowing look.

"You know very well what, Lily."

"No. I don't."

He exhaled, wanting desperately to roll his eyes.

"Lily, I don't want to complicate her life."

"Complicate it how?" retorted Lily arching a brow.

"You're really going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"You _know_ what."

"I don't."

" _Yes_ , you do."

" _No_ , I don't."

"Why do you want me to say it?"

"So you can hear how ridiculous you sound."

"So you _do_ know?"

"Know what?"

The corner of Lupin's mouth quirked up as she continued to gaze at him knowledgeably. He leaned back on his hands in the grass as Lily reclined onto her elbows, her legs extended with ankles crossed.

"The last thing Dorcas needs is a werewolf boyfriend."

"That is _not_ your defining characteristic, Remus. We've been over this."

"And as we've also been over, it actually is."

"Not to people who matter."

"Why is everyone so keen on me getting a girlfriend anyway?" Remus asked incredulously. "I'm not an incomplete person with-"

"Everyone thinks you could use a good shag honestly."

"Well, fuck, Evans, don't beat around the bush..." drawled Remus.

Lily grinned picking up her tea cup and moving it up and down in the air, testing its weight.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm seeing how hard I would have to bring this down to smash it over your head."

Remus laughed as Lily let the tea cup fall to the soft grass. She rolled on her side, smiling up at him.

"Well, I'm _hardly_ going to take relationship advice from the girl whose acting like Jane Bennett from Pride and Prejudice..." muttered Remus.

"I'm not Jane!"

"...waiting on Bingley to propose even though she knows he likes her..."

"That's not fair!"

"...whining to Elizabeth _all_ the while..."

"Does that make you Elizabeth?" Lily smirked.

Remus snorted.

"No, _definitely_ not."

"So who are you?"

"I dunno," mused Remus. "I'm definitely not Bingley or Darcy... Merlin, I hope I'm not Wickham..."

" _Definitely_ not Wickham."

"Oh no..."

"What?"

"Am I Mr. Collins?" winced Remus.

"No. Mr. Collins tries to have a relationship. You're doing the opposite."

"Huh. I know who I am."

"Who?" Lily inquired, sitting up straighter.

"Some random bloke who goes to the ball at the beginning. I momentarily made eye contact with all the Bennetts..."

"What?" she laughed.

"...I _really_ enjoyed the food and alcohol but got tired and went home."

"What's this characters name?"

"Dunno," Remus half laughed. "Something like... Mark... Stevens."

"Mark Stevens by Jane Austen!" Lily said grandly.

"Yeah, my story wasn't a grand romance. It was about getting ready for the dance and enjoying the snacks."

"I would read that!"

"You would read anything by Jane Austen. You even liked Mansfield Park..."

"Her finest work!"

"Yeah... _sure_ ," murmured Remus.

There was a comfortable silence between the two friends. Both of them were busy thinking about different things. Remus, for example, was thinking about nothing in particular. This, of course does not mean to say that 'nothing' was on his mind, but rather he was content in contemplating the way the earth felt beneath him or how this gentle breeze was summer saying goodbye.

Lily, however, was constructing a way to phrase her concerns to Remus. Her concerns about his happiness. This was how Lily worked. This was why people told her so much. This was what Lily did best. She essentially had an algorithm for every person in her life that was designed to make them comfortable. And it wasn't manipulation or coercion. It was just Lily and her very flexible personality.

So after going over what she knew about Remus Lupin and the way he preferred to be addressed about personal matters, Lily said:

"You really shouldn't let what strangers say dictate how you run your life."

Remus slowly looked at her with a grimace.

"Normally, under any other circumstance, I would agree. Whole heartedly. I'm afraid, though, that that rule doesn't quite apply when one is a monster," he shrugged-still wearing the ghost of a smile. "And it's not something I wallow in or feel bad about. It's just the way the world is run."

"We need to change that," Lily said sternly. "Because the world is missing out on some great monsters."

"Aw, so sweet."

Remus leaned over giving Lily a kiss on the top of her head before ruffling it.

"Well, someone is looking to give me a leg up... just wish it wasn't a homicidal maniac with a pension for blood based prejudice..." observed Remus casually.

"Shame, that," she said, smoothing her hair. "Don't join them should they come knocking on your door."

Remus could tell Lily was only half joking. He shook his head, offering a grin.

"Never," he whispered. "I'm not one for organized group projects. I prefer to work alone."

"The Marauders," Lily stated.

"The only exception. Them and you."

"And Dorcas?"

"Lily..."

"Sorry," she said quickly.

Remus' eyes turned down, staring once more at the dark blades of grass. There was something sad in those eyes. No. Worried. It only took Lily a second to notice it and a minute to figure out what it was about. As nonchalantly as possible, she sighed and said:

"They'd never come to recruit you anyway."

"What? Who?" Remus asked.

Lily scooted over in the grass, resting her head on Remus' shoulder.

"Voldemort's followers."

"Oh, and how do you figure that?"

There was a very slight pleading to his voice that only Lily Evans could have picked up on.

"Because it is widely known that Remus Lupin is a very _bad_ werewolf."

Remus snorted again. Lily could feel his shoulders shake slightly with soft laughter and smiled to herself.

"They'll say 'Let's go recruit Lupin. He's was the best duelist at Hogwarts!' Then the other will say 'Erm, no. He owns the complete works of HG Welles. That's not what we're going for with our regime.'"

"I never thought my taste in literature was what would be my downfall in my journey to pursue my evil side..." Remus said thoughtfully. "I thought it might be that my body is comparable with a broomstick."

"I think it's your lack of razor sharp teeth to honest..." Lily countered.

"I can't help that."

"And you're not even that hairy."

"I'll have you know I have to shave once every single year."

"And where are your _claws_ , Lupin? What good is a werewolf with no _claws_?"

Remus lifted up a hand, casually inspecting his long fingers.

"It's a bad habit. I keep biting them down to stubs..."

"You don't even have a big tail!" smiled Lily.

"Size is not important, Evans" he scoffed.

And in that moment of humor and laughter Remus felt a surge of relief. Relief he didn't even know he needed. Gently, he let his head fall onto Lily's. The two stared across the moon streaked lawn.

"You're a bad werewolf, Remus Lupin."

"Thank you, Lily Evans."

I hope you guys enjoyed and I really appreciate your indulging in my Remus Lupin obsession. As you can tell by this chapter, my favorite part of Remus is his subtle heroics. The way he roots for the downtrodden even though he himself, is down on his luck. What's your favorite thing about Remus?


	36. Sod Em

_**As requested, a James and Remus oneshot! Please continue to give me your suggestions!**_

20

 _Sod Em'_

"I've never liked parties, James."

"This is a Ministry Gala so you're in luck."

"I don't like the Ministry."

"Well, you look just dashing in my dress robes, Remus."

"I hate wearing dress robes... and the lengthening charm you did is wearing off."

"At least there's champagne though. Elf made so it's the good stuff."

"I'm more of a whiskey bloke."

"There's no winning with you, is there, Remus?"

"I would rather be undercover in the Colony right now than be here..." Remus murmured.

The two wizards walked into the glossy, white and black ballroom. Over head a large, crystal chandelier floated and some enchanted violins played a gentle waltz. High society witches and wizards spoke in snooty voices and occasionally laughed light heartedly. It was nauseating. There was a war going on and the Ministry was still hosting a grand winter gala for all its uppermost employees at the historical Order of Merlin Ballroom.

"Sirius would have fit in better here," Remus said quietly as he and James both took a flute of champagne off a silver tray that levitated past them. "Or even Lily."

"Sirius is hardly one for elegant parties and Lily is due any day now and I don't want her-"

"You don't have to explain. I was just being a git, James," Remus exhaled.

James turned to his friend, smirking from behind his glasses.

"Yes, it's almost like you don't want to be around me. Have I done something?" James asked with a quizzical expression.

"Borrowed my Charms text without permission..."

"That was seven years ago and you're never..."

"...I was terrified I'd lost it.."

"...gonna let me live it down."

There was a beat before the two met each other's gaze and grinned, stifling a laugh. Remus took a sip of his champagne and let his eyes fall over the crowd of aristocrats. Remus noticed James nodding at a variety of wizards and witches who were subtly acknowledging him. The price of being the son of two late Ministry higher ups. Then James realized that they weren't just greeting him, they were also greeting Remus. No. Not greeting. Studying. He looked up at his lanky friend to see if maybe there was a smudge on his face or the cut on his neck from last week's full moon was starting to bleed. Was the lengthening charm really faltering on the dress robes and drawing attention? No. Remus was just exaggerating. Nothing about his friend's appearance should give them any reason to look him up and down then murmur to one another.

"I feel like a bloody zoo animal," Remus grumbled taking another drink from his glass.

James nodded in agreement, though his brows were still furrowed in confusion. Was it the scars? Could be. People sometimes looked at Alastor Moody strangely for his scars-yet whispers hardly accompanied. They didn't know Remus' secret. What was so fascinating about James' companion then?

"Why are they all staring at you like that?"

Remus snorted lightly and looked down at James who continued to appear perplexed. For a moment, Remus studied his friend's face before finally responding in a hushed tone.

"Probably because I'm a werewolf..."

"Yeah, but they don't know that," James insisted.

"Yes, they do..."

"What? No. How?"

Remus blinked, ducking his head.

"James, I did Auror Training under some of these people. Some of them work with my dad in Regulation and Control. If anyone knows my secret and all its gory details it's at least half the people at this party."

James eyes widened and he shook his head, trying to think of something to say. It's times like these when words so often fail us.

"I am... _so sorry_. I should have thought of that before I invited you..."

"Oh, don't worry yourself. I'll do anything for the Order."

"What?"

"I said I would do anything for the Order. You know that though, J-"

"This isn't for The Order," James whispered, shaking his head again.

Remus froze, then let his eyes dance about the room and the various murmuring Ministry employees. He looked back to James curiously.

"Then what is this for?"

"It's the Ministry Winter Gala. I'm the son of Fleamont Potter and have to attend now that he's dead..."

"So why did you bring me?"

"Because we're mates and this party is dreadfully dull!" James hissed. "Did you really think this was some undercover mission?"

"Yeah! You know I hate parties! I couldn't think of any other reason you'd invite me along and Lily said... oh..."

"What?"

"She said that you needed my help... I just assumed it was-I dunno-you needed me as a distraction or... I guess anything but attend a party for fun..."

The two friends gazed at one another with raised brows. James felt slightly guilty. Remus did as well. Both considered themselves selfish. James for not remembering that Remus hated parties (even though he had known this since they met at Hogwarts) and also for not deciphering that a room full of Ministry Employees might send him dirty looks because they definitely knew the nature of his condition. Remus felt a pang of guilt for complaining to James. There were worse things to endure than your best mate inviting you to a party with free champagne and food. Like being surrounded by judgmental witches and wizards who appeared both disgusted and marveled by you (marveled being negative in this sense). This moment of contemplation was followed by quiet laughter from both boys. Remus threw back what was left of his champagne. The glass vanished from his hand.

"Let's cut out. I'll buy you a drink at Hog's Head."

"No, no. Let's let you show your face for at least ten minutes. You've got a last name to uphold."

James gnawed on his lower lip momentarily. Remus wasn't wrong. At the same time, could he really let Remus stand here and be subjected to this ogling for another ten minutes? Of course, Remus noticed this look of contemplation.

"C'mon, those people aren't staring," Remus murmured pointing to a man and woman on the other side of the room. "But I'm going to need another champagne. Posthaste."

James offered a lopsided smile.

"Alright. Ten minutes and then I owe you a drink at Hog's Head."

James left Remus in search of the levitating champagne tray. An elderly man and woman walked in front of Remus, both briefly glanced his way. He offered a sheepish smile to the two. A grave look flickered in their eyes and they continued crossing the room with quicker steps, whispering to one another.

"Subtle..." Remus muttered putting his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I'll be..." a delicate voice piped.

Remus looked down to his right, brows raised as he tried to locate the speaker. A small woman with hair far too dark for her age in a tight bun smiled up at him with ruby red lips. Remus gave her a nod, smiling politely.

"Good evening."

"I'm Beatrice Barns," she said extending her hand. "And you're Remus Lupin."

Remus apprehensively shook her hand, unsure of if she knew what he was...and if she did why was she touching him?

"That's correct. Have we met before?"

"No, no, no. I've seen your file many times though. I work in Registration," she said primly.

Remus wondered if the Ministry's Registration Office paid well. Judging by her glimmering emerald dress he supposed so.

"I processed your last werewolf registration file and saw your Auror scores," Beatrice informed. "Very impressive defensive spells. The highest we've seen in a century."

"Oh, well, defense has always been my best subject."

"I've heard your kind have a proclivity for it. It's nice to see someone of your nature putting it to good use."

If Remus Lupin had or been well practiced in the art of stifling groans, he would've shaken the whole ballroom with one. Instead he just blinked at the witch. She honestly thought this was a compliment.

"Thank you. I'm actually here with someone so I'd better find-"

...And James Potter was already striding over to his friend, sweeping Remus' excuse to leave into the dustpan and setting it ablaze.

"Two champagnes and a delightful little tart. It's miniature..." James trailed off.

He looked at Remus whose eyes were screaming. James wordlessly handed him the glass of champagne and looked to Beatrice with a raised brow. He popped the tart in his mouth and concentrated on Beatrice's face.

"Is it... Bridget?"

"Beatrice Barns. She works in Registration, James," Remus said with a pointed look.

Beatrice gave James a grateful nod, her red lips turning up at the corners.

"I was just telling your friend how impressed I was with his Auror marks. They were record breaking."

James gave his friend a pat on the back and turned to Beatrice.

"Yes, well, Remus is an amazing duelist."

"Mr. Lupin, I wish more of your breed would follow your example. It's inspiring to see a werewolf so educated."

James' jaw fell open. Did people actually say these sorts of things? He looked at Remus who much to his surprise, continued to smile at Miss Beatrice Barns. Infuriated, James opened his mouth to educate the witch, but Remus cut him off...

"That's very kind. James, you wanted me to meet someone?"

"Yeah..." Remus steered James away from Miss Barns.

The friends began walking towards the couple they'd planned on speaking too before Beatrice had bestowed Remus with her 'compliments.' However, James was pulling them both aside.

"Should I go back and talk to her?"

"Uh, no," Remus replied, laughing softly. "No, James. It's fine."

"She was clearly insulting you, Moony. I'm gonna say something. Wait here-"

"Beatrice wasn't trying to insult me, James. She honest to Godric thought she was complimenting me."

James peered at Beatrice from across the room.

"No, that was a slight. _Definitely_."

"James, look at me."

James turned his glowering gaze to Remus who was giving him a knowing smile. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"She really did think she was complimenting me. It's happened before, it happened now and it'll happen again. Please don't concern yourself."

"But-"

"The sooner we chat up the only couple _not_ staring at me, the sooner you can buy me that drink. C'mon," Remus said patting James' back.

Reluctantly, James nodded and they walked through the jabbering Ministry employees with muttered 'excuse me's. A handful of them danced to the music played by the enchanted quartet. The couple they'd spotted happened to be casual companions of the late Fleamont and Euphemia.

"Angela and Dockery Dawson! I hardly recognized you!" James laughed as they arrived before the two. "Where are the kids?"

Remus observed the crispness of Dockery's robes. The way the velvet dress clung to the petite figure of his wife, Angela. Then the air in which they seemed to hold themselves. Upstanding and austere. Everything about them screamed 'pureblood.' Remus was suddenly very aware of what he was. Still, he was reassured by the casual manner with which James greeted them.

"They're at home with their grandmother," answered Dockery in a voice that reminded Remus of a very pretentious teacher he'd had in primary school. "It's wonderful to see you here, James. I didn't know you attended Ministry Galas."

"Normally, no, but I thought I'd drop by on behalf of my father."

"Oh, yes. James we were so sad to here about Fleamont and Euphemia. We would have come to the funeral but we were stranded in Bulgaria on some dreadful assignment," said Angela with a very exaggerated frown.

James raised a hand, smiling at the two politely.

"It's fine. We kept the ceremony very small and private."

Angela's eyes flickered over to Remus but he noted that Dockery's did not. It was almost as though he was making a conscious effort not to acknowledge him.

"Oh, apologies. This is my friend Remus Lupin."

Angela began to extend a gloved hand to Remus. He raised his own to accept but Dockery's fingers closed around his wife's and pulled down her hand.

"Son of Lyall Lupin, I presume?" said Dockery sneering slightly.

"Yes, that's correct," replied Remus.

James' brow raised slightly as he looked from Dockery to Remus. He watched as Angela's formerly complacent face was exchanged for a stern, almost irritated expression. Despite this, Remus still wore a meek smile.

"The werewolf boy," Dockery added.

James' eyes widened. Were all of these people so ridiculously offensive?

"That's _also_ correct."

Angela drew a little closer to her husband. Remus took a drink of his champagne, hiding his embarrassment. Not for himself but for James. He was making a Potter look like trash by being here. The pureblood Potters were most likely to stay out of the company of werewolves. This of course, made no difference to a very astounded James. The blatancy of both parties they'd encountered so far was a foreign concept. Rather more than blatancy, it was their lack of tact and that they were seemingly unaware of how insulting they were being.

"James, Im just going to excuse my-" Remus began.

But a fuming James interrupted.

"Remus received the highest defense marks the Ministry has seen in a century by the way," James interjected.

Lupin exhaled.

"James..."

"Don't be so modest, Mr. Lupin. I imagine for someone of your breed that's a very impressive feat," said Dockery flatly.

James clenched his jaw.

"Yes, I was quite pleased with my results in the Auror program actually. But-"

"So why aren't you an Auror, Mr. Lupin?" Dockery questioned. "I understand there's a policy that a unanimous consensus of comfortability among staff regarding your employment must be reached if a werewolf is offered an Auror position."

At that moment, Remus was not aware of this rule. He'd been offered a desk job alongside his father in exchange for an Auror position and he had refused.

"I was offered a position with my father but I hold no interest for a Ministry desk job so I declined the offer. It sounded _very dull_."

Remus would be lying if he said he wasn't attempting to insult Mr. Dawson. It was a subtle slight, but all the same Dockery appeared taken aback. Angela pursed her lips and James took a gulp of champagne to mask his smirk. Dockery cleared his throat.

"Ah, well, I'm sure you already know this but perhaps it's in your best interest that you don't decline jobs higher in status because of disinterest. I imagine being particular about employment lowers your chances of gaining a job in a _suitable_ line of employment."

"Yes, what is it you do?" queried Angela.

 _'Just a member of a top secret organization, working undercover in a werewolf colony...'_ Remus thought.

James responded before Remus could forge a statement saying he worked in a muggle establishment. The fact that he would soon be graduating Oxford would make no difference in the eyes of two very close minded purebloods who probably had no interest in the muggle world. They probably looked down on it.

"Remus actually works at Hogwarts, tutoring students. He has a real knack for it."

 _'Not a bad lie, James...'_

He'd tutored during his time at Hogwarts but James' fabricated job as a professional tutor was not only half true, but respectable in the eyes of any wizarding family.

"He's also studying education at a very prestigious muggle university to better his teaching skills."

Mr. Dawson stared down his nose at Remus who was struggling to maintain composure. James' indignant responses in the face of adversity were not only useful but also amusing.

"You must be very proud then," Angela said stoutly.

"Yes. I imagine you realize just how fortunate you are."

Remus nodded throwing back the rest of his champagne. The glass disappeared from his hand.

"I do. Especially since people never let me forget it. If you'll excuse me, I need some more champagne."

James bit back another snicker and gulped the last of his drink. His champagne flute also disappearing. Dockery's eyes were wide while Angela seemed to struggle to maintain even breaths.

"I'm going to join him. Wonderful to see you both," James grinned as he turned on his heel to catch up with his friend.

Remus felt his ears get hot as he made his way to a levitating tray of more champagne. He felt both guilty and infuriated. The fury, however, only seemed to grow as more and more Ministry workers eyed him, murmuring to one another. James appeared at his side.

"That was brilliant," James laughed. "You should have stuck behind to see their faces."

"Yes, well it wouldn't have been nearly as brilliant if I'd stayed to see the affects of my handiwork." Remus took two glasses from the tray, handing one to James.

"Alright, after this last drink we leave. Sound alright?"

"Splendid," Remus replied flatly.

Two older women walked by James and Lupin, glancing at the latter briefly before quickening their pace.

"They are all _remarkably_ candid," Remus stated raising his brows. "It's like they aren't even trying to hide their astonishment that there's a werewolf in their presence."

James looked at his shiny shoes, frowning.

"I'm so sorry, Moony. If I'd known they were going to be so... prudish, I wouldn't have invited you."

"I really don't care, James," Remus sighed. "Stop beating yourself up. It's unattractive."

"James Potter?" a curious voice said.

The two boys looked to the right to see a statuesque woman with silky blonde hair smiling at them. She was a only a year or two older than James and Remus but it had no effect on her appearance. She was elegant and beautiful. Her icy eyes were framed by long, dark lashes. The woman leaned in, gently grabbing James' shoulders and kissing his cheeks. Imperceptible to anyone who did not know James well, he wore a smile that reflected he was uncomfortable and mildly repulsed.

"Where is the lovely, Lily Potter?" she questioned.

" _Mrs_. Potter is at home actually," James said apprehensively.

Remus' eyes darted between the two suspiciously. He had no clue as to who this woman was but it was apparent she made James uneasy.

"This is my mate Remus."

She turned to Remus and flashed a dazzling white smile that contrasted with her dark violet lips.

"Remus Lupin, correct?"

"Erm...yes, actually."

"It's nice to finally meet Lyall's son."

The woman leaned in and repeated the motion of placing delicate lips on both sides of Remus' face. Remus' eyes broadened. Just moments ago he'd been refused a simple handshake and now he was being kissed?

"Mallory Wick," she said.

A look of recognition flashed on Remus' face. Mallory Wick. The girl who had attended Beauxbatons at her father's request, as he considered Hogwarts 'too common.' James had told Remus that they'd met a handful of times the summers between fourth and sixth year. Each time Mallory had attempted to woo James and each time he had declined. She'd owled him not long after his marriage to Lily congratulating him and closing her letter with _'I trust you made the right decision. Always yours, Mallory.'_ It had made Lily positively irate and James had been more than willing to oblige his wife's request of responding to inform Mallory that he was quite happy with his decision and he was expecting a child that summer with Lily. Mallory hadn't responded after that. James had explained that Mallory seemed consistently interested with whatever was 'in fashion.' That included a relationship with a Potter. An esteemed young man who excelled in academia _and_ Quidditch. The kisses made sense to Remus now. He was the talk of the party and the only thing that would catch the eye of every guest would be her willingness to engage with a werewolf. Not only engage, but make drastic, physical contact.

"I assumed Lily would be your date, James. Why is she at home?" Mallory asked, arching a pale brow.

James stiffened.

"If you recall from my last letter Mrs. Potter is pregnant and due any day now. I thought it best she stay home and rest," James explained.

Mallory gave him a wry smile.

"I'm so happy for the both of you. I know that pregnancy can be hard on a relationship and it's so nice to see you both thrive in the situation." James smiled tightly.

Remus took this as his cue to interject.

"I actually heard that more often than not, a pregnancy brings two people _closer together_. It's said to actually strengthen a relationship."

Mallory looked at Remus, still smiling.

"I see. I take it you have experience?" Mallory asked.

She knew the answer to that question but felt the need to humiliate Remus all the same. While James was angered, the werewolf was merely agitated.

"I'm afraid I don't. It's just something relayed to me by my father," he explained.

Mallory glanced at James briefly before turning back to Remus and giving a small wink. Remus almost flinched in surprise.

"Ah, well I'm surprised a strapping young man such as yourself hasn't been claimed yet."

This of course, was a feeble attempt to evoke some sort of jealousy from James. Both feeble and a failure.

"I'm spoken for actually," Remus replied gathering himself. "For a few years now."

Mallory smiled and released a wistful sigh, fiddling with the latch on her silk purse.

"It seems all the good ones are either taken or cursed," she shrugged.

Remus blinked and shook his head before taking a gulp of champagne. To his right, James had one hand balled in a fist. He groaned softly, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Being cursed doesn't necessarily take someone off the market, Miss Wick. Though I'm sure you're aware by the unsolicited wink and over zealous compliment you paid to Remus," James shrugged.

Mallory's pale cheeks turned red, but she maintained her pleasant expression. Ever the master of managing conflict, Remus attempted to change the subject.

"So you attended Beauxbatons-"

And he failed.

"You're correct in assuming I'm aware someone being _cursed_ doesn't take them off the market, James," Mallory said coolly.

"Lovely," Remus murmured sipping his drink.

"Just as I've been made aware that being a mudblood doesn't take them off the market either."

Remus choked on his champagne. James' eyes seemed to light ablaze behind his spectacles. He took a step towards Mallory who held her ground, a bemused look on her face. Remus did nothing to prevent what was sure to be an exchange of very harsh words, as he stared at Mallory, nonplussed.

"Ugh..." Remus groaned-the champagne briefly affecting his inhibitions, "Did you _actually_ just say that?"

Both Mallory and Remus were startled at the sound of James chuckling.

"Mallory, did you honestly think that the way to my heart would be insulting my best mate and my _wife_?" he asked, catching his breath.

Mallory's jaw tightened. Remus smirked.

"It takes someone fairly conceited to assume a person is in love with them simply for stating facts..."

"Who said anything about love?" Remus snorted. "James? Shall we?"

Remus was already turning to leave but noticed that James was taking another step towards Mallory. He stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets, an amused grin on his lips.

"We aren't done..." James said quietly.

"Finished," corrected Remus.

"Moony."

"Apologies. Proceed."

"James, I only meant to-"

"You know _exactly_ what you meant to do."

"We all know _exactly_ what she _meant_ to do so there's no use pointing it out. Let's leave her to her desperate pining, James," Remus said shooting a glare at Mallory. "Anyone who resorts to derogatory names for a woman they've never met obviously wants attention and she won't find it from us. Let's not waste our time."

Sighing exhaustedly, James turned on his heel to exit. Remus gave Mallory a fleeting nod.

"Yes, from what I hear a muggleborn's time is in short supply," Mallory called.

James halted in his steps, slowly turning around. A few guests surrounding Mallory looked at one another in mild shock. But as James pivoted, clutching his champagne glass so firmly he thought he may crush it, Remus was already striding towards her. Mallory took a minuscule step back but Remus was already inches from her face. James stood just behind him.

"I'm asking you _politely_ to refrain from saying another word about Lily," Remus said quietly.

James could make out the concerned whispers of various guests as they watched the werewolf come almost nose to nose with the pureblood witch.

"Asking nicely are you? You're very special indeed, Mr. Lupin. A very _tame_ werewolf," she whispered with a small smile.

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Is it wise to test me?"

Mallory winced momentarily before adjusting her posture to appear more confident. She opened her mouth to say something but thought better and closed it. Remus turned to see a smug James. He let his tawny eyes roam the room of Ministry employees that looked both appalled and terrified. The corner of his lip hitched up as he noticed that James was fighting off a smile. Without another word, the two left for Hog's Head.

"They were _terrified_ of you!" James laughed as he brought two glasses of Firewhiskey to their table. Remus shrugged from his side of the booth.

"I tend to do that to strangers."

"Yeah, because they don't know that you got scared reading _Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump_."

"I was eleven," Remus said sternly. "That story doesn't frighten me anymore. You need to let that go."

"You need to let go of the time I borrowed your Charms text..."

"I thought I'd _lost it_ , James. It was expensive and close to end of term exams..."

"All the same," James said, raising his glass. "This is a toast to you for terrorizing an entire room of Ministry employees."

Remus tapped glasses with James before taking a gulp. They set down their drinks simultaneously. Remus crossed his arms, relaxing back into his seat, while James drummed his fingers to the beat of the music playing in the background.

"My intention wasn't to frighten _anyone_ , for the record. I wanted to keep it civil..."

"Remus, if there's one thing I know about you it's that you don't go looking for a fight. You don't have to explain to me," James replied rolling his eyes. "But when you are in a fight, you sure know what to do."

"My condition has its advantages, I s'pose... Well, one advantage at least. Intimidation is _not_ difficult," Remus smirked.

James gave him a grim smile. It didn't take a see-er to tell that James was still slightly shaken by his encounter with Mallory. She'd been a terror. Spitting insults and behaving much like an insipid, first year Slytherin. Remus' expression became warmer.

"James, no one thinks those things about Lily. No one that counts," he said quietly.

James averted his eyes, taking a swig Firewhiskey. Finally, he said...

"I can deal with the... name calling. It was the... the vague threat that got me..."

 _'Yes, from what I hear muggleborn's time is in short supply...'_

Remus frowned at the words that echoed in his mind. Quickly, Remus composed himself.

"She's going to be fine, Prongs. We're going to win."

"How do you know?"

"Do you want the detailed version or the short one?"

James shot a knowing look at Remus, who responded with a lopsided smile.

"Alright. Because we're the good side. More often than not we win. Also, the plans we've seen? The ideas Voldemort's preaching? The people he has involved? It's all very, very sloppy," Remus explained waving an errant hand. "Not to mention, we've got James Potter. He can be an arrogant prick but he knows his way around a wand."

James' smile broadened. Remus continued.

"We've also got Sirius. He harbors enough angst to fuel the entire Order. He's very bold and brave. That's another point for us. Then there's Peter. For some reason his ability to follow instructions has much improved since we left school-"

"Probably because impending death wasn't a threat for failing an assignment at Hogwarts."

"That," Remus snickered. "And we have Lily. She's brilliant. She's strong. She's going to be fine."

The tension in James' muscles alleviated and he relaxed in his seat. He grinned at Remus who drank his Firewhiskey looking quite pleased with himself.

"And we've got you," he added.

"You've got a werewolf, yes. We come in handy-"

"No. We've got you, Remus. Not the wolf. We've got you."

"Don't go soft, James."

"I mean it. We've got a talented duelist who has no fear of risking his life for the good of everyone else. That's more of a help than your lycanthropy."

After a moment, Remus let himself grin. Validation that he was of use for his other talents was something he found himself in need of.

"Is it now?"

"Mmhm... you've also got a supernatural amount of patience," James said at length.

"I have to make up for you and Sirius."

"And you're ever so humble."

"James, I'm sorry to inform you that I am taken as are you..." Remus said gravely. "Even if that weren't the case I'm not gay."

"Ah, neither am I."

"Shame that."

"Think of the bespectacled, messy haired babies we'd have, Remus."

"No," said Remus simply.

"Fair enough."

Eventually James was very drunk and Remus was still slightly buzzed. Both of them had drank the same amount. James resumed his regular routine when he got sloshed which was bragging on Lily and professing how much he loved his friends. Then a little rant on injustice. He yawned hugely and Remus recognized this as time to cut out. "Lets go, mate. You're gonna fall asleep." "Yes, I am," James agreed. Remus helped James out of the booth and steadied him as he staggered slightly.

"Alright, were gonna go outside and apparate to your place."

With a drunken farewell to Rosemerta the two stepped outside, Remus still guiding James, steadying him.

"Remus," James slurred as his friend stood him upright by his shoulders.

"Yeah, mate?"

"Make me a promise and-and you can never break it."

Remus half smiled meeting James' gaze.

"Alright."

"Don't...don't-don't let anyone make you feel bad."

He arched a brow at James.

"Erm... sure. I can do that."

James shook his head placing a firm hand on the werewolf's shoulder.

"I know-I know you act like it's all f-fine but I know it hurts you when people-when people are so rude. Sod all of them, okay?"

James was right. Remus did front like nothing could shake his resolve, but often times he was breaking inside. A clever quip would escape his lips but his mind reeled with self doubt. Remus' grin broadened.

"Sod em'," Remus shrugged.

"Thank you, James."

"Pfft... for what? Taking you to a gala where you were bullied and ostracized? You are _sooo_ welcome."

"No. Thank you for not caring about...you know...my furry little problem."

James shrugged nonchalantly.

"You make it easy."

Remus kept his promise to James for a few years. However, promises made to the dead are unfortunately easy to break.

 _ **Please R AND R! Thank you so much for your support! Remember I'm always accepting requests! Now, here's a big question: Is Snape a hero or a bully who did a heroic thing?**_


	37. Flashes

20

 _Flashes_

The moment Greyback flourished his wand and almost translucent, glimmering, vertical bars formed Remus knew there was trouble to be expected. Truthfully he'd known since Greyback had announced to the Brothers and Sisters of the Colony that the oncoming full moon would be _'a very important transformation.'_ That it would be _'detrimental to proving'_ their _'worth'_ to him. But now, with the caging charm that contained both Remus and Hugh together-as it did with other sets of Brothers and Sisters-he was officially concerned. Though his entire body trembled with the anticipation of transformation just moments away, it was also in fear of what Greyback was about to say.

"Tonight the werewolf across from you will be your opponent. Tomorrow morning, whichever of you comes out alive, will be promoted to Elite," Greyback declared as he circled the cages.

Remus noted the shudder that went down Fenrir's back as he too was affected by the moon's rising. Across from Remus, the frail Hugh looked both panicked and malicious. Ready and hopeful to kill him. A flash of white blurred Remus' vision as the transformation began to set in. Groans and gasps of other werewolves could be heard about the room.

 _Remus and Dorcas left the Potter home in Godric's Hollow and stepped into the snowy night. Fat flakes fell from the dark sky coating the grass and brick street that the two walked upon. A few bits of snow clung to Dorcas' wavy hair._

"Good luck... and may the best wolf win," Greyback rasped.

Remus felt pain surge through his forehead and his breathing quicken. Hugh's chest heaved across from him as he growled uncontrollably. Not even transformed and already as primal as an animal stalking its kill. The other pairs of werewolves could be heard doing the same. Soon the noises were drowned by the sound of Remus' heart pounding against his ribs.

 _Dorcas walked a little in front of him, her heels clicking against the pavement. These bubblegum pink heels were reserved for special occasions such as the ball they'd attended at Hogwarts, the Potter's wedding and now a Christmas party. They lead up her curvy but petite legs and to the short hem of her little black dress. Remus smiled to himself as she drew her grey coat tightly around her, emphasizing her slim waist._

The bones in his body started to crack. He could feel his body shifting. Hugh sunk to his knees, clawing at his chest. He screamed through clenched teeth. Remus' inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to maintain some composure. He could feel his muscles tense. His jaw tightened and he closed his eyes. This could be it. This could be the end of his life. If he died as a wolf would he remain in wolf form? Never to be 'Remus Lupin' again? Would he die an animal?

 _Remus jogged up behind her, ensnaring his long arms around her torso. She laughed, pulling out of his grasp and walking backwards down the road._

 _"You'll fall walking backwards in those heels," warned Remus._

 _She beamed, continuing to tread in reverse._

 _"You'll catch me."_

 _"Maybe... I think perhaps I should let natural selection carry out its course. Though I have grown quite fond of you, Meadowes... Might be better just to let me carry you. Apparate back to your place and..."_

 _"And what?" she queried._

 _Remus shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his coat and shrugged his shoulders. Dorcas snickered and turned on her toe, letting him catch up to her. He shortened his strides to match her's. Bowing his head, he placed a light kiss on her temple then behind her ear._

 _"Why so romantic tonight, Lupin?" smirked Doe._

 _He grabbed her by her shoulders, stopping in the middle of the street and turned her to face him. Remus' fingers threaded in her hair as he pulled her face to his, interlocking their lips. She was, of course on her tiptoes, as she always was when they kissed. Even in her heels. He released her face from his grasp and moved his arms to wrap around her waist, lifting her slightly off the ground. When they finally parted, he was still holding her in mid air. Dorcas' delicate fingers were placed on his cheeks that were pink from the cold._

 _"What's gotten into you?" she grinned._

 _Pecking her lips once more, Remus slowly lowered her to the ground. She looked up at him curiously._

 _"Next time you wear that dress, you must remember I'm half animal, darling."_

That was something he needed to remember if he was going to live. Just like Hugh, he was half animal and just as capable of murder as the rest of them.

He felt skin start to tear.

 _Her skin against his as they reclined in her bed._

His nails became claws.

 _The feeling of her nails, dragging gently down his back. Sliding over the scars._

His limbs elongated.

 _Dorcas' arms wrapped around his chest as her head rested in the scarred crook of his shoulder._

There was another bright flash and his mind went blank.

 _Her lips brushed against his and the world cracked open._

Remus Lupin was gone. Hugh was gone. Only two werewolves remained.

 _ **In Godric's Hollow...** _

It was five in the morning when Lily Potter put her son back to sleep. Her husband was in the kitchen fixing up a tray of very caffeinated tea for the both of them. Lily collapsed onto the parlor room sofa with a soft sigh, drawing her robe tighter around herself. Yawning, James entered with a tray that seated a tea pot and two tea cups. After knowing Lily for almost ten years James was aware she took her tea with a bit of honey, a small lump of sugar and a splash of cream. There was no need to bring in all the dressings.

"You really don't need to get up with me, James," Lily remarked as her husband set the tray on the coffee table, sitting next to her.

James handed over her tea cup, before picking up his own.

"No, I like getting up with you at the crack of dawn. Gives me time to have you all to myself."

"More like you worry I'll be whinging about being up all night and you'll have nothing to say in your defense."

"Nothing wrong with evening the playing field," shrugged James taking a drink of his steaming tea.

"Is everything a Quidditch play to you?" Lily smirked.

"Not everything."

James inclined his head. Setting down her cup, Lily mirrored him.

The two were interrupted by a soft tapping. It didn't take but mere seconds for the two to spring to their feet. They both already had their wands drawn and were treading softly towards the hallway. Lily stood just a step behind James. Had they been found? Had the concealment charm failed them? In his mind James was already playing out the possibility of death. The tapping continued. Rhythmic and quiet but still there.

Lily and James both noted it was coming from the bottom of the front door. Perhaps it was Peter in rat form trying to make his way in? Was it a Death Eater prodding around looking for an easy entrance? Was it Voldemort toying with them?

James' hand touched the knob of the door. He looked over his shoulder at a readied Lily. Her wand was poised as she nodded to James, signaling she was ready to strike. James whipped the door open.

No one was there.

He was quickly startled by the loud gasp of his wife who pushed past him and fell to her knees.

The noise had been the feeble tapping of Remus Lupin's wand at the bottom of the door. At the bottom because he was lying, sprawled on the ground soaked in blood. Covered in cuts and gashes.

Lily was lifted his head into her lap, not considering that he was staining her pajama pants crimson. James fought off a gasp of his own as his friend coughed up a reasonable amount of blood.

"Get Marlene," Lily said urgently, turning her eyes to James.

All he could do was gawk. Was this it? Was this where his best mate died? On his doorstep, bloodied, bruised and broken.

"James! _Get Marlene!_ " Lily hissed again.

James shook himself from his gruesome thoughts and waved his wand, drawing up silvery stag.

"Marlene, it's Remus... It's bad... Come as soon as possible," he told the Patronus in a quivering voice.

With a final flick of his wand the ghostly apparition was off to Marlene's office at Saint Mungo's.

"Let's get him to the sofa," James suggested, clearing his throat.

The Potters lifted Remus at either end, gently transporting him to the sofa.

"Should-should we change him?" Lily asked smoothing blood soaked hair from Remus' face.

All he wore was a pair of savagely damaged trousers and shredded shirt. Calling it a shirt still would be gracious.

"No. Don't touch him till Marlene arrives. Just...just keep his head up," James managed.

Gently, Lily raised the werewolf's head which lolled to the side. A mixture of saliva and blood poured out of his lips. He coughed, sputtering more on the floral carpet. Lily covered her mouth, cringing and fighting off tears simultaneously. James couldn't help but feel his own vision blur with tears. Remus' left eye was swollen shut and there was a new very deep, angry scratch on his jaw line. His lip was busted but there was really no explanation for the amount of blood coating his face. His neck had another angry cut that went from the top left of his throat and disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. The shirt which was soaked with blood and was torn in five or six places. Beneath the holes he could make out more of-what appeared to be-claw marks. His right arm was bent at an odd angle and seemed to be leaking more blood.

 _'Blood... blood... blood...'_

The word satiated James' mind as he realized there wasn't a part of Remus that wasn't covered in it. Remus' good eye lingered between opening halfway and shutting entirely. His breaths were labored and raspy as his chest raised in shuddering movements.

"Do you... do you think we should get Sirius and Peter?" Lily asked softly.

James shook his head, kneeling beside his friend and waving his wand at the blood on the ground. It vanished only to be followed with more from Remus' mouth.

"But... but James what if he..." Lily cut herself off, trying to stifle a sob.

"He'll-he'll be fine, Lily. Marlene will be here any moment."

But James wasn't actually so sure. Remus had quite a few rough full moons that left him with a broken arm or black eye or nasty gash. Having all three of these in addition to blood consistently pouring from his mouth was a whole other beast. A loud crack sounded from the door followed by frantic knocking.

"It's me!"

Neither James or Lily considered they ought to be thorough and question any visitor they received as Moody had instructed, instead James flicked his wand at the door sending it flying open. Marlene entered, Healer robes still on and her apothecary bag in tow. With urgent strides she walked to the living room and caught sight of the mangled Remus in Lily's lap.

"Did he say anything? Any indicator of what happened to him?" Marlene questioned stooping to her knees in front of Remus.

"He wasn't even standing when he got here. We found him lying down outside our front door," James replied.

Marlene examined Remus' misshapen arm.

"He splinched on his way over..." she murmured. "The arm was already broken, but when he attempted to apparate he cut it open."

Marlene ushered Lily off the couch and propped Remus' head up with a pillow. James reflexively pulled his wife to him, trying not to show he was quite close to tears at this sight. Marlene's brows furrowed as she continued to examine his body.

"Marlene, he-he always vomits after a full moon and there's usually... _some_ blood but... he's already lost so much. I just..." James stammered, holding Lily tighter.

Marlene shook her head, as she straightened up, removed her headdress and tied her hair back.

"That's the thing, James. Most of this isn't his blood..." she stated. "The head wounds are bleeding the most and so are the cuts on the chest but all of this on his arms and legs... it's not his."

Remus' body gave a violent shake as he coughed again, no blood emitting from his mouth this time. James was suddenly overcome with vague realization.

"Special test..." he muttered, eyes widening.

Marlene, now removing the remains of Remus' clothes didn't bother to look up at him.

"Come again?"

"He said at the last meeting that Greyback mentioned a special test come the next full moon," James repeated.

 _"CRACK!"_

Marlene froze and closed her eyes as both James and Lily whirled around, wands ready.

"I told her not to come..." Marlene sighed.

"Lemme in!"

James' head snapped in Marlene's direction who looked up at him exhaustedly.

"You told Dorcas?" he hissed. "You know how she gets about-"

"She was in my office when you're Patronus arrived! I thought I convinced-"

Marlene was interrupted by vicious pounding on the door. James sighed, running a hand through his hair. In the back of his mind lurked concern that Harry would be awoken, even though that was currently the least of his worries.

"I'm going to tell her to come back when Harry wakes up-"

Lily shoved away from her husband, heading towards the front door.

"It's his bloody girlfriend! She has a right to see him," Lily sniffed angrily. "Invite Sirius and Peter if it makes you feel better!"

To say that Lily wasn't angry because she was putting herself in Doe's shoes would be a lie. If James were this close to death, would Sirius really debate allowing Lily to see him? Lily opened the front door. If it had been any other person, this would be the right moment for a steadying embrace and perhaps a quick briefing on the situation. A kind word preparing Dorcas for the sight that she was about to take in.

However, Dorcas Meadowes was not one whose emotions could be swayed or unburdened with any degree of preparation. Emotions were felt loud, hard and without censorship. This was why Lily moved aside as soon as the door was ajar and allowed a very harried Dorcas to walk past her to the living area.

Marlene opened her mouth to tell her flat mate not to worry or scream when she saw the mangled body of her boyfriend; but already Doe had released a gasp that resembled a cry of horror and turned around walking straight into Lily's arms.

"Dorcas, _relax_. It's not nearly as bad as it looks," Marlene said quietly.

Upstairs a newly awoken Harry let out a loud fuss. Wordlessly, James set off for his nursery as Lily continued to hold Dorcas. With a quick wave of her wand, Marlene managed to lift all the blood that did not belong to Remus. Quite a bit remained, but it was far less than before. The sad fact was, that despite all her talents as a healer and witch Marlene knew that Remus was hanging onto life by a thread. There wasn't much she could do to help. It was entirely up to him now. If he could hang on for a few more hours while she did her best to close the cursed wounds and heal the broken bones, he would live. Perhaps worst of all was that Marlene McKinnon knew she couldn't say any of this to anyone. Especially not Dorcas.

With shaking legs, Marlene stood and wiped her hands-sticky with blood-on her apron.

"Lily, I'll need your help with some potions," Marlene said clearing her throat. "Are you stores fairly stocked?"

Lily nodded, her hands combing over Dorcas' hair.

"Lastly, I'll need the room so if we could just keep James and... Dorcas separate that would-"

"Like hell! Are you joking? Marlene, I'm not going _anywhere_!" Dorcas cried ripping out of Lily's arms.

"Doe, wait in the kitchen!"

" _Fuck_ you, Marlene! Who made you my boss?"

"Meadowes, I'm warning you!"

"What are you going to do, Marlene?" snarled Dorcas.

"I'm not gonna do anything with you screaming and sobbing! Do you want him alive or dead? It's up to you! Your presence here isn't going to mean a _damn_ _thing_ if I can't concentrate and do my job!"

Lily cringed waiting for Dorcas' response but nothing came. She glanced from the fuming Marlene to Doe who stood, fists balled up at her sides with her jaw clenched shut. Abruptly, the witch's eyes filled with tears. She nodded, sniffing. Dorcas Meadowes? Listening to someone else?

"Dorcas, I... I didn't-"

"No, Marlene. You're right," swallowed Doe. "I'll be in the kitchen, just... just please keep me posted. I'm sorry, Lily, would that be alright? If I waited in the kitchen? I can... go home."

"No, no. Please, make yourself at home," Lily replied softly.

Wiping away a tear, Dorcas cleared her throat and with heavy steps, left the room.

Marlene gnawed on her lip, staring blankly ahead.

"Marlene, you were right-"

"I know I'm right, Lily. I need you to make me three vials of blood replenishing potion. Can you do that?" Marlene exhaled.

Lily offered a warm smile, that albeit was shaky, comforted Marlene.

"Sure."

Marlene had her work cut out for her. Lily left the living room with footsteps that one would call faltering if they were being gracious. Stooping to her knees once more, Marlene set to work examining Remus' many wounds.

"Lupin, what the hell did you get yourself into?"

 ***oOo***

It started out like a drumroll. Constant pain. Seemingly ceaseless.

After he'd apparated to the Potter's the pain became a bass guitar. Strong and rhythmic. Fading but never gone.

Now, lying on their sofa, vaguely aware of what was happening around him, the pain was an opera. The singer's voice hit various octaves for long periods of time and just when you thought it was over, it came back stronger and louder than before.

To Remus' cloudy knowledge, seven people were in the Potter household. Sirius, Dorcas, Marlene, James, Lily, Harry and himself. Or some broken, feeble version of himself. What good would he be to Greyback if he were a cripple?

At some point, Remus wasn't quite sure as to when, he'd been transported to the upstairs guest room. He could feel the swelling in his eye go down minute by minute. This was what he most eagerly awaited to heal. The sooner he could open both his eyes, the sooner Hugh's deformed, lifeless body would leave his mind. Never truly leave, but at least he would stop seeing it every single second. More than the searing pain on his chest or the aching of his arm he wanted to be able to open his tired eyes and never sleep.

It wasn't clear the time intervals but Marlene had been coming in on occasion and tipping a small vial of very thick potion into Remus' mouth. He deduced it was probably a blood replenishing potion as she hadn't administered anything for the pain. Combining both blood replenishment and pain relief was disastrous when it came to potions.

She murmured something every time. He wasn't sure what but it was always in the same tone of voice with the same amount of syllables. All of the voices sounded like a loud humming to him, just in varying pitches. The only way he could identify who each voice belonged to was through the very keen sense of smell the wolf had left with him before departing last night.

Or was it a few hours ago? A few days? Time was very foreign as of now. It felt like he had been here for days.

Remus tried not contemplate how much longer this suffering would last or if perhaps he was damaged beyond repair. His mind instead drifted to when he'd awoken to find Hugh coughing up an absurd amount of blood, chest ripped open. Remus had watched, frozen in horror as the man wheezed loudly before his eyes glazed over. He had killed him. Remus had killed a man. He'd killed Hugh.

 _'No, the werewolf killed another werewolf...'_ a kind voice rationalized.

But the kind voice was no match for a much more menacing presence.

 _'You killed Hugh. You're the werewolf. You're the murderer. You're a murderer now.'_

The thought echoed endlessly and almost nothing Remus brought to mind could drown it out. He was alone with his thoughts. Once again, caged with a monster for hours.

It was four in the afternoon the same day that Remus regained consciousness. At six he was finally able to sit up and drink water on his own. At seven he could finally speak. Of course the only person who knew this was Marlene. As far as the Potters, Sirius and Dorcas were concerned he was in and out of consciousness. In the kitchen Lily and James prepared dinner. In the backyard Sirius played with Harry. On the steps leading upstairs, sat Dorcas. At the foot of Remus' bed sat Marlene.

"I thought it best not to tell them when you woke up," Marlene said quietly. "I know you're probably eager to speak with them but rest is very important."

Remus nodded, setting his glass of water on the nightstand.

"Am I up for visitors, Healer McKinnon?" he grunted, voice a little raspy.

The corner of Marlene's lip lifted.

"Yes. One visitor at a time though. I don't want you getting overwhelmed."

"Dorcas."

"I figured. She's been sitting on the steps for hours. Right now, though? You're certain you're ready for visitors?" Marlene asked standing.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you, Marlene. Truly, I'm alive because of you."

"That's very true. You're so welcome," she grinned. "I'll send her in."

Marlene exited the bedroom and Remus drew in a deep breath, attempting to cool the anxious fire in his chest. He knew what he had to do. It was obvious. It was something that had been inevitable. It was a frequent activity that was always rescinded. He had to break up with her. The door opened again. Dorcas entered shutting the door quietly and leaning against the wall.

Remus couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't tackling him as was routine when he'd been gone for more than twenty four hours. Then Remus remembered that cry. That shrill gasp he'd heard through muffled ears not long after Marlene had arrived. When Dorcas had apparated uninvited to Godric's Hollow and found him lying on the sofa covered in blood.

Was she... scared of him?

"You're... you're afraid of me now, I understand," Remus managed. "I understand because... because I'm afraid of me too."

Dorcas continued to stare at him from across the room. Her brows knitted together. He cleared his throat again, glancing down at his chest that was wrapped in gauze, dark red flecks etched on the white fabric. Slowly, he let his tawny eyes meet hers.

"Dorcas, I'm not myself. I'm not... I'm not safe."

There was a quiet groan. Remus' eyes widened as Dorcas appeared almost aggravated but more so... amused. She kicked off the wall, walking lazily to his bedside before sitting by his chest.

"This is the breaking up with me part, yes?" she said with a grim smile, fingers delicately trailing the bandages. "This will be the third time you've broken up with since we started dating you know. I feel like I should've brought you something to commemorate."

"Dorcas, please don't make light of this. At least for now... you need to keep your distance. I'm dangerous right now."

"As am I. Maybe _I_ should break up with _you_..."

"You're not dangerous in the way I am though," Remus said quietly.

She seemed to consider this as her eyes studied the bruises on his arms.

"I'm actually more dangerous. Sure, you're working undercover for Greyback but me? I'm posing as a maid to the Dark Lord himself. You're underground in a sewer system once or twice a month. Three days a week I'm a servant at Malfoy Manor. I sound much more dangerous than you..." she remarked.

Finally her silver eyes locked with his. He offered a wry grin which she returned with a shrug. His hand, a bandage wrapped around the palm, came up and cupped her cheek. Dorcas noted the way he chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully before he spoke.

"Dorcas, I... last night I... I killed a man," he said in a voice just barely more than a whisper.

He averted his eyes for a moment until he heard Dorcas sigh softly. Her expression was sympathetic. Sad. Her fingers reached up to touch Remus' knuckles.

"It was him or you then, yeah?" asked Doe somberly.

Remus only nodded in response, letting their hands fall limply to his lap. He awaited the horrified gasp. The sobs of terror.

Instead all he got from Dorcas was a comforting squeeze on the hand.

Where most people would appreciate such an open and accepting point of view from their significant other, Remus was more alarmed.

"Dorcas, I'm becoming what I'm trying to destroy. Do you understand that? I'm... one of _them_ now. They're even going to promote me," he said, eyes now stinging.

She merely shrugged, eyes downcast and a frown on her lips.

"Remus, how are you meant to destroy a den of monsters without becoming one for a moment?"

He shook his head at her, swallowing the lump on his threat.

"That's the problem, Doe. I've always been one... and I dunno if I can come back."

"You can."

"What if I can't?"

"But you will."

"What if I don't?"

"You will."

"I killed someone, Doe!" he hissed.

"You didn't. The wolf did. It's got nothing to do with you. _You're_ human."

The calmness and sincerity in her voice only served to anger Remus more. Why was she making this so difficult? Why couldn't she care more? She never cared enough about what he was.

"I'm flesh and blood, Dorcas but I'm not human. I haven't been for quite some time," he said earnestly. "I'm a monster hiding in plain sight. Even among other monsters."

"You're not a monster," Doe stated in a voice far too rational to belong to her. "And I'm not staying away from you. Not now when you need me most."

His anger boiled. His ears got hot. Why did she always make things so difficult? Why couldn't she leave him alone? Why couldn't she be disgusted with him? Why wouldn't she just listen to her father? She could see his temper rising as his jaw tightened and eyes narrowed. He balled up his fists and savored the pain that surged up his arm.

"Doe, you can't keep pretending that I'm not a werewolf! _Open your eyes!_ "

This was the part where Dorcas screamed back at him. It was very rare Remus Lupin raised his voice but when he did at Dorcas, it was not uncommon that she yelled back. But she didn't. She didn't show any signs of anger. Dorcas merely stood and offered Remus a meek smile before turning and walking towards the door. It opened swiftly and Marlene entered, her brows raised in confusion as she looked from Doe to the heavily breathing Remus.

"In the end, Remus, we all have flesh that can be cut, bones that can be broken and blood that can be spilled. You're no different, no matter what you are."

His voice was low and shaking.

"I _am_ different, Dorcas. I'm engineered to do all three."

The two shared a long, powerful gaze. He was trembling with anger as Dorcas continued to stare at him blankly.

"Alright, leave, Dorcas. I don't want him getting riled up," Marlene ordered strolling to Remus' bedside and mixing a variety of liquids residing on the nightstand.

Without another word, Dorcas left and Remus' heart instantly sank.

For what reason he was unsure. Was it because he'd failed to properly break it off with her? Was it because he'd been so undeniably rude? Was it because he didn't appreciate how accepting Dorcas was of the monstrosity he had become? Perhaps it was all of the above. It wasn't uncommon Remus felt guilty for multiple reasons at once. It was something he excelled at.

Marlene raised a very potent smelling potion to Remus' lips that he recognized as a sleeping draught. He had no intention of drinking it. He didn't want to close his eyes and see Hugh. He didn't want to dream of Dorcas' face. He wanted to sit here, awake and savor his feelings of regret. All the same, he gulped it down and allowed sleep to overcome him, praying it would be dreamless.

 ***oOo***

It was chirping birds that roused Remus from his twelve hour slumber. Chirping birds and the sound of two voices murmuring to one another.

Remus opened his eyes to find he was still in the sun filled guestroom of Godric's Hollow. His gaze shifted to the door where James Potter leaned, eyes fixed on him. Sirius sat in a wicker chair in the corner, hunched forward with his elbows on his knees. Both of them wore very solemn expressions. With a grunt, Remus pushed himself to sit upright.

"Good morning," he said groggily. "What time is is?"

"Eight," James replied in a numb voice.

He and Sirius exchanged knowing looks. A wave of nausea swept over him Remus but not one that urged him to vomit.

"Alright, let's hear it..." Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair.

James kicked himself off the wall and sighed, lazily walking to where Sirius sat. Remus felt as though he were being scolded by his mum and dad.

"Remus... we just think that... maybe the underground is too much for you," Sirius finally said.

"Lily and I are in hiding. Alice and Frank are in hiding. Marlene is considering going into hiding. So maybe-"

"So the last thing we need is another person in hiding," Remus said almost exhaustedly. "Besides, I don't want to go into hiding. Not when I've made so much progress."

"You almost _died_ , Remus," Sirius said raising his brows.

"But ultimately, you'll find that I didn't…"

"Remus," James sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "If you could have seen yourself…"

"I felt it. I'm aware of how bad the damage was and I'm sorry if I disturbed you-"

"Shut the hell up, Moony!" Sirius snarled.

Remus froze, his heart began to pound against his ribs as he stared at the two fuming Marauders before him. Sirius shook his head and walked over to the window with dragging steps.

"Sorry to raise my voice but… Merlin's beard, one more sarcastic remark and I swear I was going to hex you into Harry's nursery and I highly doubt Prongs would have stopped me."

"I was dangerously close to reaching the same conclusion as a matter of fact, Padfoot…"

Remus' eyes darted between his friends. He felt a gentle nudge of guilt. While the boys who had acted as his brothers were trying to express their grief and concern he'd been batting back with snarky remarks. Remus exhaled and gestured at James to continue.

"We think it's time you sit out, mate. Lily agrees. So does Marlene."

"-And Dorcas…"

"Sirius…"

"Sorry, no saying the 'D-word.' I forgot…"

"You can say the 'D-word.' It's fine," muttered Remus. "And I'm not ready to 'sit out' yet. None of you seem to realize that after last night I've opened up a whole new area of Greyback's Underground. It might actually be more dangerous if I were to surrender."

"I'll hear you out, but only briefly," Sirius grumbled.

"Yeah, when you start to sound like some guilt-laden hero from one of Lily's muggle films I'll cut you off…"

Remus pursed his lips, fighting off a smirk then sat up straighter in his bed.

"I… last night Greyback took all of the Brothers and Sisters and made us all face off, if you will. One on one fights to the death as wolves. The Brother or Sister who made it out alive was promoted… I was challenging a Brother named Hugh… and I killed him..."

"Oh, shit," James murmured. "You're an Elite."

Sirius' back straightened at the window, his jaw clenching. He looked from James to Remus with a panicked glint in his onyx eyes.

"Remus… is James right? Are you… are you an Elite now?"

He couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius. For weeks he had been expressing his concern about Remus entering 'Elite' territory. How there was barely anything but a curtain left between Remus' personal life and his life in The Colony after he became an Elite. Most of all, Sirius couldn't begin to understand how Remus would fit in among the other werewolves. From what had been explained to him, Sirius understood that Elites were rather primal and cruel. Unstoppable forces of evil that embraced their monstrous side. It was understandably difficult for Sirius to see Remus Lupin embodying any single one of those traits in a believable way.

"I am," Remus finally answered.

Sirius let out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head again, his shaggy hair falling in his face.

"Remus, you can't possibly be ready-"

"I'm ready."

"He's ready, Sirius," James agreed solemnly.

"James, honestly? Look at him! Does he look ready?"

"I'll counter that Remus knows more about if he's ready for this than we do-"

"The hell he does! Since when does he know what's good for him? Since when does Remus put his own safety before others?" exploded Sirius.

It was true. Remus' track record for self care was lacking to say the least. James turned now to the werewolf struggling not to stare at the various cuts and bruises and bandages marring his fragile body. Remus, sensing this shot James a look before answering Sirius.

"You're not wrong, Sirius. I'm hardly a paradigm of self-care-"

"No, you're the poster-child for self-punishment…"

"Even so," Remus interrupted sternly. "There's more at stake if I die than just me. I now have almost unlimited access to Greyback's operation."

There was a long silence where Sirius and Remus held each other's gaze.

Never had Sirius Black looked more distressed. Never had his forehead featured so many creases deep with concern. He was almost unrecognizable in this state. What was more was that Remus couldn't blame him. He would feel the same if he'd seen Sirius almost die. He would be indignant and insist that his friend stop this life threatening mission immediately. Somehow, without an words spoken, Remus could tell Sirius was doing the same as him. Putting himself in his friend's shoes.

Would Sirius be able to abandon an important mission at a pivotal stage if he'd nearly died? Would he be able to in good conscience, that was. Would the insistence of his friends and the fact that he was near death convince him not to put to use his biggest flaw for the good of the wizarding world? Absolutely not.

Sirius sighed, massaging his temples. What should he say next? Did he ask him to be more careful? No, Remus knew to be careful and it was hardly something he could control when it came to Greyback.

So Sirius just shrugged.

"Okay," he said simply.

Remus gnawed on his lower lip, grunting in pain as he straightened up again.

"I suspect things will be far less dangerous now that I'm as high up as I can get. There won't be any more trials at least."

James offered a grim smile.

"Do you honestly believe that, Moony?"

Remus' eyes flickered from James to Sirius then to his scarred knuckles folded in his lap.

"I can't promise anything," he said quietly. "But it does us no good to worry over things we aren't certain will even happen."

Luckily, Remus would never come that close to death again.

In the coming days his wounds would heal and he would return to his flat. Afterwards he would visit Greyback and his promotion would be official. Sirius and James would encourage him to make amends with Dorcas who would just grin and tell him to _'shut up, Lupin.'_

And then, a year later on the outskirts of Scotland, after he'd lost Marlene and Dorcas, news would reach him that Voldemort was dead. And along with the loss of Voldemort, he would lose everything else.

 _-I got some good news, folks. I'm working on a feature length Remus Lupin story. Each chapter should be rather lengthy so I doubt I'll be coming out with more than one or two a month once they start coming. I've just finished the outline and chapter one should be coming shortly, make sure to keep an eye out! I'll be borrowing a lot from these oneshots. Speaking of which, the start of this story does not mark the end for Little Moments of Lupin. They will still continue! Remember, I'm always taking suggestions! What do you want more of? Do you want more oneshots between Remus and another character? More chapters in the Colony? More Professor chapters? More romance? More hurt? Let me know!_

 _Also, please rate and review as it helps me tremendously with writing these!_

 _O.E.R._

 ** _justagirlwholikestowrite:_ **_when I read your last review 'when in his life do you think Remus was the closest to dying' I about spit out my coffee as I was working on this very one shot. Your input is so very valuable and thank you for continuing to read_

 _ **BellatrixBlack1997:** THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I actually just finished a Remus and Tonks' wedding oneshot that I expect to post in the next week or two after I make a few revisions!_


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